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Could you have separate friends as a couple?
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By *hagTonight OP Man 14 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
Before I am asking the question. I will set the scene. I am not sure if you follow eastenders, but there jill and harvey is a couple and jill said that he could go out with other friends on his own, he have a lady friend, but now after a while he had done it, 2 months or so, it seems that jill cant cope with it anymore, it seems that jelousy is kicking in.
That makes me wonder and want to ask you, are you a couple, do you have separate friends, how do you manage it, like, do you get jealous if one of you have more friends and not the other one to join them, does it matter if the man could he have lady friends and the lady to have male friends?
Also if you single and dont have a partner yet, what would your thoughts be about it if you had a partner?
I am single and I think that I wouldnt mind if my partner had friends or to go out with them alone, sure. I could join in now and again, but I wouldnt mind it  |
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When I was with my ex I had separate friends as he didn't like them It was my best friend, It didn't affect anything for the most part, I did alternate big events he'd go to one she the other.
You can't force people to like each other as much as you'd like.
Mrs |
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Being in a relationship is about having trust in your partner and if they were out with a friend group that if one of those friends overstepped it would be stopped (unless prior agreements stopped it)
I would never expect or accept to stop seeing my friends separately or a partner becoming involved in the group
I would say by stopping them it is controlling behaviour
I would hope there was a way that it worked for all, I saw mine desperately, she saw hers separately, we saw each others together and we had our own time |
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I think if you have to do everything together and only have shared friends and no-one external to the relationship you're actually close to, you're only going to have trouble when it comes to getting a second opinion. It seems dangerously codependent to insist on that situation, and potentially just a way to make sure you don't get that outside voice if you want to talk to someone about things that are happening within the relationship.
Hell some of my friends don't even like each other. I'm not going to try and force someone else to get along with all of them or cut them out if they just don't mesh. |
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Yeah man. A healthy relationship you both need a life away from each other. Whether it’s a hobby or a group of people, as long as you trust each other, but you definitely both need something separately.
The mr |
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Yes shag, we have lots of different friends.
It’s never been a problem for us, if anything it has been very healthy for our marriage.
We both have our own weekends away with our friends a couple of times a year and have done since we were first together.
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I don't really have many, I have 2 friends from years ago that Rubik's has inherited through me but I don't see them often, we can go months without seeing each other or we will see each other loads in a month, I have "pub" friends that I've known for years, again inherited.
He has his dungeons and dragons friends that on the odd occasion we might meet up for a drink together but he goes out on his own with them to play his game.
I never ever get jealous, I used to with my ex husband, really used to piss ms off but I think back then I didn't have my own identity, didn't have any friends of my own, never went out at all, always with the kids.
It's like swinging though, I never get jealous when he goes off, he spent the night with his gf he had once in a hotel (funnily enough, the one km working at now 😂) and people were really concerned for me but I had a great night on my own 😂 |
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By *929Man 14 weeks ago
newcastle |
Always had seperate friends and it was no issue all my friends are the lads I grew up with and I can fully understand her not having any desire to hang out with them and vice versa and that’s perfectly fine. The only issue was she always found the slightest reason to hate my friends (one example is because ge ate a Yorkshire pudding) and despite it being my house would insist I never let them in, I didn’t really make an issue of it as don’t really like having friends over anyway so it wasn’t worth arguing about but still annoying but she never had issue with me socialising with them as long as not in house |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 14 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"When I was with my ex I had separate friends as he didn't like them It was my best friend, It didn't affect anything for the most part, I did alternate big events he'd go to one she the other.
You can't force people to like each other as much as you'd like.
Mrs "
Yes. I see, so you had to have it separate, that is good it didnt affect anything too |
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Mrs wick and I are polar opposites in social standing.
She has a bucket full of friends and sees the frequently. I have no social circle and prefer my own company.
It works perfectly, as she goes out and does her social stuff, while I get to stay home, with mini wick, and enjoy the peace. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 14 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Being in a relationship is about having trust in your partner and if they were out with a friend group that if one of those friends overstepped it would be stopped (unless prior agreements stopped it)
I would never expect or accept to stop seeing my friends separately or a partner becoming involved in the group
I would say by stopping them it is controlling behaviour
I would hope there was a way that it worked for all, I saw mine desperately, she saw hers separately, we saw each others together and we had our own time "
Yes, being in a relationship is all about having trust too  |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 14 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Yes shag, we have lots of different friends.
It’s never been a problem for us, if anything it has been very healthy for our marriage.
We both have our own weekends away with our friends a couple of times a year and have done since we were first together.
"
Hi _enrietteandsam, that is good you have lots of different friends and that it have never been a problem for you too |
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"It's healthy to have separate interests and friends.
You don't have to like them. The danger is if your other half's friends start turning your partner against you.
"
But why would you think their friends would try to turn them against you is the question that immediately summons.
Like, is it because you think they've clicked your own red flags or do you not trust your partners ability to choose friends who wouldnt shit on their (your partner's) relationship for fun or personal gain? |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 14 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Always had seperate friends and it was no issue all my friends are the lads I grew up with and I can fully understand her not having any desire to hang out with them and vice versa and that’s perfectly fine. The only issue was she always found the slightest reason to hate my friends (one example is because ge ate a Yorkshire pudding) and despite it being my house would insist I never let them in, I didn’t really make an issue of it as don’t really like having friends over anyway so it wasn’t worth arguing about but still annoying but she never had issue with me socialising with them as long as not in house "
That is good it never was an issue, as you had separate friends too |
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We've always had separate friends but I tend to socialise more with my friends than hubby does. He's always encouraging of that and doesn't have issues with me going on holidays with my friends without him. On the rare occasion he's gone on holiday with friends without me, I haven't had any issue with that either. |
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This is a super easy question to answer land that is yes you can have separate friends as a couple as we would go out with workmates and othe activities that we do separately as you need some personal space in a relationship and we have complete trust in each 9ther and we would discuss 8f we wanted to change how friendly we got with a friend |
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By *vaRose43Woman 14 weeks ago
Forest of Dean |
My husband and I are very different people socially. Extrovert and introvert.
He could meet a stranger in a queue and come back with an invite to their cousins wedding, I on the other hand keep my circle of friends small.
Of course we can and do socialise together but more often than not we are content to do this separately.
Much of my husbands social circle are ladies, in fact the best man at our wedding was his closest female friend… I’ve never once tried to stop him seeing others
Then again he’s also poly and bi and I’ve not ever felt the need to veto any partner he sees romantically either. I’m comfortable in my position in his heart, why would I?
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By *lynJMan 14 weeks ago
Morden |
"My husband and I are very different people socially. Extrovert and introvert.
He could meet a stranger in a queue and come back with an invite to their cousins wedding, I on the other hand keep my circle of friends small.
Of course we can and do socialise together but more often than not we are content to do this separately.
Much of my husbands social circle are ladies, in fact the best man at our wedding was his closest female friend… I’ve never once tried to stop him seeing others
Then again he’s also poly and bi and I’ve not ever felt the need to veto any partner he sees romantically either. I’m comfortable in my position in his heart, why would I?
"
👍 |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 14 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I think it’s incredibly healthy to have your own friends, hobbies, interests and life outside of being a couple. You’re not just half of a couple but a complete person ♥️"
Hi little, you are right there, it is incredibly healthy to have your own friends, yes, one is a complete person too |
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"It's healthy to have separate interests and friends.
You don't have to like them. The danger is if your other half's friends start turning your partner against you.
Those aren't friends."
👍 absolutely right ! |
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