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Late night deep thought on fabs effect post separation
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So I commented on a thread a minute ago about profile views today and then I had this realisation and not sure what to think of it so opening this up to you.
I was the male half of a couple for the last 3 and a bit years until we separated. We did not bad on here and always made friends at parties and clubs.
So naturally the Ex got most of the attention with messages and that but we both got what we looked for when playing and once my anxiety goes away I hope I'm ok to get along with lol
Now that I'm on a single profile and posting on that thread that today I had 15 views from guys and one couple.
The couple made a nice change today as usually it's only guys that view me, fab the pics and the only ones to message. I'm not complaining guys it's flattering in a way and filters are open because I'm trying to let the real me out and because I don't know who that is yet I should be more open minded towards new boundaries.
What could be perceived as a big blow to self confidence and I think this time last year I would of taken it that way. Is the fact very few couples or women view the profile let alone fab any pics or message.
This isn't me complaining, ranting or anything towards anybody on this site. I'm aware I've not been verified unfortunately, I did go to Cjs the other week but it wasn't actually busy and I didn't get any usernames. Also aware of the ratios etc and the reasons why in general.
The point I'm trying to raise is the possible mental health impacts that feeling of rejection could have.
For me, last year it sort felt like a confirmation of my self doubt when we were together that I was an inconvenience for a lot of couples that approached us.
Not just on men infact, this could happen to anyone on here for any reason.
Has any half of a couple that was swinging together who then separated and gone solo experienced or can relate to this situation and if so, how did it make you feel?
Do normal people even think about this shit?
For context I have mental health stuff that fed into the sort of feelings above, but past few months I've learnt the best thing is to open up and talk so fuck it 
Phil |
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I don't think of your post as a rant or any form of diatribe against anyone or anything.
I think whatever you're feeling — post estrangement — is perfectly normal and understandable. You're experiencing fab from a whole new perspective as a singleton on here, aligning with most other single men who experience similar things.
It can feel like a revelation or an eye-opener, comparing how you fared as part of a couple and now with your nascent profile. 🌈
(Apologies if this is stating the obvious and not much help. I offer nothing but solidarity) |
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Most women live in ninja mode, because they don't want the endless sea of I saw you looking messages. It doesn't mean they're not looking at your profile, it just means they're not choosing to reach out.
If I see a beautiful picture from a woman, I fab it. Because women generally know that that's all it is, an appreciation for a beautiful image. If I see a beautiful picture from a man, I only fab it if I know them. Because it's more likely they'll reach out.
The gender ratios on here are very skewed. There are a lot less active women than active men. This means most women with open filters get a lot of messages every day. By the time they're read those, looked at the profiles and decided how to respond, they have less time and energy to spend actively looking. |
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I do think about this stuff, but I don't think I'm normal.
Fab can be incredibly transactional, and it hits all demographics in different ways. It's not fun being a commodity, either.
It's healthy to acknowledge. I hope you find peace with it, alongside other things to bolster your confidence. |
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