FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Why is it when a male can’t accommodate he must be cheating
Why is it when a male can’t accommodate he must be cheating
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People make a lot of assumptions on here. Some are right and some are wrong
If it’s proving to be a point of contention why not just add a line to your bio
Many don’t accommodate for various reasons.
Me personally I will, once I know and trust that person enough to know where I live |
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By *aven.Woman 11 weeks ago
Not the North West... |
"don't accommodate as I have some common sense and do not want every tom dick and harry in my home" something like that.
I never even look at that part as I would never go to a guy's house regardless, I watch netflix, I know what happens. Plus, bloody patterned duvet covers, just no. |
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"Because I’m a single dad to two boys under 3 "
You don't need to explain yourself if someone accommodates or not is entirely their choice.
As for people assuming that they are cheating it's probably down to personal experience, and "generally" in our experience it's exactly that someone's cheating.
But like I said it's up-to the person in question if they want to accommodate or not. |
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"Because I’m a single dad to two boys under 3
That must be very hard for you. "
It’s not bad I work full time and with the boys I don’t get a lot free time so dating so my mate told me to join here |
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By (user no longer on site) 11 weeks ago
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Unfortunately some people will always make assumptions, rightly or wrongly....
And it appears double standard, it's okay for women not to accommodate,but men get slated.
I wouldn't accommodate even if I could, as would like to keep Fab and my real life seperate.
Obviously for my own selfish reasons, I'm only looking for people who can accommodate lol    |
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People like to assume. When I was a single, I couldn't accommodate for non-cheating reasons, and would regularly get messages from people I'd never spoken to that I was a disgusting cheat 😂
#PeopleSuck
LvM |
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Same for me. Im a single dad with 2 of my kids at home so accommodating is awkward at very best especially during school holidays. My kids are older youngest being 13 and they are at home most of the time.
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By (user no longer on site) 11 weeks ago
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There was a formite on here who claimed to be a widowed single dad. Turns out that he wasn't and had a live wife and kids. Genuine people will eventually match and meet on here. It just takes time. Good luck OP hope you find some fun |
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By (user no longer on site) 11 weeks ago
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"There was a formite on here who claimed to be a widowed single dad. Turns out that he wasn't and had a live wife and kids. Genuine people will eventually match and meet on here. It just takes time. Good luck OP hope you find some fun"
I remember him!! |
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"There was a formite on here who claimed to be a widowed single dad. Turns out that he wasn't and had a live wife and kids. Genuine people will eventually match and meet on here. It just takes time. Good luck OP hope you find some fun"
Yeah I understand people do lie on here but not everyone. Sometimes I can accommodate when boys go there mums or my family have them . |
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"People like to assume. When I was a single, I couldn't accommodate for non-cheating reasons, and would regularly get messages from people I'd never spoken to that I was a disgusting cheat 😂
#PeopleSuck
LvM"
I got a message saying you must be cheating off some random person before did make me laugh has never talk to them |
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By (user no longer on site) 11 weeks ago
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"There was a formite on here who claimed to be a widowed single dad. Turns out that he wasn't and had a live wife and kids. Genuine people will eventually match and meet on here. It just takes time. Good luck OP hope you find some fun
Yeah I understand people do lie on here but not everyone. Sometimes I can accommodate when boys go there mums or my family have them . "
I've got that i don't accommodate as I live with my daughter and unless she's at work then she's home. If I'm free to meet I post on the meets section as often I can meet last minute. Fortunately I don't need to sort out childcare or school pick up etc. Maybe try some day events like a milf club. |
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After living in a shared house for a few years, when I see cannot accommodate, I look at it on that basis, there could be a multitude of reasons why, I do tend to ask early on though why.
Saying that if a guy can't and doesn't have much on his profile (will fill in later etc), then chances are he probably is (from experience).
You could put it back on your profile but like you say, some people just make the assumption anyway but then at least you can say "I've explained my reasons why".
