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Should I tell him
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By (user no longer on site) OP 24 weeks ago
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How do u tell a male friend you've had for 10 years your crazy about him. Or do you tell him.? 🤔 I know he's very fond of me. Weve had that discussion and I know he can't handle me not being in his life. As we have been through thst.Do I tell him and risk losing our friendship? Or keep quiet 🤫 advise please 🙏 |
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By (user no longer on site) 24 weeks ago
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No one responded yet. Dont think that I am the person to give advice. If my best female friend at uni had told me that she wanted to go out with me things would have been very different now - though, she has since been twice divorced. She is still a really good friend and we both say we would have done things differently in our twenties, but I like her as a friend.
(no help whatsoever, but as I said, I dont think that i am the best to give advice on relationships - I have the emotional complexity of an amoeba!)
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 24 weeks ago
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"No one responded yet. Dont think that I am the person to give advice. If my best female friend at uni had told me that she wanted to go out with me things would have been very different now - though, she has since been twice divorced. She is still a really good friend and we both say we would have done things differently in our twenties, but I like her as a friend.
(no help whatsoever, but as I said, I dont think that i am the best to give advice on relationships - I have the emotional complexity of an amoeba!)
Good luck."
thank you |
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Difficult one, if you tell him and he doesn't feel the same too, this could possibly change the friendship dynamic but it could also work the other way and he feels exactly the same way.
As a poster said, has he given any hints that he may feel the same way as you? It's such a hard thing to decide what to do, good luck OP xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 24 weeks ago
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"Depends, has he given any hint he feels the same?
Is he single? Does he see other women?
"
He's made it clear he's very fond of me and has feelings for me. But I don't know how deep those feelings are. He has seen a couple of women over the years but he's called it off after a while. |
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By (user no longer on site) 24 weeks ago
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"How do u tell a male friend you've had for 10 years your crazy about him. Or do you tell him.? 🤔 I know he's very fond of me. Weve had that discussion and I know he can't handle me not being in his life. As we have been through thst.Do I tell him and risk losing our friendship? Or keep quiet 🤫 advise please 🙏 "
Keep quiet. Find someone else is my advice. If he wanted anything he would have tried? Men don't have that same 'we're friends mindset, if we like someone we're normally stupid enough to risk it. If he hasn't already, he probably prefers what yous have? I was in love with my best friends Mrs, who was one my best friends as well, have never told anyone, not worth the risk of losing everyone? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 24 weeks ago
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"Difficult one, if you tell him and he doesn't feel the same too, this could possibly change the friendship dynamic but it could also work the other way and he feels exactly the same way.
As a poster said, has he given any hints that he may feel the same way as you? It's such a hard thing to decide what to do, good luck OP xx"
Really hard decision as I couldn't bare to lose him completely |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 24 weeks ago
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"How do u tell a male friend you've had for 10 years your crazy about him. Or do you tell him.? 🤔 I know he's very fond of me. Weve had that discussion and I know he can't handle me not being in his life. As we have been through thst.Do I tell him and risk losing our friendship? Or keep quiet 🤫 advise please 🙏
Keep quiet. Find someone else is my advice. If he wanted anything he would have tried? Men don't have that same 'we're friends mindset, if we like someone we're normally stupid enough to risk it. If he hasn't already, he probably prefers what yous have? I was in love with my best friends Mrs, who was one my best friends as well, have never told anyone, not worth the risk of losing everyone?"
Thank you I've often thought surely if he felt the same he would have said by now . |
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This life we have is so very short, don't waste your chance of happiness. Tell him! Be honest, if he doesn't feel the same then at least you tried.
It would be a little strained after but don't rush to get the relationship back to where it was, it will repair in time.
On the other hand you could be blissfully happy with him and enjoying your new life.
Go for it ! |
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By *ee69Man 24 weeks ago
glasgow |
You need to go for it life is too short , a don’t have female friends after a few experiences a refuse to live in the friend zone , if he your friend this long there must be something, good luck. |
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Are your feelings for him stopping you moving on with your life?
If they are then you should tell him. Even if you lose him as a friend you cannot put off your happiness on the off chance he may take the next step with you.
10 years of unrequited love is more than enough for anyone.
Tell him, what's the worst that can happen, if he doesn't want to further the relationship then you've lost nothing, you can only win.
Losing a friend could be a possibility but you don't want him as just a friend anyway. And if this happens it will set you free so you can find the love of your life.
So go to your knicker draw, pull out your big girl pants, take a deep breath and call him.
Good luck,
Mrs x |
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"Are your feelings for him stopping you moving on with your life?
