FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Oh FFS, it’s *another* crush
Oh FFS, it’s *another* crush
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It’s been a couple of years and this one isn’t fab related. Every week I see and briefly chat to a woman I really fancy. She is nice, fun, pretty and has the most beautiful eyes and smile. I now find myself thinking about her on days I don’t see her and I have a weird feeling on days I do.
I know what you’ll all say - ask her out then! Here’s the kicker, I see her when I go swimming training. I feel like she’ll think I’m being a perv because I’ve clocked her in her swimsuit. I also wonder whether she’s just being friendly and goes there to swim, not get chatted up and hit on by blokes (like we always talk about when in the gym).
And of course the other thing is - will I make it awkward if she’s not interested. We swim in the same lane at the same pool on the same days. I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable.
Anyway, I’m not after advice but feel free to weigh in. I suppose I’m just chatting with my forum friends and am interested in your reactions/thoughts.
Has this happened to you in similar circumstances? Would you go for it? Or would you try to accept you’ve made a new friend and that’s it?
Sigh, me and my bloomin brain. |
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I don't think there's anything awkward asking her if she wanna grab coffee afterwards, and even if she turns you down, it won't be awkward unless either of you makes it so.
You're both adults, keep it respectful and friendly, and there can't be a negative outcome. |
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My life doesn't really allow for such circumstances nowadays but when it did I wouldn't have done anything but act normally and kicked myself afterwards. I might at a stretch in your situation drop a heavy hint "I'm going to get a chocamochaskinnycino after in the Cosy Nook cafe" then never go swimming again if he didn't cotton on.  |
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Trust you Felix to find someone you fancy in the most awkward environment. The suggestions thus far have been sensible, and I think it would not be too outlandish if, during one of your brief chats, to just say that you really enjoy chatting with her and would she like to continue over a coffee at the pool cafe.
It keeps it on safe ground for her and gives you the opportunity to build on the connection you have in a social situation.
Best of luck my friend.
 |
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"My life doesn't really allow for such circumstances nowadays but when it did I wouldn't have done anything but act normally and kicked myself afterwards. I might at a stretch in your situation drop a heavy hint "I'm going to get a chocamochaskinnycino after in the Cosy Nook cafe" then never go swimming again if he didn't cotton on. "
How many points do you get in Scrabble for that coffee order lol |
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By *immy PMan 1 week ago
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yes coffee is a good idea, amd if she looks at you like you've shit in her mouth, then i suggest try changing swimming lanes...
but seriously, suggesting a coffee wouldn't hurt...especially if you were both leaving said pool... |
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"My life doesn't really allow for such circumstances nowadays but when it did I wouldn't have done anything but act normally and kicked myself afterwards. I might at a stretch in your situation drop a heavy hint "I'm going to get a chocamochaskinnycino after in the Cosy Nook cafe" then never go swimming again if he didn't cotton on. "
This made me laugh Mrs N! I have no other sports to fall back on (unless you count climbing trees). |
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"Trust you Felix to find someone you fancy in the most awkward environment. The suggestions thus far have been sensible, and I think it would not be too outlandish if, during one of your brief chats, to just say that you really enjoy chatting with her and would she like to continue over a coffee at the pool cafe.
It keeps it on safe ground for her and gives you the opportunity to build on the connection you have in a social situation.
Best of luck my friend.
"
I know right?! And I’m inclined to agree with you and all the other coffee suggesters. It’s a friendly gesture that can be politely declined without awkwardness. |
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"yes coffee is a good idea, amd if she looks at you like you've shit in her mouth, then i suggest try changing swimming lanes...
but seriously, suggesting a coffee wouldn't hurt...especially if you were both leaving said pool..."
This. But also. Don’t wait until you get out the pool. She might feel a bit vulnerable and put on the spot standing there in a swimsuit, soaking wet, shivering. You there in your trunks. Semi naked. Wet.
