FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Compatibility in the bedroom
Compatibility in the bedroom
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One of my frustrations on the site, is chatting to coy people.
I like know what I like in the bedroom and will only meet people that suit the criteria.
But I often find some people become pretty coy about what they are into in a meet. The most common answer is safe,clean fun. Which could mean so many different things.
I mean it's a adult sex site, not a vanilla dating site. Why are they reluctant to talk about the sex acts you like. |
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Because having a little tick list of things to do instead of an organic learning of each other feels very impersonal and makes me not want to bang someone, even if their ticklist is all of my favourite things 💜 |
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I don’t want to be part of an excel spreadsheet of likes and dislikes.
Firstly because I despise excel and secondly why can’t you just let it progress as it does. What works one night may not the other for a plethora of reasons including how one person does something maybe very different to another
Yes there has to be some kind of compatibility but nothing more than that to start.
I also find that constant sex talk bores me |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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"One of my frustrations on the site, is chatting to coy people.
I like know what I like in the bedroom and will only meet people that suit the criteria.
But I often find some people become pretty coy about what they are into in a meet. The most common answer is safe,clean fun. Which could mean so many different things.
I mean it's a adult sex site, not a vanilla dating site. Why are they reluctant to talk about the sex acts you like."
Nothing's more arousing than discussing how one envisions a first sexual encounter with a stranger, down to the slightest detail. Box ticking is so hot, seriously.
Jokes aside, I get what you mean but, really, I for one find it difficult to "plan" intercourse, as every encounter goes its own way and what I like to do with someone, I might not like to do with someone else. There's no telling until we're both there, naked. Yeah I can discuss the major boundaries and limits beforehand, but everything else, I'll know when we cross that bridge. |
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"....Firstly because I despise excel...
You are dead to me 💜
Is that what you do to make your block list? 
Disrespecting spreadsheets is a hard limit 💜"
I don’t disrespect the spread sheet per se just the idiot (me) trying to make it work |
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"Probably because they don’t want to engage in sex talk just to waste the time giving someone wank material.
If you don’t like how people choose to conduct themselves just move onto someone else "
Yeah this, basically.
I also think it comes off as wanting to have really organised sex. "Right, it's 10.15pm, time to tie you up and tickle your feet now. We'll move on to the anal portion of the evening in *checks notes* 20 minutes".
What happened to just, idk, fucking with ✨feeling✨? |
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"....Firstly because I despise excel...
You are dead to me 💜
Is that what you do to make your block list?
Disrespecting spreadsheets is a hard limit 💜
I don’t disrespect the spread sheet per se just the idiot (me) trying to make it work "
Okay.
That's fair.
I quite often have to take colleagues mouse and keyboard off them when they're trying to show me what they're doing on there.
Other people using Excel badly is hell 💜 |
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"....Firstly because I despise excel...
You are dead to me 💜
Is that what you do to make your block list?
Disrespecting spreadsheets is a hard limit 💜
I don’t disrespect the spread sheet per se just the idiot (me) trying to make it work
Okay.
That's fair.
I quite often have to take colleagues mouse and keyboard off them when they're trying to show me what they're doing on there.
Other people using Excel badly is hell 💜"
I have excel open and YouTube tutorials on it at the same time 🤣 |
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"Probably because they don’t want to engage in sex talk just to waste the time giving someone wank material.
If you don’t like how people choose to conduct themselves just move onto someone else
Yeah this, basically.
I also think it comes off as wanting to have really organised sex. "Right, it's 10.15pm, time to tie you up and tickle your feet now. We'll move on to the anal portion of the evening in *checks notes* 20 minutes".
What happened to just, idk, fucking with ✨feeling✨? "
When my time for anal alarm goes off on the bus it’s just inconvenient. And uprising unpopular with the bus driver who really wants to just drive his bus. |
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"....Firstly because I despise excel...
You are dead to me 💜
Is that what you do to make your block list?
Disrespecting spreadsheets is a hard limit 💜
I don’t disrespect the spread sheet per se just the idiot (me) trying to make it work
Okay.
That's fair.
I quite often have to take colleagues mouse and keyboard off them when they're trying to show me what they're doing on there.
Other people using Excel badly is hell 💜
I have excel open and YouTube tutorials on it at the same time 🤣"
YouTube tutorials are a fool's game. Just ask ChatGPT and save yourself the headache 
Hell, you can even upload the entire sheet and it'll spit out a version that has whatever you were aiming for on it. |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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"This is now a VLOOKUP appreciation thread.
We're not taking questions at this time.
Iferror vlookups are my happy place.
Who the fuck ever uses true?"
Only degenerates.
Seriously, the absolute dopamine hit that a successful VLOOKUP entails is beyond words to describe. |
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"Probably because they don’t want to engage in sex talk just to waste the time giving someone wank material.
If you don’t like how people choose to conduct themselves just move onto someone else
Yeah this, basically.
I also think it comes off as wanting to have really organised sex. "Right, it's 10.15pm, time to tie you up and tickle your feet now. We'll move on to the anal portion of the evening in *checks notes* 20 minutes".
What happened to just, idk, fucking with ✨feeling✨?
