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Tampon stuck up there and other horror stories
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"I wouldn't make jokes about anything medical, period."
In my experience, 10 years in a NHS mental health support group, the jokes help us get through the other unpleasantness and seriousness of medical procedures and illness.
They say laughter is the best medicine.
However, if you prefer the serious stiff upper lip, see the more serious post in the support and advice section. |
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By (user no longer on site) 7 weeks ago
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"I wouldn't make jokes about anything medical, period.
In my experience, 10 years in a NHS mental health support group, the jokes help us get through the other unpleasantness and seriousness of medical procedures and illness.
They say laughter is the best medicine.
However, if you prefer the serious stiff upper lip, see the more serious post in the support and advice section. "
Read my comment again  |
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"I wouldn't make jokes about anything medical, period.
In my experience, 10 years in a NHS mental health support group, the jokes help us get through the other unpleasantness and seriousness of medical procedures and illness.
They say laughter is the best medicine.
However, if you prefer the serious stiff upper lip, see the more serious post in the support and advice section.
Read my comment again "
I'm autistic. Reading non-literally is not my forte.
Ah period jokes.   |
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"Fishing line and a fly hook? "
Sir I'm trying to keep my sex organ/child deliveroo service intact.. But you are welcome to use that on your sex organ/sperm deliveroo... A new kind of S & M play? Lol! |
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"They've seen it all in A&E.
I've had a gynecologist's fingers stuck in me, having a good root around, for longer than a few minutes.
They'll have it out in no time.
"
As much as I like fingering... I think this might be a forceps job. Lol! As long as they don't faint at the sight od blood....
If they have a medical student... That mightbbe fun to watch them go pale and pass out.  |
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Ask them to warm whatever they put up there, and use plenty of lube. I suggest Swarfega. Not Tufenega though, that’s got sand in it. Possibly a tough too “Tuf”.
They might try and flush it out I suppose. Karcher have a wide range of useful equipment that might do the job. |
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"They've seen it all in A&E.
I've had a gynecologist's fingers stuck in me, having a good root around, for longer than a few minutes.
They'll have it out in no time.
As much as I like fingering... I think this might be a forceps job. Lol! As long as they don't faint at the sight od blood....
If they have a medical student... That mightbbe fun to watch them go pale and pass out. "
It's not poop, so that's a bonus. |
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By *a LunaWoman 7 weeks ago
South Wales |
I’ve had forceps up my fanny, you’ll be fine!
Don’t look at the size of them for too long though because they are chuffing massive and you think “how is that going to fit inside me?” And then it does and you feel a bit humbled by the experience!
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"They've seen it all in A&E.
I've had a gynecologist's fingers stuck in me, having a good root around, for longer than a few minutes.
They'll have it out in no time.
As much as I like fingering... I think this might be a forceps job. Lol! As long as they don't faint at the sight od blood....
If they have a medical student... That mightbbe fun to watch them go pale and pass out.
It's not poop, so that's a bonus."
I haven't had my middle aged /old aged colonoscopy yet. Then it will talk of poop for weeks on end. |
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"I’ve had forceps up my fanny, you’ll be fine!
Don’t look at the size of them for too long though because they are chuffing massive and you think “how is that going to fit inside me?” And then it does and you feel a bit humbled by the experience!
"
I will just think of babies and fisting if i see giant forceps. |
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"They've seen it all in A&E.
I've had a gynecologist's fingers stuck in me, having a good root around, for longer than a few minutes.
They'll have it out in no time.
As much as I like fingering... I think this might be a forceps job. Lol! As long as they don't faint at the sight od blood....
If they have a medical student... That mightbbe fun to watch them go pale and pass out.
It's not poop, so that's a bonus.
I haven't had my middle aged /old aged colonoscopy yet. Then it will talk of poop for weeks on end. "
Nah, you drink loads of awful tasting fluid to clear you out before they stick a camera in your colon. |
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"I was nearly in A&E with a metal plug I accidentally pushed to far in….. my life flashed before my eyes but I got that bad boy out like a champ so I didn’t have to explain to strangers 🤭🫣"
Hugs. I'm glad the vagina has a... Dead end.... of sorts..
I'm always worried part of the anal enema will come off inside! Lol!
Dunno if you were put off but play for a while.
