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What stops you from messaging?
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What stops you from messaging someone that you’re attracted to, if anything?
Could it be due to fear of rejection or that they’re too far from you?
If i’m attracted to someone, I tend to just go straight in and drop a message.
That’s normally when things go wrong for me  |
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By *eliWoman 14 weeks ago
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Because I don't think they'd be interested in me. That's not me being self deprecating, more realistic.
I don't approach it from an "I fancy you" approach, more, I think you're cool, hopefully you'll want to talk to me. Sometimes I just know they wouldn't want to. |
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By *WANDTGCouple 14 weeks ago
Borough of Greenwich |
Reality !
Even when we've been approached by "Gym bunnies " in there late 30s we question ourselves, what would they want us !?!?
So we normally reply, sorry it's a no. Same reason we wouldn't message them. |
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"Reality !
Even when we've been approached by "Gym bunnies " in there late 30s we question ourselves, what would they want us !?!?
So we normally reply, sorry it's a no. Same reason we wouldn't message them. "
I would love for a no thanks but very rarely happens |
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As a lot have said,The fear of rejection also looking at their pictures and those that have verified them,Thinking they are way out my league and wouldn’t be interested or thinking wow I would measure up to the size of him why would they be interested |
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"Fear of rejection, or that they’ll think worse of me. I’d prefer to be anonymous than rejected, unfortunately.
Even some of those I occasionally interact with, I don’t tell how much I like them."
I completely get this. I need to be less open with the people I interact with. |
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I don’t message people as I’m not here for that. But when I used to years ago, no matter how attractive their pictures may be or how much I thought I’d like to fuck that, as soon as I saw rudeness, sarcasm or over confidence in their profile description I’d go off them straight away. I haven’t got time for people thinking they are more than what they actually are. |
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By (user no longer on site) 14 weeks ago
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I've never really had an issue with messaging someone first. Instead of worrying whether or not they'll reject my advances, I take the "I'm just going to have a friendly chat with them" approach, and see if it develops from there 😊😍😋 |
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"Usually the mass blockings or restraining orders…
I believe the restraining order means that you are not allowed to enter the Greater London area."
Thanks for that 🤣🤣
I only wanted my shovel back 🤣 |
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If I like someone I tend to like a few of their pics and see if I get a message from it. I don’t like messaging first in case I get rejected, then I’d feel stupid. Moreso with people on the forums for some reason. |
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"Because I don't think they'd be interested in me. That's not me being self deprecating, more realistic.
I don't approach it from an "I fancy you" approach, more, I think you're cool, hopefully you'll want to talk to me. Sometimes I just know they wouldn't want to."
Thus hits the nail on the head for me. If it feels like I'd have to convince them to give me a shot, then it's doomed from the start and I'll just move on |
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By (user no longer on site) 14 weeks ago
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"Because they are out of my league.
There's also a distance factor, as there are very few in Scotland who catch my eye, and I see no point in flirting with someone 500 miles away."
You forgot to mention the language and culture barrier too |
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Aside from reciprocal messages between forum-dwellers on here - mostly women I'll admit - I've only sent a handful of 'first contact' messages in the last 3 years. All of my dalliances have been on the back of women sending the first message.
This year, however, I've sent three introductory messages. They were, let's say, too good to miss.
IF I am reluctant then it's probably down to the geographical disparities more often than not. As I've previous said - the Fab Curse™ prevails.... 🌍 |
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By *aven.Woman 14 weeks ago
Not the North West... |
"they've blocked all men ,I mean why would you ."
I do this often .
When I can't be arsed to talk to anyone.
When I have unread messages already and rather than moan about how many I just stop anymore coming.
Some days people just annoy me. |
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By *agatoXXXMan 14 weeks ago
Gone and completely forgotten. |
"Because they are out of my league.
There's also a distance factor, as there are very few in Scotland who catch my eye, and I see no point in flirting with someone 500 miles away.
You forgot to mention the language and culture barrier too "
I have no problem understanding your strange southern accents and ways. |
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"they've blocked all men ,I mean why would you .
I do this often .
When I can't be arsed to talk to anyone.
When I have unread messages already and rather than moan about how many I just stop anymore coming.