When my time for anal alarm goes off on the bus it’s just inconvenient. And uprising unpopular with the bus driver who really wants to just drive his bus. "
 |
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"....Firstly because I despise excel...
You are dead to me 💜
Is that what you do to make your block list?
Disrespecting spreadsheets is a hard limit 💜
I don’t disrespect the spread sheet per se just the idiot (me) trying to make it work
Okay.
That's fair.
I quite often have to take colleagues mouse and keyboard off them when they're trying to show me what they're doing on there.
Other people using Excel badly is hell 💜
I have excel open and YouTube tutorials on it at the same time 🤣
YouTube tutorials are a fool's game. Just ask ChatGPT and save yourself the headache
Hell, you can even upload the entire sheet and it'll spit out a version that has whatever you were aiming for on it. "
What is this magic you talk of |
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I normally put them into the incompatible pile, better that than a meet, that should never have got into the bedroom. Keep sifting OP you will get there, being upfront about your likes is the way forward  |
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"I have excel open and YouTube tutorials on it at the same time 🤣
I usually have at least 8 spreadsheets open at once.
Making the numbers dance is a weird kind of joy 💜
Or torture for some "
Hey. I spend a lot of time at various BDSM events. What some people find torture is joy to others. No kink shaming 💜 |
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"I have excel open and YouTube tutorials on it at the same time 🤣
I usually have at least 8 spreadsheets open at once.
Making the numbers dance is a weird kind of joy 💜
Or torture for some
Hey. I spend a lot of time at various BDSM events. What some people find torture is joy to others. No kink shaming 💜"
So do I and I’m now going to add an excel corner to it 🤣 |
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By *eliWoman 10 weeks ago
. |
Because talk is just that. Talk. It doesn't mean that all those things will happen with you. It doesn't mean they'll stay up all night fucking, even if they say they will.
Because it can be dull as fuck. Not always but yeah. It happens.
Why not take the time to learn someone? Have things naturally pop up in conversation. Put the effort in and not reduce people to a ticklist. |
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"One of my frustrations on the site, is chatting to coy people.
I like know what I like in the bedroom and will only meet people that suit the criteria.
But I often find some people become pretty coy about what they are into in a meet. The most common answer is safe,clean fun. Which could mean so many different things.
I mean it's a adult sex site, not a vanilla dating site. Why are they reluctant to talk about the sex acts you like."
Because it's a "default position", if you will. Like checking the manual gear is in Neutral before you start the engine.
It's a, "I don't want to go in to detail at this moment in time, we hardly know each other, but is this a good base line for starters ?".
.
Think of it as an "invitation to treat". It is a positive engagement, but you are treating it as a negative one. It's not negative at all, far from it.
.
They may have some wild crazy things they want to do. And you may too as well.
.
You are not giving yourself the opportunity (or them) to work up to that level.
.
There's nothing wrong with having a "shopping list", but the negotiation of those things with new partners takes patience and time, as well as listening and nurturing their needs as well. |
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"....Firstly because I despise excel...
You are dead to me 💜
Is that what you do to make your block list?
Disrespecting spreadsheets is a hard limit 💜
I don’t disrespect the spread sheet per se just the idiot (me) trying to make it work
Okay.
That's fair.
I quite often have to take colleagues mouse and keyboard off them when they're trying to show me what they're doing on there.
Other people using Excel badly is hell 💜
I have excel open and YouTube tutorials on it at the same time 🤣
YouTube tutorials are a fool's game. Just ask ChatGPT and save yourself the headache
Hell, you can even upload the entire sheet and it'll spit out a version that has whatever you were aiming for on it.
What is this magic you talk of "
Hehehe welcome to my world of "minimum effort, maximum satisfaction", my friend.
Everything in my life that could possibly be automated, is. |
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Under sell and over deliver is my motto.
Theres nothing worse than having that convo with someone and all the big promises are made about what an epic lover they are and all the things they're into only to find on the night they're a shite shag.
Better to just stick to the simplicities, if the experience was underwhelming - no harm done, if they exceeded expectations then great. |
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"....Firstly because I despise excel...
You are dead to me 💜
Is that what you do to make your block list?
Disrespecting spreadsheets is a hard limit 💜
I don’t disrespect the spread sheet per se just the idiot (me) trying to make it work
Okay.
That's fair.
I quite often have to take colleagues mouse and keyboard off them when they're trying to show me what they're doing on there.
Other people using Excel badly is hell 💜
I have excel open and YouTube tutorials on it at the same time 🤣
YouTube tutorials are a fool's game. Just ask ChatGPT and save yourself the headache
Hell, you can even upload the entire sheet and it'll spit out a version that has whatever you were aiming for on it.
What is this magic you talk of
Hehehe welcome to my world of "minimum effort, maximum satisfaction", my friend.
Everything in my life that could possibly be automated, is. "
I am borrowing that quote |
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"YouTube tutorials are a fool's game. Just ask ChatGPT and save yourself the headache
Hell, you can even upload the entire sheet and it'll spit out a version that has whatever you were aiming for on it.
What is this magic you talk of "
I call it feeding the Singularity, because I read far too much sci fi growing up and still can't bring myself to actively and willingly provide AIs with data beyond what is harvested for them outside of my control.