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Maybe reframe your thinking - if people are so judgemental without giving you the chance to explain by actually asking what your circumstances are, then they're probably not the kind of people you want to engage with. They've done you a favour by filtering themselves out of your search pool! |
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I started dating a man I met through Fab. He said he couldn't accommodate as he shared with two housemates who were a couple. As the months passed I wondered why the couple never went out or went to work so I could come round. Then one day it dawned on me. He still lived with his elderly parents and was a bit embarrassed to tell me ! |
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By *vaRose43Woman 11 weeks ago
Forest of Dean |
"I'm a carer so can't accommodate, but there you go. Women cheat too but that's acceptable?"
I don’t accommodate because I have 2 adult kids at home and one of them is always home.
However I’ve had many messages expressing disappointment that my husband is fully supportive of me being here….so yes absolutely lots of double standards |
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I ignore the can or can't accommodate thing now. There are people on here whose profiles say 'can accommodate' but don't mention that they're married yet they mention their spouse on forum posts or messages. |
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By *essTTWoman 11 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"So iv had messages say you can’t accommodate so you must be cheating. Not everyone is a cheat . Maybe ask why can’t accommodate then assume "
You don't have to explain yourself to anyone on here.
But be mindful messages accounts eho also don't accommodate unless you're happy to pay for a hotel x |
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I'm a single dad with two kids and I can accommodate when they are not here so I put 'can accommodate' on my profile. Saves any complications on messaging and if I like them they'll know about my kids in the end anyway. |
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I can accommodate, with enough advance notice. As long as my wife is at work, or out.
I jest of course. The issue is my daughters, in all fairness they probably wouldn't care, they have their headphones on 90% of the day, but in my experience most would find their presence a bit inhibiting. They also take the piss a lot, so a sense of humour may be necessary.
I'm not going to turf them out of their home to get the sex, so it would need to be at certain times, otherwise.
I understand why people have doubts, I am not offended when people want some reassurance I am not a cheat, but if that becomes a thing then I can't lie - it gets a bit off-putting.
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""don't accommodate as I have some common sense and do not want every tom dick and harry in my home" something like that.
I never even look at that part as I would never go to a guy's house regardless, I watch netflix, I know what happens. Plus, bloody patterned duvet covers, just no. "
My patterned duvet covers have all been bought by women. Also all the bloody blankets. Always with the blankets, everywhere and 100 cushions and pillows. |
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I just like to keep home separate, I don't even like having my actual friends over unless I get plenty of notice.
Now if it moves into relationship territory, than that's a different thing, but it's important to have a living space that you can totally relax in. |
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Sometimes people will say that just as an excuse to not to meet you.
I always say Fab should have another option -
“Can accommodate but don’t want to”.
That is me as well, unless I know someone well, that’s different. |
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"I ignore the can or can't accommodate thing now. There are people on here whose profiles say 'can accommodate' but don't mention that they're married yet they mention their spouse on forum posts or messages. "
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Agreed.
Leave it as "Can Accommodate" and remove any references of your children and home circumstances. |
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I have it that I can, though I only can sometimes. It's due to childcare with me that I can't all the time. Plus personally I feel more comfortable in a hotel or at someone's house. Especially if I'm meeting a couple. |
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Initially I want to meet on neutral ground, because I don't really know who I'm meeting. I know what they seem like.....but I till I meet them in person I don't really know them.
So I'm not inviting the unknown into my house.....after that. If we get on and you're not a bunny boiling but job.....then come round and I'll make a brew. |
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By *bi HaiveMan 11 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
The choice to put can or can't accommodate is down to you, nobody else.
It may create barriers for some and make life harder, particularly for single men, but it's always personal choice.
People put 'can't' for all manner of reasons. Kids. Pets. Safety concerns. Just because they don't want to. And yes, sometimes because there's a partner at home that has no idea they're on here.
You either accept someone's situation and work around it or look elsewhere for company. It's as simple as that. |
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"There was a formite on here who claimed to be a widowed single dad. Turns out that he wasn't and had a live wife and kids. Genuine people will eventually match and meet on here. It just takes time. Good luck OP hope you find some fun"
I’m a widow … and single dad ….
What an arsehole he is for using that as an angle … 😕 |
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I couldn't give a shit what assumptions people jump to on here
You do you op
You're not missing out on anything
Why would you want to meet someone who can't even be arsed to find just a little bit about you without jumping to a conclusion about you?
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We won't meet anyone cheating,male or female.