If they are then you should tell him. Even if you lose him as a friend you cannot put off your happiness on the off chance he may take the next step with you.
10 years of unrequited love is more than enough for anyone.
Tell him, what's the worst that can happen, if he doesn't want to further the relationship then you've lost nothing, you can only win.
Losing a friend could be a possibility but you don't want him as just a friend anyway. And if this happens it will set you free so you can find the love of your life.
So go to your knicker draw, pull out your big girl pants, take a deep breath and call him.
Good luck,
Mrs x"
This is actually really good advice, 10 years is a very long time and maybe this is your "turn left" moment (any doctor who fans will get this). Maybe biting the bullet would be best and then if it doesn't work out, you can move on? |
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What if you never tell him but he wants to be with you?
I guess its risk and reward. You could tell him how important he is to you and you just wish it could be more. Tell him how you feel but say you know it won't be anymore than it is and you would never want to lose him as a friend.
He'll either say he agrees and doesn't want to spoil the friendship or he might say he wants more.
Problem comes if you get together then break up...as I said its balancing the risk with the reward x |
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By *agic.MMan 24 weeks ago
Orpington |
"How do u tell a male friend you've had for 10 years your crazy about him. Or do you tell him.? 🤔 I know he's very fond of me. Weve had that discussion and I know he can't handle me not being in his life. As we have been through thst.Do I tell him and risk losing our friendship? Or keep quiet 🤫 advise please 🙏 "
Is this a platonic friendship or a friendship with benefits? If it's a platonic friendship, than I believe the best approach is to tell him (otherwise you would just be pretending to be in a platonic friendship with him - which is dishonest). If it's a friendship with benefits...just let it unfold naturally. This is not high-school, and both of you are grown adults...it's not as difficult as people say it is...just be honest. It's better to regret the things we have done in life rather than regret the things we've never attempted. Good luck  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 24 weeks ago
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"Are your feelings for him stopping you moving on with your life?
If they are then you should tell him. Even if you lose him as a friend you cannot put off your happiness on the off chance he may take the next step with you.
10 years of unrequited love is more than enough for anyone.
Tell him, what's the worst that can happen, if he doesn't want to further the relationship then you've lost nothing, you can only win.
Losing a friend could be a possibility but you don't want him as just a friend anyway. And if this happens it will set you free so you can find the love of your life.
So go to your knicker draw, pull out your big girl pants, take a deep breath and call him.
Good luck,
Mrs x"
Yes it's stopping me from moving on.i go on dates and compare all the time. I don't seem to allow myself to get into a relationship cause I feel ill never feel how I feel about him. It's torture |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 24 weeks ago
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"How do u tell a male friend you've had for 10 years your crazy about him. Or do you tell him.? 🤔 I know he's very fond of me. Weve had that discussion and I know he can't handle me not being in his life. As we have been through thst.Do I tell him and risk losing our friendship? Or keep quiet 🤫 advise please 🙏
Is this a platonic friendship or a friendship with benefits? If it's a platonic friendship, than I believe the best approach is to tell him (otherwise you would just be pretending to be in a platonic friendship with him - which is dishonest). If it's a friendship with benefits...just let it unfold naturally. This is not high-school, and both of you are grown adults...it's not as difficult as people say it is...just be honest. It's better to regret the things we have done in life rather than regret the things we've never attempted. Good luck "
It has been with benefits at times. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 24 weeks ago
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"What if you never tell him but he wants to be with you?
I guess its risk and reward. You could tell him how important he is to you and you just wish it could be more. Tell him how you feel but say you know it won't be anymore than it is and you would never want to lose him as a friend.
He'll either say he agrees and doesn't want to spoil the friendship or he might say he wants more.
Problem comes if you get together then break up...as I said its balancing the risk with the reward x"
Thank you |
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I did it. We started a partnership from a 5 year friendship and as a friend he was awesome, as a romantic partner living together, he was very far from it.
Totally destroyed the friendship as our partnership soured it, my feelings of resentment to him, went very deep in the end.
This is why I stick to just long term close friends with benefits, I've no Intention of reliving the fallout, from a shared home splitting again.
Good luck OP  |
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"Are your feelings for him stopping you moving on with your life?
If they are then you should tell him. Even if you lose him as a friend you cannot put off your happiness on the off chance he may take the next step with you.
10 years of unrequited love is more than enough for anyone.
Tell him, what's the worst that can happen, if he doesn't want to further the relationship then you've lost nothing, you can only win.
Losing a friend could be a possibility but you don't want him as just a friend anyway. And if this happens it will set you free so you can find the love of your life.
So go to your knicker draw, pull out your big girl pants, take a deep breath and call him.
