FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Men can’t message
Men can’t message
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I am seeing and reading constant daily posts where it seems that the men are causing a high percentage of the issues on this site.
Whilst I agree some are I will also say not all.
I would love the site to trial that men can’t message for a week, see then what would happen if woman or couples or TS/TG/CD had to make the first contact
Or would it be easier to just block all men and if you like them then you send the first message
Just as a trial to see what would happen
Anyway time for to take another break from here, it used to be a fun place to be |
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I don’t think we would have ever had a meet if it wasn’t for men messaging first. I get not everyone is as thick skinned as me but the tools are there to block them if these people really hate single men that much. |
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"I don’t think we would have ever had a meet if it wasn’t for men messaging first. I get not everyone is as thick skinned as me but the tools are there to block them if these people really hate single men that much. "
And this is my point. There are some good men out there yet it’s always the men that get the bad press. |
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"I don’t think we would have ever had a meet if it wasn’t for men messaging first. I get not everyone is as thick skinned as me but the tools are there to block them if these people really hate single men that much.
And this is my point. There are some good men out there yet it’s always the men that get the bad press. "
It’s an easy demographic to have a dig at on here. Women will all agree and the “good” men will all back them up because they’re wanting to get laid. As I’ve said many times on here women and couples, in my experience have been a lot worse when getting rejected. |
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By (user no longer on site) 16 weeks ago
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As someone who is looking for single men, I personally wouldn't want to see this. If I see a profile or status update that interests me I do message. The fact you can filter messages on friends only now is a definite step in the right direction.
My preference would that multiple messages can't be sent without a response for may be 2 weeks or a month. I believe a warning notification is currently given but the person can still send the message unfortunately. |
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"Why penalise all men because some don’t know how to conduct themselves with respect for others? And from what I’ve read in the forums the other categories can be just as bad. "
This is what I’m thinking so there is always talk of more men than woman. So if you remove that statistic for a trial what would happen?
I’m not saying make it permanent I’m just interested
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"Why penalise all men because some don’t know how to conduct themselves with respect for others? And from what I’ve read in the forums the other categories can be just as bad. "
Exactly. You can't tar all us men with the same brush.
On sites such as this fine one, there will always be chancers, and it's down to both sides to manually sort the wheat from the chaff. It's the nature of the beast unfortunately.
I will however say that women have a much harder job of sorting through than men. |
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I'm not looking for meets at the min, so I use a fair few filters to keep mail low..
Anyone can do the same,so they're not inundated with messages.
I still get the odd moron slide in my dms, but nothing major.
The majority of men are fine, it's just the odd one or 2 who don't know how to behave. |
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"Why penalise all men because some don’t know how to conduct themselves with respect for others? And from what I’ve read in the forums the other categories can be just as bad.
This is what I’m thinking so there is always talk of more men than woman. So if you remove that statistic for a trial what would happen?
I’m not saying make it permanent I’m just interested
"
I get your point, but it’s just a coefficient of the ratios rather than men being especially bad. More men more instances of poor behaviour. Men in turn tend not to talk openly about bad behaviour from women or couples as they probably think it’ll reduce their chances on here (perhaps taking the view that women are some sort of hive mind offend one offend them all). Tv/ts etc is a little different I’d argue. Bad behaviour from that group won’t get a public outing as a lot of men talking to that category aren’t going to openly flag that they are. I said a lot btw, not all. |
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Anyone who is advised that there are existing filters and responds by asking why should they have to use them don't deserve sympathy when they whinge.
Most women I know on here either don't have any issues with the messages they receive or get very few messages because they have taken control of their inbox.
Over the years I've had ridiculously entitled messages from couples who are only interested in talking to my cock and have zero interest in me so blaming men or the ratio of men as the cause of most people's negative experiences is a lazy cop out. |
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"Why penalise all men because some don’t know how to conduct themselves with respect for others? And from what I’ve read in the forums the other categories can be just as bad. "
This is why I’d never block men. I happily make first contact but it’s nice that it can be both ways. I don’t like the thought of people having to sit there waiting to be picked, especially with the imbalance in numbers.