After this stress, i feel the need for a wank when i get home. Lol!
I think i will be sticking to pads and period pants for a while. Lol! At. Least penises are firmly attached to something else.
Condoms do have to get fished out sometimes too... Omg...
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"They've seen it all in A&E.
I've had a gynecologist's fingers stuck in me, having a good root around, for longer than a few minutes.
They'll have it out in no time.
As much as I like fingering... I think this might be a forceps job. Lol! As long as they don't faint at the sight od blood....
If they have a medical student... That mightbbe fun to watch them go pale and pass out.
It's not poop, so that's a bonus.
I haven't had my middle aged /old aged colonoscopy yet. Then it will talk of poop for weeks on end.
Nah, you drink loads of awful tasting fluid to clear you out before they stick a camera in your colon."
Sounds like a chemsex party.  |
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"I was nearly in A&E with a metal plug I accidentally pushed to far in….. my life flashed before my eyes but I got that bad boy out like a champ so I didn’t have to explain to strangers 🤭🫣
Hugs. I'm glad the vagina has a... Dead end.... of sorts..
I'm always worried part of the anal enema will come off inside! Lol!
Dunno if you were put off but play for a while.
After this stress, i feel the need for a wank when i get home. Lol!
I think i will be sticking to pads and period pants for a while. Lol! At. Least penises are firmly attached to something else.
Condoms do have to get fished out sometimes too... Omg...
"
I mean the fear of it keep going up was horrendous and this wasn’t that long ago. It didn’t put me off anal and dildos after because we carried on but I will never again use those small metal decorative pieces. Give me something big any day 😂😂
Just go home and put it down to one of life’s experiences and a great story to tell 😂 |
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By *agatoXXXMan 7 weeks ago
Gone and completely forgotten. |
"They've seen it all in A&E.
I've had a gynecologist's fingers stuck in me, having a good root around, for longer than a few minutes.
They'll have it out in no time.
As much as I like fingering... I think this might be a forceps job. Lol! "
See, THIS is why I suggested the kitchen tongs. |
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"I was nearly in A&E with a metal plug I accidentally pushed to far in….. my life flashed before my eyes but I got that bad boy out like a champ so I didn’t have to explain to strangers 🤭🫣
Hugs. I'm glad the vagina has a... Dead end.... of sorts..
I'm always worried part of the anal enema will come off inside! Lol!
Dunno if you were put off but play for a while.
After this stress, i feel the need for a wank when i get home. Lol!
I think i will be sticking to pads and period pants for a while. Lol! At. Least penises are firmly attached to something else.
Condoms do have to get fished out sometimes too... Omg...
I mean the fear of it keep going up was horrendous and this wasn’t that long ago. It didn’t put me off anal and dildos after because we carried on but I will never again use those small metal decorative pieces. Give me something big any day 😂😂
Just go home and put it down to one of life’s experiences and a great story to tell 😂"
Mental not to self np small metal decorative pieces up or down any body holes.
Very useful for a good laugh. Doctor best friend is laughing... If she wasn't in another country, I'd get her to fish it out.
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"They've seen it all in A&E.
I've had a gynecologist's fingers stuck in me, having a good root around, for longer than a few minutes.
They'll have it out in no time.
As much as I like fingering... I think this might be a forceps job. Lol!
See, THIS is why I suggested the kitchen tongs."
Sir gynaecology/obstetrics forceps are very different from kitchen tongs.
I know you may like cooking up hot and spicy things but this isn't that kind of spicy sitaution.
Imagine having to explain if the kitchen tongs got stuck too. |
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"They've seen it all in A&E.
I've had a gynecologist's fingers stuck in me, having a good root around, for longer than a few minutes.
They'll have it out in no time.
As much as I like fingering... I think this might be a forceps job. Lol! As long as they don't faint at the sight od blood....
If they have a medical student... That mightbbe fun to watch them go pale and pass out.
It's not poop, so that's a bonus.
I haven't had my middle aged /old aged colonoscopy yet. Then it will talk of poop for weeks on end.
Nah, you drink loads of awful tasting fluid to clear you out before they stick a camera in your colon.
Sounds like a chemsex party. "
Ewww, count me out then. |
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"
Condoms do have to get fished out sometimes too... Omg...
