FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > If your partner turned around and said they don't want sex with u again what would you do
If your partner turned around and said they don't want sex with u again what would you do
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"Blowjob?
No sex what so ever .. basically said just done want to anymore.. sex life been terrible for yrs now tho .. got a wank 4 months ago on holiday "
If there was no real reason other than the fact she doesn’t want to and she wasn’t even willing to have a discussion about my needs then I believe my marriage would be over. |
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"Blowjob?
No sex what so ever .. basically said just done want to anymore.. sex life been terrible for yrs now tho .. got a wank 4 months ago on holiday
If there was no real reason other than the fact she doesn’t want to and she wasn’t even willing to have a discussion about my needs then I believe my marriage would be over."
What he said ^^ |
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"Blowjob?
No sex what so ever .. basically said just done want to anymore.. sex life been terrible for yrs now tho .. got a wank 4 months ago on holiday
If there was no real reason other than the fact she doesn’t want to and she wasn’t even willing to have a discussion about my needs then I believe my marriage would be over."
I fear it's the end of our relationship .. how can I be a man if I except that |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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"Blowjob?
No sex what so ever .. basically said just done want to anymore.. sex life been terrible for yrs now tho .. got a wank 4 months ago on holiday
If there was no real reason other than the fact she doesn’t want to and she wasn’t even willing to have a discussion about my needs then I believe my marriage would be over.
I fear it's the end of our relationship .. how can I be a man if I except that "
I don't think "being a man" is the main issue, although if that's where it's hurting you the most, it's a valid reason.
I would still try to have a conversation with her though, if she's comfortable talking about it. Maybe both see a therapist or a couple counsellor?
Dunno how much you guys care for your marriage, but I'd at least try and find the issue. |
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"Blowjob?
No sex what so ever .. basically said just done want to anymore.. sex life been terrible for yrs now tho .. got a wank 4 months ago on holiday
If there was no real reason other than the fact she doesn’t want to and she wasn’t even willing to have a discussion about my needs then I believe my marriage would be over.
I fear it's the end of our relationship .. how can I be a man if I except that "
I think accepting it would lead to resentment and the marriage would end eventually. |
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"Blowjob?
No sex what so ever .. basically said just done want to anymore.. sex life been terrible for yrs now tho .. got a wank 4 months ago on holiday
If there was no real reason other than the fact she doesn’t want to and she wasn’t even willing to have a discussion about my needs then I believe my marriage would be over.
I fear it's the end of our relationship .. how can I be a man if I except that
I don't think "being a man" is the main issue, although if that's where it's hurting you the most, it's a valid reason.
I would still try to have a conversation with her though, if she's comfortable talking about it. Maybe both see a therapist or a couple counsellor?
Dunno how much you guys care for your marriage, but I'd at least try and find the issue."
Been together a long long time and am not expecting sex all the time 2 be honest 1s or twice a month I would like more but .. I just feel she doesn't even want me near her anymore .. I miss the closeness |
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"Blowjob?
No sex what so ever .. basically said just done want to anymore.. sex life been terrible for yrs now tho .. got a wank 4 months ago on holiday
If there was no real reason other than the fact she doesn’t want to and she wasn’t even willing to have a discussion about my needs then I believe my marriage would be over.
I fear it's the end of our relationship .. how can I be a man if I except that
I think accepting it would lead to resentment and the marriage would end eventually."
I think so as well |
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"Blowjob?
No sex what so ever .. basically said just done want to anymore.. sex life been terrible for yrs now tho .. got a wank 4 months ago on holiday
If there was no real reason other than the fact she doesn’t want to and she wasn’t even willing to have a discussion about my needs then I believe my marriage would be over.
I fear it's the end of our relationship .. how can I be a man if I except that
I don't think "being a man" is the main issue, although if that's where it's hurting you the most, it's a valid reason.
I would still try to have a conversation with her though, if she's comfortable talking about it. Maybe both see a therapist or a couple counsellor?
