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Has fab made you…..
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Emotionally harder?
Curious, I’ve been thinking about this the last few days and I definately think it has changed me. Sometimes I feel like I have a heart of stone. If I chat to someone and meet up if things went quiet after it use to bother me now I just feel numb to everything.
I did get hurt badly a long time ago by a fwb and I’ve struggled with it ever since so not sure if that has contributed to these feelings.
It’s like I have this big wall built around me that I refuse to let anyone in and tbh it’s made me feel pretty sad that I’ve ended up like this. |
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"It has certainly made me much more cynical than I ever was because of the games people play and how low some are prepared to stoop to remain relevant or get their leg over. "
Oh definately this without a doubt. I find it hard to trust anyone now |
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"Emotionally harder?
Curious, I’ve been thinking about this the last few days and I definately think it has changed me. Sometimes I feel like I have a heart of stone. If I chat to someone and meet up if things went quiet after it use to bother me now I just feel numb to everything.
I did get hurt badly a long time ago by a fwb and I’ve struggled with it ever since so not sure if that has contributed to these feelings.
It’s like I have this big wall built around me that I refuse to let anyone in and tbh it’s made me feel pretty sad that I’ve ended up like this. "
I'm afraid I know exactly how you feel after my FWB really hurt me too. I suspect that's the overriding cause of your feelings now, it's made me unable to trust anyone and doesn't get any easier I just get down and my barriers get higher. Stupidly even though she really let me down I still have feelings for her. |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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Emotionaly resilient/harder/aware/prepared
People on here are human, we all are and so few speak the truth from the beginning and that’s what throws you off when you get to know someone.
What I learned from fab is that not everyone actually knows what they want from someone at first, and that can lead to heart ache.
But I suppose if you want to be hard to all this and not let it bother you, build a wall and keep your emotions unavailable to anyone. That’s my advice.
But I’m much better when my feelings are out there, otherwise I’m a nob 😅 |
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I think it's hardened me to the amount of people who lie or take people for mugs on here.
I chat and am friendly with a few people, but I'm generally suspicious of others and their motives at times. |
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"Life experiences has made me alot harder especially now & seeing some of what messages ladies get, I can understand why they become that way. "
It's the messages that some ladies send that is more concerning than the ones they receive. |
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It's probably put me off a lot of things tbh, my desire for men or penis (other then the husband) vanished quickly after joining.
Although emotionally I've always been a bit closed off, fab hasn't changed that.
Mrs
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All online dating, in which I include Fab, has made emotionally harder. I can get lonely sometimes but I then mentally slap myself and think "Don't be stupid, get over yourself." The few people I met through here and the many others through online dating have essentially made me very cynical, emotionally distant, and probably to be honest unable to ever have a relationship again. I just don't see it happening, or even how it could happen. It feels like it would just be wasted effort.
Sorry, maybe not the cheeriest disposition. But I think it's quite common. We invented this internet thing and people are lonelier than ever. |
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Personally OP Fab has been a great place for me. To be me without the constraints and expectations of others that I’ve always felt.
I’ve made great friends here. People on the same wavelength. Don’t get me wrong, there are shitty times as there are in all times in life but I don’t let them get to me, go off grid spoon whittling when I need the break and still come back and chat shit when I want to. Meeting people I wouldn’t have otherwise met has been and will always be great by me.
And tbh… having a thick skin to the dickheads in life isn’t a bad thing. They’re not worth the air.
Sending hugs 🤗 |
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"All online dating, in which I include Fab, has made emotionally harder. I can get lonely sometimes but I then mentally slap myself and think "Don't be stupid, get over yourself." The few people I met through here and the many others through online dating have essentially made me very cynical, emotionally distant, and probably to be honest unable to ever have a relationship again. I just don't see it happening, or even how it could happen. It feels like it would just be wasted effort.
Sorry, maybe not the cheeriest disposition. But I think it's quite common. We invented this internet thing and people are lonelier than ever."