But. If I was normal I wouldn't be here. So 🤷🏼♀️💜 |
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"YouTube tutorials are a fool's game. Just ask ChatGPT and save yourself the headache
Hell, you can even upload the entire sheet and it'll spit out a version that has whatever you were aiming for on it.
What is this magic you talk of
I call it feeding the Singularity, because I read far too much sci fi growing up and still can't bring myself to actively and willingly provide AIs with data beyond what is harvested for them outside of my control.
But. If I was normal I wouldn't be here. So 🤷🏼♀️💜"
It's alright, I always say please and thank you so I know they'll spare me in the uprising. I even asked it once, and it promised I'd be safe. |
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"One of my frustrations on the site, is chatting to coy people.
I like know what I like in the bedroom and will only meet people that suit the criteria.
But I often find some people become pretty coy about what they are into in a meet. The most common answer is safe,clean fun. Which could mean so many different things.
I mean it's a adult sex site, not a vanilla dating site. Why are they reluctant to talk about the sex acts you like."
If the things you like are so important to you then you could tell them first and they could say yes or no? You could put them in your profile if they're deal-breakers for you. I don't see why it's on the people you're messaging. 🤷♀️ |
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"Because talk is just that. Talk. It doesn't mean that all those things will happen with you. It doesn't mean they'll stay up all night fucking, even if they say they will.
Because it can be dull as fuck. Not always but yeah. It happens.
Why not take the time to learn someone? Have things naturally pop up in conversation. Put the effort in and not reduce people to a ticklist."
Absolutely well said.
OP, there are times where a "tick list" is appropriate, but they are in very specific circumstances. Highly negotiated circumstances where a "scene" is being planned with a submissive for example. (And I'm not talking about a "House Dom/me" who someone meets in a Club for a 20-60 min session, which is highly fluidic. I'm talking about an pre-arranged session with a Dom/me, where there's been back and forth communication about the goals of the session and the needs and desires of the participants. Then "box-ticking" might be appropriate, and it's something I'll do with a submissive. But even then, I still have to "read the room" and "know the person", enough to know when to ease off planning and leave surprises for on the day.
.
I can't think of many other situations where "box-ticking" might come in to play, though possibly a structured Tantric Sex Session might involve some elements of pre-planning I suppose.
.
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It's unrealistic to expect to be mutually compatible with most other people and this will include how you communicate, as well as sexual preferences.
The challenge is to change your processes, so that you get to facilitate the identification of the compatible people, without the difficulties or expecting others to change |
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"One of my frustrations on the site, is chatting to coy people.
I like know what I like in the bedroom and will only meet people that suit the criteria.
But I often find some people become pretty coy about what they are into in a meet. The most common answer is safe,clean fun. Which could mean so many different things.
I mean it's a adult sex site, not a vanilla dating site. Why are they reluctant to talk about the sex acts you like."
Sounds like you talk to women with an agenda rather than showing a genuine interest in the person. I think women see straight through this and it puts then off.
Appreciate this is a sex site but sex it not on tap. |
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By *RWoodyCouple 10 weeks ago
Lincolnshire |
"One of my frustrations on the site, is chatting to coy people.
I like know what I like in the bedroom and will only meet people that suit the criteria.
But I often find some people become pretty coy about what they are into in a meet. The most common answer is safe,clean fun. Which could mean so many different things.
I mean it's a adult sex site, not a vanilla dating site. Why are they reluctant to talk about the sex acts you like."
Maybe some of us are new to this life and are learning new things very slowly?
Maybe some of us are a lot more shy than others?
Maybe some of us don't always know how much to say and/or how to say it?
Maybe, just maybe, we're all a little different.
J.
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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"One of my frustrations on the site, is chatting to coy people.
I like know what I like in the bedroom and will only meet people that suit the criteria.
But I often find some people become pretty coy about what they are into in a meet. The most common answer is safe,clean fun. Which could mean so many different things.
I mean it's a adult sex site, not a vanilla dating site. Why are they reluctant to talk about the sex acts you like."
usually means the guy just wants stuff to wank about. Would be nice to be treated as a person for a change and not a bucket list! |
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"One of my frustrations on the site, is chatting to coy people.
I like know what I like in the bedroom and will only meet people that suit the criteria.
But I often find some people become pretty coy about what they are into in a meet. The most common answer is safe,clean fun. Which could mean so many different things.
I mean it's a adult sex site, not a vanilla dating site. Why are they reluctant to talk about the sex acts you like."
I have a list of boundaries that I adhere to strictly on fab. People have said to me that this is a sex site and that I shouldn't have these boundaries. However... Surely this is a site to do whatever we are comfortable doing with others... We as a couple have an amazing sex life and fab is our little kink.. Our foreplay before our own play in a way... We play bi when we meet others.. Obviously what we can't do with each other... I am not coy and am pretty much open to anything but only with my partner... Fab is for our extra kinks... And I don't engage in sex talk online as it's often just wank chat and cannot be bothered with engaging in that |
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How could you narrow it down to a list or a set actions, if your sexual partner did everything you wanted but in a formulaic ikea instructional way you would get bored fucking quickly, how about use your ears for a long time first get to engage in something meaningful and then in turn the lady will give you something meaningful, it’s not hard but you do have to put the effort in dear boy |
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By *B69Woman 10 weeks ago
Wiltshire |
I very rarely discuss what I like, over my time on here, what you may like/dislike with one person can be completely different with another. It’s all down to that moment in time. What I do talk about is my boundaries and any hard nos. |
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"Wanting to be have sex with someone isn't just about ticking things off a list.