Wait until you have a breather in the pool and just say you’re off for a hot chocolate after as you’re freezing. Say she can join you if she wants.
No pressure. No drama. |
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"yes coffee is a good idea, amd if she looks at you like you've shit in her mouth, then i suggest try changing swimming lanes...
but seriously, suggesting a coffee wouldn't hurt...especially if you were both leaving said pool...
This. But also. Don’t wait until you get out the pool. She might feel a bit vulnerable and put on the spot standing there in a swimsuit, soaking wet, shivering. You there in your trunks. Semi naked. Wet.
Wait until you have a breather in the pool and just say you’re off for a hot chocolate after as you’re freezing. Say she can join you if she wants.
No pressure. No drama."
Good shout. I deliberately don’t leave the pool at the same time because I don’t want her to think I’m following her. |
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"yes coffee is a good idea, amd if she looks at you like you've shit in her mouth, then i suggest try changing swimming lanes...
but seriously, suggesting a coffee wouldn't hurt...especially if you were both leaving said pool...
This. But also. Don’t wait until you get out the pool. She might feel a bit vulnerable and put on the spot standing there in a swimsuit, soaking wet, shivering. You there in your trunks. Semi naked. Wet.
Wait until you have a breather in the pool and just say you’re off for a hot chocolate after as you’re freezing. Say she can join you if she wants.
No pressure. No drama.
Good shout. I deliberately don’t leave the pool at the same time because I don’t want her to think I’m following her."
You are really considerate to her aren’t you
I would act on your instinct
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By (user no longer on site) 1 week ago
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"yes coffee is a good idea, amd if she looks at you like you've shit in her mouth, then i suggest try changing swimming lanes...
but seriously, suggesting a coffee wouldn't hurt...especially if you were both leaving said pool...
This. But also. Don’t wait until you get out the pool. She might feel a bit vulnerable and put on the spot standing there in a swimsuit, soaking wet, shivering. You there in your trunks. Semi naked. Wet.
Wait until you have a breather in the pool and just say you’re off for a hot chocolate after as you’re freezing. Say she can join you if she wants.
No pressure. No drama."
She might not like hot chocolate?
She may only have done 10 of her 50 lengths?
Who stops someone in the middle of a circuit?
She may think he's a wimp for finding the pool too cold.
Gosh this could all go horribly wrong.
However, it's got to be better standing there in a pair of speedos with a semi and asking her out!👀
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Dear OP, I would suggest that you change swim lane and see if she does the same accordingly. If she does then she's clearly enjoying your slipstream.
Then ask her this:
"You're quite proficient with your butterfly stroke, does your husband also swim?".
·
"Oh, I don't have a husband".
·
"Apologies, does your fiancé...?".
·
"I'm not engaged."
·
"What about your boyfriend?".
·
"I don't have one.".
·
"What are you doing next Friday?"... |
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By (user no longer on site) 1 week ago
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It depends how you ask her out Felix.
There’s the creepy way “fancy a drink sometime!’ When she’s half naked. Or, be your charming self and just be you when you let her know you’d like to get to know her with her clothes on.  |
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"My life doesn't really allow for such circumstances nowadays but when it did I wouldn't have done anything but act normally and kicked myself afterwards. I might at a stretch in your situation drop a heavy hint "I'm going to get a chocamochaskinnycino after in the Cosy Nook cafe" then never go swimming again if he didn't cotton on.
How many points do you get in Scrabble for that coffee order lol"
One gazillion  |
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"My life doesn't really allow for such circumstances nowadays but when it did I wouldn't have done anything but act normally and kicked myself afterwards. I might at a stretch in your situation drop a heavy hint "I'm going to get a chocamochaskinnycino after in the Cosy Nook cafe" then never go swimming again if he didn't cotton on.
This made me laugh Mrs N! I have no other sports to fall back on (unless you count climbing trees)."
