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Contrast from men to women
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It’s a real shame The contrast between single man and single women on fab… just a couple weeks ago i introduced a lady to the world of swinging we are fwb. And we set up an account for her and within 2 hours she had over 300 messages from men and couples and the odd single woman asking for meets or chats at least. In that same time frame I sent out 10 messages 8 read and ignored and two unread. She couldn’t believe how hard it is for single men on here. Does any of the more seasoned people on fab have any tips for a man on how to stand out and meet people or even get responses to messages. I’ve been swinging for 4 years and go to clubs but fab I find can be hard work |
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Fab is hard work for all of us, 100's of unsolicited shit messages doesn't make it a good place for women, before I had pics up I had blokes telling me how beautiful I was and what "they" wanted to do to me, it was hugely off-putting never mind overwhelming - my filters are firmly set now.
I've known many women join and leave in days because it's too much.
As for you, maybe pop along to some of the organised socials I find them much better to meet people, face to face is just so much easier, it's hard to stand out here as a bloke purely because there's so many of you, but there are blokes who do extremely well.
Have a look at some other blokes profiles see what they do and how they stand out, I'm not saying copy but come up with your own way from inspiration.
Good luck. |
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I just don't use messaging as my primary way to meet. I'll send the odd one if I'm really motivated and there's an obvious place to start a conversation but in general I go to social events and use fab as a way to keep in touch and find out about events. |
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Meet space vs cyber space.
Im realising getting out and meeting ppl at clubs and socials trumps the head fuck that is online interaction. I get that its not convenient for everyone to attend clubs, parties and socials due to cost, location, family, work etc. from the other threads ive seen on this topic the common answer is often how relying on online is a bad idea. |
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"Fab is hard work for all of us, 100's of unsolicited shit messages doesn't make it a good place for women, before I had pics up I had blokes telling me how beautiful I was and what "they" wanted to do to me, it was hugely off-putting never mind overwhelming - my filters are firmly set now.
I've known many women join and leave in days because it's too much.
As for you, maybe pop along to some of the organised socials I find them much better to meet people, face to face is just so much easier, it's hard to stand out here as a bloke purely because there's so many of you, but there are blokes who do extremely well.
Have a look at some other blokes profiles see what they do and how they stand out, I'm not saying copy but come up with your own way from inspiration.
Good luck."
thanks for the advice I was on fab for a
Couple years in a
Couple with my ex partner and that was like spear fishing in a bucket you couldn’t miss but the contrast from that to a single guy is very disheartening after getting so much attention lol. Good job I’m happy to go to clubs and socials as that for me is the best part of swinging x |
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"If clubs and socials are working for you, why worry about fab? not everyone goes to clubs and socials and I also enjoy chatting online and building connections that way aswel as going to clubs "
Good point well made 👍 |
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Fab is brutal for pretty much everyone here. That includes single women. They might 300 messages, but 299 of them will almost guaranteed to be instadelete worthy.
As a wise, 6 packed fabber once proclaimed……”patience is the key” |
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As well as the off-line stuff already mentioned, having realistic expectations about numbers & understanding fab is just a part of your swinging / poly life, what else I would advise is this. Find and focus on your type and think about how and when you interact.
When you can get a reply from just about every message you send you will know you’re messaging the right people in the right way at the right time doesn’t mean you are gonna meet them or have sex with them or relationship with them |
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I think you've inherently answered your own question, OP. Out of those 300+ messages that your friend received, imagine one of them being yours. How will she distinguish your message from within her ever-increasing inbox?
As it is often said on here most women will look at the man's profile before even opening the message, if at all. If it piques her interest she may reply - if she can find it again - because by now it's already further down in her burgeoning inbox.
Perhaps engage in the forum and make some new acquaintances and friends, and also attend some of the Fab group socials. |
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"Don't use Fab for meets, only use it as a network to events and clubs, you'll do nothing in here, we've all but given up with meets from here. "
I can see why and I do prefer the clubs to meet people I must confess but I do also enjoy chatting to new people online and making potential new friends and connections that don’t necessarily go to the clubs x
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And of those 300 messages your friend recieved, would yours have magically stood out against them?
I have to say that it takes me a lot more than 12 minutes to find a profile that interests enough to read through, check the photos, the veris, find a reason to want to reach out and compose a suitable opening message. |
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"And of those 300 messages your friend recieved, would yours have magically stood out against them?
I have to say that it takes me a lot more than 12 minutes to find a profile that interests enough to read through, check the photos, the veris, find a reason to want to reach out and compose a suitable opening message."
well this is the point I’m
Trying to make in a way how does one stand out from the crowd. As a single man I must be a needle in a haystack if every single woman has the same numbers she has. Also how on earth do you ladies cope finding a genuine guy among the time wasters |
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"And of those 300 messages your friend recieved, would yours have magically stood out against them?