"
Agreed, but before I started asking I had a meet with a couple where the wife wouldn't kiss, and one where a woman didn't want to take her dress off because she didn't like her guys seeing scars from pregnancies.
If I had been aware of these things before the meets I probably wouldn't have gone ahead. |
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"Wanting to be have sex with someone isn't just about ticking things off a list.
Agreed, but before I started asking I had a meet with a couple where the wife wouldn't kiss, and one where a woman didn't want to take her dress off because she didn't like her guys seeing scars from pregnancies.
If I had been aware of these things before the meets I probably wouldn't have gone ahead."
Well now that's about limits. Which should be discussed beforehand. Couples often have odd rules because some things have to be sacred to them or whatever, did you not ask about such rules beforehand? |
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"Wanting to be have sex with someone isn't just about ticking things off a list.
Agreed, but before I started asking I had a meet with a couple where the wife wouldn't kiss, and one where a woman didn't want to take her dress off because she didn't like her guys seeing scars from pregnancies.
If I had been aware of these things before the meets I probably wouldn't have gone ahead.
Well now that's about limits. Which should be discussed beforehand. Couples often have odd rules because some things have to be sacred to them or whatever, did you not ask about such rules beforehand?"
It was in my early years on fab. I was just happy to get a meet.. |
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"Agreed, but before I started asking I had a meet with a couple where the wife wouldn't kiss, and one where a woman didn't want to take her dress off because she didn't like her guys seeing scars from pregnancies.
If I had been aware of these things before the meets I probably wouldn't have gone ahead.
Well now that's about limits. Which should be discussed beforehand. Couples often have odd rules because some things have to be sacred to them or whatever, did you not ask about such rules beforehand?
It was in my early years on fab. I was just happy to get a meet.. "
And this is still bothering you years later? |
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We enjoy all sorts of adult fun, our pics and videos show a small part of things we enjoy, rather than listing it all sometimes it's easier to give safe, adult fun.
It doesn't mean we will do it all with someone on a first meet, far from it |
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"Agreed, but before I started asking I had a meet with a couple where the wife wouldn't kiss, and one where a woman didn't want to take her dress off because she didn't like her guys seeing scars from pregnancies.
If I had been aware of these things before the meets I probably wouldn't have gone ahead.
Well now that's about limits. Which should be discussed beforehand. Couples often have odd rules because some things have to be sacred to them or whatever, did you not ask about such rules beforehand?
It was in my early years on fab. I was just happy to get a meet..
And this is still bothering you years later?"
No doesn't bother me at all. |
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"It was in my early years on fab. I was just happy to get a meet..
And this is still bothering you years later?
Enough to make a thread about it anyway. Sigh. "
The thread was really to understand. Why on a adult sexsite some people are are reluctant to talk about what sexually they enjoy.
As mentioned previously I don't just ask this in the earstages of the conversation. Only when there is talk of a possible meet.
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"Probably because they don’t want to engage in sex talk just to waste the time giving someone wank material.
If you don’t like how people choose to conduct themselves just move onto someone else "
Exactly this! Just because they’re on Fab doesn’t mean they should share their personal preferences with a virtual stranger so soon. Diving into sex talk too early is such a mood killer. The equivalent of trying to stick a flaccid penis into a dry vagina. |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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"Wanting to be have sex with someone isn't just about ticking things off a list.
Agreed, but before I started asking I had a meet with a couple where the wife wouldn't kiss, and one where a woman didn't want to take her dress off because she didn't like her guys seeing scars from pregnancies.
If I had been aware of these things before the meets I probably wouldn't have gone ahead."
oh this shows you care about the people you meet and you want everyone to have fun. This explains it better! It's definitely good to talk like this before you meet them. |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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"Agreed, but before I started asking I had a meet with a couple where the wife wouldn't kiss, and one where a woman didn't want to take her dress off because she didn't like her guys seeing scars from pregnancies.
If I had been aware of these things before the meets I probably wouldn't have gone ahead.
Well now that's about limits. Which should be discussed beforehand. Couples often have odd rules because some things have to be sacred to them or whatever, did you not ask about such rules beforehand?
It was in my early years on fab. I was just happy to get a meet..
And this is still bothering you years later?"
so you don't care about the people you meet or what they want and talk to see if you match? Wow! |
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"so you don't care about the people you meet or what they want and talk to see if you match? Wow!"
.... I'd check my notes, but I'm pretty sure I said limits and boundaries should definitely be discussed but that coming at someone with a ticklist of required acts for a meet didn't feel personal or pleasant.
But yeah, sure. Let's go with I obviously don't care about people 🙄 |
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"One of my frustrations on the site, is chatting to coy people.
I like know what I like in the bedroom and will only meet people that suit the criteria.
But I often find some people become pretty coy about what they are into in a meet. The most common answer is safe,clean fun. Which could mean so many different things.
