I would suggest a different FETish LIFEstyle website. But also wouldn't be openly advertising what you're after because a lot of chancers will jump on that opportunity. Try going to kink events and get to know people first.
LvM |
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"Good luck OP.
I'm looking for a tolerable sadist myself, but I'm definitely not looking for it here 💜"
With the crossover of BDSM and swinging, there may be a few tolerable sadists on here.
It used to be a regular comment in the forum a few years ago that there were no knowledgeable kinksters on here. I don't think that can be said anymore. |
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"Good luck OP.
I'm looking for a tolerable sadist myself, but I'm definitely not looking for it here 💜
With the crossover of BDSM and swinging, there may be a few tolerable sadists on here.
It used to be a regular comment in the forum a few years ago that there were no knowledgeable kinksters on here. I don't think that can be said anymore."
I'm not saying there aren't suitable people around here.
But, I dislike attempting to build that dynamic without first seeing that person in public at community events. People who aren't willing or able to go to those are just a big red flag to me. So I will only consider it with people I meet in appropriate venues for it 💜 |
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I don't want the pain side of it, which is why I posted on here. Just more of the soft side is what I want to explore. And to be honest it's easy to ignore the messages from people who do not seem credible |
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By (user no longer on site) 22 weeks ago
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"I would suggest a different FETish LIFEstyle website. But also wouldn't be openly advertising what you're after because a lot of chancers will jump on that opportunity. Try going to kink events and get to know people first.
LvM"
Subtle  |
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As someone who Doms with a regular partner (who wants to be dommed), trust has been established and the rules have been set first ...be wary.
Being a dom does not mean you can do whatever you like. Make sure you have a long discussion before hand and the rules are set. There one to many out there that don't understand that and...well...it can go very badly.
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"Good luck OP.
I'm looking for a tolerable sadist myself, but I'm definitely not looking for it here 💜
With the crossover of BDSM and swinging, there may be a few tolerable sadists on here.
It used to be a regular comment in the forum a few years ago that there were no knowledgeable kinksters on here. I don't think that can be said anymore.
I'm not saying there aren't suitable people around here.
But, I dislike attempting to build that dynamic without first seeing that person in public at community events. People who aren't willing or able to go to those are just a big red flag to me. So I will only consider it with people I meet in appropriate venues for it 💜"
I thought it would be creepy to message you directly. But this is something I posted in response to something else I posted. I was asked what I meant by "ethical sadism".
I have read a response that BDSM was good before the rope people ruined it with all their consent discussions.
From reading articles I received the impression that there used to be a position that the submissive's job was not to question what the "Dominant" requested but just to obey. If the submissive queried the "Dominant" even if hard limits were being breached, or if the submissive had limits, then the submissive waa not considered a real submissive.
At that point 20 or so years ago, my impression is that there was not a distinction between a dominant and a sadist. They both in public and scene perception fell in the same semi illegal category. But due to a lot of practical and academic work, people on the scene then distinguished between dominants and sadists. But my experience and impression is that sadists were treated as psychopaths/ sociopaths and dominants as more ethical . This was possibly due to in the U.S the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) saying that it was not a mental illness to want to cause consensual mild harm. This, however still left sadists out in the cold.
The point for me is that as long as the hurt is consensual (in extent and intensity) and not life changing then it is ethical sadism. I have read reports of too many criminal cases where the BDSM excuse is used by the defence where the extent of the harm was not consented, and was life changing. Therfore not ethical.
Therefore "ethical sadism" is consensual in extent and intensity and not life changing. Life changing elements are for fantasy.
There is the old story of Domme, when asked if she would harm the submissive replied: "Harm no, hurt yes!".
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