There are idiots, but they’re easy to delete and block if need be. Plenty of lovely single men around. |
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By *agic.MMan 16 weeks ago
Orpington |
I think that if all users on fab would have a limited number of first messages (and could only engage in a conversation and back and forth messaging, once there is a reply) people would be much more cautious on who they message and how they message. Let's say a non site supporter had 1 or 2 first messages per day (if they get no reply - no more messages for them until 24 h later) if it's a site supporter maybe push it to 10 first messages...I think that would drastically reduce the amount of copy paste "FAF" and dick pic messages received by women, and it would probably encourage women to be more proactive in their search rather than just going through their inbox. |
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The problem is the majority of men send dick pics in a short, vague and sometimes rude message. We just delete those without reading them.
Yes it can be hard to get a meet, I used to be on here as a single man so I know how hard it is but it's not complicated... be polite, make the message unique, remember if it's a couples profile they both have access to it and send a face pic |
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By (user no longer on site) 16 weeks ago
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"I am seeing and reading constant daily posts where it seems that the men are causing a high percentage of the issues on this site.
Whilst I agree some are I will also say not all.
I would love the site to trial that men can’t message for a week, see then what would happen if woman or couples or TS/TG/CD had to make the first contact
Or would it be easier to just block all men and if you like them then you send the first message
Just as a trial to see what would happen
Anyway time for to take another break from here, it used to be a fun place to be"
There was an angry chap called jack
Whose draconian ideas would ruin the craic
Fab is suppose fun and if gets out of kilter
Apply the appropriate fuck off filter
I hope you feel less angsty when you come back |
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Honestly I think the kind of guys your talking about just make it easier.
If all men here were polite, patient, constructed well written messages and had informative bios and great photos, it would be much harder meet people and the bar would be way higher.
Keep up the shit work guys!
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"Half the posts about it are people bragging about how popular they are. “Oh poor me, I can’t handle all these messages I’m getting, someone save me”.
"
I've said for a long time that unread message numbers are the equivalent of a sky remote pic and many are quick to measure them against other posters.
497½ unread messages? That's nothing, I've got 833.
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"I don’t think we would have ever had a meet if it wasn’t for men messaging first. I get not everyone is as thick skinned as me but the tools are there to block them if these people really hate single men that much.
And this is my point. There are some good men out there yet it’s always the men that get the bad press. "
I’m bored of reading how ‘asshole men’ give ‘all men’ a bad name, and it being used as a scapegoat for people who can’t get meets. If someone is stupid enough to tar every guy with the same brush then they don’t deserve to get positive outcomes.
Majority of the brief interactions I have with guys on here are negative, but that’s because of the context in which they introduce themselves, either in a vulgar/explicit way, and with a complete lack of respect for my boundaries, or ignorance of what I’m looking for.
However, I take each and every message on its own merits, and act accordingly, and the ones that I don’t like don’t get anywhere. I don’t judge the next guy based on the behaviour of the guy before xx
|
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"Half the posts about it are people bragging about how popular they are. “Oh poor me, I can’t handle all these messages I’m getting, someone save me”.
I've said for a long time that unread message numbers are the equivalent of a sky remote pic and many are quick to measure them against other posters.
497½ unread messages? That's nothing, I've got 833.
"
Very true. I know the whole point of fab is to get attention but SOME take this too far. There’s a lot of “look at how great I am” on here and for me personally, they’re 100x worse than the odd FAF message with a dick pic. |
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"Anyone who is advised that there are existing filters and responds by asking why should they have to use them don't deserve sympathy when they whinge.
Most women I know on here either don't have any issues with the messages they receive or get very few messages because they have taken control of their inbox.
Over the years I've had ridiculously entitled messages from couples who are only interested in talking to my cock and have zero interest in me so blaming men or the ratio of men as the cause of most people's negative experiences is a lazy cop out. "
I mainly agree but there is no way to set filters that doesn't end in a relentless stream of messages other than blocking men entirely. My filters are set to what I'm looking for and it's non-stop. And by blocking men entirely I miss out on some interesting replies from the forums.
I don't have an answer but it's currently all or nothing. |
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"I am seeing and reading constant daily posts where it seems that the men are causing a high percentage of the issues on this site.
Whilst I agree some are I will also say not all.
I would love the site to trial that men can’t message for a week, see then what would happen if woman or couples or TS/TG/CD had to make the first contact
Or would it be easier to just block all men and if you like them then you send the first message
Just as a trial to see what would happen
Anyway time for to take another break from here, it used to be a fun place to be
There was an angry chap called jack
Whose draconian ideas would ruin the craic
Fab is suppose fun and if gets out of kilter
Apply the appropriate fuck off filter
I hope you feel less angsty when you come back"
I don’t see anything angry or draconian in my post but thanks for your input
Have a fantastic Sunday |
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"Honestly I think the kind of guys your talking about just make it easier.