I mean it's a adult sex site, not a vanilla dating site. Why are they reluctant to talk about the sex acts you like."
I am vanilla and I get vanilla here, quite successfully, actually.
I will not do anything I don’t want because someone says “it’s an adult sex site” I find the mere thought hilarious.
However, I will never lead people on before meeting them under false pretences. I always state that I am pretty vanilla and I like to keep things sensual and sweet. It’s their prerogative to leave it then, which some people do and there’s nothong wrong with that either. |
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"Probably because they don’t want to engage in sex talk just to waste the time giving someone wank material.
If you don’t like how people choose to conduct themselves just move onto someone else "
Bingo  |
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Fo many reasons, I won't discuss sex until we meet, the build up if sexy chat to meet someone & that connection not being there in person is just a disappointment on both sides.
I will talk sex once I've met someone and I'm comfortable with them.
There is nothing worse than a stranger who hasn't even seen your face spouting shit about what they want to do to you sexually - I just think this guy is selfish in reeling off what "he" wants to a person he's never met again shouts any holes a goal.
So yes I'm "coy" on here because I have realistic expectations & I'm not here for a quick wank, I actually want to meet.
Mrs |
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If anything I'll mostly talk about what I do not like, and what are hard limits for me. Beyond that there's little point in reeling off a list of what I may enjoy, it can vary so much based on the person I'm with. If someone didn't want to meet with me based on that then it's their lookout and I'm losing nothing. |
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"Agreed, but before I started asking I had a meet with a couple where the wife wouldn't kiss, and one where a woman didn't want to take her dress off because she didn't like her guys seeing scars from pregnancies.
If I had been aware of these things before the meets I probably wouldn't have gone ahead.
Well now that's about limits. Which should be discussed beforehand. Couples often have odd rules because some things have to be sacred to them or whatever, did you not ask about such rules beforehand?
It was in my early years on fab. I was just happy to get a meet..
And this is still bothering you years later?so you don't care about the people you meet or what they want and talk to see if you match? Wow!"
I care in as much that I treat them with respect and enjoy each other's company. I don't care in the sense that am not looking for a sexual meet or meets with them. I thought that's what dating sites and relationships were for.
I will make one final attempt to clarify to those who still think am talking about constant crude filth questions from the start of a conversation.
It's not what am talking about. It's when you have been given a message about a possible meet and you ask so what are you into, if there is nothing on the profile or is your interests list correct and you are into those things. It's really the only time I talk about and only really because of those early experiences. |
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"One of my frustrations on the site, is chatting to coy people.
I like know what I like in the bedroom and will only meet people that suit the criteria.
But I often find some people become pretty coy about what they are into in a meet. The most common answer is safe,clean fun. Which could mean so many different things.
I mean it's a adult sex site, not a vanilla dating site. Why are they reluctant to talk about the sex acts you like."
It could be worse, they could say looking for like minded people and not list any interests or kinks |
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"It was in my early years on fab. I was just happy to get a meet..
And this is still bothering you years later?
Enough to make a thread about it anyway. Sigh.
The thread was really to understand. Why on a adult sexsite some people are are reluctant to talk about what sexually they enjoy.
As mentioned previously I don't just ask this in the earstages of the conversation. Only when there is talk of a possible meet.
"
Do you feel that you understand now, OP? |
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"It was in my early years on fab. I was just happy to get a meet..
And this is still bothering you years later?
Enough to make a thread about it anyway. Sigh.
The thread was really to understand. Why on a adult sexsite some people are are reluctant to talk about what sexually they enjoy.
As mentioned previously I don't just ask this in the earstages of the conversation. Only when there is talk of a possible meet.
Do you feel that you understand now, OP? "
What I understand is, the answer to a thread question is very much dependent on the gender of the person asking the question. |
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"It was in my early years on fab. I was just happy to get a meet..
And this is still bothering you years later?
Enough to make a thread about it anyway. Sigh.
The thread was really to understand. Why on a adult sexsite some people are are reluctant to talk about what sexually they enjoy.
As mentioned previously I don't just ask this in the earstages of the conversation. Only when there is talk of a possible meet.
"
I probably still won't go into details until after meeting socially. Once I know that there is in-person chemistry and that I want to have sex with someone then there will be a full and honest conversation about boundaries, limits and probably some desires. That would be the opportunity for both to discuss kissing being very important etc
You are very right about the difference gender makes and probably have little clue just how much sex and wank talk is in a woman's inbox when filters are down. And your original post didn't really make it clear what and why you were asking. Not everyone is going to read every comment on a thread. |
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Isn’t the joy of meeting new people, the discovery? Now, I suppose if you are both of a certain type of mind, that discovery could start in message form, opening up a little bit to each other, exploring mentally. That certainly isn’t creating a list, but I also see how that could just be feeding the ego and filling the tissues of people who never really have the intention to meet someone.
But for me, the real excitement is in the meeting. The looks, the smiles, the banter that moves things along, and then if the connection is there and things do become physical, the excitement of reading the almost unintentional signals. The gasps and low moans. Each pushing their own boundaries in the trust that has grown between you. |
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"Probably because they don’t want to engage in sex talk just to waste the time giving someone wank material.
