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You’re an embarrassment
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A while ago in Aviemore I was walking down a hotel corridor with my kids behind, doing a fart walk and laughing to myself.
Little did I know they had stopped when the first of many came out, but the maid appeared from one room and followed me the entire way until I 'ran out'. I looked back to see an unhappy maid and them in absolute pieces.
Yes I'm mature. |
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"A while ago in Aviemore I was walking down a hotel corridor with my kids behind, doing a fart walk and laughing to myself.
Little did I know they had stopped when the first of many came out, but the maid appeared from one room and followed me the entire way until I 'ran out'. I looked back to see an unhappy maid and them in absolute pieces.
Yes I'm mature."
🤣🤣🤣 |
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Awh Godd.....
Mine involves having a steel sex toy (in my bag) beep in Schiphol airport, and security checking to see if it was a weapon in front of the entire boarding queue, and then shouting over to his colleague in Dutch..
To my ears it sounded like.
Flugelhooobe dir gudels sonnten
"Cock ring" Gesturaben
Or something like that.
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When I was in my twenties I was wearing a long hippie skirt. From nowhere there was a big rainstorm so I ran into the nearest shop (Woolworths). It was coming up to an Easter and there were pyramids of Easter eggs on display. Due to the rain the floor was slippy and I went absolutely arse over tit and slid the entire length on my stomach. Careening into said display. I was helplessly lying there covered in boxes of Cadbury’s finest. My skirt has rucked up during the slide and was practically over my head. Of course that was a day I wasn’t wearing a stitch of underwear . |
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Does getting caught wanking in the woods on my way home from work and getting caught by a lovely old couple walking there 2 dogs count. I mean I wasn't really embarrassed about it, tbh with the way she kept staring I don't think she was either. |
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"When I was in my twenties I was wearing a long hippie skirt. From nowhere there was a big rainstorm so I ran into the nearest shop (Woolworths). It was coming up to an Easter and there were pyramids of Easter eggs on display. Due to the rain the floor was slippy and I went absolutely arse over tit and slid the entire length on my stomach. Careening into said display. I was helplessly lying there covered in boxes of Cadbury’s finest. My skirt has rucked up during the slide and was practically over my head. Of course that was a day I wasn’t wearing a stitch of underwear ."
Fabulously embarrassing. X |
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"When I was in my twenties I was wearing a long hippie skirt. From nowhere there was a big rainstorm so I ran into the nearest shop (Woolworths). It was coming up to an Easter and there were pyramids of Easter eggs on display. Due to the rain the floor was slippy and I went absolutely arse over tit and slid the entire length on my stomach. Careening into said display. I was helplessly lying there covered in boxes of Cadbury’s finest. My skirt has rucked up during the slide and was practically over my head. Of course that was a day I wasn’t wearing a stitch of underwear .
Fabulously embarrassing. X"
If it happened now - I’d laugh my ass off. Back then I was mortified.
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"A while ago in Aviemore I was walking down a hotel corridor with my kids behind, doing a fart walk and laughing to myself.
Little did I know they had stopped when the first of many came out, but the maid appeared from one room and followed me the entire way until I 'ran out'. I looked back to see an unhappy maid and them in absolute pieces.
Yes I'm mature."
 |
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"When I was in my twenties I was wearing a long hippie skirt. From nowhere there was a big rainstorm so I ran into the nearest shop (Woolworths). It was coming up to an Easter and there were pyramids of Easter eggs on display. Due to the rain the floor was slippy and I went absolutely arse over tit and slid the entire length on my stomach. Careening into said display. I was helplessly lying there covered in boxes of Cadbury’s finest. My skirt has rucked up during the slide and was practically over my head. Of course that was a day I wasn’t wearing a stitch of underwear .
Fabulously embarrassing. X
If it happened now - I’d laugh my ass off. Back then I was mortified.
"
Still brilliant !   |
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"When I was in my twenties I was wearing a long hippie skirt. From nowhere there was a big rainstorm so I ran into the nearest shop (Woolworths). It was coming up to an Easter and there were pyramids of Easter eggs on display. Due to the rain the floor was slippy and I went absolutely arse over tit and slid the entire length on my stomach. Careening into said display. I was helplessly lying there covered in boxes of Cadbury’s finest. My skirt has rucked up during the slide and was practically over my head. Of course that was a day I wasn’t wearing a stitch of underwear ."
Nothing worse than meat and two veg in the pick n mix aisle of Woolworths!  |
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"When I was in my twenties I was wearing a long hippie skirt. From nowhere there was a big rainstorm so I ran into the nearest shop (Woolworths). It was coming up to an Easter and there were pyramids of Easter eggs on display. Due to the rain the floor was slippy and I went absolutely arse over tit and slid the entire length on my stomach. Careening into said display. I was helplessly lying there covered in boxes of Cadbury’s finest. My skirt has rucked up during the slide and was practically over my head. Of course that was a day I wasn’t wearing a stitch of underwear .