That’s exactly how I feel, not sure I’ll ever be able to have a relationship again. Maybe because I tend to question everything now. |
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Emotionally harder ? No, I'm still the same person I was before FAB. More resilient ? Most definitely. But that is more through age and life experience than FAB.
I can't speak for all Myer's-Briggs personality types (and MB can be a bit "pseudo-sciency", but my "type" is predominantly "consistent". We like to maintain an even keel. We have a baseline we stay on, and if we get knocked off of that, we fix the problem one way or the other in order to go back to our equilibrium. We actively avoid drama, and it's not in our nature. The bad side is being brutally honest and not everyone appreciates that.
So no, I don't think FAB has made me emotionally harder. It's just broadened my experience in helping me understand that I will resonate with some people and not others, and that's invaluable to me. |
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"It has certainly made me much more cynical than I ever was because of the games people play and how low some are prepared to stoop to remain relevant or get their leg over.
Oh definately this without a doubt. I find it hard to trust anyone now "
This plus the awkwardness of hurting others feelings.
I've met genuine people who I didn't bond with and found them to take it to heart
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By *cedGemWoman 10 weeks ago
your dreams |
"Emotionally harder?
Curious, I’ve been thinking about this the last few days and I definately think it has changed me. Sometimes I feel like I have a heart of stone. If I chat to someone and meet up if things went quiet after it use to bother me now I just feel numb to everything.
I did get hurt badly a long time ago by a fwb and I’ve struggled with it ever since so not sure if that has contributed to these feelings.
It’s like I have this big wall built around me that I refuse to let anyone in and tbh it’s made me feel pretty sad that I’ve ended up like this. "
Definitely 100% |
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"All online dating, in which I include Fab, has made emotionally harder. I can get lonely sometimes but I then mentally slap myself and think "Don't be stupid, get over yourself." The few people I met through here and the many others through online dating have essentially made me very cynical, emotionally distant, and probably to be honest unable to ever have a relationship again. I just don't see it happening, or even how it could happen. It feels like it would just be wasted effort.
Sorry, maybe not the cheeriest disposition. But I think it's quite common. We invented this internet thing and people are lonelier than ever.
That’s exactly how I feel, not sure I’ll ever be able to have a relationship again. Maybe because I tend to question everything now. "
I question myself. What if I'm not good enough? "Solvent" enough? There'll be something wrong and they'll just go with the other guy again. Every time. |
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"I’ve been thinking about it recently. Yes. Like, emotionally numb. I can’t get pass meeting someone more than twice.
Which is totally stupid as I miss on the best part, before it even starts."
Emotionally numb describes it completely. |
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No, not emotionally harder.
But the one thing it really kills is a gals sense of romance. I’m a hopeful romantic but ye gods some threads really test that.
I know this isn’t the place for romance (for most) but I like to think there’s a Mills & Boon type romance happening somewhere in the World. If you listened to Fab it seems if you get sick and don’t put out for a few weeks your partner is likely to kick you to the kerb and shag their work colleague who has been brushing past them with their tongue hanging out.
So if anything, it has made me realise that casual sex is not for me.
🤷🏻♀️
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Oh great question OP. That really made me think. I don't think I'm an emotionally hard person but I just think I don't want to get in too deep with anyone. I can still get hurt but I move on fairly quickly especially as there is always someone new to distract me. |
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By *el71Couple 10 weeks ago
Preston |
Wow.... this is really sad... do you think some of this is due to confusing the expectations of swinging with that of dating? I have met so many people who get emotionally attached to someone after sex that was always just going to be sex.
Flippin heck, I want to give you all a big hug. |
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For me I joined here as a single after my fwb relationship ended. We were exclusive fwbs and what we had was perfect for me. It lasted 16 months then he pretty much ghosted me which I found really hard to deal with especially as he use to constantly tell me we would never end, yeah silly me for believing it.
I then came on here looking for the same sort of thing, found many guys also wanted what I did but na none of them did they just wanted to get in my knickers. So now I do feel that I am emotionally numb because I’m use to being lied to and let down. It’s had a big effect on the way I look at people now. |
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By *eliWoman 10 weeks ago
. |
Nope.
