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Feedback/reassurance
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I was talking to a friend and we were discussing that they like feedback/reassurance or whatever you like to call it, that the other person really had an enjoyable time together. Likes or any dislikes and to discuss possible dates for another meet quickly.
This is outside of the veris that often appear on, as those can be rubbish.
Does anyone else need this and why?
Or
It doesn't bother you?
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Bad communication can seriously mess with your head.
Getting rejected is hard. So if no-one likes your profile, you get no meets etc. it can knock your confidence.
If someone doesn't react in a way you're used to, leaves quickly or ghosts you it can leave people feeling confused or like they're a crap shag.
Things I have learnt:
- Worrying about performance affects both men and women
- Chemistry can be really important and what blows one person's mind leaves someone else cold.
- Just because someone is noisy or is quiet doesn't necessarily tell you if they're having a good time.
A friend gave me some great advice that's stayed with me, 'If someone wants to do it again it's usually a good sign'
I'm not a big fan of One Night Stands. I like the social side of the lifestyle and getting to know someone's body and being relaxed around them is part of the fun.
So I am a big fan of communication. In the bedroom, if it's not working be honest and tell people what you want/need.
Afterwards, being in the kink scene aftercare is important and discussing if a future meet is possible or what you'd like to try is fun.
Plus, even if you say no thanks to another meet at least someone knows where they stand.
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I don't need it, but it's always welcomed if someone enjoyed the meet, that they tell you.
I think it can be hard to deal with when you've had a good build up to a meet, you have the meet and then they go silent.
It can knock your confidence, but some on fab are always looking for the next person and the next meet I guess. |
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Yes, I like radical candour.
It’s the intelligence that things are good or things are not good and need to be altered in someway.
The key i have found is *not to be emotionally immature when receiving it, especially if you ask. You’re not asking to be lied to, so expect to hear the truth and react graciously upon it. Unemotionally.
Likewise, when I’m providing feedback, I make sure it comes from the right intent. Not to hurt, not to shame, not to lie, but to provide intelligence on opportunities for change or reflection.
It’s important to me. |
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By *eliWoman 10 weeks ago
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I don't want reassurance.
I like "feedback" but not formatted as feedback. When someone can slip in to a conversation that they really enjoyed x, y and z, or tell me they want to experience that again. If there are areas they enjoyed less... I'd hope it would be handled with tact. Emotional intelligence. Received in the same way.
I like when people proactively tell me they want to see me again but not if it involves lots of flip-flopping about that. I tend to be the one who organises things so I suppose I value even more those rare occasions when people do. Not that I dislike organising.
The stronger the connection, the deeper the relationship (as in relationship between any two people), the more I value that direct honesty. Want to have that open level of communication.
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By *mf123Man 10 weeks ago
with one foot out the door |
No but i do like to send a customer services out of 10 survey with an optional notes section to be filled out after we boned the prize is normally a lottery draw for round 2 upon completion
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I don't think about it in terms of feedback/ reassurance.
I think about it in terms of thanking someone for their time, which I always do. Going back to when I was a little kid, I'd play at a friend's house and say "thank you for having me" to my friend's parents.
"Thank you for having me" means something a bit different now. |
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I wouldn't think I'm terms of feedback but it's always nice to bask in the afterglow of a nice meet and say nice things. I really enjoy that.
If there were things I didn't enjoy so much I prefer to say them in person and in the moment framed in a positive way. I like to be touched like this etc. This didn't come naturally to me but the longer I'm on fab and meeting great people the more I learn the benefits of great communication.
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I don't expect feedback or reassurance, or whatever the term is. There is no 'term' for me, other than an embedded response as part of any regular messaging or telephone conversation following a meet or a social.
The conversation would naturally flow with each of us mentioning how lovely it was to see each other, how much we enjoyed ourselves and look forward to seeing each other very soon. Conversations like this are left open-ended in a positive way, without any pressure to expedite a follow up meet. |
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By *B69Woman 10 weeks ago
Wiltshire |
"I don't expect feedback or reassurance, or whatever the term is. There is no 'term' for me, other than an embedded response as part of any regular messaging or telephone conversation following a meet or a social.
The conversation would naturally flow with each of us mentioning how lovely it was to see each other, how much we enjoyed ourselves and look forward to seeing each other very soon. Conversations like this are left open-ended in a positive way, without any pressure to expedite a follow up meet."
This^
Thanks Nero |
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By *aizyWoman 10 weeks ago
west midlands |
"I don't expect feedback or reassurance, or whatever the term is. There is no 'term' for me, other than an embedded response as part of any regular messaging or telephone conversation following a meet or a social.
The conversation would naturally flow with each of us mentioning how lovely it was to see each other, how much we enjoyed ourselves and look forward to seeing each other very soon. Conversations like this are left open-ended in a positive way, without any pressure to expedite a follow up meet."
As usual Nero has put it way better than I ever could. |
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"I don't expect feedback or reassurance, or whatever the term is. There is no 'term' for me, other than an embedded response as part of any regular messaging or telephone conversation following a meet or a social.
The conversation would naturally flow with each of us mentioning how lovely it was to see each other, how much we enjoyed ourselves and look forward to seeing each other very soon. Conversations like this are left open-ended in a positive way, without any pressure to expedite a follow up meet."
Couldn't have said it better. |
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Of course i think it is normal to hear the other person or people had a good time.
If they genuinely want to meet again it’s a nice boost to the self esteem.
Is it is needed? Well i rather have a positive feedback than none at all or worse negative  |
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It's not a requirement, as such, but I'm all for open communication. I'm very comfortable giving encouragement, or saying if a particular thing isn't getting me going.
