Do you find yourself sabotaging yourself, either on Fab or in life in general? Do you overthink and miss opportunities that you later wish you'd taken? Do you lack confidence and not even go for things that you want? Or maybe the opposite - are you sometimes too confident or impulsive and do things that you wouldn't have done if you'd thought about it more? |
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I’m going to be a (little) bit controversial I think..being openly gay, being openly fem gay male, has been a self sabotage. Gays are very masc4masc so relationships have been elusive, I’ve lost jobs when they found out I’m gay, guys in here are on the down lo. Can’t change who I am but do often think life would’ve worked out differently if I was different.
Just my experience. |
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By (user no longer on site) 19 weeks ago
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"Do you find yourself sabotaging yourself, either on Fab or in life in general? Do you overthink and miss opportunities that you later wish you'd taken? Do you lack confidence and not even go for things that you want? Or maybe the opposite - are you sometimes too confident or impulsive and do things that you wouldn't have done if you'd thought about it more?"
Yes to all of the above. |
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Yes I’d do, and it’s always weight related.
I lost 10 stones over a period of 2 years, which I have since almost out back on again, and put me right back where I started, and got lose it all over again. |
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By (user no longer on site) 19 weeks ago
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In life in general, I don't think so.
On fab, definitely. I have pissed off countless guys on purpose even though I liked them. I am my own biggest cock block.
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Absolutely !! I I’ve got zero confidence and it’s held me back even in here… hate myself so much sometimes because of it.. any advice anyone on how to overcome it? Fed up of rejection on here and in real life ( recently divorced which hasn’t helped)! |
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By (user no longer on site) 19 weeks ago
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"In life in general, I don't think so.
On fab, definitely. I have pissed off countless guys on purpose even though I liked them. I am my own biggest cock block.
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There have been guys on Fab that you have liked? I am very disappointed as this completely ruins the image that I have built up of you.
Go on, tell me one of those guys was Brucey  |
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By *pthillMan 19 weeks ago
st shithole |
"Do you find yourself sabotaging yourself, either on Fab or in life in general? Do you overthink and miss opportunities that you later wish you'd taken? Do you lack confidence and not even go for things that you want? Or maybe the opposite - are you sometimes too confident or impulsive and do things that you wouldn't have done if you'd thought about it more?"
I have zero self confidence and yep,, i miss opportunities |
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I don't think I'd describe it as self sabotage but I've 100% got low confidence and probably self esteem that hinders me on fab, outside of fab less so I think.
Double it with an Anxiety disorder it can be tough on here at times as well as life in general. Though ill openly admit there are a billion things worse in the world than myself. |
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By (user no longer on site) 19 weeks ago
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"In life in general, I don't think so.
On fab, definitely. I have pissed off countless guys on purpose even though I liked them. I am my own biggest cock block.
Why do you think you do that? "
Because it's better than been rejected in person.
You can't miss what you never had.
Or I'm just a bit of a psycho.
One or more of the above.
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By (user no longer on site) 19 weeks ago
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Outside of Fab most definitely. A good mix of self sabotage and imposter syndrome.
Fab isn't a big enough part of my life to worry about missed opportunities. |
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"I've thought this a few time in general.
On fab, yes often. I suppose nervous of getting rejected and/or they aren't clear that they definitely want to meet me.
"
I'm also crap at reading signals. I need someone to tell me straight. |
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By *irthandgirthMan 19 weeks ago
Camberley occasionally doncaster |
On here, definitely. While I don't change who I am to write on here, my bluntness and objectivity come across strongly, but they overshadow the fact I'm a delightful ray of fucking sunshine in real life. |
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By *a LunaWoman 19 weeks ago
South Wales |
Probably both, at some point or other if honest.
But I don’t really have any regrets or remember specific instances so I guess I wasn’t really that bothered in the grand scheme of things.
Life goes on. We move. |
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In here absolutely i self sabotage. I'm very good at putting people off me. I've no idea why I do it. It just makes me miserable and i end up really frustrated with myself. I'll probably carry on doing it though. 🤷♀️ |
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I've been talking to hubby about me doing this just this morning with my fab life.
It's so overwhelming atm and I have too many choices to make that I just hide away and do nothing.
I have been like it in real life in the past but since covid I have learned to embrace the change and anxiety and go with it
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I sm much better at being me than I was
Not so much self sabotage, self doubt yes.
It’s a horrible cliche but if you don’t like yourself then you won’t let others either. There are times I really don’t like myself.