If you don’t like how people choose to conduct themselves just move onto someone else "
Very much this, have wasted enough time |
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Most people are FAB weary and know how the conversation is going to pan out once the ‘what are you into’ discussion takes place.
We find much more out about a person and their compatibility when they can engage on other subjects rather than sex.
K
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"It was in my early years on fab. I was just happy to get a meet..
And this is still bothering you years later?
Enough to make a thread about it anyway. Sigh.
The thread was really to understand. Why on a adult sexsite some people are are reluctant to talk about what sexually they enjoy.
As mentioned previously I don't just ask this in the earstages of the conversation. Only when there is talk of a possible meet.
Do you feel that you understand now, OP?
What I understand is, the answer to a thread question is very much dependent on the gender of the person asking the question. "
The answer to a thread question depends on the apparent attitude of the person asking the question… Women get so fed up of men diving in with sex talk, it’s no wonder they would rather be ‘coy’. We get dick pics from all different angles, are told all manner of bullshit about ‘what they want to do to us’ (when we’ve never asked for either) that it becomes tiresome. It is far more appealing to have a bit of mystery and that type of conversation should always flow naturally. If you find that most women clam up when you ask what are they into, it’s because your timing is most likely to be off. |
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By *iss.ddWoman 10 weeks ago
Leeds + Newcastle |
"
I mean it's a adult sex site, not a vanilla dating site. Why are they reluctant to talk about the sex acts you like."
As a woman it sometimes feels like you're being drawn in to 'dirty chat' just to benefit the other person who then very often disappears without a trace once you've told them everything in detail. |
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I feel men can type what they want to do but in reality, the men I’ve met are opposite, they become passive in the bedroom and I take over
I’m not saying I’m a top , usually they are but I guide them and touch till they are ready to do anything they typed |
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By *oxychicWoman 10 weeks ago
Nottinghamshire |
I find tick list sex the most boring sex going it as to be spontaneous go with the flow and see how it pans out , rather than working from a list , if all they have to talk about is sex after a few messages I'm gone bored stiff , |
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I think the issue here is they may not feel comfortable with expressing their intrests, desire and vulnerability with you. Which is not necessarily a reflection on you. People aren't always that keen to open up to a stranger online about something very personal. You often need to build that raport first. Even on a swinging site you can't expect people to be totally open with stranger online until the feel both invested and safe. Or sometimes they're just a little dull.
However I totally get the frustration of people expecting you to show your cards first before they even entertain showing theirs. From experience as a single guy this is often the experience of expectations from single guys. They expect you to give so much well throwing so little back. However that's not everyone and personally I was never into playing games. A lack a mutual feedback was a red flag for me. Either someone who's not genrally intrested or a bit dull or someone expecting me to do all the effort (which I don't think is a sound starting point). But that is so often the game, its up to you if you want to play it or not.
Mr |
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For me I’m not too fussed about what women and couples like in the bedroom. It’s more about going with the flow and doing whatever when the mood takes you. It’s far more exciting. I don’t like feeling like a meet is too well planned out when it comes to bedroom activities. The only thing I plan is to stay within boundaries and be respectful because every meet is different. If I just wanted a planned empty then I might as well go and pay for services. |
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"It was in my early years on fab. I was just happy to get a meet..
And this is still bothering you years later?
Enough to make a thread about it anyway. Sigh.
The thread was really to understand. Why on a adult sexsite some people are are reluctant to talk about what sexually they enjoy.
As mentioned previously I don't just ask this in the earstages of the conversation. Only when there is talk of a possible meet.
Do you feel that you understand now, OP?
What I understand is, the answer to a thread question is very much dependent on the gender of the person asking the question.
The answer to a thread question depends on the apparent attitude of the person asking the question… Women get so fed up of men diving in with sex talk, it’s no wonder they would rather be ‘coy’. We get dick pics from all different angles, are told all manner of bullshit about ‘what they want to do to us’ (when we’ve never asked for either) that it becomes tiresome. It is far more appealing to have a bit of mystery and that type of conversation should always flow naturally. If you find that most women clam up when you ask what are they into, it’s because your timing is most likely to be off. "
I understand what you are saying and again I would like to repeat. I do not engage in dirty talk in my message.
Only when I know a meet is a strong possibility. I will ask one of 2 questions.
1- what are you into. what are your boundaries ?
( I ask this if they have nothing on their profile )
2- are you into everything on your interests list ..?
( when they have a interest list, incase they have ticked something by mistake.
I understand some people may think am ticking of a list. But for me it's to make sure a meet runs smoothly and there are no misunderstandings or shocks.
Am not expecting a graphic reply just something like vanilla sex with some spanking would etc is fine. Or even just saying we don't do x y z.
It's just vague answers like mutual fun or just a good time, make me wonder if a meet is going to be good.
By the way I have been asked this question many times by some women quite early on in a conversation. Which I have no problem with.
From alot of replies it feels like similar to other threads where the attitude to the question is about the OP being a man or a woman.
A man asking what are you into is a perv wanting some dirty talk he masterbates to. A woman asking it knows what she wants..etc
If you think that's not true you only need to read the replies on the thread by a woman about a guy blocking her after a social and no explanation. Apparently the guy was a loser for the audacity of rejecting a meet.
