There is a saying that “life is all about making compromises”
Do you find you’re always the one making the compromises especially with other people?
What makes you do that? A quiet life or maybe playing the long game?
When do you, or do you say “enough”? |
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"There is a saying that “life is all about making compromises”
Do you find you’re always the one making the compromises especially with other people
What makes you do that? A quiet life or maybe playing the long game?
When do you, or do you say “enough”?"
Compromise should be win/win, I maintain the belief that there's always a solution to a problem. IMO it stops becoming a compromise when you give too much up on your side and becomes win/lose |
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A compromise suits each side equally.
I think what you describe is unequal.... e.g. someone always backing down and getting less than they need.
The first step to stopping this is knowing what you need/are prepared to settle for before negotiating.
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To answer the other part of your question Jack ...
Yes. I do find myself being the one who gives way mostly BUT .... it's not that I get less than I wanted/needed. It's just that I didn't give a fuck in the first place. So it appears that I conceded or was generous when in fact I had no interest in what was on the table. The other person feels victorious and that makes me smile.
When something is important - I don't back down and if I don't consider an issue negotiable , I stand fast and there is no compromise.
But most things in life are transitory and of no consequence. |
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I’ve done it all my life. I used to be the dictionary definition of “people pleaser”.
Not anymore. I think you realise in time that the less time you have on this earth, the more you have to prioritise yourself.
So I will compromise if it is not a huge sacrifice.
Otherwise, it’s just my way or the highway.  |
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By (user no longer on site) 18 weeks ago
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I’m easy going and even though it might look
Like I’m compromising, it’s because I pick my fights. And if you know what that means, you know what I mean.
There’s more important things in life to stress about, it not that I don’t care either, I do, I care about what someone else wants and if it’s more important to them than what I want is to me.
Give and take! |
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"I’m easy going and even though it might look
Like I’m compromising, it’s because I pick my fights. And if you know what that means, you know what I mean.
There’s more important things in life to stress about, it not that I don’t care either, I do, I care about what someone else wants and if it’s more important to them than what I want is to me.
Give and take! "
I think you summed it up nicely there. I'm inclined to agree with you.
😸 |
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"I’m easy going and even though it might look
Like I’m compromising, it’s because I pick my fights. And if you know what that means, you know what I mean.
There’s more important things in life to stress about, it not that I don’t care either, I do, I care about what someone else wants and if it’s more important to them than what I want is to me.
Give and take! "
I like that
Give and take is about fairness and honesty and actually caring as much about others as yourself. |
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I compromised on one thing with the in-law side of my family for many many years, to the point that I felt taken advantage of.
I no longer compromise with them, they’re told straight……..nope, not prepared to do it anymore. |
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"I’m easy going and even though it might look
Like I’m compromising, it’s because I pick my fights. And if you know what that means, you know what I mean.
There’s more important things in life to stress about, it not that I don’t care either, I do, I care about what someone else wants and if it’s more important to them than what I want is to me.
Give and take! "
Yup ....... we basically said the same thing Woody.. you were far more polite tho |
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I will make some compromises, but if I feel I'm being taken advantage of, then I stop.
I think in relationships there's compromise on both sides, but it's if that becomes one sided there are issues. |
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Clearly your not going to agree or want the same things 100% of the time. Sometimes there is a degree of compromise or putting the other before yourself. However think when you have a very honest and open relationship it's not always about compromise but about being OK with each other sometimes wanting or seeing something different and supporting and respecting each other in that. After all a relationship is made of two (occasionally more) individuals. A shared path together doesn't always mean concensus but it does mean respect, love and support for each other for who they are. |
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I've always been a people pleaser, I've always listened to others if it benefits them more than me, so I wouldn't say I compromise, more make sure they don't miss out (for example if we only had 1 chocolate bar left, Rubik can have it, he would always snap it in half as he hates it when I do that).
I decided this year that I'm going to be a bit more "selfish" and think of me a little more, I used to be swayed by other peoples opinions and not think for myself but now I think "does this benefit me in anyway?" Obviously it's nice to do things for people and that's not what I'm talking about, I'm talking about things that entirely benefit someone else's agenda with little thought for myself, I don't do that now. |
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By (user no longer on site) 18 weeks ago
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"To answer the other part of your question Jack ...
Yes. I do find myself being the one who gives way mostly BUT .... it's not that I get less than I wanted/needed. It's just that I didn't give a fuck in the first place. So it appears that I conceded or was generous when in fact I had no interest in what was on the table. The other person feels victorious and that makes me smile.
When something is important - I don't back down and if I don't consider an issue negotiable , I stand fast and there is no compromise.
But most things in life are transitory and of no consequence."
Yes, we do look at it the same way ! 😃
Some people have found out after trying to take the piss out of me as they thought I was soft. There’s a difference to me keeping quiet and not realy giving a shit, as apposed to when I think someone is not compromising and not concidering me and my needs. And I think that’s where people throw their dummies out. They get used to having things their way, they don’t consider it’s their turn to back off with their selfishness.
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It really depends on what it is. But generally if you don’t hold onto your must-haves in life, people will take advantage of that. Friends should not though, so If you’re constantly shifting your position to accommodate their needs , I would question the friendship.
It’s like a bank balance, your friends can do withdrawals as long as they put deposits in every now and then otherwise you’re just gonna be massively overdrawn |
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