Good luck,
Mrs x
Yes it's stopping me from moving on.i go on dates and compare all the time. I don't seem to allow myself to get into a relationship cause I feel ill never feel how I feel about him. It's torture "
If you told him and he doesn't want to start a relationship, then he should, if he's a true friend, cut you free. He should realise the role he's playing in this 'torture' you describe and allow you to move on, actually want you to move on if he's such a good friend.
This won't get better for you over time, this will just fester for you until such time that finds the love of his life and you will be left alone, holding on to missed opportunities and unhappiness.
Pull the plaster off in one go, don't delay, you've had a decade of dreaming with no Prince Charming at the end of it.
It's going to hurt but you'll be better off in the end, either in a loving relationship with him or in one with 'The One' you just haven't found yet.
Mrs x |
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By *a LunaWoman 24 weeks ago
South Wales |
Sounds like he already knows really.
I’d leave it.
I mean what would you gain if you told him? Is he free to take on board the news and if he feels likewise he can feel the feels back? Or is there someone he’s attached to where this sort of declaration would place him in an awkward position.
And how much do you value his friendship? What if he runs for the hills, would you kick yourself for losing him?
If it’s not possible for things to move forward then I don’t see the point in telling him.
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It all depends on his current situation. If he's already in a relationship, even a more casual one, you have to consider how your declaration will affect that.
If not, you should definitely tell him unless you think it might blow a big hole in your friendship. Maybe there's a friend of his you could sound out, see if s/he knows if your friend has feelings for you. Because he might! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 24 weeks ago
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"Are your feelings for him stopping you moving on with your life?
If they are then you should tell him. Even if you lose him as a friend you cannot put off your happiness on the off chance he may take the next step with you.
10 years of unrequited love is more than enough for anyone.
Tell him, what's the worst that can happen, if he doesn't want to further the relationship then you've lost nothing, you can only win.
Losing a friend could be a possibility but you don't want him as just a friend anyway. And if this happens it will set you free so you can find the love of your life.
So go to your knicker draw, pull out your big girl pants, take a deep breath and call him.
Good luck,
Mrs x
Yes it's stopping me from moving on.i go on dates and compare all the time. I don't seem to allow myself to get into a relationship cause I feel ill never feel how I feel about him. It's torture If you told him and he doesn't want to start a relationship, then he should, if he's a true friend, cut you free. He should realise the role he's playing in this 'torture' you describe and allow you to move on, actually want you to move on if he's such a good friend.
This won't get better for you over time, this will just fester for you until such time that finds the love of his life and you will be left alone, holding on to missed opportunities and unhappiness.
Pull the plaster off in one go, don't delay, you've had a decade of dreaming with no Prince Charming at the end of it.
It's going to hurt but you'll be better off in the end, either in a loving relationship with him or in one with 'The One' you just haven't found yet.
Mrs x"
🤎 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 24 weeks ago
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"I did it. We started a partnership from a 5 year friendship and as a friend he was awesome, as a romantic partner living together, he was very far from it.
Totally destroyed the friendship as our partnership soured it, my feelings of resentment to him, went very deep in the end.
This is why I stick to just long term close friends with benefits, I've no Intention of reliving the fallout, from a shared home splitting again.
Good luck OP "
❤️ |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 24 weeks ago
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"It all depends on his current situation. If he's already in a relationship, even a more casual one, you have to consider how your declaration will affect that.
If not, you should definitely tell him unless you think it might blow a big hole in your friendship. Maybe there's a friend of his you could sound out, see if s/he knows if your friend has feelings for you. Because he might!"
❤️ |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 24 weeks ago
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"Sounds like he already knows really.
I’d leave it.
I mean what would you gain if you told him? Is he free to take on board the news and if he feels likewise he can feel the feels back? Or is there someone he’s attached to where this sort of declaration would place him in an awkward position.
And how much do you value his friendship? What if he runs for the hills, would you kick yourself for losing him?
If it’s not possible for things to move forward then I don’t see the point in telling him.
"
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By (user no longer on site) OP 24 weeks ago
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"Sounds like he already knows really.
I’d leave it.
I mean what would you gain if you told him? Is he free to take on board the news and if he feels likewise he can feel the feels back? Or is there someone he’s attached to where this sort of declaration would place him in an awkward position.
And how much do you value his friendship? What if he runs for the hills, would you kick yourself for losing him?
If it’s not possible for things to move forward then I don’t see the point in telling him.
"
❤️ |
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Tell him for him and out of respect for him. He's your friend and he would be gutted to learn you suffered half your life and didn't say anything.
Tell him for you. You need to move on whether it's together or apart.