If all men here were polite, patient, constructed well written messages and had informative bios and great photos, it would be much harder meet people and the bar would be way higher.
Keep up the shit work guys!
"
This one.
I leave my filters open because club and events invites can come from any age and any gender.
Do I get a lot of pointless chaff in my inbox? Sure. Does it make it easier to see the people with actual potential shine against the drab backdrop? Yup.
The filters option is there for those who want to use it.
I would prefer if less people who clearly won't interest me messaged, but it's only a minor inconvenience. I just need to be more liberal with the block button when they take no thanks as instead meaning convince me 💜 |
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It's just easier to block all men, when I set up my singles profile before I even had any pics within the 1st few mins I had cocks in the box, messages telling me how beautiful I was 🙄 (not one pic on the profile) it was crazy.
Safe to say they are blocked now.
Mrs |
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"The problem is the majority of men send dick pics in a short, vague and sometimes rude message. We just delete those without reading them.
Yes it can be hard to get a meet, I used to be on here as a single man so I know how hard it is but it's not complicated... be polite, make the message unique, remember if it's a couples profile they both have access to it and send a face pic"
Let's say only 1% of fab men (of which there are thousands) send dick pics in a first message and 60% of that 1% send them to you and they in turn make up 70% of your messages. Do you see what is wrong with your first sentence? |
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"I don’t think we would have ever had a meet if it wasn’t for men messaging first. I get not everyone is as thick skinned as me but the tools are there to block them if these people really hate single men that much.
And this is my point. There are some good men out there yet it’s always the men that get the bad press.
I’m bored of reading how ‘asshole men’ give ‘all men’ a bad name, and it being used as a scapegoat for people who can’t get meets. If someone is stupid enough to tar every guy with the same brush then they don’t deserve to get positive outcomes.
Majority of the brief interactions I have with guys on here are negative, but that’s because of the context in which they introduce themselves, either in a vulgar/explicit way, and with a complete lack of respect for my boundaries, or ignorance of what I’m looking for.
However, I take each and every message on its own merits, and act accordingly, and the ones that I don’t like don’t get anywhere. I don’t judge the next guy based on the behaviour of the guy before xx
"
I agree totally, I have my filters on also being an age that's not so popular I don't get a lot of messages. Those who do contact me are mostly the no effort/one word rubbish brigade that I delete and block. They need to put the blame elsewhere when it is themselves that is causing their issue.
Decent men do well on here, those who embrace the scene, happy to socialise, make and keep friends and don't treat it as instashag.
What I feel would help is seperate verification filters for photo and meet in person. Most of my rubbish mail is from non verified/non site supporter/no photo. |
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By *vaRose43Woman 16 weeks ago
Forest of Dean |
I think it’s down mainly to numbers.
There are more guys so ergo there are more naff messages from guys.
I KNOW it’s not all guys and I agree some couples are just as bad (haven’t spoken to many ladies so can’t comment from experience but I expect it’s just the same).
I choose not to block messages from all guys as those are the main people I’m interested in meeting. If they’ve messaged me first at least I know there is passing interest before engaging in conversation.
The flip side would be trauling through potentially thousands of profiles to find someone I might be attracted to vs a couple hundred messages. Similarly if the numbers were reversed guys would have to wade through thousands of profiles instead of a few hundred (in the case of ladies I mean).
Yes it can be overwhelming and yes it means sometimes losing messages from
someone you were chatting to if your inbox gets suddenly busy. However rather that than browsing thousands of profiles… lazy of me I know |
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By (user no longer on site) 16 weeks ago
|
"
Anyway time for to take another break from here, it used to be a fun place to be"
Probably best if that is how you feel.
At the mo I am still enjoying it and quite content to message those I already talk to, or who message me, or who have profiles that stimulate conversation.
Catch you when you return from hiding or UNLOS.  |
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By *_Mr.K_xMan 16 weeks ago
North Worcestershire |
"I think it’s down mainly to numbers.
There are more guys so ergo there are more naff messages from guys.
I KNOW it’s not all guys and I agree some couples are just as bad (haven’t spoken to many ladies so can’t comment from experience but I expect it’s just the same).
