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Dirty Bastards
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Ow do good folks 👍🏻
What is the dirtiest you have ever been and the circumstances of how you came to be so?
For hasty clarification purposes, I’m referring to the state of being rendered physically dirty as opposed to any particularly lewd sexual escapades.
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By *mmaleiaWoman 9 weeks ago
East Northamptonshire |
My welly got stuck in the mud in the middle of my allotment as I was running over it, I went face 1st into the soil, it had been raining for 3 days, I had to get in my car with a full frontal mud splatter & drive home |
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"My welly got stuck in the mud in the middle of my allotment as I was running over it, I went face 1st into the soil, it had been raining for 3 days, I had to get in my car with a full frontal mud splatter & drive home"
Full frontal splatter 🤪😈 |
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These are delightfully dirty thus far 😜👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
I once tried (stupidly) to wade through a bog…..which I then fell into.
I can still remember vividly the malodorous stench that covered me all these years later 😳😳 |
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Probably the day we walked across Morecambe Bay. Barefoot was recommended and it involved walking through a lot of deep, wet sand, plus sheep poo and mud and cow pat at the Arnside end to get back to the road. Our legs and feet were absolutely disgusting. My Grandad met us in his car and he'd brought us fish and chips in paper to eat as we sat on a wall.
That was another lifetime ago  |
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During a paintball tournament, I thought it was a good idea to nip across a supposed 'swamp', to get into good cover to take out a few of the opposing team players.
I got across ok, just a bit of mud up to my ankles. I took out 2 players and got shot out myself, I turnround to go to the dead zone and ended up to my waste in mud.
I had to throw my gear away, as it stunk a lot. |
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"Another one was pulling down an old lath and plaster ceiling in a bungalow, loft was full of soot which typical of houses that age was absolutely covered in it haha "
Done that too- wore goggles and a mask...looked like some sort of weird panda when i finished  .
Not sure if was beaten by the day i had to change the drive chain on an old goods lift, i had grease and grime in areas i didn't even know existed |
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An explosive release from a large vacuum sewage system onboard a cruise liner during maintenance. I wasn’t even working on it, I was just passing through the compartment.
I was heaving for weeks…
🤢🤮 |
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"An explosive release from a large vacuum sewage system onboard a cruise liner during maintenance. I wasn’t even working on it, I was just passing through the compartment.
I was heaving for weeks…
🤢🤮"
Anyone serve at Kandahar Airfield and remember the poo pond!! |
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"An explosive release from a large vacuum sewage system onboard a cruise liner during maintenance. I wasn’t even working on it, I was just passing through the compartment.
I was heaving for weeks…
🤢🤮
Anyone serve at Kandahar Airfield and remember the poo pond!!"
Oh jeez 🤮 burn barrels and ponds… Smell doesn’t qualify as getting dirty though 😂 |
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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago
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In my late teens / early twenties, I worked as an environmental drilling engineer.
Ever seen those trailer-sized tracked drilling rigs at motorway services, normally boring holes around the petrol station? They're drilling for contamination near the underground fuel tanks.
Normally happens if they notice a certain amount of fuel hasn't been accounted for, as the tank might have a leak.
That's what I used to do. 😄
The time I was the dirtiest (and haven't been since) was drilling while down in Kent.
To ensure the drilling equipment doesn't overheat from friction (due to metal grinding against rock and tough sediment), a constant stream of cold water is pumped down through the middle of the augers (the large corkscrew sections).
Now and again, the water pressure builds up as you drill down and you need to slow the rotation, pull everything back out a little. Few inches or so, to relieve the pressure before continuing.
Drilling as normal, but it suddenly slows to about half speed. Nothing out of the ordinary, as it happens sometimes.
The pressure gauge is twitching like crazy, so as always, we follow procedure. Slow down and lift up.
A gigantic gush of chalky water (also mixed with chunks of chalk) shoots up through the middle of the augers, spraying wildly into the air like a geyser. It coats everything within a large radius, with wet and sticky chalk.
Bearing in mind I'm already plastered from cleaning off the augers most of the day. Wet chalk is a bastard to get off. It's worse than clay lol.
Everyone and everything in the splash zone was pure white. You couldn't see who was who, it was mental. 😂
I was finding chalk in random places for ages, even after showering multiple times lol. |
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"In my late teens / early twenties, I worked as an environmental drilling engineer.