"
Been there and got the tee shirt, result of an undersized and overly tight one slipping off during a session.
Have stuck with one brand and type ever since. |
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Whilst I was fucking my fb in the toilet on a train I pushed a vibrating bullet in her arse as I was taking her from behind, after we had finished the bullet had traveled deep up her anus and for the life of us we could not get to it to get it out.
We had to travel two hrs home with this bullet still vibrating inside of her.
Ended up going to A&E to get it removed, we did have a good laugh over it though even though it was an awkward situation. Lol |
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"They've seen it all in A&E.
I've had a gynecologist's fingers stuck in me, having a good root around, for longer than a few minutes.
They'll have it out in no time.
As much as I like fingering... I think this might be a forceps job. Lol! As long as they don't faint at the sight od blood....
If they have a medical student... That mightbbe fun to watch them go pale and pass out.
It's not poop, so that's a bonus.
I haven't had my middle aged /old aged colonoscopy yet. Then it will talk of poop for weeks on end.
Nah, you drink loads of awful tasting fluid to clear you out before they stick a camera in your colon.
Sounds like a chemsex party.
Ewww, count me out then. "
Yeah I'm not one for thrill of ingesting drugs and then having something up my bum but..One's doctors have an uncanny knack for getting you to agree to all kinds of ingestion, injections and intravenous and hole exploration. Natural holes and then holes they actually created on purpose...with your consent.  |
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"
Condoms do have to get fished out sometimes too... Omg...
Been there and got the tee shirt, result of an undersized and overly tight one slipping off during a session.
Have stuck with one brand and type ever since."
Eeek the horror and also...it's a common occurrence to go slipped condom fishing...sigh...
Men should definitely have their own condoms...like women have their own...things that go up or do not go up their vagina.
I knew exactly where the tampon had gone but my short fat fingers couldn't reach that far. Lol! I'm obviously not stretchy....and flexible and double-jointed...some women can get their whole hand in...I am not that woman. |
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"Hope u was OK
All jokes aside x"
Thanks I'm ok. it took a 10 hour wait but gynae doctor had it out in a minute. They made sure I was stable and not ...going into toxic shock.
It was 10 hours because it was Saturday night at the A& E and numerous d*unk and very ill people were in there.
I was like bloody hell see them first...I'm sober ( sadly), not in a wheelchair, not vomiting, not elderly or not heavily pregnant with a partner playing on his mobile ignoring me or not moaning ( sadly no moaning)
Yup next time I'm getting one of the swinger non-squeamish men to remove it. Lol!
Quite a few are doctors so they've seen the insides of a human and blood before without fainting. |
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"Whilst I was fucking my fb in the toilet on a train I pushed a vibrating bullet in her arse as I was taking her from behind, after we had finished the bullet had traveled deep up her anus and for the life of us we could not get to it to get it out.
We had to travel two hrs home with this bullet still vibrating inside of her.
Ended up going to A&E to get it removed, we did have a good laugh over it though even though it was an awkward situation. Lol"
Cackle it happens...glad they got it out.... I'm sure it wasn't quite the internal excitement she was hoping for. At least with the vag I know it can't get pass the cervix...I'd be worried it would have just kept travelling through my digestive system if it was my bum!! Oh my days!! |
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Few years back The bomb squad were called to Gloucestershire Royal Hospital after a man told staff he had an artillery shell in his rectum. The man who understandably remains nameless in reports told staff at the Hospital that he is a military collector. It was removed before police arrived. The hospital say their safety procedures ensured staff and visitors were not at risk. He said he had accidentally fallen on an explosive device dating back to World War 2 when he was having a clear out of his memorabilia |
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"Wife once tried taking her mooncup out but forgot she'd been eating hot wings.
There was a certain amount of squeaking."
Screams.... Well on the plus side I know what to do if my cup or disc gets stuck too.
Definitely keep pepper, chilli and wasabit away from your bits. |
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"Wife once tried taking her mooncup out but forgot she'd been eating hot wings.
There was a certain amount of squeaking.
Screams.... Well on the plus side I know what to do if my cup or disc gets stuck too.
Definitely keep pepper, chilli and wasabit away from your bits. "
Oh the fun I’ve had with chillies 😈….. only on the outside though 😂🤣 |
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