FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > perseverance or pushy?
perseverance or pushy?
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"Do you find it flattering?
Overwhelming?
Does it depend on the situation and the person doing the persisting?
How do you handle it? "
I don't find it flattering, I find it annoying
It's not overwhelming to me because I block or ignore.
It doesn't depend on the person but it does depend on the situation |
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"Do you find it flattering?
Overwhelming?
Does it depend on the situation and the person doing the persisting?
How do you handle it? "
....if I message someone and they don't reply...I block them...if they answer with a non committal message, I ask them if they want to keep chatting.
The minute I get a negative message..I'm gone |
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What about in real life for example a friendship and the other parson is really persevering in keeping the friendship alive?
Or at work? That one pushy colleague who gets ahead or pushes you to do better.
Its not always a negative thing. |
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Or perseverance bordering on stalking ?
I have a guy currently that has sent me 72 messages before I opened his thread
I genuinely hadn’t seen it but was put off with so many times he messaged
Little bit excessive  |
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"Or perseverance bordering on stalking ?
I have a guy currently that has sent me 72 messages before I opened his thread
I genuinely hadn’t seen it but was put off with so many times he messaged
Little bit excessive "
Bruceyy? |
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I don't know where I sit on this. I've messaged someone 72 times because she viewed my profile last year or something. She's playing hard to get, but I've got plenty of messages left in me. I think 1503 is my record sent without reply. |
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"Or perseverance bordering on stalking ?
I have a guy currently that has sent me 72 messages before I opened his thread
I genuinely hadn’t seen it but was put off with so many times he messaged
Little bit excessive
Bruceyy?"
It wasn't me! |
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"What about in real life for example a friendship and the other parson is really persevering in keeping the friendship alive?
Or at work? That one pushy colleague who gets ahead or pushes you to do better.
Its not always a negative thing....sorry...I misunderstood you. "
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"I don't know where I sit on this. I've messaged someone 72 times because she viewed my profile last year or something. She's playing hard to get, but I've got plenty of messages left in me. I think 1503 is my record sent without reply. "
Hahaha literally dying here |
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This a tough one.
Women on here get hundreds of messages per day, so don't always see messages.
Sometimes they will reply favourably, and this leads to further messaging.
I've been accused of being needy because I've sent a follow up message!
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"Or perseverance bordering on stalking ?
I have a guy currently that has sent me 72 messages before I opened his thread
I genuinely hadn’t seen it but was put off with so many times he messaged
Little bit excessive
Bruceyy?
It wasn't me! "
 |
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I find it incredibly irritating. Anyone who messages me several times or more without reply gets blocked. They even get a warning to remind them they’ve messaged with no reply and they still message anyways 😒 |
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By *LiamMan 16 weeks ago
Midlands |
"What about in real life for example a friendship and the other parson is really persevering in keeping the friendship alive?
Or at work? That one pushy colleague who gets ahead or pushes you to do better.
Its not always a negative thing. "
I feel like I'm always keeping the friendships alive🤔😞 |
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A few years ago I got a message from a woman asking where I had been hiding as she was really impressed with my profile and pics and had never seen me before.
We exchanged a couple of messages and that was the end of it.
Six months later she sent exactly the same message and a couple of messages later she disappeared again.
Six months after that the same message claiming she had never seen me before. I reminded her of our previous conversations and she didn't respond at all.
A few weeks down the road she messaged again saying that she saw me comment in a thread about an upcoming social event and she would really like to meet me on the night.
I turned up, introduced myself and she didn't even acknowledge my existence and carried on talking to someone else.
Later that evening she approached my table and sat in the seat beside me to talk to a friend of hers.
I spoke to her once again and just like before she turned her back on me and pretended I wasn't there.
It didn't bother me because I was attending the event with a good friend and I assumed that was why I got the cold shoulder.
The very next day she messaged to ask why I didn't say hello at the event.
She was more of a pest than persistent and I didn't reply to her question and haven't spoken since.
Sometime else ignored my profile and pestered me to meet for weeks and wanted me to drive 5 hours to the other end of the country on a Sunday night to attend a club with her despite the fact it was an invitation only event and I didn't have a ticket and certainly wouldn't be driving that distance anyway.