Dunno how much you guys care for your marriage, but I'd at least try and find the issue.
Been together a long long time and am not expecting sex all the time 2 be honest 1s or twice a month I would like more but .. I just feel she doesn't even want me near her anymore .. I miss the closeness "
So no non-sexual intimacy either?
How does she respond when you try to talk about it? |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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"Blowjob?
No sex what so ever .. basically said just done want to anymore.. sex life been terrible for yrs now tho .. got a wank 4 months ago on holiday
If there was no real reason other than the fact she doesn’t want to and she wasn’t even willing to have a discussion about my needs then I believe my marriage would be over.
I fear it's the end of our relationship .. how can I be a man if I except that
I don't think "being a man" is the main issue, although if that's where it's hurting you the most, it's a valid reason.
I would still try to have a conversation with her though, if she's comfortable talking about it. Maybe both see a therapist or a couple counsellor?
Dunno how much you guys care for your marriage, but I'd at least try and find the issue.
Been together a long long time and am not expecting sex all the time 2 be honest 1s or twice a month I would like more but .. I just feel she doesn't even want me near her anymore .. I miss the closeness "
You definitely need to talk to her. Even if it's uncomfortable. Better have an uncomfortable talk than any of the alternatives. |
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"Apart from sex what’s the rest of your relationship like?"
It OK.. but this is driving a wedge between us well as far as am concerned it is .. no apologise from her straight that's the way it is .. |
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"Blowjob?
No sex what so ever .. basically said just done want to anymore.. sex life been terrible for yrs now tho .. got a wank 4 months ago on holiday
If there was no real reason other than the fact she doesn’t want to and she wasn’t even willing to have a discussion about my needs then I believe my marriage would be over.
I fear it's the end of our relationship .. how can I be a man if I except that
I don't think "being a man" is the main issue, although if that's where it's hurting you the most, it's a valid reason.
I would still try to have a conversation with her though, if she's comfortable talking about it. Maybe both see a therapist or a couple counsellor?
Dunno how much you guys care for your marriage, but I'd at least try and find the issue.
Been together a long long time and am not expecting sex all the time 2 be honest 1s or twice a month I would like more but .. I just feel she doesn't even want me near her anymore .. I miss the closeness
So no non-sexual intimacy either?
How does she respond when you try to talk about it?"
Spoke to her tonight about it quite open she doesn't want to and that's that doesn't want to end off conversation |
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"Apart from sex what’s the rest of your relationship like?
It OK.. but this is driving a wedge between us well as far as am concerned it is .. no apologise from her straight that's the way it is .. "
Is there any affection? Do you go on dates? Spend time together? Anything that couples normally do? |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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"Blowjob?
No sex what so ever .. basically said just done want to anymore.. sex life been terrible for yrs now tho .. got a wank 4 months ago on holiday
If there was no real reason other than the fact she doesn’t want to and she wasn’t even willing to have a discussion about my needs then I believe my marriage would be over.
I fear it's the end of our relationship .. how can I be a man if I except that
I don't think "being a man" is the main issue, although if that's where it's hurting you the most, it's a valid reason.
I would still try to have a conversation with her though, if she's comfortable talking about it. Maybe both see a therapist or a couple counsellor?
Dunno how much you guys care for your marriage, but I'd at least try and find the issue.
Been together a long long time and am not expecting sex all the time 2 be honest 1s or twice a month I would like more but .. I just feel she doesn't even want me near her anymore .. I miss the closeness
So no non-sexual intimacy either?
How does she respond when you try to talk about it?
Spoke to her tonight about it quite open she doesn't want to and that's that doesn't want to end off conversation "
I'm afraid if that's her attitude (no explanation, no willingness to talk further), then it'd be bye bye from me. |
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Happened to me ........
Was with my ex for 12 years and the last 6 years and we had sex once. She had no interest in sex, lingerie, toys and never masturbated. The last words she said to me when we sold the house was " Do you know the reason why I didn't want sex ? Because you were shit at it ". |
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"Just curious what folk think Were you a shit Shag?"