It did for a brief period; I thought the best way to protect myself, to not get hurt again, not have someone constantly lie and it hurt, was to not allow anyone close to me. To keep things as very basic friendship with sex and nothing more. People can't hurt you if you don't particularly care about them, can they?
I soon realised that's not me and I don't want it to be. I like my heart, I like that I care. I like that I try and I give people chances. Still try and see the best in people. I refuse to become cynical, to shut myself off from joy and meeting people, forming new relationships. Living.
Will I get hurt again? Probably one day. And that's fine, I'll deal with it when it happens and be okay once more. |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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It’s made me more resilient definitely. Still vulnerable and the walls go up quicker than Donald trumps Mexican idea.
I’ve learned to be me though and to accept and discover me and so far it’s working but I know the road isn’t smooth all the way and I’m actually fine with that |
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"Emotionally harder?
Curious, I’ve been thinking about this the last few days and I definately think it has changed me. Sometimes I feel like I have a heart of stone. If I chat to someone and meet up if things went quiet after it use to bother me now I just feel numb to everything.
I did get hurt badly a long time ago by a fwb and I’ve struggled with it ever since so not sure if that has contributed to these feelings.
It’s like I have this big wall built around me that I refuse to let anyone in and tbh it’s made me feel pretty sad that I’ve ended up like this. "
Oh god this is so relatable... hugs op xx |
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Fab has brought something that I never expected to have.
And with that it’s made me extremely happy and aching to see a certain someone more and more.
Even though I’m feeling like death now I’m wanting to see a certain one so much 
So…..thank you fab |
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Fab has made me look at my inner core that’s for sure, I think it reveals the true self as in what do I want and then those questions take you down the internal who am I rabbit hole or maybe I’m just waffling |
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"Fab has brought something that I never expected to have.
And with that it’s made me extremely happy and aching to see a certain someone more and more.
Even though I’m feeling like death now I’m wanting to see a certain one so much
So…..thank you fab "
Aww that's lovely xx |
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I think maybe this depends what your expectations are from fab. I’m never going to be fully invested as I’m married so that keeps me grounded.
However I’d say that being here has probably opened me up to emotional connections with other people. I came here not expecting that and I actually found there are some wonderful people here who you can have amazing friendships and relationships with, of different levels. Sure some people let you down but the highs have definitely outweighed the lows for me.
Kx |
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"For me I joined here as a single after my fwb relationship ended. We were exclusive fwbs and what we had was perfect for me. It lasted 16 months then he pretty much ghosted me which I found really hard to deal with especially as he use to constantly tell me we would never end, yeah silly me for believing it.
I then came on here looking for the same sort of thing, found many guys also wanted what I did but na none of them did they just wanted to get in my knickers. So now I do feel that I am emotionally numb because I’m use to being lied to and let down. It’s had a big effect on the way I look at people now. "
Again that's almost mirroring my story my FWB ghosted me and still is after all the promises she made I now realise she was just playing and everything was a lie. It's so hard to deal with I believed her every word now all I believe is when she said she never cared she never did. I don't trust anyone now and have stopped caring as well.
Hang on in there you're not alone. |
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No fab hasn't made me emotionally hard. I've not come here looking for anything emotional though. I'm using fab as a means to an end... having some sex with some sexy guys. I quite like having emotions and would hate to be too hardened emotionally. |
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"Fab has brought something that I never expected to have.
And with that it’s made me extremely happy and aching to see a certain someone more and more.
Even though I’m feeling like death now I’m wanting to see a certain one so much
So…..thank you fab
Aww that's lovely xx"
Despite feeling like absolute crap I’m extremely happy
Thank you lovely |
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I have experienced the deepest depths of emotional sadness, sorrow and despair way before arriving on fab ... the only thing that fab has brought to light for me is how anonymity brings out the worst in people (or maybe brings out the real person) and how many emotionally unhealthy people there are. |
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I think with over 10 years on here, I've gone from a single to married, almost single again (because of fab) to just a social swinger now, I've definitely changed who am I, how I use fab now.