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"For me it would be easier not to say and to keep the person in my life rather than risk losing them forever and dealing with that heartbreak. I'm such a coward 🤣"
But don't you deserve love and all that comes with it. Why would you want to keep anyone, particularly a so called friend in your life who would deny you this or desert you if you said you wanted to find this.
Everyone owes themselves the chance of finding love, friends, true friends would understand this,
Mrs x |
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By *ady LickWoman 24 weeks ago
Northampton Somewhere |
I think you should tell him, if he feels the same great if not you can stop wondering 'what if' and move on knowing that you're not going to live in emotional torture! Life's too short for that. |
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"Ten years and neither of you has moved this on to more than friendship. Why is that?"
Because he wants his cake and likes to eat it too. He doesn't seem to want her enough to commit but doesn't want anyone else to have her.
Mrs x |
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"Ten years and neither of you has moved this on to more than friendship. Why is that?Because he wants his cake and likes to eat it too. He doesn't seem to want her enough to commit but doesn't want anyone else to have her.
Mrs x"
I live by the Maya Angelou quote
'when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time'.
I think this is what the op should do. |
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"Ten years and neither of you has moved this on to more than friendship. Why is that?Because he wants his cake and likes to eat it too. He doesn't seem to want her enough to commit but doesn't want anyone else to have her.
Mrs x
I live by the Maya Angelou quote
'when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time'.
I think this is what the op should do. "
You said it much nicer than I did, Mrs x |
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By *aizyWoman 24 weeks ago
west midlands |
"I think you should tell him, if he feels the same great if not you can stop wondering 'what if' and move on knowing that you're not going to live in emotional torture! Life's too short for that."
Yes, this OP, if this is how you are feeling it is better just to tell him, it will just fester otherwise which really isn't good for you. |
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My life felt like a stream of these dilemmas.
When I met my future wife, I had just started seeing someone else, that went down like a lead balloon.
Then someone I had been friends with for years and was crazy about, sent me a letter declaring her love for me and regrets at not telling me earlier. I had just moved in with my future wife.
Then another friend, I'd lived with for years turned up at our door needing somewhere to stay and she declared her love for me and asked me to move in with her instead.
And they say being poly is too complicated.
In my experience holding back on feelings is as much likely to damage a relationship as disclosing them. I would put it out there openly and be prepared to give them space to adjust and get their head around it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 24 weeks ago
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"Tell him for him and out of respect for him. He's your friend and he would be gutted to learn you suffered half your life and didn't say anything.
Tell him for you. You need to move on whether it's together or apart.
"
Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 24 weeks ago
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Thanks everyone for your advice very much appreciated. I feel I've wasted enough of my life and if it all goes tits up by telling him.well at least I will know and can move on in some way. Rather than not moving on at all and keeping quiet. Xx |
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"Thanks everyone for your advice very much appreciated. I feel I've wasted enough of my life and if it all goes tits up by telling him.well at least I will know and can move on in some way. Rather than not moving on at all and keeping quiet. Xx"
This sounds a very healthy approach x very best wishes for it all going beautifully x |
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By *lynJMan 24 weeks ago
Morden |
"Thanks everyone for your advice very much appreciated. I feel I've wasted enough of my life and if it all goes tits up by telling him.well at least I will know and can move on in some way. Rather than not moving on at all and keeping quiet. Xx"
If it does go tits up, be prepared to feel like shit for a while. It will still be a relationship ending and you might grieve for it. Having said that, you will get through the sadness and have a better life.
Good luck OP. |
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"How do u tell a male friend you've had for 10 years your crazy about him. Or do you tell him.? 🤔 I know he's very fond of me. Weve had that discussion and I know he can't handle me not being in his life. As we have been through thst.Do I tell him and risk losing our friendship? Or keep quiet 🤫 advise please 🙏 "
What you got to lose, a friend ,do you have sex with him now ,do you have a relationship with him now .I guess that's what you've got to weigh up is friendship worth more than sex ,in my book it is .
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Thank you I've often thought surely if he felt the same he would have said by now ."
Or... Maybe he thinks and feels exactly the same as you?
It is so difficult. Do you take that chance or not? Life is short sometimes the risk is worth it.
Do you have a mutual friend that you can trust? Maybe sound them out about it.
I have a similar situation. I have been in love with a friend for over thirty years, but she is married. I was their best man! I have tried to bury my feelings so many times over the years, but I cannot let my feelings for her go. Even when I'm partnered up I long for her deep in my heart. It's probably why I spend so much time on here. I'm just distracting myself and probably kidding myself.
Too much time has passed now and it will be my regret till the end of my days.
So, be brave. Sometimes it can work out just right. Good luck x
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