Then you are doomed to a life of laps beside your unrequited love. 😭 |
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"This is why I don't do friendly, people always assume it means more. "
I’m not assuming anything. The point is I like her. I have no idea how she feels about me and I’m not acting because I think she fancies me. Hence the dilemma. |
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"This is why I don't do friendly, people always assume it means more.
I’m not assuming anything. The point is I like her. I have no idea how she feels about me and I’m not acting because I think she fancies me. Hence the dilemma."
Asking her to hang out after swimming to grab coffee will literally solve the dilemma, one way or another. 😉 |
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By (user no longer on site) 1 week ago
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"This is why I don't do friendly, people always assume it means more. "
This is why we also ask people out, we find out if ‘they’ might want more.
I like friendly people, I can be friendly with people I fancy, I don’t need to tongue my mates.  |
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"This is why I don't do friendly, people always assume it means more.
This is why we also ask people out, we find out if ‘they’ might want more.
I like friendly people, I can be friendly with people I fancy, I don’t need to tongue my mates. "
Exactly and if it's just "fancy going for coffee" and the other person says "no thanks" and it's not pushed any further, it's fine. |
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"Dear OP, I would suggest that you change swim lane and see if she does the same accordingly. If she does then she's clearly enjoying your slipstream.
Then ask her this:
"You're quite proficient with your butterfly stroke, does your husband also swim?".
·
"Oh, I don't have a husband".
·
"Apologies, does your fiancé...?".
·
"I'm not engaged."
·
"What about your boyfriend?".
·
"I don't have one.".
·
"What are you doing next Friday?"..."
Nero. A master of social interactions and investigations 🔎.
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My approach to this would be indirect. Partly because half the time when I fancy someone my powers of speech are reduced to that of a teenager and partly because, like you OP, I'm self aware enough to know that it could just be me and I'd never put someone on the spot or make things awkward with a pleasant acquaintance for the sake of a long shot.
So I'd say I was looking forward to grabbing a coffee after the swim and gauge if that peaked any interest. Or going for a walk or similar.
I'd ask polite questions and show interest in her.
But I am circumspect and that's just me. I've confused people in the past by being so circumspect that I almost missed opportunities!
But there's no rush with these things. I need to move at my own pace and that usually means just trying to be present and leaving space for things to develop of their own accord.
Having a crush is a beautiful thing and something to be enjoyed in and of itself. That feeling, share it with her. You don't have to say anything.
Good luck OP |
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By (user no longer on site) 1 week ago
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"My approach to this would be indirect. Partly because half the time when I fancy someone my powers of speech are reduced to that of a teenager and partly because, like you OP, I'm self aware enough to know that it could just be me and I'd never put someone on the spot or make things awkward with a pleasant acquaintance for the sake of a long shot.
So I'd say I was looking forward to grabbing a coffee after the swim and gauge if that peaked any interest. Or going for a walk or similar.
I'd ask polite questions and show interest in her.
But I am circumspect and that's just me. I've confused people in the past by being so circumspect that I almost missed opportunities!
But there's no rush with these things. I need to move at my own pace and that usually means just trying to be present and leaving space for things to develop of their own accord.
Having a crush is a beautiful thing and something to be enjoyed in and of itself. That feeling, share it with her. You don't have to say anything.
Good luck OP"
Have you tried coffee at the local leisure centre? Doomed approach.
However, if OP uses the David Lloyd Centre, it may be that not only does he offer a coffee, but he profersc a ring doughnut, and raises an eyebrow at tge same time.
Even Raven's defences would wither at such an offer  |
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"My approach to this would be indirect. Partly because half the time when I fancy someone my powers of speech are reduced to that of a teenager and partly because, like you OP, I'm self aware enough to know that it could just be me and I'd never put someone on the spot or make things awkward with a pleasant acquaintance for the sake of a long shot.
So I'd say I was looking forward to grabbing a coffee after the swim and gauge if that peaked any interest. Or going for a walk or similar.
I'd ask polite questions and show interest in her.