I have to say that it takes me a lot more than 12 minutes to find a profile that interests enough to read through, check the photos, the veris, find a reason to want to reach out and compose a suitable opening message. well this is the point I’m
Trying to make in a way how does one stand out from the crowd. As a single man I must be a needle in a haystack if every single woman has the same numbers she has. Also how on earth do you ladies cope finding a genuine guy among the time wasters "
Don't be a part of the crowd. |
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"And of those 300 messages your friend recieved, would yours have magically stood out against them?
I have to say that it takes me a lot more than 12 minutes to find a profile that interests enough to read through, check the photos, the veris, find a reason to want to reach out and compose a suitable opening message. well this is the point I’m
Trying to make in a way how does one stand out from the crowd. As a single man I must be a needle in a haystack if every single woman has the same numbers she has. Also how on earth do you ladies cope finding a genuine guy among the time wasters
Don't be a part of the crowd."
I
Like to think being a cowboy helps me stand out a little but that works in clubs not so easy on fab lol x |
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"And of those 300 messages your friend recieved, would yours have magically stood out against them?
I have to say that it takes me a lot more than 12 minutes to find a profile that interests enough to read through, check the photos, the veris, find a reason to want to reach out and compose a suitable opening message. well this is the point I’m
Trying to make in a way how does one stand out from the crowd. As a single man I must be a needle in a haystack if every single woman has the same numbers she has. Also how on earth do you ladies cope finding a genuine guy among the time wasters "
To stand out in an inbox, first your message and profile has to stand out.
I'll look for your profile pic, and read the top line of your message. If it's is any version of "hi how r u?" Or "how's fab treating u?" It's an instant delete without opening it.
Anything that seems original, articulate and shows you've read my profile means i will open the message and read all of it. Some intro, background, or why you've messaged (beyond "sexy pics" 🙄) and I'll be clicking on your profile.
I first look at the bit at the bottom. Something well written that tells me a bit about you, what you're looking for and what your interests are. Perhaps what sort of availability you might have.
Then I'll look at the location/GPS and see if that is a distance acceptable to me.
Then I'll check verifications. Just a quick glance, see how many,how old and what type (cam/social/meet), and whether I might recognise any of the names.
Lastly I'll have a quick scroll through your pics and see if those interest me. I want to see you, not all close ups of intimate body parts, but some nice body shots, clothes or undressed. Please make sure the background is tidy (lid down on the loo if it's a bathroom shot).
Even if I don't think we're compatible, a good first message will get a response, even to say no thanks, but I will say what I appreciated about that message, so they know what worked. A good message and profile gets a longer explanation - it's usually distance that makes me say no. My profile specifically states geographical preferences).
So in a large nutshell, that's how to stand out in my inbox. |
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"And of those 300 messages your friend recieved, would yours have magically stood out against them?
I have to say that it takes me a lot more than 12 minutes to find a profile that interests enough to read through, check the photos, the veris, find a reason to want to reach out and compose a suitable opening message. well this is the point I’m
Trying to make in a way how does one stand out from the crowd. As a single man I must be a needle in a haystack if every single woman has the same numbers she has. Also how on earth do you ladies cope finding a genuine guy among the time wasters
To stand out in an inbox, first your message and profile has to stand out.
I'll look for your profile pic, and read the top line of your message. If it's is any version of "hi how r u?" Or "how's fab treating u?" It's an instant delete without opening it.
Anything that seems original, articulate and shows you've read my profile means i will open the message and read all of it. Some intro, background, or why you've messaged (beyond "sexy pics" 🙄) and I'll be clicking on your profile.
I first look at the bit at the bottom. Something well written that tells me a bit about you, what you're looking for and what your interests are. Perhaps what sort of availability you might have.
Then I'll look at the location/GPS and see if that is a distance acceptable to me.
Then I'll check verifications. Just a quick glance, see how many,how old and what type (cam/social/meet), and whether I might recognise any of the names.
Lastly I'll have a quick scroll through your pics and see if those interest me. I want to see you, not all close ups of intimate body parts, but some nice body shots, clothes or undressed. Please make sure the background is tidy (lid down on the loo if it's a bathroom shot).
Even if I don't think we're compatible, a good first message will get a response, even to say no thanks, but I will say what I appreciated about that message, so they know what worked. A good message and profile gets a longer explanation - it's usually distance that makes me say no. My profile specifically states geographical preferences).
So in a large nutshell, that's how to stand out in my inbox."
Or..
Just be hot. |
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By *hilloutMan 14 weeks ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
I don't really have any tips that might not have already been mentioned.
I've never had problem engaging and meeting with people on fab, even in the beginning.
Perhaps I've just been lucky. |
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