Well am out of practice that's for sure .. no am a very attentive lover with a good imagination .. she is vanilla as fck very much do things to me kinda women |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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What age is your wife?
Could she be menopausal?
Completely lost her mojo and all the other symptoms that can come with it?
She could equally be depressed with can be another symptom |
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"Happened to me ........
Was with my ex for 12 years and the last 6 years and we had sex once. She had no interest in sex, lingerie, toys and never masturbated. The last words she said to me when we sold the house was " Do you know the reason why I didn't want sex ? Because you were shit at it ". "
That must have hurt .. was it true or was she just being mean |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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"A relationship without any intimacy is not a relationship at all. "
I'm sorry but I completely disagree with that statement.
Merely my opinion as it is yours
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"
So no non-sexual intimacy either?
How does she respond when you try to talk about it?
Spoke to her tonight about it quite open she doesn't want to and that's that doesn't want to end off conversation "
Nobody should have sex they don't want, but expecting a partner with a healthy sex drive to be OK with never having sex again is delusional. If she's not willing to discuss it and find a solution, like you seeking it elsewhere, there's not much chance of you both having a healthy relationship together. |
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"What age is your wife?
Could she be menopausal?
Completely lost her mojo and all the other symptoms that can come with it?
She could equally be depressed with can be another symptom "
Went through the menopause very young and yes think that's what's happened .. spoke to her months about about speaking to someone .. doctor for hrt but obviously she doesn't see it as important |
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"Blowjob?
No sex what so ever .. basically said just done want to anymore.. sex life been terrible for yrs now tho .. got a wank 4 months ago on holiday
If there was no real reason other than the fact she doesn’t want to and she wasn’t even willing to have a discussion about my needs then I believe my marriage would be over.
I fear it's the end of our relationship .. how can I be a man if I except that
I don't think "being a man" is the main issue, although if that's where it's hurting you the most, it's a valid reason.
I would still try to have a conversation with her though, if she's comfortable talking about it. Maybe both see a therapist or a couple counsellor?
Dunno how much you guys care for your marriage, but I'd at least try and find the issue.
Been together a long long time and am not expecting sex all the time 2 be honest 1s or twice a month I would like more but .. I just feel she doesn't even want me near her anymore .. I miss the closeness
So no non-sexual intimacy either?
How does she respond when you try to talk about it?
Spoke to her tonight about it quite open she doesn't want to and that's that doesn't want to end off conversation "
Menopause wiped out my libido and sexual interest(cuddles included) to zero for 2 years, I was very open with my fwbs and they were patient with me, while I was settling into my medication.
I'd have another chat with her, focusing on her needs. Also maybe look into toys you can self pleasure with, to ease your sexual frustration. Good luck with this journey it's a hard one and has lead to many a cheat unfortunately  |
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"
So no non-sexual intimacy either?
How does she respond when you try to talk about it?
Spoke to her tonight about it quite open she doesn't want to and that's that doesn't want to end off conversation
Nobody should have sex they don't want, but expecting a partner with a healthy sex drive to be OK with never having sex again is delusional. If she's not willing to discuss it and find a solution, like you seeking it elsewhere, there's not much chance of you both having a healthy relationship together. "
Up till now she not up for talking about it and definitely would want to have sex with her if she didn't want to can't think of anything worse .. |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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"What age is your wife?
Could she be menopausal?
Completely lost her mojo and all the other symptoms that can come with it?
She could equally be depressed with can be another symptom
Went through the menopause very young and yes think that's what's happened .. spoke to her months about about speaking to someone .. doctor for hrt but obviously she doesn't see it as important "
It could be a number of things.
She could be depressed as I said, equally hormones.
And perhaps struggling in general?
But trying to brush the carpet over it all.
Equally as she might be unhappy in the marriage and using this as a way out?