But I am circumspect and that's just me. I've confused people in the past by being so circumspect that I almost missed opportunities!
But there's no rush with these things. I need to move at my own pace and that usually means just trying to be present and leaving space for things to develop of their own accord.
Having a crush is a beautiful thing and something to be enjoyed in and of itself. That feeling, share it with her. You don't have to say anything.
Good luck OP"
Thanks DI, this is a nice post and one with which I can relate. Like you, I can be too cautious and lose the moment. I bet there are lots of times I don’t even know about! |
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"My approach to this would be indirect. Partly because half the time when I fancy someone my powers of speech are reduced to that of a teenager and partly because, like you OP, I'm self aware enough to know that it could just be me and I'd never put someone on the spot or make things awkward with a pleasant acquaintance for the sake of a long shot.
So I'd say I was looking forward to grabbing a coffee after the swim and gauge if that peaked any interest. Or going for a walk or similar.
I'd ask polite questions and show interest in her.
But I am circumspect and that's just me. I've confused people in the past by being so circumspect that I almost missed opportunities!
But there's no rush with these things. I need to move at my own pace and that usually means just trying to be present and leaving space for things to develop of their own accord.
Having a crush is a beautiful thing and something to be enjoyed in and of itself. That feeling, share it with her. You don't have to say anything.
Good luck OP
Have you tried coffee at the local leisure centre? Doomed approach.
However, if OP uses the David Lloyd Centre, it may be that not only does he offer a coffee, but he profersc a ring doughnut, and raises an eyebrow at tge same time "
Maybe if I suggestively finger the ring donut while winking, that will remove all doubt as to my intentions |
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By (user no longer on site) 1 week ago
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"
However, if OP uses the David Lloyd Centre, it may be that not only does he offer a coffee, but he profersc a ring doughnut, and raises an eyebrow at tge same time
Maybe if I suggestively finger the ring donut while winking, that will remove all doubt as to my intentions "
Exactly that. Your intentions need to be clear! |
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She was only bloody there tonight!! Caught me by surprise and I couldn’t believe my luck ☺️👏
I was on my way out as she was on her way in so no coffee possible, but we had a great chat, she asked for my name and said hopefully she’ll see me next time. I’m getting an interested vibe but still assuming nothing.
Yay! Good mood this evening ☺️ |
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"She was only bloody there tonight!! Caught me by surprise and I couldn’t believe my luck ☺️👏
I was on my way out as she was on her way in so no coffee possible, but we had a great chat, she asked for my name and said hopefully she’ll see me next time. I’m getting an interested vibe but still assuming nothing.
Yay! Good mood this evening ☺️"
Yay! Exciting, that sounds promising. |
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Ha! I’m flattered they do, but I haven’t seen her for a week. Maybe she’s on fab and has seen my thread….
Things took a slightly inconvenient turn yesterday when I was invited to leave the swimming pool for arguing with the lifemoron. No moronguard. No, wait, it’s in there somewhere. |
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"Ha! I’m flattered they do, but I haven’t seen her for a week. Maybe she’s on fab and has seen my thread….
Things took a slightly inconvenient turn yesterday when I was invited to leave the swimming pool for arguing with the lifemoron. No moronguard. No, wait, it’s in there somewhere."
Well, you shouldn't have pee'd in the pool.
From the diving board. |
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"Ha! I’m flattered they do, but I haven’t seen her for a week. Maybe she’s on fab and has seen my thread….
Things took a slightly inconvenient turn yesterday when I was invited to leave the swimming pool for arguing with the lifemoron. No moronguard. No, wait, it’s in there somewhere."
Why am I reading this hearing Lady Whistledown in my head? |
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"Ha! I’m flattered they do, but I haven’t seen her for a week. Maybe she’s on fab and has seen my thread….
Things took a slightly inconvenient turn yesterday when I was invited to leave the swimming pool for arguing with the lifemoron. No moronguard. No, wait, it’s in there somewhere.