I choose not to block messages from all guys as those are the main people I’m interested in meeting. If they’ve messaged me first at least I know there is passing interest before engaging in conversation.
The flip side would be trauling through potentially thousands of profiles to find someone I might be attracted to vs a couple hundred messages. Similarly if the numbers were reversed guys would have to wade through thousands of profiles instead of a few hundred (in the case of ladies I mean).
Yes it can be overwhelming and yes it means sometimes losing messages from
someone you were chatting to if your inbox gets suddenly busy. However rather that than browsing thousands of profiles… lazy of me I know "
 |
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"As someone who is looking for single men, I personally wouldn't want to see this. If I see a profile or status update that interests me I do message. The fact you can filter messages on friends only now is a definite step in the right direction.
My preference would that multiple messages can't be sent without a response for may be 2 weeks or a month. I believe a warning notification is currently given but the person can still send the message unfortunately. "
|
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"I don’t think we would have ever had a meet if it wasn’t for men messaging first. I get not everyone is as thick skinned as me but the tools are there to block them if these people really hate single men that much.
And this is my point. There are some good men out there yet it’s always the men that get the bad press. "
|
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We're fully aware that unfortunately some bad apples ruin it for the rest and there are some genuinely nice guys out there.
We aren't looking for a single male so blocked them from messaging when we joined the site.
However, we did do a "test" one evening just out of curiosity. Uploaded a couple of videos and a couple of risqué photos, unblocked single men and logged off for the night.
In the morning it was fair to say our friend requests, winks and messages were absolutely overflowing.
So many messages were the generic "hey how are you, hot photos" type. There were also a lot being very descriptive of "what they'd love to do to her" and practically all had cock pics attached.
From memory there were maybe half a dozen messages, if that, where the chap had not just viewed our pictures and wanked himself into a frenzy, but actually sent a half decent message and read our profile and made references to it in some way.
It is sad that there is a "one glove fits all" policy with regards to the filters etc but then again there probably isn't another way of ing out the wheat from the chaff. |
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By *aizyWoman 16 weeks ago
west midlands |
"Why penalise all men because some don’t know how to conduct themselves with respect for others? And from what I’ve read in the forums the other categories can be just as bad. "
So much this. I have some of my filters on and I do msg first if someone catches my eye, I don't want all my filters on because I know not all men are the same and I don't want to block them all just because of the idiotic few.
And I agree OP about taking a break from here, it can get to you on here, sometimes a break is needed. |
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"The problem is the majority of men send dick pics in a short, vague and sometimes rude message. We just delete those without reading them.
Yes it can be hard to get a meet, I used to be on here as a single man so I know how hard it is but it's not complicated... be polite, make the message unique, remember if it's a couples profile they both have access to it and send a face pic"
|
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not sure that would help to be honest.
The art of decent inboxing is dying.
Text speak is such a turn off when getting personal messages... FAF? always gets a NO answer. If you can't be bothered to chat properly why the heck should we drop them for you???
Effort might get you somewhere and that includes reading and understanding our profile... think about what WE seek and not just what you want... and only bother contacting us if your aims are the same.
Its not rocket science as to why things go wrong for some folks. |
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The site could easily address all the issues people face with unwanted messages by making one simple change. (It won’t, but here goes… )
** Use winks to enable messaging.**
I wink you. You can now message me. If you wink back (or message), then I can also message you. No winks, no messages.
Simple. No more unwanted messages. None.
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By *agic.MMan 16 weeks ago
Orpington |
"The site could easily address all the issues people face with unwanted messages by making one simple change. (It won’t, but here goes… )
** Use winks to enable messaging.**
I wink you. You can now message me. If you wink back (or message), then I can also message you. No winks, no messages.
Simple. No more unwanted messages. None.
"
You mean like a "matching" system similar to other dating apps? I think it would very rapidly become like those swipe left/right apps - and most people are not happy with those either |
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Saying that all females and couples tar all men with the same brush is exactly what the people Saying that are doing to the females and couples.
We are intelligent to know the difference between a good profile and initial message from the bad ones.
We like to meet single men and have met some really great guys.
Unfortunately the majority of messages we get are from blank or very poor profiles with equally poor messages.
The good ones stand out a country mile and will always get a response from us,even if its a no thanks. |
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By (user no longer on site) 16 weeks ago
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"Saying that all females and couples tar all men with the same brush is exactly what the people Saying that are doing to the females and couples.
