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A question for the ladies over 40
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By *iKent OP Man 17 weeks ago
Kent |
My wife and I are just back from a couple of nights away for our anniversary. One evening the conversation included talk about our sex life. Let's just say, it's been non existent for a long time now due to various health reasons that led to a hysterectomy 3yrs ago.
My wife said that her mind wants to but body says no; the last time we tried (just over a year ago, and that was first time in about 6yrs) she said it was too painful for her to enjoy it. My comment was that its not all about full sex, but she replied that we kiss and cuddle so that's intimate enough and is more than a lot of guys get when their wives are her age (47) and in menopause, and that hopefully one day she'll be able to be more intimate again.
My question is; is she right?
I'm appreciative that she feels full sex painful, but am wondering if gentle play/ oral etc help satisfy what she says her mind is willing and wanting. But she's reluctant to even try.
I don't want to push things too much, but hopefully my wonder on where things go is understandable and appreciated by people here. I'm just asking any advice on whether I'm best to just leave things naturally and hope that in future our sex life returns, or if there's anything else to try/suggest.
It's not the sort of conversation I can have with my mates for advice. |
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Was she offered hrt when she had her hysterectomy?
If not she needs to go see her GP. Also if sex is painful, topical oestrogen cream should help but will take time. Replacing the lost oestrogen is beneficial for mind and body! |
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Your wife needs to speak to her GP.
If sex is painful for her, then she's obviously reluctant to try again. I would be.
Depending on what medical advice is given, andcif she's in agreement, try slowly building up to full penetration. May sure she's relaxed, use lubricant or whatever helps. |
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By *iKent OP Man 17 weeks ago
Kent |
"Was she offered hrt when she had her hysterectomy?
If not she needs to go see her GP. Also if sex is painful, topical oestrogen cream should help but will take time. Replacing the lost oestrogen is beneficial for mind and body! "
Yes she's on hrt now, took a while to get the dose right, maybe oestrogen cream is worth looking into. Thanks |
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By *iKent OP Man 17 weeks ago
Kent |
"Your wife needs to speak to her GP.
If sex is painful for her, then she's obviously reluctant to try again. I would be.
Depending on what medical advice is given, andcif she's in agreement, try slowly building up to full penetration. May sure she's relaxed, use lubricant or whatever helps. "
Thanks. She's understandably reluctant, even resigned to that's how it is for now. As I mentioned, she feels it's how all women in her situation are and so we need to just (for want of a better description) put up with it and hopefully in time it'll improve.
I wasn't sure if that's entirely the case, but she's reluctant to explore other options than just accepting the way things are. |
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"Was she offered hrt when she had her hysterectomy?
If not she needs to go see her GP. Also if sex is painful, topical oestrogen cream should help but will take time. Replacing the lost oestrogen is beneficial for mind and body!
Yes she's on hrt now, took a while to get the dose right, maybe oestrogen cream is worth looking into. Thanks "
Definitely. It goes where it's needed and also a good moisturiser like Yes VM. Hydromol ointment is good too but externally, use for washing, barrier cream. It all should help. |
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By *opeyXWoman 17 weeks ago
Dun Dee |
"Was she offered hrt when she had her hysterectomy?
If not she needs to go see her GP. Also if sex is painful, topical oestrogen cream should help but will take time. Replacing the lost oestrogen is beneficial for mind and body! "
This  |
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By *opeyXWoman 17 weeks ago
Dun Dee |
"I'm 53 have gone through menopause and have never been hornier, my husband and I are at it all the time.
Maybe it's just a case of waiting then. Just wasn't sure, so thought why not ask "
Every womens different, though I agree with going to the drs, I went through a period of not wanting it, but after being on hrt a while my sex drives back. |
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Every woman is different, OP. We have friends who very rarely have sex, some of Mrs DD’s friends can’t imagine having the energy to have sex as much as we do, but then others are jealous because their husbands either aren’t interested or they(husbands) have let themselves go so they don’t really fancy them anymore.
You know your wife better than any of us, there have been some good suggestions on the thread so far, hopefully if she doesn’t feel pressured and they work, you can recapture that spark. A hysterectomy is major surgery both physically and mentally so it’s understandable she has struggled. |
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By *vaRose43Woman 17 weeks ago
Forest of Dean |
I think you’ve had some great advice already.
The only thing I would add is maybe she’s worried you would be disappointed, or you might want to push things more towards penetration if you move things further in your intimacy. |
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I would ask your wife to get in touch with a menopause clinic direct and discuss HRT. Most GPs don't know enough about menopause.
Bloods need to be done to assess the levels of her hormones include testosterone.
Dryness also is a factor, Yes VM and victory oil will help naturally restore moisture.
I lost my sex drive due to having hardly any hormones left and I was on HRT. Since being under a menopause specialist and getting the correct combination, and using natural supplements my sex drive is back!
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I agree with some of the responses above - your wife should contact her GP or a private menopause clinic to see if there’s anything else that could help. But you also sound very supportive and understanding. Continue to be patient and loving, go at her pace. Wishing you both the best of luck. |
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