If anyone can't accommodate we won't ask why they can't,its nothing to do with us.but won't meet them,only because the vast majority that can't accommodate are playing away.
But if its on their profile or thay say why in a message we will make a decision from that.
But we do full understand that some people can't for a variety of reasons especially single females purely for the safety reasons.
That's one reason why we always have a social in a public place. |
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I can accommodate only occasionally but not always, I will make exceptions for people I've met previously though. But my main things are family, I'm very close to my family and I see them everyday and I like my own company a lot of the time.
So it isn't cheating on my part, those are the reasons. |
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By *ddie1966Man 11 weeks ago
Paper Town Central, Essex. |
""don't accommodate as I have some common sense and do not want every tom dick and harry in my home" something like that.
I never even look at that part as I would never go to a guy's house regardless, I watch netflix, I know what happens. Plus, bloody patterned duvet covers, just no. "
I will have you know, my patterned duvet is very tasteful!
Cheating is just 1 of the many reasons a person may have though, and most are very honest and good reasons. It's very narrow minded to simply assume that the person who can't accommodation is simply cheating.
Gotta go, wife's just come in... |
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By *bi HaiveMan 11 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I don’t meet people who don’t accommodate because it shouldn’t always fall to one person. I’m happy to share the accommodating but for someone to expect to come to mine every time is a bit cheeky "
Can vary though. I've some good friends who have kids and to me, being a guy that lives alone in my own space its different. I understand the 'this is my kids home' argument. So I'd never expect to go to theirs, even if the kids are at school/with an ex/at family. Not saying I'd never pay them a visit but only if it was a longer term acquaintance rather than someone new. Good friends are always welcome at mine and I've always found it a lot more relaxing and comfortable for new single friends to come to me, or meet at a neutral venue (Hotel or club).
Plus I don't want to be stepping on lego or expecting someone to have to spend ages clearing up toys and the mess kids make just so I could pay a visit.
Couples that don't accommodate that have no better reason than 'we don't want to' and who expect to come to me because I'm happy to accommodate? Nope. The playing field is level as far as I'm concerned. My safety/privacy and hosting willingness are on par with everyone without a good reason to not have people in their homes. Single guys aren't below anyone else, even if some think they need to be more 'accommodating' to others preferences in terms of who hosts. |
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I've put mine down, i know some are gonna frown upon my situation and that ok, now I don't have to deal with the messages unless there an asshole and message me anyway, telling me why I shouldn't be. |
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By *opeyXWoman 11 weeks ago
Dun Dee |
"So iv had messages say you can’t accommodate so you must be cheating. Not everyone is a cheat . Maybe ask why can’t accommodate then assume "
Plenty of men do accomodate on here that are attached they just choose to do so from hotels clubs etc.
I'd change to you can accomodate and then explain if you get to know someone.
I've got I can't accomodate and I'm single. Some people make the assumption I'm attached. It's a good filter. I'm not looking to speak to those that do make assumptions. |
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"I don’t meet people who don’t accommodate because it shouldn’t always fall to one person. I’m happy to share the accommodating but for someone to expect to come to mine every time is a bit cheeky
Can vary though. I've some good friends who have kids and to me, being a guy that lives alone in my own space its different. I understand the 'this is my kids home' argument. So I'd never expect to go to theirs, even if the kids are at school/with an ex/at family. Not saying I'd never pay them a visit but only if it was a longer term acquaintance rather than someone new. Good friends are always welcome at mine and I've always found it a lot more relaxing and comfortable for new single friends to come to me, or meet at a neutral venue (Hotel or club).
Plus I don't want to be stepping on lego or expecting someone to have to spend ages clearing up toys and the mess kids make just so I could pay a visit.
Couples that don't accommodate that have no better reason than 'we don't want to' and who expect to come to me because I'm happy to accommodate? Nope. The playing field is level as far as I'm concerned. My safety/privacy and hosting willingness are on par with everyone without a good reason to not have people in their homes. Single guys aren't below anyone else, even if some think they need to be more 'accommodating' to others preferences in terms of who hosts. "
I didn’t insinuate that men or couples were above or below anybody else.
