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Dad jokes

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By *red and Wilma 75 OP   Couple 4 weeks ago

Staffordshire

Any good dad jokes please?

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By *enrietteandSamCouple 4 weeks ago

Staffordshire

Why do you never see elephants hiding in the trees?

Be a they’re so fucking good at it.

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By *leaningdutiesMan 4 weeks ago

South London

An apple pie cost £5 in Jamaica and a cherry pie costs £5.60 in Barbados.

They're the pie rates of the Caribbean

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By *ildbillkidMan 4 weeks ago

where the road goes on forever

Why do elephants paint their toe-nails red? So they can hide in cherry tree's,how did Tarzan die? Picking cherries

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By *enk15Man 4 weeks ago

Evesham

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes AND no legs?

Still no idea

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By *aughty driverMan 4 weeks ago

Romford

How many indians does it take to change a light bulb?

None they will just go to the other room

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By *onjoliveMan 4 weeks ago

bournemouth

When should you leave a snake along?

When it’s “Adder” nuff……

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By *batMan 4 weeks ago

Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales)


"How many indians does it take to change a light bulb?

None they will just go to the other room"

Can you explain the joke here? I don't understand it. How is it funny?

Gbat

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By *elix SightedMan 4 weeks ago

Cloud 8

How did Bob Marley like his donuts?

Wi jammin! 😆

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By *layfullsamMan 4 weeks ago

Solihull

[Removed by poster at 30/10/24 22:05:13]

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By *NormalMan01Man 4 weeks ago

Harrogate

Want to hear a pizza joke?

Never mind. It’s a bit cheesy.

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By *layfullsamMan 4 weeks ago

Solihull

When you’re driving and see a bunch of cows You say: Look a flock of cows!

One of the kids always says “herd” of cows dad

And you reply of course I’ve heard of them, there’s a flock of them right over there!

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By *hismMan 4 weeks ago

Ballygonowhere

While riding my motorbike yesterday, I swerved to avoid hitting a dog, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.

Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse revealing a lot of cleavage.

"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”

"That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"

"Oh, come now, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."

"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, while unbuttoning her blouse exposing the most beautiful set of boobs I’ve ever seen. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"Still in the ditch with my bike, I guess."

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By (user no longer on site) 4 weeks ago

My highlighter leaked and now everything in my bag looks important

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple 4 weeks ago

Leeds

Man walks into a bar. What’s the first thing he says ?

Ouch.

The mr

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By *ebastian83Man 4 weeks ago

on a building site near you


"Why do you never see elephants hiding in the trees?

Be a they’re so fucking good at it."

I love this one 😂

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By *carlet SeductionWoman 4 weeks ago

Maidstone

Why do only some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.

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By *osey WalesMan 4 weeks ago

Surrey

Two goldfish in a tank.

One turns to the other and says, do you know how to drive one of these.

Two blackbirds sitting on a perch.

One says to the other, can you smell fish ?

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By *ongJohnSilva2.0Man 4 weeks ago

Right up your street

What do you call a one eyed dinosaur? 🦖

Dyathinkhesaurus

What do you call a one eyed dinosaurs dog? 🦖 🐕

Dyathinkhesaurus Rex

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By *he ExcaliburMan 4 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

There’s 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

499

How do you fit an elephant in a fridge?

Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door

How do you fit a giraffe in a fridge?

Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door

The Lion King is having a birthday party. All of the animals attend, but one. Which animal and why?

The giraffe, because he’s stuck in a fridge

Little Sally needs to cross a crocodile infested river. There’s no bridge, and the only way to cross is by swimming. She makes it to the other side without being eaten. How?

The crocodiles are at the Lion King’s birthday party

She died anyway. How?

Hit in the head by a falling brick

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By *leaningdutiesMan 4 weeks ago

South London

Child: "I'll call you later."

Father "Please, call me dad."

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