Some days people just annoy me."
At this point in time the human race annoys me. |
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"Does anyone get this weird feeling in their mind where you think "they won't be interested anyway" and just don't bother messaging. Something I need to get over and stop doing
Absolutely! "
Crap isn't it x |
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"Does anyone get this weird feeling in their mind where you think "they won't be interested anyway" and just don't bother messaging. Something I need to get over and stop doing "
Yes, and I hate it, luckily I've calmed down and had more faith in myself but it crops up every now and again. |
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Nothing stops me. I have no expectations, and I'm not scared of, or offended by, rejection. I know others can be more reticent, for various reasons, and it would be a shame for something potentially rewarding to be missed out on because both of us were too hesitant to make the first move. |
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By (user no longer on site) 14 weeks ago
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"they've blocked all men ,I mean why would you .
To get a break, to have fun on the forums without getting 30 messages of ‘hey’ or ‘can I spank that’"
I can honestly say I’ve never had that. …
*Woody Counts his blessings he’s a dude. |
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"Does anyone get this weird feeling in their mind where you think "they won't be interested anyway" and just don't bother messaging. Something I need to get over and stop doing
Absolutely!
Crap isn't it x"
Definitely xx |
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By *HUSH-Man 14 weeks ago
London |
People have to shoot their shot. Everyone gets rejected and it’s because you’re either someone’s type or you’re not. That’s all it is. Sometimes it can give your self esteem a wobble though. I admit that.
I very seldom message someone, generally I don’t message people that have little or no bio because on the few occasions I have the chat has gone absolutely no where after a message or two. So I can’t really be bothered.
Forumites are by far the best people to chat to on this site. Many of you have had me cracking up with laughter and have shown brave vulnerability. Examples of which are throughout this thread.
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"Does anyone get this weird feeling in their mind where you think "they won't be interested anyway" and just don't bother messaging. Something I need to get over and stop doing
Yes, and I hate it, luckily I've calmed down and had more faith in myself but it crops up every now and again."
Annoying mate isn't it. I need to have more faith in myself too |
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"What stops you from messaging someone that you’re attracted to, if anything?
Could it be due to fear of rejection or that they’re too far from you?
If i’m attracted to someone, I tend to just go straight in and drop a message.
That’s normally when things go wrong for me "
I don’t message if I’ve not got time to realistically start or continue a conversation
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"Self doubt. Why would they want me when there's guys with photos of their ripped bodies. I'm nobody's fantasy."
Come on mate. Don't beat yourself down like that. I'm in good shape but I'm not everyone's cup of tea and actually been rejected loads of times. I'm sure you're deffo someone's fantasy. |
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By *avexxMan 14 weeks ago
cheshire |
"Self doubt. Why would they want me when there's guys with photos of their ripped bodies. I'm nobody's fantasy."
... its not just about the body op its connection,, you can be ripped but be as dull as dish water
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"Self doubt. Why would they want me when there's guys with photos of their ripped bodies. I'm nobody's fantasy.... its not just about the body op its connection,, you can be ripped but be as dull as dish water"
This, I find intellectual conversations more attractive than anything else |
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"Self doubt. Why would they want me when there's guys with photos of their ripped bodies. I'm nobody's fantasy.... its not just about the body op its connection,, you can be ripped but be as dull as dish water
This, I find intellectual conversations more attractive than anything else "
Same here x  |
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By (user no longer on site) 14 weeks ago
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"Self doubt. Why would they want me when there's guys with photos of their ripped bodies. I'm nobody's fantasy.... its not just about the body op its connection,, you can be ripped but be as dull as dish water
This, I find intellectual conversations more attractive than anything else
Same here x "
Same here too x 😊 |
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By *aven.Woman 14 weeks ago
Not the North West... |
"Self doubt. Why would they want me when there's guys with photos of their ripped bodies. I'm nobody's fantasy.... its not just about the body op its connection,, you can be ripped but be as dull as dish water"
This is very true, and there's a lot about!
But if I'm not physically attracted to you we probably won't have the great conversation. I'm shallow like that.
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I don't think I've ever sent a first message on here. Replied to lots, but not initiated one for lots of reasons that previous posters have mentioned.