Nothing worse than meat and two veg in the pick n mix aisle of Woolworths! "
That reminds me. I need a drink. I think I’ll have a NEGroni |
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"When I was in my twenties I was wearing a long hippie skirt. From nowhere there was a big rainstorm so I ran into the nearest shop (Woolworths). It was coming up to an Easter and there were pyramids of Easter eggs on display. Due to the rain the floor was slippy and I went absolutely arse over tit and slid the entire length on my stomach. Careening into said display. I was helplessly lying there covered in boxes of Cadbury’s finest. My skirt has rucked up during the slide and was practically over my head. Of course that was a day I wasn’t wearing a stitch of underwear .
Nothing worse than meat and two veg in the pick n mix aisle of Woolworths!
That reminds me. I need a drink. I think I’ll have a NEGroni"
That's a Neg gative ghost rider |
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By *ornycougaWoman 5 weeks ago
MOROCCO Wherever I lay my hat |
"A while ago in Aviemore I was walking down a hotel corridor with my kids behind, doing a fart walk and laughing to myself.
Little did I know they had stopped when the first of many came out, but the maid appeared from one room and followed me the entire way until I 'ran out'. I looked back to see an unhappy maid and them in absolute pieces.
Yes I'm mature."
When you said "the first of many" I thought you were referring to a follow through from your fart!  |
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"When I was in my twenties I was wearing a long hippie skirt. From nowhere there was a big rainstorm so I ran into the nearest shop (Woolworths). It was coming up to an Easter and there were pyramids of Easter eggs on display. Due to the rain the floor was slippy and I went absolutely arse over tit and slid the entire length on my stomach. Careening into said display. I was helplessly lying there covered in boxes of Cadbury’s finest. My skirt has rucked up during the slide and was practically over my head. Of course that was a day I wasn’t wearing a stitch of underwear ."
I *knew* I recognised that rectum from somewhere! I got to take some of those eggs home because we couldn’t sell them. |
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"Awh Godd.....
Mine involves having a steel sex toy (in my bag) beep in Schiphol airport, and security checking to see if it was a weapon in front of the entire boarding queue, and then shouting over to his colleague in Dutch..
To my ears it sounded like.
Flugelhooobe dir gudels sonnten
"Cock ring" Gesturaben
Or something like that.
"
Very similar but nowhere near as funny: I was returning home in the late 80's with a lot of engineering equipment barely contained in some hand luggage.
I was almost home and was picking up the last leg of the flight at Sophia. When going through security the luggage scanner guy said 'Stop.' 'Grenade.'
I looked at his screen and to be fair it did look like a German 2nd world war stick grenade.
He made me unzip the bag which I knew I wouldn't be able to re-zip, and show him. Would never be able to board an aircraft nowadays with 99% of what my holdall contained. Fun times. |
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Had a vasectomy and ended up with abscess and ended up in hospital with elephant balls they swelled so much. A kindly nurse asked wanted a shower and even kindly put a chair into shower as couldn't stand up for very long. Merrily washed myself, plenty of soap, good rinse and went to stand up. Unfortunately the chair had arm rests on it and while been sitting washing, my said balls had slipped between my legs. I was stuck in the chair unable to move as my swollen scrotum was firmly jammed between legs. Cut long story short, had to press buzzer to get two nurses, (female) to press and squeeze my nuts till after 10 minutes they managed to free me. Needless to say never been so embarrassed and sure the nurse were laughing themselves silly behind me!! |
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"A while ago in Aviemore I was walking down a hotel corridor with my kids behind, doing a fart walk and laughing to myself.
Little did I know they had stopped when the first of many came out, but the maid appeared from one room and followed me the entire way until I 'ran out'. I looked back to see an unhappy maid and them in absolute pieces.
Yes I'm mature.
When you said "the first of many" I thought you were referring to a follow through from your fart! "
Haha yes, I should've stipulated a little better. I didn't have a prolapse or anything. Just lots of gas that rattled out in time with my steps 😂 |
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By *ohannonMan 5 weeks ago
Louth / Meath |
I was leaving the bins out in a pair of baggy sweatpants. I had one wheelie bin in each hand. The elastic was gone in the sweatpants & each step they started to slip.
I started taking wider strides to stop them dropping to my ankles as i got closer to where i needed to put them.
By the time i got them to the spot i was walking in a sumo squat fashion when i saw my neighbour John driving towards me. As it got closer, i was trying to pull my sweatpants back up slightly with my now free hand, when John beeped…i let go of my sweatpants to wave back, sweatpants dropped to my ankles & I’m standing there with a bin in one hand waving like a dope at john & he looks puzzled seeing me in h boxers.
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"Awh Godd.....
Mine involves having a steel sex toy (in my bag) beep in Schiphol airport, and security checking to see if it was a weapon in front of the entire boarding queue, and then shouting over to his colleague in Dutch..
To my ears it sounded like.
Flugelhooobe dir gudels sonnten
"Cock ring" Gesturaben
Or something like that.
Very similar but nowhere near as funny: I was returning home in the late 80's with a lot of engineering equipment barely contained in some hand luggage.
I was almost home and was picking up the last leg of the flight at Sophia. When going through security the luggage scanner guy said 'Stop.' 'Grenade.'
I looked at his screen and to be fair it did look like a German 2nd world war stick grenade.
He made me unzip the bag which I knew I wouldn't be able to re-zip, and show him. Would never be able to board an aircraft nowadays with 99% of what my holdall contained. Fun times."
Thank you for laughing at my predicament, Sir |
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