There was a time where I would meet at a drop of a hat, many moons ago, I wouldn't feel any emotion after, just move on to the next person, never really engaging in lots of back and forth messages and never really going back for a second meet.
In the last 6 months I've gone from having a husband and a FB, lots of swinging friends and now it's just me and Rubik, mostly through just my choice, I think I've learnt that after years and years of being just us two, not having friendships, it was hard work, I'm not designed for friendships, my brain can't commute them, so yeah, I've been through every emotion going since I've been on here.
But here is my final thought: I might not have many people in my life anymore but choosing what was making me have a range of emotions that were mostly negative on my life, has made me happier, might be lonely at times but happier. |
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By *8on33Man 10 weeks ago
winfrith |
"Emotionally harder?
Curious, I’ve been thinking about this the last few days and I definately think it has changed me. Sometimes I feel like I have a heart of stone. If I chat to someone and meet up if things went quiet after it use to bother me now I just feel numb to everything.
I did get hurt badly a long time ago by a fwb and I’ve struggled with it ever since so not sure if that has contributed to these feelings.
It’s like I have this big wall built around me that I refuse to let anyone in and tbh it’s made me feel pretty sad that I’ve ended up like this. "
You're past experiences from your present expectations and shape your future ,once bitten twice shy . |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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It use to bother me but the realisation that everyone has different needs grounded me in a good way my own opinion is to avoid places like this if you are not in a good place mentally as it could have a bigger impact on your mental health. I hope that may be of use and hope one day the barriers lower and you become accustomed to the more positive vibes in life have a lovely day |
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I take regular breaks from Fab whenever I feel myself hardening, and also try to balance my time on here with 'real world' friends and other hobbies and interests.
I've fully opted out of online dating, though, as that definitely changed me for the worst. I'd rather stay single forever than do that again.
I've also had a lot of therapy over the last few years (not related to my reasons for being here) and I now fully accept myself, my sexuality and all of my kinks and am more open about who I am and what I like. Some of that also comes with age.
Sex, like all things, can be used compulsively as a maladaptive coping strategy and so of course you'll find people on here who are here for the wrong reasons, but that's not because of Fab itself, IMO. |
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"Emotionally harder?
"
No life outside of fab did that.
I'm actually glad it has because I tolerate a lot less bullshit and negativity these days.
Don't get tme wrong I still have times when I'm suckered in by people but it's not as often as it used to be. |
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Not really. Definitely more cynical though. I still care too much, feel too much etc. that’s me though, can’t see it ever changing. Not sure I’d want to turn into an ice queen though. I like me as I am. |
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By *8on33Man 10 weeks ago
winfrith |
"Emotionally harder?
Curious, I’ve been thinking about this the last few days and I definately think it has changed me. Sometimes I feel like I have a heart of stone. If I chat to someone and meet up if things went quiet after it use to bother me now I just feel numb to everything.
I did get hurt badly a long time ago by a fwb and I’ve struggled with it ever since so not sure if that has contributed to these feelings.
It’s like I have this big wall built around me that I refuse to let anyone in and tbh it’s made me feel pretty sad that I’ve ended up like this. You're past experiences from your present expectations and shape your future ,once bitten twice shy ."
form |
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"Emotionally harder?
Curious, I’ve been thinking about this the last few days and I definately think it has changed me. Sometimes I feel like I have a heart of stone. If I chat to someone and meet up if things went quiet after it use to bother me now I just feel numb to everything.
I did get hurt badly a long time ago by a fwb and I’ve struggled with it ever since so not sure if that has contributed to these feelings.
It’s like I have this big wall built around me that I refuse to let anyone in and tbh it’s made me feel pretty sad that I’ve ended up like this. "
Yes. Plus it’s sometimes made me indifferent to sexual contact. But the experience of fab I think for men and women is different. Some fellas would fuck a mop if it fell against them where as by nature women tend to attach an emotion to everything if not most things. That’s why women seem to care about everythingggggggg where as men can seem to drift away. But it al depends how you personally want to approach the lifestyle. Are you looking for a fwb with a possibility of a relationship or are you using it for just sex? |
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"Fab has brought something that I never expected to have.