Pushing you away.
As someone else said, if someone doesn't want sex then that's their right, married or not.
But equally can't expect the other person to go without, that's unfair in my opinion.
Maybe some marriage support,GP, Counselling? |
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"I would ask him if he would mind me getting a lover, especially if the other aspects of our relationship were good.
Good sex is not the only foundation for a good marriage imo"
It's not just about the sex it's the connection feeling wanting u know what I mean .. |
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"I'd talk to her, there's 2 sides to every story.
If you can't be in a relationship that doesn't include sex then you leave.
"
Av been in a relationship with very very little sex gor yrs now but to be told its not going to happen really brings it home .. |
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By *aven.Woman 10 weeks ago
Not the North West... |
"I would ask him if he would mind me getting a lover, especially if the other aspects of our relationship were good.
Good sex is not the only foundation for a good marriage imo
It's not just about the sex it's the connection feeling wanting u know what I mean .. "
Sex isn't affection.
If you're just gonna fuck about then do it. Don't ask for justification.
If she won't talk to you then you leave.
2 choices really.
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By *ady LickWoman 10 weeks ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"I would ask him if he would mind me getting a lover, especially if the other aspects of our relationship were good.
Good sex is not the only foundation for a good marriage imo
It's not just about the sex it's the connection feeling wanting u know what I mean .. "
Yes, I do and if you haven't got that it must be hard. But, also, it would be difficult to walk away from a marriage if you still love your partner. Do you still love her? |
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"I empathise op. Hard to know as if you love her and or have kids and or finances together makes it complex for sure. I wish you well with it "
All of the above .. am not going to be in a good place financially if I
leave but better that than being unhappy |
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"I would ask him if he would mind me getting a lover, especially if the other aspects of our relationship were good.
Good sex is not the only foundation for a good marriage imo
It's not just about the sex it's the connection feeling wanting u know what I mean ..
Yes, I do and if you haven't got that it must be hard. But, also, it would be difficult to walk away from a marriage if you still love your partner. Do you still love her?"
Yes I do and I would be heartbroken if I leave but am so unhappy just now and it's not going to get any better by the looks of things |
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"Do you still want to be with her?
Definitely yes but not like this
Maybe ask her the same question then and explain that you can't continue as you are without some sort of compromise."
Compromise is she would have sex with me but definitely doesn't want that if she doesn't want to .. |
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"Do you still want to be with her?
Definitely yes but not like this
Maybe ask her the same question then and explain that you can't continue as you are without some sort of compromise.
Compromise is she would have sex with me but definitely doesn't want that if she doesn't want to .. "
Or, she agrees for you to seek sex elsewhere? |
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"Just curious what folk think Were you a shit Shag?
Well am out of practice that's for sure .. no am a very attentive lover with a good imagination .. she is vanilla as fck very much do things to me kinda women "
But I'm assuming that hasn't changed massively from when you first got together? Always boggles my mind a bit that men date/marry women with low sex drives/limited interest, and then get upset they're not putting out once kids and a few years come along |
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By *iverstMan 10 weeks ago
Rossendale |
Similar situation to me (but longer than you). Eventually confronted her with an ultimatum, we end the relationship or I seek intimacy elsewhere. Originally we were going to split, then she agreed I could look elsewhere - which is why I joined Fab.
Her only asks were I don’t have an affair and that she doesn’t want to know about it. I try my best to hide it but she knows. If she asks I will tell her anyway.
Also, if she ever tries to get intimate again I will have to tell her first. I am hiding my adventures at her request, but if we were to get close again I couldn’t do that without her knowing.
And one more thing, I told her if I was free to look elsewhere then so was she - with man or woman.
Also I make sure anyone I may possibly have intamacy with know my situation first.
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"Just curious what folk think Were you a shit Shag?