Why am I reading this hearing Lady Whistledown in my head? "
I was thinking the same.
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"Ha! I’m flattered they do, but I haven’t seen her for a week. Maybe she’s on fab and has seen my thread….
Things took a slightly inconvenient turn yesterday when I was invited to leave the swimming pool for arguing with the lifemoron. No moronguard. No, wait, it’s in there somewhere."
This is why you need to act a little rather than waiting for something to develop as you may never see her again and you’ll kick yourself for missing the opportunity.
Her asking you for your name is an indication she’s a little invested.
She could have accepted a drink request from the lifeguard, this week, whilst you’re pondering 
K |
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"Ha! I’m flattered they do, but I haven’t seen her for a week. Maybe she’s on fab and has seen my thread….
Things took a slightly inconvenient turn yesterday when I was invited to leave the swimming pool for arguing with the lifemoron. No moronguard. No, wait, it’s in there somewhere."
🙄 I thought we spoke about this…that mankini doesn’t leave enough to the imagination 😂 |
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"Ha! I’m flattered they do, but I haven’t seen her for a week. Maybe she’s on fab and has seen my thread….
Things took a slightly inconvenient turn yesterday when I was invited to leave the swimming pool for arguing with the lifemoron. No moronguard. No, wait, it’s in there somewhere.
Why am I reading this hearing Lady Whistledown in my head? "
Please what is this? I not heard of it innit. |
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"Ha! I’m flattered they do, but I haven’t seen her for a week. Maybe she’s on fab and has seen my thread….
Things took a slightly inconvenient turn yesterday when I was invited to leave the swimming pool for arguing with the lifemoron. No moronguard. No, wait, it’s in there somewhere.
This is why you need to act a little rather than waiting for something to develop as you may never see her again and you’ll kick yourself for missing the opportunity.
Her asking you for your name is an indication she’s a little invested.
She could have accepted a drink request from the lifeguard, this week, whilst you’re pondering
K"
You are quite right and I will be asking her out next time I see her, but our sessions haven’t overlapped for at least a week. |
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"Ha! I’m flattered they do, but I haven’t seen her for a week. Maybe she’s on fab and has seen my thread….
Things took a slightly inconvenient turn yesterday when I was invited to leave the swimming pool for arguing with the lifemoron. No moronguard. No, wait, it’s in there somewhere."
We need to know why you were arguing, don’t leave us in suspense Lady Whi… Félix. |
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"...I was invited to leave the swimming pool
•
How beautifully quaint. Was the invitation presented on vintage parchment paper? 🙂🩶"
Ha! I think the only reason they didn’t is the risk of water ingress. I’m expecting that in the post any day now. |
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"Ha! I’m flattered they do, but I haven’t seen her for a week. Maybe she’s on fab and has seen my thread….
Things took a slightly inconvenient turn yesterday when I was invited to leave the swimming pool for arguing with the lifemoron. No moronguard. No, wait, it’s in there somewhere.
Why am I reading this hearing Lady Whistledown in my head?
Please what is this? I not heard of it innit."
Bridgerton.
|
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"Ha! I’m flattered they do, but I haven’t seen her for a week. Maybe she’s on fab and has seen my thread….
Things took a slightly inconvenient turn yesterday when I was invited to leave the swimming pool for arguing with the lifemoron. No moronguard. No, wait, it’s in there somewhere.
Why am I reading this hearing Lady Whistledown in my head?
Please what is this? I not heard of it innit.
Bridgerton.
"
Thank you 😊 Never seedit but quite like a period drama (on the tv, not at home…) |
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"Ha! I’m flattered they do, but I haven’t seen her for a week. Maybe she’s on fab and has seen my thread….
Things took a slightly inconvenient turn yesterday when I was invited to leave the swimming pool for arguing with the lifemoron. No moronguard. No, wait, it’s in there somewhere.
Why am I reading this hearing Lady Whistledown in my head?
