What are (or were) the personalities of your parents (or those who raised you) when you grew up ? What did you draw from them, and what did you discount ?
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List the person, their prime traits, and if you acquired or did not acquire them.
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I’ll kick off
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Mother
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Very prim and proper (not acquired). Think Hyacinth Bucket 😊.
Pragmatic and not prone to daydreaming (not acquired).
Ordered (acquired).
Practical (not acquired)
Methodical (acquired)
Racist (not acquired)
Stubborn (acquired)
Introvert (acquired)
Reliable (acquired)
Truthfulness (acquired)
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Father
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Independent/Carefree (acquired)
Extrovert (not acquired)
Racist (not acquired)
Chaotic (not acquired)
Unreliable (not acquired)
Untruthful (not acquired)
It’s interesting when you list it out like that to see just how much 1 parent or the other impacts your formative years. |
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I've mainly made a conscious effort to be as different as possible to both my parents, but in particular, my mother. I've often thought "what would my parent(s)" do, in a particular situation, and resolved to do entirely the opposite.
I'm not convinced one inherits personality traits in the genetic sense. I think it's far more nurture than nature.
Both my parents are incredibly selfish for a start. I've ended up being a massive people pleaser, to my own detriment often. Maybe related? Maybe not.
Both my parents are immensely stubborn. I am stubborn. It could be genetic but far more likely just learned behaviour. |
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"I got their neuro spiciness.
Also, as kids my sister and I found loads of books about what was then called S&M, so I seem to have inherited kinkiness.
Can you inherit kinks? "
I don't feel there is a genetic pathway in gene expression to acquire kinks from parents per se. Though fascinating such research would be.
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What I do feel is that in our formative years, where we are "sponges" for learning, anything involving "adult bodies", and sexual expression, is going to foster great curiosity in the young.
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I remember finding various books in my cousin's library when I was young (13'ish). The Story of O, and other works of that calibre.
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I think it's fair to say they "primed" me for later life, and made me very open and tolerant from a young age.
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Looking back, it was inappropriate for them to have been accessible, but they were right at the top of the shelf, near the ceiling, and I needed a chair to reach them.
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I was an avid reader, and her library was stuffed full of sci-fi. So I got in to Dystopian literature at a very early age, 10+. I'd read the all the classics by 12.
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But yes, I raided her "adult section" more than once. Never anything pornographic or anything like that. Just adult books that talked of alternative lifestyles.
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I knew what "swinging" was by the age of 13.
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And she did have a "Pampas" grass plant outside the front of the house. And a very large "fruit bowl" on the coffee table. Hmmmm. |
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It's common for people to believe that others see them in the same light as they see themselves.
I often grin when people tell me how kind, understanding , patient , generous etc , they are.
I often think ....... ffs a bit of self awareness wouldn't go amiss you mean, judgemental , tight fisted, impatient specimen .... |
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"It's common for people to believe that others see them in the same light as they see themselves.
I often grin when people tell me how kind, understanding , patient , generous etc , they are.
I often think ....... ffs a bit of self awareness wouldn't go amiss you mean, judgemental , tight fisted, impatient specimen .... "
That's often very true, GC.
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The other thing I notice is when people compare themselves to others, and their own internal monologue says to them, "Well, at least I'm not like that".
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Such is the power of self-deception 
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Both my parents are introverts, I can only ever remember them going out with friends once in my life, only saw my dad pissed once in my life, my mum is very judgey of others, always remember her being disgusted when I told her my ex husbands mum had a drinks cabinet, she was too posh in her eyes (mother in law) and a piss head (neither true 😂), neither were very loving towards me but then I think it's probably because both my elderly brother and sister have severe learning difficulties and then by the time I came along 9 years after my sister accidentally, she was knackered and any love she may have once had, was gone.
I made a pact with my stuff that my family would never experience that, always tell me boys I love them, give them a cuddle, tell them I am proud of them, things I was never told.
Sadly, my relationship with my boys are not great and despite me trying hard for history not to repeat it's self, it has but in other ways, which makes me hugely sad. |
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