When I was more active and more into life I used to love planning ahead. I could get months of enjoyment out of a holiday, planning where I was going, researching what I wanted to do and see, looking for the off the beaten tours.
At the moment I can't plan too far ahead as I don't know what my mood and spoons will be like. But I have to plan some things.
When you don't want to be around you have to plan things, even silly things, to give you a reason to stay around.
I am arranging drinks for my birthday shortly and I don't even drink.
I have a couple of family trips planned, not holidays as can't really relax as have to watch what I am saying and not let the I'm OK face mask slip.
So planning ahead has gone from an enjoyment thing to a coping thing. |
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One of your plans needs to be getting help OP. You shouldn’t have to live this way. See your GP. There are charities you can talk to as well. But you need sone help and support. Go see you your GP, take the mask off for 10 minutes.
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Family have enough of their own issues to deal with and without me trying to end it again, they can't see what day to day is like for me.
All the docs can do is medication and not a route I want to go down. |
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