Well am out of practice that's for sure .. no am a very attentive lover with a good imagination .. she is vanilla as fck very much do things to me kinda women
No her sex drive was fine when we first met
But I'm assuming that hasn't changed massively from when you first got together? Always boggles my mind a bit that men date/marry women with low sex drives/limited interest, and then get upset they're not putting out once kids and a few years come along "
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"Do you still want to be with her?
Definitely yes but not like this
Maybe ask her the same question then and explain that you can't continue as you are without some sort of compromise.
Short term solution tho .. not want I want it more than sex it's been together and close
Compromise is she would have sex with me but definitely doesn't want that if she doesn't want to ..
Or, she agrees for you to seek sex elsewhere?"
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"Just curious what folk think Were you a shit Shag?
Well am out of practice that's for sure .. no am a very attentive lover with a good imagination .. she is vanilla as fck very much do things to me kinda women
No her sex drive was fine when we first met
But I'm assuming that hasn't changed massively from when you first got together? Always boggles my mind a bit that men date/marry women with low sex drives/limited interest, and then get upset they're not putting out once kids and a few years come along "
So possibly just age catching up, life, work, bills, stress? Do you both spend time together just the two of you? I mean if she's point blank no longer interested then you just have to accept that really. Can't expect someone to still want sex if they don't. You then need to decide if you stay or go based upon that. |
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"If it were me. I'd leave.
Oh wait, that's what I did do.
Me too. It's soul destroying being sexually unwanted by a partner.
Good luck op. "
Sorry to hear that .. and it is and very hurtful as well |
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"If it were me. I'd leave.
Oh wait, that's what I did do.
Me too. It's soul destroying being sexually unwanted by a partner.
Good luck op.
Sorry to hear that .. and it is and very hurtful as well "
Well yes, but you've been on here a year, and had meet? I assume that wasn't a discussion with your wife? So realistically what are you seeking? To cheat and not get caught? Come clean and see if she's okay with it? Or just look for someone to tell you it's okay to cheat if your wife doesn't want sex? |
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By *uie87Man 9 weeks ago
poole |
Sort your bits out financially so you don't get screwed.
Figure out how much a divorce will cost you.
Start the process of removing yourself from the relationship, don't invest any money on the property you won't see immediate short term gain on.
Sell the house. Move on.
If you've kids then things get messy. |
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Bodies can undergo performance issues for a number of reasons as we get older. Some issues are physical with hormonal imbalance. Some are psychological. Some manifest as "X" but are caused by unidentified issue "Y" elsewhere.
Some are multifactorial.
And some are just simply a change in tastes.
Regardless of the root cause(s), the fact remains that she does not wish to, and you do.
If you both value your relationship, then you both need to work on a compromise, and that is certainly possible in the FAB lifestyle.
I would say, be open, transparent, honest and if an arrangement is agreed and reached, it's done with clear boundaries.
Personally, if it was me and I didn't want sex anymore for whatever reason, my first thought would be, "How does this impact my partner and my marriage, and how can I help both of us through this period ? Also, I'd be on the phone to the GP, as I'd have the presence of mind to know this needed investigation. I wouldn't take it on face value that it was menopausal for example, because it might be something else entirely.
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"Bodies can undergo performance issues for a number of reasons as we get older. Some issues are physical with hormonal imbalance. Some are psychological. Some manifest as "X" but are caused by unidentified issue "Y" elsewhere.
Some are multifactorial.
And some are just simply a change in tastes.
Regardless of the root cause(s), the fact remains that she does not wish to, and you do.
If you both value your relationship, then you both need to work on a compromise, and that is certainly possible in the FAB lifestyle.
I would say, be open, transparent, honest and if an arrangement is agreed and reached, it's done with clear boundaries.
Personally, if it was me and I didn't want sex anymore for whatever reason, my first thought would be, "How does this impact my partner and my marriage, and how can I help both of us through this period ? Also, I'd be on the phone to the GP, as I'd have the presence of mind to know this needed investigation. I wouldn't take it on face value that it was menopausal for example, because it might be something else entirely.