Some people feel that because they are social butterflies with 100+ veries that everyone wants to meet them and if they are persistent enough they will give in.
I usually deal with it by blocking or completely ignoring |
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"Or perseverance bordering on stalking ?
I have a guy currently that has sent me 72 messages before I opened his thread
I genuinely hadn’t seen it but was put off with so many times he messaged
Little bit excessive "
72 is a lot..
At least I engaged with you through the forums !!
Got to be respectful and considerate, otherwise you are a massive red flag to people.
I think trigger happy blocking is a little excessive, but 72 is off the scale, and I wouldn't have any qualms about cancelling any availability for that! |
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"I find it incredibly irritating. Anyone who messages me several times or more without reply gets blocked. They even get a warning to remind them they’ve messaged with no reply and they still message anyways 😒"
You must just get thousands of messages though!! |
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"Do you find it flattering?
Overwhelming?
Does it depend on the situation and the person doing the persisting?
How do you handle it? ....if I message someone and they don't reply...I block them...if they answer with a non committal message, I ask them if they want to keep chatting.
The minute I get a negative message..I'm gone "
Definitely the way to go as a single male - especially if you've done everything the right way. If so you've every right to behave with self-respect.
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"Or perseverance bordering on stalking ?
I have a guy currently that has sent me 72 messages before I opened his thread
I genuinely hadn’t seen it but was put off with so many times he messaged
Little bit excessive "
....or a LOT excessive! |
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By (user no longer on site) 16 weeks ago
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Yeah I think you just look a bit desperate really I get it because a lot of messages slip through but if they wait patiently for me to reply then I would find that more attractive |
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"Or perseverance bordering on stalking ?
I have a guy currently that has sent me 72 messages before I opened his thread
I genuinely hadn’t seen it but was put off with so many times he messaged
Little bit excessive
72 is a lot..
At least I engaged with you through the forums !!
Got to be respectful and considerate, otherwise you are a massive red flag to people.
I think trigger happy blocking is a little excessive, but 72 is off the scale, and I wouldn't have any qualms about cancelling any availability for that!"
I hate blocking people unless they are nasty or rude
I can’t imagine sending so many messages myself to someone who hasn’t replied |
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By *LiamMan 16 weeks ago
Midlands |
"Yeah I think you just look a bit desperate really I get it because a lot of messages slip through but if they wait patiently for me to reply then I would find that more attractive "
as a man on here, do not send out messages. Unless you don't value your time. Because it's a waste |
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I appreciate a message might not get seen, so understand why a follow-up (at some point - and still TOTALLY polite and classy) might be totally reasonable in some opinions.
I've always blocked without malice if no response. It is what it is in most cases. I did once meet a woman n a club who'd not responded to a message sent some time previously. When I politely declined interest in the f2f situation she became irate and offended/offensive/indignant, with a 'How dare you' attitude.
For me if I wasn't worth it the first time, I'm definitely still not the second. Though it's abundantly clear some on here would disagree, it's important to retain self-respect and dignity as a single guy. Being needy or grateful just for being male shouldn't be a given. |
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"Yeah I think you just look a bit desperate really I get it because a lot of messages slip through but if they wait patiently for me to reply then I would find that more attractive as a man on here, do not send out messages. Unless you don't value your time. Because it's a waste "
Yep! 100% |
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By (user no longer on site) 16 weeks ago
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I've had a guy see that my profile said straight, but proceeded to message me 14 times in an hour.
"I know your straight but" is the message I get the most.
Usually desperate morons. |
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By *bi HaiveMan 16 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I appreciate a message might not get seen, so understand why a follow-up (at some point - and still TOTALLY polite and classy) might be totally reasonable in some opinions.
I've always blocked without malice if no response. It is what it is in most cases. I did once meet a woman n a club who'd not responded to a message sent some time previously. When I politely declined interest in the f2f situation she became irate and offended/offensive/indignant, with a 'How dare you' attitude.
For me if I wasn't worth it the first time, I'm definitely still not the second. Though it's abundantly clear some on here would disagree, it's important to retain self-respect and dignity as a single guy. Being needy or grateful just for being male shouldn't be a given."