We are intelligent to know the difference between a good profile and initial message from the bad ones.
We like to meet single men and have met some really great guys.
Unfortunately the majority of messages we get are from blank or very poor profiles with equally poor messages.
The good ones stand out a country mile and will always get a response from us,even if its a no thanks."
So in your opinion what makes a profile standout and in turn what constitutes a good message?
Kim you’re as FAF by the way.
Please take that in jest I have only found out the urbane meaning of the widely used acronym. |
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"Saying that all females and couples tar all men with the same brush is exactly what the people Saying that are doing to the females and couples.
We are intelligent to know the difference between a good profile and initial message from the bad ones.
We like to meet single men and have met some really great guys.
Unfortunately the majority of messages we get are from blank or very poor profiles with equally poor messages.
The good ones stand out a country mile and will always get a response from us,even if its a no thanks.
So in your opinion what makes a profile standout and in turn what constitutes a good message?
Kim you’re as FAF by the way.
Please take that in jest I have only found out the urbane meaning of the widely used acronym."
More than hi or fill in later.
Took me a little while to work out faf. So thanks appreciate it. |
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"You mean like a "matching" system similar to other dating apps? I think it would very rapidly become like those swipe left/right apps - and most people are not happy with those either "
Fair. But i didn’t say it would make the site perfect for everyone. Only that it would stop all the unwanted messages. |
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By (user no longer on site) 16 weeks ago
|
"Saying that all females and couples tar all men with the same brush is exactly what the people Saying that are doing to the females and couples.
We are intelligent to know the difference between a good profile and initial message from the bad ones.
We like to meet single men and have met some really great guys.
Unfortunately the majority of messages we get are from blank or very poor profiles with equally poor messages.
The good ones stand out a country mile and will always get a response from us,even if its a no thanks.
So in your opinion what makes a profile standout and in turn what constitutes a good message?
Kim you’re as FAF by the way.
Please take that in jest I have only found out the urbane meaning of the widely used acronym.
More than hi or fill in later.
Took me a little while to work out faf. So thanks appreciate it."
On fab I have decided to use the medium of rhyme
I find it therapeutic and saves time
It sorts the wheat from the chaff
Especially when using the acronym FAF
Some have responded in the same vein
A few have called me a pain
But the facts are stark and abundantly clear
When A six pack, large appendage and gym fit body in your inbox appear
You take note and don’t immediately delete
As the respondents could be missing out on a treat
This is Fab we all have a story to tell
Don’t take it too seriously and on its contents I wouldn’t dwell |
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All Fab wants is your money you report bad or even dangerous accounts & nothing happens.
I have said it before and will say it again each profile should have a review this account section that is displayed - you can put positive or negative feedback once dialog has began. |
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"I don’t think we would have ever had a meet if it wasn’t for men messaging first. I get not everyone is as thick skinned as me but the tools are there to block them if these people really hate single men that much.
And this is my point. There are some good men out there yet it’s always the men that get the bad press. "
But all men think they are one of the good men?
I think it's a terrible idea to stop people messaging, though I'm rubbish at it so wouldn't actually be affected much! |
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I’ve been using this site for over 11 years, and of all the people I’ve met in that time, I can think of only two single ladies who messaged me for the first point of contact (as a direct result of forum interaction to be fair), otherwise it’s been couples with the 1am booty call because they’re staying in a local hotel on holiday, and the wife is d*unk enough to agree to a threesome…..Everyone else, I messaged first.
When it comes to receiving replies; most read what I write. Many never respond. Plenty simply straight delete. Then there’s the most appreciated, well-thought response of “Hi” or “lol x”……..
To state that men can’t write messages, is harsh, but I can appreciate many of those messages, the recipient would prefer not to receive….. |
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By *ustBoWoman 16 weeks ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
There is no need to do a blanket ban on men being able to message. That's just ridiculous and pointless.
If a woman or a couple really have so many issues they can actually take control of their inbox,yes you will still get some messages but not as many if you don't block all men.
Plus there is absolutely nothing stopping women or couples from messaging men anyhow that catches their eye. I've done it myself .It's not a big deal the worst that can happen is your message get deleted or unread. |
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I do think that something should be put in place to stop multiple messaging if you have received no reply. I very rarely check my inbox these days but when I last did, I had about 10 messages all from the same guy in the space of an hour...ofcourse he is now blocked.
You will always get the idiots spoiling it for the genuine people on here...such is life x |
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