It was a blanket statement - I don’t meet anyone who doesn’t accommodate. Men, couples or women. |
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"Maybe reframe your thinking - if people are so judgemental without giving you the chance to explain by actually asking what your circumstances are, then they're probably not the kind of people you want to engage with. They've done you a favour by filtering themselves out of your search pool! "
This, you don’t need judgemental knobheads in your messages never mind in your house, you are allowed to be single, you are also allowed to cheat, but under no circumstances lower your standards to theirs just for a jump, there i said what I said, no further questions at this point |
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By *bi HaiveMan 11 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I don’t meet people who don’t accommodate because it shouldn’t always fall to one person. I’m happy to share the accommodating but for someone to expect to come to mine every time is a bit cheeky
Can vary though. I've some good friends who have kids and to me, being a guy that lives alone in my own space its different. I understand the 'this is my kids home' argument. So I'd never expect to go to theirs, even if the kids are at school/with an ex/at family. Not saying I'd never pay them a visit but only if it was a longer term acquaintance rather than someone new. Good friends are always welcome at mine and I've always found it a lot more relaxing and comfortable for new single friends to come to me, or meet at a neutral venue (Hotel or club).
Plus I don't want to be stepping on lego or expecting someone to have to spend ages clearing up toys and the mess kids make just so I could pay a visit.
Couples that don't accommodate that have no better reason than 'we don't want to' and who expect to come to me because I'm happy to accommodate? Nope. The playing field is level as far as I'm concerned. My safety/privacy and hosting willingness are on par with everyone without a good reason to not have people in their homes. Single guys aren't below anyone else, even if some think they need to be more 'accommodating' to others preferences in terms of who hosts.
I didn’t insinuate that men or couples were above or below anybody else.
It was a blanket statement - I don’t meet anyone who doesn’t accommodate. Men, couples or women. "
I know. I was generalising. 😉 |
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""don't accommodate as I have some common sense and do not want every tom dick and harry in my home" something like that.
I never even look at that part as I would never go to a guy's house regardless, I watch netflix, I know what happens. Plus, bloody patterned duvet covers, just no. "
Patterned duvet covers?!
Lol major ick for you? Never even entered my head...that made me laugh! |
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By *8on33Man 11 weeks ago
winfrith |
"So iv had messages say you can’t accommodate so you must be cheating. Not everyone is a cheat . Maybe ask why can’t accommodate then assume "
Message the ones you're interested in don't worry about the ones who aren't interested in you ,theirs someone for everyone here .
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I've said this before, not accommodating alone doesn't mean a man is cheating.
There will usually be various other clues if they are.
Many have kids or live with friends.
It is a bit of a double standard on here, as people tend to give women the benefit of the doubt if they don't accom. Yet accuse men of being cheats. |
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I let them assume. I *can* accommodate, but rarely choose to, certainly not initially,.so just say I can't. People can ask me, or they can assume - I don't lose too much sleep over it.
It's never been that big of an issue to be honest. |
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By *nnCeeWoman 11 weeks ago
East of Eden, West of Hell |
I've been here for 4 years. I've never had anyone comment re the Cannot accommodate!
Maybe there are double standards!
I was chatting to one chap who also had a No, and it was because his kid lived with him.
I don't generally accommodate, as I'm thoroughly ashamed of the general untidiness of my flat. Although my FWB always comes to mine, as he lives with his elderly step-father and definitely doesn't mix home and friends. |
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It's yet another fab double standard.
A woman who couldn't accommodate and made no mention of her reasons why on her profile didn't seem to understand the irony of claiming on another thread that she avoids any man on here who can't accommodate and doesn't state clearly on his profile why he can't because obviously he is cheating. |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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"I started dating a man I met through Fab. He said he couldn't accommodate as he shared with two housemates who were a couple. As the months passed I wondered why the couple never went out or went to work so I could come round. Then one day it dawned on me. He still lived with his elderly parents and was a bit embarrassed to tell me ! "
Women would much rather date and f*** a guy who still has a wife at home, than doing anything with a guy who has his parents living at his home |
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"I started dating a man I met through Fab. He said he couldn't accommodate as he shared with two housemates who were a couple. As the months passed I wondered why the couple never went out or went to work so I could come round. Then one day it dawned on me. He still lived with his elderly parents and was a bit embarrassed to tell me !