I have made far too many compromises both in work and romance and socially to last me a lifetime.
Compromises work both ways.
That’s the leader of my self destruction, tiredness from accepting crap all around |
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By *zeroMan 19 weeks ago
Glasgow |
Yep I'm my own worst enemy some times. Happened recently, was out with freinds having a great time and a little voice in the back of my head kept saying "you know you don't deserve all this right?"
Put me on a downer and cracked as the night went on. |
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Not so much sabotaging, but overthinking and RSD can be a crappy combination. I've managed to completely misunderstand someone's meaning before. Spent ages feeling like a terrible person and then it turned out they weren't upset with me at all. 🫣
Fab-wise - a couple of times at clubs I've kicked myself when it turns out afterwards that the other person/people were interested but no-one dared to say at the time. It was so frustrating that I've become much better at initiating things. |
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"Do you find yourself sabotaging yourself, either on Fab or in life in general? Do you overthink and miss opportunities that you later wish you'd taken? Do you lack confidence and not even go for things that you want? Or maybe the opposite - are you sometimes too confident or impulsive and do things that you wouldn't have done if you'd thought about it more?"
For the majority of my life, well up until around 6 months ago I was holding back due to low self confidence, autism, anxiety etc and then over analyse what I really want to say or do over and over.
Hit a change over the last year and I'm more confident and doing things that 6 months ago I wouldn't even of considered doing. |
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Oh blimey yes to all! I can talk myself in and out of things pretty quickly but I’m mostly happy with my end decision. I have gained a lot of confidence since being on here but that’s mainly apportioned to sex but not a bad thing considering I was in a dead marriage for years! |
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I think there's a massive difference between self sabotage and lacking in self belief.
To me self sabotage results in behaviour that you know will potentially cause you harm in some form or another.
Lack of self belief in my mind isn't quite the same. I think it's more a lack of taking an opportunity which may or may not have worked out. But people tend to presume it'll always be good afterwards, it may have been a good thing to not have taken the opportunity. You'll never know and then people then overthink it creating a bad experience. |
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"I think there's a massive difference between self sabotage and lacking in self belief.
To me self sabotage results in behaviour that you know will potentially cause you harm in some form or another.
Lack of self belief in my mind isn't quite the same. I think it's more a lack of taking an opportunity which may or may not have worked out. But people tend to presume it'll always be good afterwards, it may have been a good thing to not have taken the opportunity. You'll never know and then people then overthink it creating a bad experience. "
That's my belief, too.
Deliberately choosing to do something and knowing it'll hurt you in the long run isn't the same as holding back out of fear. |
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Yes and no. I try to be aware of what I'm doing and if I notice I'm potentially setting up a failure, I'll stop and do the failure properly. No point in half hearted measures - if and when I don't want something or someone, then make it 100% certain. |
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"I think there's a massive difference between self sabotage and lacking in self belief.
To me self sabotage results in behaviour that you know will potentially cause you harm in some form or another.
Lack of self belief in my mind isn't quite the same. I think it's more a lack of taking an opportunity which may or may not have worked out. But people tend to presume it'll always be good afterwards, it may have been a good thing to not have taken the opportunity. You'll never know and then people then overthink it creating a bad experience. "
If I was to be totally honest with myself and anyone reading this, by your definition I'm most definitely guilty of self sabotaging. I'm on a positive path at the moment so keeping the damage to a minimum |
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No. I will overthink and not do something or not do it because I can't be bothered but I wouldn't call that self sabbotage, more just I'm not really interested. It's not even a confidence thing, I'm just lazy when it comes to being sociable.
I won't deliberately put myself in a situation that could cause me harm which is what I would class as self sabbotage. |
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"I think there's a massive difference between self sabotage and lacking in self belief.
To me self sabotage results in behaviour that you know will potentially cause you harm in some form or another.
Lack of self belief in my mind isn't quite the same. I think it's more a lack of taking an opportunity which may or may not have worked out. But people tend to presume it'll always be good afterwards, it may have been a good thing to not have taken the opportunity. You'll never know and then people then overthink it creating a bad experience.
If I was to be totally honest with myself and anyone reading this, by your definition I'm most definitely guilty of self sabotaging. I'm on a positive path at the moment so keeping the damage to a minimum "
Good luck, it's difficult to stop self sabotaging when it becomes a habit. Keep at it, and if you do happen to self sabotage it doesn't mean you have gone back to the start. It's a blip treat it as such and get back to your positive path. |
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