I also love learning someone, and if I've met them a few times and it looks like it's turning into something regular I welcome being given a bit of a pointer in the right direction every now and then. I find it tends to happen naturally rather than as part of a formulaic discussion about likes and dislikes. I also really enjoy hearing what a person loves about what we/I do. It's not essential, but it definitely adds to my enjoyment. Praise kink, maybe? I dunno. |
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"I was talking to a friend and we were discussing that they like feedback/reassurance or whatever you like to call it, that the other person really had an enjoyable time together. Likes or any dislikes and to discuss possible dates for another meet quickly.
This is outside of the veris that often appear on, as those can be rubbish.
Does anyone else need this and why?
Or
It doesn't bother you?
"
Isn't that just a normal thing to do? like having a normal conversation over a cuppa while the mattress dries out.?
I mean fair enough if you've just had a quick blowjob in the woods in the dark it's slightly different. But for most meetings don't people just talk to eachother after.?
Or is it feedback that you want to make public so everyone can see it and choose whether to have an assignation with you because you've got 5* trip advisor ratings. |
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By *aven.Woman 10 weeks ago
Not the North West... |
I don't want to know what they liked and didn't, I don't need to know if they liked me or not.
It's done. It's over. Let me just cry in the shower in shame and forget it ever happened ok?
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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I've never felt the need to ask for feedback from my partner and neither have they. It's just a natural progression after having sex, laying together, chatting, saying "that was great, I particularly liked such and such..." Sometimes it leads to more sex there and then. Other times it's just a nice way to leave things, smiles on our faces, looking forward to the next time 😊 |
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It's always important to me that the person I'm with gives feedback on what works, or doesn't work, for them
I'm not a mindreader.
Any compliments and reassurance is also gratefully received, it's nice to be appreciated and I certainly have my insecurities 😎 |
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I don't 'need' it, but I like it and it gives me a confidence boost.
And I love if a person casually says the words "next time" without any prompting or any questions being asked. It makes me all smiley inside.
I'm shy, so even though we may just spent an evening or a night naked together, I don't have the guts to ask will we see each other again. |
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Because of what I do, there is always a "debrief". It's part of "Aftercare" that follows after an event (I don't debrief at the end of a event, I'm too busy doing Aftercare).
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But 24-48 hrs afterwards, there'll be a discussion on elements of the scene, what worked, what didn't work, how they felt, how I felt, and if they'd like to lean in to or out of certain things if another meet was to happen.
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As far as I am concerned, it's a journey involving the emotional, physical and mental needs of all participants. So damn right it gets discussed at an appropriate time.
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And I'd know if that discussion was desired because when discussing the scene plan weeks or even months in advance, this question would have come up beforehand. Expectations are understood and managed appropriately. |
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By *eliWoman 10 weeks ago
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"Because of what I do, there is always a "debrief". It's part of "Aftercare" that follows after an event (I don't debrief at the end of a event, I'm too busy doing Aftercare).
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But 24-48 hrs afterwards, there'll be a discussion on elements of the scene, what worked, what didn't work, how they felt, how I felt, and if they'd like to lean in to or out of certain things if another meet was to happen.
.
As far as I am concerned, it's a journey involving the emotional, physical and mental needs of all participants. So damn right it gets discussed at an appropriate time.
.
And I'd know if that discussion was desired because when discussing the scene plan weeks or even months in advance, this question would have come up beforehand. Expectations are understood and managed appropriately."
That's a really good point - the type of sexual activity that should have aftercare and a debrief. Expectation management, having clear communication.
Far too often people post on the forums about how important it is when they indulge in erm... kinkier activities, how they do it etc when the reality is it's not something they do or want to do. This thread really reminded me about that discrepancy. |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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Far too often people post on the forums about how important it is when they indulge in erm... kinkier activities, how they do it etc when the reality is it's not something they do or want to do. This thread really reminded me about that discrepancy. "
Huh, I don't on't understand... Who would do kinky sex if they weren't into it?? It wouldn't work?? |
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"I don't expect feedback or reassurance, or whatever the term is. There is no 'term' for me, other than an embedded response as part of any regular messaging or telephone conversation following a meet or a social.
The conversation would naturally flow with each of us mentioning how lovely it was to see each other, how much we enjoyed ourselves and look forward to seeing each other very soon. Conversations like this are left open-ended in a positive way, without any pressure to expedite a follow up meet."
I think this hits the nail on the head for me. 'Natural flow'
I would've just used longer, more sophisticated words in which to explain myself and other meaningful phrases included like 'rat up a drainpipe' |
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"I was talking to a friend and we were discussing that they like feedback/reassurance or whatever you like to call it, that the other person really had an enjoyable time together. Likes or any dislikes and to discuss possible dates for another meet quickly.
This is outside of the veris that often appear on, as those can be rubbish.
Always nice to get reassurance. Some of us are a bit sensitive 😉
Does anyone else need this and why?
Or
It doesn't bother you?
"
|
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I’m not a fan of people who need reassurance (even though we all do, to some degree).
I was seeing someone recently who was very open about her need for feedback and reassurance. She was really sweet so I was totally ok with it to begin with.
Then within a a few weeks it became really tiresome. i was always having say that I enjoyed spending time with her. Having to reassure her that she was funny, smart, intelligent, fit.
Having to explain that if I’m busy that it’s because I’m genuinely busy, not because there’s a problem. Having to constantly say that she’s attractive, or say that I enjoyed our sex life.
So, I had to cut that fling short. It ruins the mystery when you have to “review” everything constantly |
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Them coming swiftly for seconds and thirds, as well as prioritising seeing me over other people, tells me everything I need to know.
If they went silent however once we’ve fucked, I’d rather be told the truth. Not everyone is sexually compatible and that’s ok. |
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