I sent my current FWB a message last September. No response and it appeared not to have been read. I didn't follow it up with a second.
We met F2F at an organised social earlier this year and have met regularly since.
She didn't even realise I'd ever messaged and I didn't hold the fact she'd missed it against her. What would have been the point? It wasn't deliberate.
These things happen. 🤷♂️ |
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By (user no longer on site) 16 weeks ago
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"Could just block men from messaging no? 😂"
The only reason I haven't blocked them is for possible advice through forums. But I think that will have to change. |
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"Pushy is a turn off.
Espically when I respond with a polite no thanks, and then I'm bombarded with questions why. Lol. "
Embarrassing doing that. Dignified is the way to go - a no is a no. I have on occasion sent one further message if I've had a kind response to say 'My loss' and wish them well, but anything else is a bit desperate and needy. |
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By (user no longer on site) 16 weeks ago
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It's the line between thinking they're annoying or just not interested.
Ask me about meeting when we're less than 200 messages in though and you can do one.
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Pushy isn't attractive. Usually I have a 2 strike rule. If they don't reply, not an issue. I will message again later on, if they've still not replied after reading that 2nd message. I will not bother again and I will lose interest. |
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"It's the line between thinking they're annoying or just not interested.
Ask me about meeting when we're less than 200 messages in though and you can do one.
"
And unless it was someone on here we've just had one first message ever sent, would we be interested in a hotel meet, he did add two face picture at least |
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I had a guy send me a string of thumbs ups before in response to me deleting his message… so he got blocked. Pathetic. Just move on. If he’d read my profile he would have known he was not remotely what I was looking for. |
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"Do you find it flattering?
Overwhelming?
Does it depend on the situation and the person doing the persisting?
How do you handle it?
I don't find it flattering, I find it annoying
It's not overwhelming to me because I block or ignore.
It doesn't depend on the person but it does depend on the situation "
Agreed |
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I like proactivity, but I like working on time limited projects. That does leak into my playtime as well and generally I do get bored and walk away, if people dilly dally with me. I prefer him pushing to spend time with me  |
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By *hilloutMan 16 weeks ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
"Or perseverance bordering on stalking ?
I have a guy currently that has sent me 72 messages before I opened his thread
I genuinely hadn’t seen it but was put off with so many times he messaged
Little bit excessive "
That's not perseverance or pushy. It's unhinged obsession.
What could he possibly say with 72 messages?😳😅 |
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"Or perseverance bordering on stalking ?
I have a guy currently that has sent me 72 messages before I opened his thread
I genuinely hadn’t seen it but was put off with so many times he messaged
Little bit excessive
That's not perseverance or pushy. It's unhinged obsession.
What could he possibly say with 72 messages?😳😅"
I just told her I loved her 72 times. Fuck all wrong with that. |
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By *hilloutMan 16 weeks ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
"It's the line between thinking they're annoying or just not interested.
Ask me about meeting when we're less than 200 messages in though and you can do one.
"
Let me go check....nope, still ways to go 😂 |
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By (user no longer on site) 16 weeks ago
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"It's the line between thinking they're annoying or just not interested.
Ask me about meeting when we're less than 200 messages in though and you can do one.
Let me go check....nope, still ways to go 😂"
Christmas 2026 we'll grab a coffee! |
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By *hilloutMan 16 weeks ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
"It's the line between thinking they're annoying or just not interested.
Ask me about meeting when we're less than 200 messages in though and you can do one.
Let me go check....nope, still ways to go 😂
Christmas 2026 we'll grab a coffee!"
A very optimistic estimate!😁 |
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By (user no longer on site) 16 weeks ago
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"It's the line between thinking they're annoying or just not interested.
Ask me about meeting when we're less than 200 messages in though and you can do one.
Let me go check....nope, still ways to go 😂
Christmas 2026 we'll grab a coffee!
A very optimistic estimate!😁"
I'm feeling generous |
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By *inaTitzTV/TS 16 weeks ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
It obviously depends on how hot they are.
Not attracted to them, then it's pushy and they should have a word with themselves.
Attracted to them, then it's obviously perseverance and makes me feel valued |
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