Ever seen those trailer-sized tracked drilling rigs at motorway services, normally boring holes around the petrol station? They're drilling for contamination near the underground fuel tanks.
Normally happens if they notice a certain amount of fuel hasn't been accounted for, as the tank might have a leak.
That's what I used to do. 😄
The time I was the dirtiest (and haven't been since) was drilling while down in Kent.
To ensure the drilling equipment doesn't overheat from friction (due to metal grinding against rock and tough sediment), a constant stream of cold water is pumped down through the middle of the augers (the large corkscrew sections).
Now and again, the water pressure builds up as you drill down and you need to slow the rotation, pull everything back out a little. Few inches or so, to relieve the pressure before continuing.
Drilling as normal, but it suddenly slows to about half speed. Nothing out of the ordinary, as it happens sometimes.
The pressure gauge is twitching like crazy, so as always, we follow procedure. Slow down and lift up.
A gigantic gush of chalky water (also mixed with chunks of chalk) shoots up through the middle of the augers, spraying wildly into the air like a geyser. It coats everything within a large radius, with wet and sticky chalk.
Bearing in mind I'm already plastered from cleaning off the augers most of the day. Wet chalk is a bastard to get off. It's worse than clay lol.
Everyone and everything in the splash zone was pure white. You couldn't see who was who, it was mental. 😂
I was finding chalk in random places for ages, even after showering multiple times lol."
This is epic 😂 Would loved to have seen everyone looking like Warboys from Mad Max |
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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago
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Probably playing cricket. Wet outfield and diving meant dirt along the knees and sides of my trousers as well as the front of my top. Oh, and the red patch from using spit and rubbing the ball  |
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As kids, my friends and I built a raft which only one child could fit on, and we'd 'launch' each other on a pond in a cow field and then bombard and sink each other with cow poo muck bombs.
Best childhood ever |
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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago
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"This is epic 😂 Would loved to have seen everyone looking like Warboys from Mad Max"
It definitely wasn't mediocre lol.
I've remembered that for over 20 years. It's the one moment in my relatively short drilling career that was hilarious, as bloody filthy as it was at the time.
Shame we never took any photos. Would have loved to see the state of everyone again. 😄 |
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I was walking the dog and went a bit off track… I stepped off a bank/hill near a river, on to what I thought was solid ground but it turned out to be a swamp… so I ended up in the mud past my knees and when I tried to pull my leg out, I lost my trainer... So I had to put my arm in the mud (past my elbow) to try and retrieve it. I can tell you, I was in quite a state by the time I’d got back up the bank. It was not a fun walk home 🤦🏼♀️ |
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When I was an army cadet we were out on a very wet weekend camp while out doing recon we came under an ambush that the instructors set up I jump down into prone position ready to open fire I go straight into the wettest muddiest puddle you could ever imagine. Needless to say it made for a miserable night |
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Playing rounders on a field one weekend when I was probably around 10 years old. A kid hit the ball high and far. I ran like the wind and leapt into the air, arm outstretched and made a mightily impressive one handed catch which I am still proud of today.
I crashed to the ground still moving at some speed, landing in a large pile of sloppy dog shit. It was on my hand, up my forearm and on the left side of my face and neck.
I was wretching during the walk home in the baking heat. My mum wouldn't let me in the house to clean up. I had to get rid of the majority of the dog shit under the outside tap.
I will never forget that catch. Or the smell. Or my mum treating me like a leper. To be fair, i'd have done the same.
Mr |
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Going back when I was serving we did a game against the sergeants which involved climbing up a hill in the middle of the night.
I crawled my way up through all sorts of mud and cow shit, by the time I got to the top of the hill I was literally covered in everything imaginable |
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By *929Man 9 weeks ago
newcastle |
This one wasn’t me but when we were around 13 we were getting pissed down the corn field which was adjacent to previously opencast land and I’m not sure if anyone ever seen those really soft mud puddles we called them slek not sure what the correct term is but one of my mates (sadly deceased now rip) fell in one and one have of his body was entirely coated in it head to tow he had an almost perfect line up the centre of his body where one half was clean and other coated haha |
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I went for a walk and had a vicar of dibley moment in some flooded forest. I misjudged the depth of the puddle. That was within my first mile, I walked a total of 13 miles and looked like I was dragged from a swap.
One of my best and worse walks |
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