"
Definitely the menopause that's caused her lack of sex drive but it's the attitude .. I don't want sex and that's it if u want to leave , leave .. |
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We (Rubiklongsword and I) have sex so rarely now, I mean we do but could be once a month, maybe twice.
At this moment in time if either of us said we didn't want sex for the foreseeable I don't think the other would mind, it's not we don't fancy each other, I guess the urge isn't there at the moment x |
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"We (Rubiklongsword and I) have sex so rarely now, I mean we do but could be once a month, maybe twice.
At this moment in time if either of us said we didn't want sex for the foreseeable I don't think the other would mind, it's not we don't fancy each other, I guess the urge isn't there at the moment x"
I would be happy with 1s or 2s a month my sex drive isn't what it used to be as well but to be told it's not going to happen is so disrespectful to me .. if your not happy u can leave she said .. it's more than the sex thing but that's the last straw |
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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago
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"We (Rubiklongsword and I) have sex so rarely now, I mean we do but could be once a month, maybe twice.
At this moment in time if either of us said we didn't want sex for the foreseeable I don't think the other would mind, it's not we don't fancy each other, I guess the urge isn't there at the moment x
I would be happy with 1s or 2s a month my sex drive isn't what it used to be as well but to be told it's not going to happen is so disrespectful to me .. if your not happy u can leave she said .. it's more than the sex thing but that's the last straw "
Tbh mate doesn't sound like there's much wiggle room there. Clearly there's more to that than she's willing to disclose. |
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"We (Rubiklongsword and I) have sex so rarely now, I mean we do but could be once a month, maybe twice.
At this moment in time if either of us said we didn't want sex for the foreseeable I don't think the other would mind, it's not we don't fancy each other, I guess the urge isn't there at the moment x
I would be happy with 1s or 2s a month my sex drive isn't what it used to be as well but to be told it's not going to happen is so disrespectful to me .. if your not happy u can leave she said .. it's more than the sex thing but that's the last straw
Tbh mate doesn't sound like there's much wiggle room there. Clearly there's more to that than she's willing to disclose."
Ye something has been lacking for a while |
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We have very little sex anyway
That's not a moan, nor the reason I'm here - just that the relationship has never really been built on it (or even around it)
I would have more of an issue if there was no intimacy - a hug on your way out the door, a random cuddle whilst preparing dinner, throwing your legs over each other on the sofa - that kinda stuff
Sex (for me at least) doesn't need to be on the menu in a long term relationship
The "little things" are where it's at for me
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If it was important to me & they wouldn't compromise or come to some solution then I'd leave.
Why stay where your clearly not happy only to disrespect that person anyway, that's not a great relationship.
Mrs |
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"We have very little sex anyway
That's not a moan, nor the reason I'm here - just that the relationship has never really been built on it (or even around it)
I would have more of an issue if there was no intimacy - a hug on your way out the door, a random cuddle whilst preparing dinner, throwing your legs over each other on the sofa - that kinda stuff
Sex (for me at least) doesn't need to be on the menu in a long term relationship
The "little things" are where it's at for me
"
No hugs on kisses no love showed what so ever .. if I ever questioned that I get your so needy which am definitely not or I would be with her |
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"We have very little sex anyway
That's not a moan, nor the reason I'm here - just that the relationship has never really been built on it (or even around it)
I would have more of an issue if there was no intimacy - a hug on your way out the door, a random cuddle whilst preparing dinner, throwing your legs over each other on the sofa - that kinda stuff
Sex (for me at least) doesn't need to be on the menu in a long term relationship
The "little things" are where it's at for me
No hugs on kisses no love showed what so ever .. if I ever questioned that I get your so needy which am definitely not or I would be with her "
That's really sad. She's emotionally checked out already, which is the real problem, not the lack of sex.