Please what is this? I not heard of it innit.
Bridgerton.
Thank you 😊 Never seedit but quite like a period drama (on the tv, not at home…)"
Try it. It’s not like other period dramas. It’s way better. |
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By (user no longer on site) 5 days ago
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"
Things took a slightly inconvenient turn yesterday when I was invited to leave the swimming pool for arguing with the lifemoron. No moronguard. No, wait, it’s in there somewhere."
You had not said that this belle was a lifeguard!
Could I point out that to argue with her is not the best way of wooing her!
Btw, I am now imagining Pamela Andreson  |
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"
Things took a slightly inconvenient turn yesterday when I was invited to leave the swimming pool for arguing with the lifemoron. No moronguard. No, wait, it’s in there somewhere.
You had not said that this belle was a lifeguard!
Could I point out that to argue with her is not the best way of wooing her!
Btw, I am now imagining Pamela Andreson "
He could thrash around in the pool, drown a little bit for realism, then when she comes to save him romance will blossom. If not snog during CPR. |
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"
Things took a slightly inconvenient turn yesterday when I was invited to leave the swimming pool for arguing with the lifemoron. No moronguard. No, wait, it’s in there somewhere.
You had not said that this belle was a lifeguard!
Could I point out that to argue with her is not the best way of wooing her!
Btw, I am now imagining Pamela Andreson "
Oh she’s not. No confusion intended, my crush is a swimmer like me (only slightly sexier and one less winkie) |
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By (user no longer on site) 5 days ago
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"... she asked for my name and said hopefully she’ll see me next time..."
Please tell me that you didn't tell her your name was 'Felix'?
Also, are you sure that you are getting the facial expressions and tonal changes correct? Could you be confusing 'disgust' with 'hope'? |
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"... she asked for my name and said hopefully she’ll see me next time...
Please tell me that you didn't tell her your name was 'Felix'?
Also, are you sure that you are getting the facial expressions and tonal changes correct? Could you be confusing 'disgust' with 'hope'?"
Please for the love of god tell me this is who I think it is |
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"... she asked for my name and said hopefully she’ll see me next time...
Please tell me that you didn't tell her your name was 'Felix'?
Also, are you sure that you are getting the facial expressions and tonal changes correct? Could you be confusing 'disgust' with 'hope'?
Please for the love of god tell me this is who I think it is"
*isn’t ISN’T who I think it is
Dear lord |
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"It’s been a couple of years and this one isn’t fab related. Every week I see and briefly chat to a woman I really fancy. She is nice, fun, pretty and has the most beautiful eyes and smile. I now find myself thinking about her on days I don’t see her and I have a weird feeling on days I do.
I know what you’ll all say - ask her out then! Here’s the kicker, I see her when I go swimming training. I feel like she’ll think I’m being a perv because I’ve clocked her in her swimsuit. I also wonder whether she’s just being friendly and goes there to swim, not get chatted up and hit on by blokes (like we always talk about when in the gym).
And of course the other thing is - will I make it awkward if she’s not interested. We swim in the same lane at the same pool on the same days. I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable.
Anyway, I’m not after advice but feel free to weigh in. I suppose I’m just chatting with my forum friends and am interested in your reactions/thoughts.
Has this happened to you in similar circumstances? Would you go for it? Or would you try to accept you’ve made a new friend and that’s it?
Sigh, me and my bloomin brain."
I'm well schooled in body language so I could tell you the signs if she likes you sexually |
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"... she asked for my name and said hopefully she’ll see me next time...
Please tell me that you didn't tell her your name was 'Felix'?
Also, are you sure that you are getting the facial expressions and tonal changes correct? Could you be confusing 'disgust' with 'hope'?
Please for the love of god tell me this is who I think it is
*isn’t ISN’T who I think it is
Dear lord "
Lord here 😁 Who did you think it was? I see they stuck around long enough to post one comment and were then overcome with public shame and went unlos. |
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