On dating apps, you at least know there is mutual attraction if you match with someone. So I find it a lot easier to strike up a conversation. Here, not so much. |
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By (user no longer on site) 14 weeks ago
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"Self doubt. Why would they want me when there's guys with photos of their ripped bodies. I'm nobody's fantasy.... its not just about the body op its connection,, you can be ripped but be as dull as dish water
This, I find intellectual conversations more attractive than anything else
Same here x
Same here too x 😊"
You two need to leave the poor man alone, he's still a child  |
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By (user no longer on site) 14 weeks ago
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"Self doubt. Why would they want me when there's guys with photos of their ripped bodies. I'm nobody's fantasy.... its not just about the body op its connection,, you can be ripped but be as dull as dish water
This, I find intellectual conversations more attractive than anything else
Same here x
Same here too x 😊
You two need to leave the poor man alone, he's still a child "
Stop it you!! Go and walk your dog or something 🤣 I was merely concurring with K's comment, because it was a really valid point 😊 |
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"Self doubt. Why would they want me when there's guys with photos of their ripped bodies. I'm nobody's fantasy.... its not just about the body op its connection,, you can be ripped but be as dull as dish water
This, I find intellectual conversations more attractive than anything else
Same here x
Same here too x 😊
You two need to leave the poor man alone, he's still a child "
Hey ! What's got your knickers in a twist? 🤣 |
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By (user no longer on site) 14 weeks ago
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"Self doubt. Why would they want me when there's guys with photos of their ripped bodies. I'm nobody's fantasy.... its not just about the body op its connection,, you can be ripped but be as dull as dish water
This, I find intellectual conversations more attractive than anything else
Same here x
Same here too x 😊
You two need to leave the poor man alone, he's still a child
Hey ! What's got your knickers in a twist? 🤣"
Exactly 🤣 I think he's now gone to talk to his dog about it 😂 |
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Most of my luck comes from going to clubs and talking to people. I have the ability to talk about any topic. It's just weird having to send a first message that would engage with someone straight away. |
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I haven't sent an opening message in 4½ years but that has nothing to do with fear and everything to do with having much more important priorities.
When I was messaging the only thing that stopped me from contacting anyone was that I wasn't attracted to their profile.
If something caught my eye on a profile I would send a message because rejection was never an option as they weren't the type of messages that could result in rejection. |
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By (user no longer on site) 14 weeks ago
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"What stops you from messaging someone that you’re attracted to, if anything?
Could it be due to fear of rejection or that they’re too far from you?
If i’m attracted to someone, I tend to just go straight in and drop a message.
That’s normally when things go wrong for me "
Nothing. I'm a pest with a penchant for mischief. 😇😇😇 |
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Being a single man I can only imagine the amount of messages women and couples get every day and read their responses to the content of many of the messages.
So being the decent guy I am I tend to let people message me if they are interested, hence why I don't get any messages.. Haha |
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By *agic.MMan 14 weeks ago
Orpington |
Simply put it...I don't want to compete with the amount of messages a woman receives from other men. When I joined fab the first time, I used to message, but rarely got a reply back, except months later with a "I'm so sorry I missed your message " |
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"What stops you from messaging someone that you’re attracted to, if anything?
Could it be due to fear of rejection or that they’re too far from you?
If i’m attracted to someone, I tend to just go straight in and drop a message.
That’s normally when things go wrong for me "
It’s not fear of rejection, it’s more of getting lost in the abyss of men messaging women and wasting their time… and the fear of rejection of course is always in the back of my mind.. |
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By *HUSH-Man 14 weeks ago
London |
"Thinking I wont get a reply or thinking why would they choose me over all the other ripped guys!
Because there’s a lot more to a person than abs "
And the fact that some genuinely aren’t attracted to it either.
It’s quite common to see Dad bod threads on here and when lots of women say they like a dad bod it just doesn’t seem to be believed. |
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Back in the day when I was meeting, there would be many folk I found attractive but always scared of rejection, so just looked from afar, waiting in hope one day a message would land in my inbox but sadly they never did. Aside from the husband of course 😂 |
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otherwise id be straightforward 