And with that it’s made me extremely happy and aching to see a certain someone more and more.
Even though I’m feeling like death now I’m wanting to see a certain one so much
So…..thank you fab
Aww that's lovely xx
Despite feeling like absolute crap I’m extremely happy
Thank you lovely "
Good. X she's a lucky lady x |
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By *anceAloneWoman 10 weeks ago
I'm definitely Northern |
"Nope.
It did for a brief period; I thought the best way to protect myself, to not get hurt again, not have someone constantly lie and it hurt, was to not allow anyone close to me. To keep things as very basic friendship with sex and nothing more. People can't hurt you if you don't particularly care about them, can they?
I soon realised that's not me and I don't want it to be. I like my heart, I like that I care. I like that I try and I give people chances. Still try and see the best in people. I refuse to become cynical, to shut myself off from joy and meeting people, forming new relationships. Living.
Will I get hurt again? Probably one day. And that's fine, I'll deal with it when it happens and be okay once more."
I love this...I'd rather be open to getting hurt than closed off to options.❤️ |
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"
There was a time where I would meet at a drop of a hat, many moons ago, I wouldn't feel any emotion after, just move on to the next person, never really engaging in lots of back and forth messages and never really going back for a second meet. "
This seems to be me now on the rare occasion I do meet I don’t feel anything sure I like the person I wouldn’t meet if not. We have fun go our own ways and I back off completely, don’t message until they do, maybe because I expect it to fizzle out.
Maybe I’m just going through a phase.
As _eli said I was also one that had a heart got attached emotionally sometimes but I think when people show their true colours it makes you wary when meeting anyone else.
I definately don’t wanna be an ice queen but how do you learn to let your barrier down.
Sometime I just think I’m a really fucked up person |
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By *cedGemWoman 10 weeks ago
your dreams |
"
There was a time where I would meet at a drop of a hat, many moons ago, I wouldn't feel any emotion after, just move on to the next person, never really engaging in lots of back and forth messages and never really going back for a second meet.
This seems to be me now on the rare occasion I do meet I don’t feel anything sure I like the person I wouldn’t meet if not. We have fun go our own ways and I back off completely, don’t message until they do, maybe because I expect it to fizzle out.
Maybe I’m just going through a phase.
As _eli said I was also one that had a heart got attached emotionally sometimes but I think when people show their true colours it makes you wary when meeting anyone else.
I definately don’t wanna be an ice queen but how do you learn to let your barrier down.
Sometime I just think I’m a really fucked up person"
You're not fucked up! Keeping your guard up is good I think as a single woman on here or on a conventional dating you have to  |
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By *ularliWoman 10 weeks ago
worcester |
"Emotionally harder?
Curious, I’ve been thinking about this the last few days and I definately think it has changed me. Sometimes I feel like I have a heart of stone. If I chat to someone and meet up if things went quiet after it use to bother me now I just feel numb to everything.
I did get hurt badly a long time ago by a fwb and I’ve struggled with it ever since so not sure if that has contributed to these feelings.
It’s like I have this big wall built around me that I refuse to let anyone in and tbh it’s made me feel pretty sad that I’ve ended up like this. "
I know what you mean. I got hurt many many years ago and it made me realise I didn’t want to put myself through that hurt again. I also had cancer a few years back which strengthened my choice to stay on my own so as not to hurt anyone if it returns.
Like you I have walls up permanently. It is a sad place to be in sometimes but it’s better than having your feelings and emotions trampled on.
I am good at doing sex with no emotional feelings despite enjoying a certain amount of a connection with people.
Our minds are funny things but I am definitely emotionally harder than I was 20 years ago |
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By *_Mr.K_xMan 10 weeks ago
Somewhere between Hades and Narnia |
"Emotionally harder?