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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago
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"We have very little sex anyway
That's not a moan, nor the reason I'm here - just that the relationship has never really been built on it (or even around it)
I would have more of an issue if there was no intimacy - a hug on your way out the door, a random cuddle whilst preparing dinner, throwing your legs over each other on the sofa - that kinda stuff
Sex (for me at least) doesn't need to be on the menu in a long term relationship
The "little things" are where it's at for me
No hugs on kisses no love showed what so ever .. if I ever questioned that I get your so needy which am definitely not or I would be with her
That's really sad. She's emotionally checked out already, which is the real problem, not the lack of sex.
"
Nell makes a lot of sense, as usual. 🙂↕️ |
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By (user no longer on site) 9 weeks ago
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Hmmm, it's the age ol' thing in a relationship or marriage , it can be a " what's for me is for you " scenario,tbh it totally depends on the people involved, if both are ok to go down that road but if only the person that said it & the other person is to live with that..well then there's a touch of selfishness & self centeredness about it, l wonder if it was a guy that said it to a female & she absolutely loved to fuck ..would she take it like " AHH well no more Sex for me ".. it'd be very difficult to see that happening wouldn't it..so would the same apply to a guy?? ...a very very interesting question OP. |
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"We have very little sex anyway
That's not a moan, nor the reason I'm here - just that the relationship has never really been built on it (or even around it)
I would have more of an issue if there was no intimacy - a hug on your way out the door, a random cuddle whilst preparing dinner, throwing your legs over each other on the sofa - that kinda stuff
Sex (for me at least) doesn't need to be on the menu in a long term relationship
The "little things" are where it's at for me
No hugs on kisses no love showed what so ever .. if I ever questioned that I get your so needy which am definitely not or I would be with her "
That's sad to read
Do what is kindest to yourself |
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"I find it inconceivable that a woman would just declare this to her husband with no justification "
I don't. Plenty of people don't know how/choose not to communicate openly and respectfully with their partners. |
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By *aven.Woman 9 weeks ago
Not the North West... |
"I find it inconceivable that a woman would just declare this to her husband with no justification
I don't. Plenty of people don't know how/choose not to communicate openly and respectfully with their partners."
Like been on fab without their knowledge and discussing something personal with a bunch of strangers. |
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"I find it inconceivable that a woman would just declare this to her husband with no justification
I don't. Plenty of people don't know how/choose not to communicate openly and respectfully with their partners.
Like been on fab without their knowledge and discussing something personal with a bunch of strangers."
The being on fab bit I've already asked about. Is she aware?
However no one knows him and maybe he has no one else to ask. He could join mumsnet and ask there though. |
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"I find it inconceivable that a woman would just declare this to her husband with no justification
I don't. Plenty of people don't know how/choose not to communicate openly and respectfully with their partners.
Like been on fab without their knowledge and discussing something personal with a bunch of strangers."
He's said a few times he's tried to talk to her about it. When you keep getting a brick wall instead of an open discussion, where do you go? The Internet if full of forums of strangers wanting advice on personal matters. |
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My marriage has progressed into platonic in the sense that we don't have sex, but there's still love and affection in abundance. I'm just no longer his type, we had open conversations about what each of us needs and have a solid relationship together, I find what I need outside of our marriage and we keep the communication open, if I didn't have the affection and know he loved me it would be a different story.
Sorry you're having a rougher time of it OP.
B |
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I'd ask them how they picture our relationship going forward with such an important part of intimacy removed, and how far were they intending to deescalate.