Women would much rather date and f*** a guy who still has a wife at home, than doing anything with a guy who has his parents living at his home "
Really weird thing to say |
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By *rpeggioCouple 10 weeks ago
Baughurst |
"I started dating a man I met through Fab. He said he couldn't accommodate as he shared with two housemates who were a couple. As the months passed I wondered why the couple never went out or went to work so I could come round. Then one day it dawned on me. He still lived with his elderly parents and was a bit embarrassed to tell me !
Women would much rather date and f*** a guy who still has a wife at home, than doing anything with a guy who has his parents living at his home "
__
Is this a fact? Or just your opinion as a man? Just asking... |
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"I started dating a man I met through Fab. He said he couldn't accommodate as he shared with two housemates who were a couple. As the months passed I wondered why the couple never went out or went to work so I could come round. Then one day it dawned on me. He still lived with his elderly parents and was a bit embarrassed to tell me !
Women would much rather date and f*** a guy who still has a wife at home, than doing anything with a guy who has his parents living at his home "
What bollocks 🤣🤣
Mr
|
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"I started dating a man I met through Fab. He said he couldn't accommodate as he shared with two housemates who were a couple. As the months passed I wondered why the couple never went out or went to work so I could come round. Then one day it dawned on me. He still lived with his elderly parents and was a bit embarrassed to tell me !
Women would much rather date and f*** a guy who still has a wife at home, than doing anything with a guy who has his parents living at his home
What bollocks 🤣🤣
Mr
"
He has put that to get a reaction |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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"I started dating a man I ..... was a bit embarrassed to tell me !
Women would much rather date and f*** a guy who still has a wife at home, than doing anything with a guy who has his parents living at his home
What bollocks 🤣🤣
Mr
He has put that to get a reaction "
It worked.
Actually I saw it on a meme years ago. Funny thing, it reminded me of fab and general online dating. |
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"I started dating a man I met through Fab. He said he couldn't accommodate as he shared with two housemates who were a couple. As the months passed I wondered why the couple never went out or went to work so I could come round. Then one day it dawned on me. He still lived with his elderly parents and was a bit embarrassed to tell me !
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Women would much rather date and f*** a guy who still has a wife at home, than doing anything with a guy who has his parents living at his home "
•
Really? |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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"So iv had messages say you can’t accommodate so you must be cheating. Not everyone is a cheat . Maybe ask why can’t accommodate then assume "
Many people love to project/assume, and don't use their brains. Like, if you were cheating, would you be putting a face pic as your profile pic? I doubt it, unless you were as braindead as them 😅.
But they don't really give that any thought, do they? Of all the very common scenarios for which one can't or won't accommodate, they jump straight to the one that allows them to feel the most self-righteous.
I was in your same boat, for different reasons (shared accommodation, company-provided). Just add a line to explain why you can't accommodate to filter out the hate mail (I did and it mostly worked, for me), and don't let a few small minds faze you.
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"I started dating a man I met through Fab. He said he couldn't accommodate as he shared with two housemates who were a couple. As the months passed I wondered why the couple never went out or went to work so I could come round. Then one day it dawned on me. He still lived with his elderly parents and was a bit embarrassed to tell me !
Women would much rather date and f*** a guy who still has a wife at home, than doing anything with a guy who has his parents living at his home "
Not true! |
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"I started dating a man I met through Fab. He said he couldn't accommodate as he shared with two housemates who were a couple. As the months passed I wondered why the couple never went out or went to work so I could come round. Then one day it dawned on me. He still lived with his elderly parents and was a bit embarrassed to tell me !
Women would much rather date and f*** a guy who still has a wife at home, than doing anything with a guy who has his parents living at his home "
🎣 |
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"I started dating a man I met through Fab. He said he couldn't accommodate as he shared with two housemates who were a couple. As the months passed I wondered why the couple never went out or went to work so I could come round. Then one day it dawned on me. He still lived with his elderly parents and was a bit embarrassed to tell me !
Women would much rather date and f*** a guy who still has a wife at home, than doing anything with a guy who has his parents living at his home "
Never met a woman huh |
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