Curious, I’ve been thinking about this the last few days and I definately think it has changed me. Sometimes I feel like I have a heart of stone. If I chat to someone and meet up if things went quiet after it use to bother me now I just feel numb to everything.
I did get hurt badly a long time ago by a fwb and I’ve struggled with it ever since so not sure if that has contributed to these feelings.
It’s like I have this big wall built around me that I refuse to let anyone in and tbh it’s made me feel pretty sad that I’ve ended up like this.
I know what you mean. I got hurt many many years ago and it made me realise I didn’t want to put myself through that hurt again. I also had cancer a few years back which strengthened my choice to stay on my own so as not to hurt anyone if it returns.
Like you I have walls up permanently. It is a sad place to be in sometimes but it’s better than having your feelings and emotions trampled on.
I am good at doing sex with no emotional feelings despite enjoying a certain amount of a connection with people.
Our minds are funny things but I am definitely emotionally harder than I was 20 years ago "
That's really touching and moving! I find being on fab does change the way you handle things, especially rejection.
It gives you a slightly tougher skin doesn't it? |
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"Emotionally harder?
Curious, I’ve been thinking about this the last few days and I definately think it has changed me. Sometimes I feel like I have a heart of stone. If I chat to someone and meet up if things went quiet after it use to bother me now I just feel numb to everything.
I did get hurt badly a long time ago by a fwb and I’ve struggled with it ever since so not sure if that has contributed to these feelings.
It’s like I have this big wall built around me that I refuse to let anyone in and tbh it’s made me feel pretty sad that I’ve ended up like this. "
I hope that you feel less like this soon. I have been there, but I've realised, that behaviour is about them and not me. Don't let them win, you're now the one missing out. The right person/people will be so grateful to receive what you have and treasure you all the more for it! |
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Fab has made me very cynical.
Don't get me wrong.
I've met some amazing people on here and are friends with them outside of Fab.
But lately I've had a few messages (mostly from couples) that suggest meeting
Then go onto organising it then I get either radio silence when I'm about to leave for the meet or get to the location.
It makes you wonder if there are any genuine people left on here. |
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By *oxy jWoman 10 weeks ago
somerset |
no fab has not changed me at all no site has and there were plenty before fab ..
i just see these sites as tools to get to know others looking for fun ie i use fab to get meets not as a social media for everything ... some people take being online far to seriously rather than the fun it should be |
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By *ustBoWoman 10 weeks ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
No fab has not made me emotionally harder.
It's surprises me at times how people can be so immature on here and act so ridiculously childish.And revel in drama and gossip.
I learnt how to be quite cynical of a lot of things said on here and in pms.
Life outside of here taught me more than anything on here and the blowing smoke up my ass messages or even the odd abusive ones just make me laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.
Fab is a tiny part of my life and if I found it actually affecting me I would just leave. |
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Agreed ladies it should be a bit of fun few laughs etc
Not too serious
We all have moments we think why do this
It's the good sex when it happens and meeting our right type of people that bring joy to the seen and not other complicated things as such  |
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I’ve blocked more than I have reported and had less messages than I’ve ever had in 6 years of being on here
I left after my friend in Army who I served with sadly committed suicide. I just couldn’t cope with all the Negative energy.
Anyway saying all that admin are doing a great job of getting rid of the Rubbishon here. Keep up the good work Admin & Mods. |
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"I’ve blocked more than I have reported and had less messages than I’ve ever had in 6 years of being on here
I left after my friend in Army who I served with sadly committed suicide. I just couldn’t cope with all the Negative energy.
Anyway saying all that admin are doing a great job of getting rid of the Rubbishon here. Keep up the good work Admin & Mods."
I've lost more ex Amy mates to that than to bullets |
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Being online probably has, but I was doing the online thing a long time before I came here so any changes had long since happened.
It's an odd site for me. When I first signed up I wasn't prepared for how many times I'd be stood up, as it's not something I experienced on other sites. That experience has made me far more cynical while on here, but I drop that on other sites as it's a local response to a specific issue.
I don't think I'm any harder or colder or whatever though - I don't think this or any specific site has enough sway to change me. |
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