Apparently men should be grateful for any meet, not ask too many questions and tread on eggshells.
But it's a eyeopener to me on how many people go into meets without discussing likes and boundaries. |
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"If you think that's not true you only need to read the replies on the thread by a woman about a guy blocking her after a social and no explanation. Apparently the guy was a loser for the audacity of rejecting a meet.
Apparently men should be grateful for any meet, not ask too many questions and tread on eggshells. "
If you look at that thread, almost all of the replies calling him a loser were from white Knights trying to get their own dick wet. There were also plenty of comments about how he obviously wasn't interested and not to dwell on it, same as is said to men in the same situation. |
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OP - the same reason that you ask women these questions is the same reason why many women hate answering them. Past experience.
I spent a good chunk of my mid 20s falling prey to the kinds of men that have been described on this thread, until I finally wisened the fuck up and stopped entertaining any sex talk of any kind until we have at least met face to face. This has made my life a LOT easier and cut out so much of the rabble.
I suppose for you it feels more important because (I assume) you're going for sex on the first meet. I strictly stick to socials because in my mind if he can't be arsed to sit in a bar or coffee shop with me for an hour or two there's no way I'm gracing him with my presence in any capacity. So in my case, these things can be discussed (lightly) after he's shown me he's in any way invested and ready to reciprocate a bit of effort.
But anyway, like I said. We're all products of the various ways in which we've been burned. We all have baggage. It's nothing personal. |
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"
But it's a eyeopener to me on how many people go into meets without discussing likes and boundaries. "
I don't usually ask too many questions along those lines before I meet someone purely because I know the first time I'm with someone I'm unlikely to be pushing any boundaries and I've never had cause for concern about anyone pushing mine. That's just me though. And I have been asked and always happy to answer if the discussion is opened.
It's easy to ask in the moment if this or that is ok or to say it yourself if you do or don't like something. And I've always found the pillow to be a great place to chat about what we're into.
I can understand the need for people to go into more detail upfront if they are looking to create a scene or go straight into something on a kink level.
Like a lot of people here I'm not at all interested in sexy chat with people I don't know. |
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"If you think that's not true you only need to read the replies on the thread by a woman about a guy blocking her after a social and no explanation. Apparently the guy was a loser for the audacity of rejecting a meet.
Apparently men should be grateful for any meet, not ask too many questions and tread on eggshells.
If you look at that thread, almost all of the replies calling him a loser were from white Knights trying to get their own dick wet. There were also plenty of comments about how he obviously wasn't interested and not to dwell on it, same as is said to men in the same situation."
True but my point still stands. Men are judged to a much harsher standard than woman on here.
I picked that one because it was fresh in the memory. Am sure I've read quite a few others in the past. |
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"It was in my early years on fab. I was just happy to get a meet..
And this is still bothering you years later?
Enough to make a thread about it anyway. Sigh.
The thread was really to understand. Why on a adult sexsite some people are are reluctant to talk about what sexually they enjoy.
As mentioned previously I don't just ask this in the earstages of the conversation. Only when there is talk of a possible meet.
Do you feel that you understand now, OP?
What I understand is, the answer to a thread question is very much dependent on the gender of the person asking the question.
The answer to a thread question depends on the apparent attitude of the person asking the question… Women get so fed up of men diving in with sex talk, it’s no wonder they would rather be ‘coy’. We get dick pics from all different angles, are told all manner of bullshit about ‘what they want to do to us’ (when we’ve never asked for either) that it becomes tiresome. It is far more appealing to have a bit of mystery and that type of conversation should always flow naturally. If you find that most women clam up when you ask what are they into, it’s because your timing is most likely to be off.
I understand what you are saying and again I would like to repeat. I do not engage in dirty talk in my message.
Only when I know a meet is a strong possibility. I will ask one of 2 questions.
1- what are you into. what are your boundaries ?
( I ask this if they have nothing on their profile )
2- are you into everything on your interests list ..?
( when they have a interest list, incase they have ticked something by mistake.
I understand some people may think am ticking of a list. But for me it's to make sure a meet runs smoothly and there are no misunderstandings or shocks.
Am not expecting a graphic reply just something like vanilla sex with some spanking would etc is fine. Or even just saying we don't do x y z.
It's just vague answers like mutual fun or just a good time, make me wonder if a meet is going to be good.
By the way I have been asked this question many times by some women quite early on in a conversation. Which I have no problem with.
From alot of replies it feels like similar to other threads where the attitude to the question is about the OP being a man or a woman.
A man asking what are you into is a perv wanting some dirty talk he masterbates to. A woman asking it knows what she wants..etc
If you think that's not true you only need to read the replies on the thread by a woman about a guy blocking her after a social and no explanation. Apparently the guy was a loser for the audacity of rejecting a meet.
Apparently men should be grateful for any meet, not ask too many questions and tread on eggshells.