One of my partners had a monogamous girlfriend for a while last year, I was happy to scale our relationship back down to just friends and keep our connection without the physical intimacy. But then I'm happily poly, it's not like I was expected to play the full time partner role with zero physical intimacy. That's not something I'd be willing to do. Had it been a monogamous relationship it would have been unlikely to be nearly as happy or friendly. |
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Ask why and if it can be worked out. If it’s absolute then I’d most likely say that this will ultimately cause the destruction of the relationship going forward so it’s time to consider parting ways for the benefit / sanity of both our sakes |
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By *ornycougaWoman 9 weeks ago
NORWAY Wherever I lay my hat |
A perspective from someone who no longer wanted sex from her long term partner - partly because it wasn't great but also because I'd stopped loving him. I wonder if she is trying to force your hand and get you to leave her so that she doesn't have to be 'the bad guy'? |
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By *929Man 9 weeks ago
newcastle |
If there is no medical reason and she just doesn't want to have sex I’d say it’s time to walk away, if she wants to stay in the relationship she clearly just wants to still have the benefits you bring to the relationship yet doesn’t value you high enough to actually have sex with. I’d personally rather be alone than in that situation |
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By *hallasMan 9 weeks ago
in a skip |
Firstly I'd sit down with them and have a long honest conversation discussing the issue and finding out if there's any other reasons, maybe they have self a confidence problem or perhaps something has happened that has traumatized them and they need help.
Ask if it's something I'm doing that can be improved such as my appearance or something? Maybe I need to go to the gym and get in better shape?
Suggest couples counselling.
Assuming that it's a long relationship and your still in love with them say you are going to be patient and wait see if things improve maybe plan a weekend away?
Certainly wouldn't do a knee jerk reaction and say " fuck you I'm off"
There's definitely something deeper going on.
There's possibly a dozen reasons why and it's not all that they don't love you anymore,but unless you open a line of honest communication you'll never know. |
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The problem with these types of posts is we only have the one side of things, and most of the time it seems like a justification as to why( men and I say men as women can be sneaky cunts also) they just tend to not make posts about it, are on sites like this.
If what you say is actually true and you choose to stay because of finances or family then that's the choice you have made and moaning about it isn't going to change any of it. |
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"Does she know your on here?
No she doesn't know .. but hope u can understand why am on hear ..
For chat mostly "
But you've had a meet a year ago? Was that just chat? Why would we understand if your wife would not? Maybe look closer to home for reasons she doesn't want to shag you 🤔 |
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By *ustBoWoman 9 weeks ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
Things are never black and white I have found in these situations.
Your wife has gone off sex for whatever reasons but there is a reason and she or anyone else should not be expected to have sex just to please someone else. That is not enjoyable for anyone involved. The way you describe her as vanilla as fuck doesn't exactly seem like you have any respect for her or really care about why she has gone off sex.
And I also don't think a partner should be expected to do without sex for their life if their partner has decided they no longer want it. That is also not fair.
As for you op the only answers you will get that will help is from your wife and a clear and open discussion rather than accusations from either of you. |
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"Why don't you ask for marriage counselling, loss of libedo is often a symptom of something deeper. "
I was thinking the same. And it took marriage guidance to realise the problem wasn't me not wanting sex. It was that I didn't have any of the other lovely stuff that warms you up, makes you feel loved and cherished, which would then lead me to wanting to shag his brains out again! I think the drop in hormones that drives our sexual needs is a bugger! It exposes the lack of emotional intimacy in a relationship.
I got to a point where I didn't feel fancied. And always felt any kind of affection was only because he was wanting a fuck! That feels horrible, pressured and empty for the other person!
The trouble was, I couldn't verbalise that to him. There was so much upset on both sides, that we both dug our heels in and defended our positions. It would have taken a skilled therapist to have helped unpick that with us.
I've only realised this now...divorced, on HRT, and with a man who is loving, patient, sensual, and enjoys just cuddles without expecting it to always lead to sex. I've found that's given me the space to feel unpressured which has been the real game changer for me!
I wondered if your chats with her have only been about you needing sex? Have you worded it with more emotional depth....that you really miss cuddles, feeling close to her? As that feels less transactional. Also have you said that it feels a really big issue in your marriage, so she understands that if she tries to sweep it under the carpet she could risk losing you?
All of the above said....it takes two people to put the work into keeping a marriage going. You can't do it all alone! Good luck OP. I hope my perspective helps somewhat x |
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Mr F. 