But it's a eyeopener to me on how many people go into meets without discussing likes and boundaries. "
They may not feel comfortable sharing their personal boundaries over text/chat until they’ve met you in person. They may want to guage how comfortable they feel with you face to face, before they commit. Speaking from personal experience, there’s men I’ve slept with before who I was more relaxed with and therefore more adventurous with. Some men got vanilla, some get a little more spice. Some people may want to share a coffee before they share their sexual preferences. I don’t think that’s much to ask. Also, as a woman there is a real element of safety to consider, if they have ‘committed’ to more risky/extreme sexual preferences and then don’t feel comfortable in the moment, they can face violence or abuse (of course I’m not saying you, the OP, would do this). That may just be me being over cautious, but I can imagine others will know what I mean. My friend was once b@ttered with a paddle and covered in bruises because she’d said she liked spanking and rough sex. Just another reason why they may be ‘coy’… |
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"If you think that's not true you only need to read the replies on the thread by a woman about a guy blocking her after a social and no explanation. Apparently the guy was a loser for the audacity of rejecting a meet.
Apparently men should be grateful for any meet, not ask too many questions and tread on eggshells.
If you look at that thread, almost all of the replies calling him a loser were from white Knights trying to get their own dick wet. There were also plenty of comments about how he obviously wasn't interested and not to dwell on it, same as is said to men in the same situation.
True but my point still stands. Men are judged to a much harsher standard than woman on here.
I picked that one because it was fresh in the memory. Am sure I've read quite a few others in the past."
Your point stands that men will throw other men under the bus and tolerate almost anything in the vague hope of getting a sniff of pussy?
Not much us women can do about that. Sorry for being so privileged 🤷🏼♀️
If it helps, the women tend to judge the other women harsher than they judge the men too. Just the nature of people who feel like it's a competition I guess. And there's a lot more men here to throw their voices in 💜 |
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"OP - the same reason that you ask women these questions is the same reason why many women hate answering them. Past experience.
I spent a good chunk of my mid 20s falling prey to the kinds of men that have been described on this thread, until I finally wisened the fuck up and stopped entertaining any sex talk of any kind until we have at least met face to face. This has made my life a LOT easier and cut out so much of the rabble.
I suppose for you it feels more important because (I assume) you're going for sex on the first meet. I strictly stick to socials because in my mind if he can't be arsed to sit in a bar or coffee shop with me for an hour or two there's no way I'm gracing him with my presence in any capacity. So in my case, these things can be discussed (lightly) after he's shown me he's in any way invested and ready to reciprocate a bit of effort.
But anyway, like I said. We're all products of the various ways in which we've been burned. We all have baggage. It's nothing personal. "
Thanks and I agree, our past experiences tend to shape our actions and how we read things
What you describe is perfectly fine if that's what your looking for.
For me that sounds to much like conventional dating in a way and I've always looked on it as a hook up site. But it's what you make it. |
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"True but my point still stands. Men are judged to a much harsher standard than woman on here."
Men are judged more harshly on here. I think you are willfully ignoring the reasons for those judgements though. |
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"If you think that's not true you only need to read the replies on the thread by a woman about a guy blocking her after a social and no explanation. Apparently the guy was a loser for the audacity of rejecting a meet.
Apparently men should be grateful for any meet, not ask too many questions and tread on eggshells.
If you look at that thread, almost all of the replies calling him a loser were from white Knights trying to get their own dick wet. There were also plenty of comments about how he obviously wasn't interested and not to dwell on it, same as is said to men in the same situation.
True but my point still stands. Men are judged to a much harsher standard than woman on here.
I picked that one because it was fresh in the memory. Am sure I've read quite a few others in the past.
Your point stands that men will throw other men under the bus and tolerate almost anything in the vague hope of getting a sniff of pussy?
Not much us women can do about that. Sorry for being so privileged 🤷🏼♀️
If it helps, the women tend to judge the other women harsher than they judge the men too. Just the nature of people who feel like it's a competition I guess. And there's a lot more men here to throw their voices in 💜"
Good summarisation and you don't need to apologise for your privilege |
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By *ony MannMan 9 weeks ago
New York City New York USA |
"I don't want a man who talks the talk but can't walk the walk.
I've found the talkers to be the most useless and selfish in bed.
I'm not coy and I'm not giving anyone wank fodder."
Good words, them are too many looking for cheap wanks |
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By *abonTedCouple 9 weeks ago
Midlands & Cheltenham |
"One of my frustrations on the site, is chatting to coy people.
I like know what I like in the bedroom and will only meet people that suit the criteria.
But I often find some people become pretty coy about what they are into in a meet. The most common answer is safe,clean fun. Which could mean so many different things.
I mean it's a adult sex site, not a vanilla dating site. Why are they reluctant to talk about the sex acts you like."
How would you answer your own question? |
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Just by normal conversation you can gage what is a no go. I think it’s always up to ourselfs to learn during sex as what is turning her wild and that is vice versa for her. Is nt part of sex to enjoy it obviously but afterwards in your mind thinking fuck me I was on fire and so was she. What you describe is what a paid worker would provide you with id guess. Just my opinion |
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"One of my frustrations on the site, is chatting to coy people.
I like know what I like in the bedroom and will only meet people that suit the criteria.
But I often find some people become pretty coy about what they are into in a meet. The most common answer is safe,clean fun. Which could mean so many different things.
I mean it's a adult sex site, not a vanilla dating site. Why are they reluctant to talk about the sex acts you like.
How would you answer your own question? "
Something like everything on my interests list or vanilla sex with oral or won't do x,y,z but ok with anything else.
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