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Telly Gate continues
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So, my father who is very old and thinks that the world wide web is inhabited by spiders and that bytes are something sold in sandwich shops is still struggling to get to grips with his smart TV. (There's not much smart about a TV which doesn't bother to wear a tie and cuff links).
He has found Babestation and Adult Section. He's also found some alarmingly detailed channels and videos on THE tube.
However, he is becoming more and more frustrated by the fact that he can't watch the detailed closeups of pussies being held open (such as they were in the magazines such as Playboy / knave / mayfair / whitehouse / fiesta / razzle etc).
Can anyone suggest a way to get hard core porn on my Dad's tv without involving a USB stick, a second remote control, a monthly / annual / one off / lifetime subscription?
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"Your dad is a filthy pervert  "
Yeah, I know.
However, that statement doesn't help with my predicament.
Of course, I could use my own credit card to personally sign up to any manner of adult sites, yeah, I know, including the finder of adult friends ones.
Just like you, I know full well that he will only get ripped off financially and will only become more frustrated emotionally. |
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"Smart TV = interweb
Interweb = porn
Type foof / pussy / beef curtains 
#alldadsmatter
"
He can't type.
Can't / never use a mouse. Never used a keyboard. At 90 years old, he is proud of the phrase "Can't change; won't change"
He also insists that the telly changed channels by itself, despite me watching him fall asleep with the remote control in his own hands. |
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"Smart TV = interweb
Interweb = porn
Type foof / pussy / beef curtains
#alldadsmatter
He can't type.
Can't / never use a mouse. Never used a keyboard. At 90 years old, he is proud of the phrase "Can't change; won't change"
He also insists that the telly changed channels by itself, despite me watching him fall asleep with the remote control in his own hands."
But I’m presuming you can OP? So just find him some clunge on the interweb… set it on repeat and let him enjoy himself. Simples |
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By *AJMLKTV/TS 17 weeks ago
Burley |
Do they still sell top-shelf magazines? If so, buy one, cut out some pictures of Morag, 22, from Strathclyde etc make a montage and stick it on his tv screen with sellotape. If he's that old, he'll fall asleep before he realises that the pictures aren't moving, giving you ample time to change the picture. |
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"This has to be satire  "
I'm not so sure. My Dad has forgotten pretty much everything between 1968 and the present day, but he CAN occasionally send a crappy email from his phone and can find that Hub of P, every so often |
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"This has to be satire
I'm not so sure. My Dad has forgotten pretty much everything between 1968 and the present day, but he CAN occasionally send a crappy email from his phone and can find that Hub of P, every so often "
He has his priorities set  |
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"This has to be satire
I'm not so sure. My Dad has forgotten pretty much everything between 1968 and the present day, but he CAN occasionally send a crappy email from his phone and can find that Hub of P, every so often
He has his priorities set "
He asked me if I was his Mum the last time I saw him, for context! He's 85. |
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"This has to be satire
I'm not so sure. My Dad has forgotten pretty much everything between 1968 and the present day, but he CAN occasionally send a crappy email from his phone and can find that Hub of P, every so often
He has his priorities set
He asked me if I was his Mum the last time I saw him, for context! He's 85."
But he’s still going strong with some good old porn! Bless him |
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"This has to be satire
I'm not so sure. My Dad has forgotten pretty much everything between 1968 and the present day, but he CAN occasionally send a crappy email from his phone and can find that Hub of P, every so often
He has his priorities set
He asked me if I was his Mum the last time I saw him, for context! He's 85.
But he’s still going strong with some good old porn! Bless him "
I know that when that stops working, he's almost certainly ready to go. |
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By (user no longer on site) 17 weeks ago
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"Unfortunately the UK is still in the 1970s. So it will require a usb stick or similar device, another remote, and probably a subscription. "
Don't forget he will need a can of redbull or a Lynx aftershave to hold against the telebox to make sure the proportions are accurate |
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"Show him how to cast from his mobile to his smart phone. You'd have to show him how to use pornhub first though I'd imagine "
How do you cast from a 2G, big button Doro phone?
I spent 4 years trying to teach him how to use a tablet. He never could get the hang of a touch screen. Or a keyboard. Or a mouse.  |
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"Do they still sell top-shelf magazines? If so, buy one, cut out some pictures of Morag, 22, from Strathclyde etc make a montage and stick it on his tv screen with sellotape. If he's that old, he'll fall asleep before he realises that the pictures aren't moving, giving you ample time to change the picture."
Best answer so far, and I think this might actually work.
His understanding of and willingness to accept modern technology is so low that I think I could even show him how to do this for himself with just a mucky mag, some scissors and sellotape. |
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"Would be be able to operate a DVD player?"
Already got one.......
Never uses it.
First problem with a DVD player is it means 2 remotes. That's twice the opportunity for him to accidentally press various buttons whilst falling asleep.
Second problem is, he thinks that after watching a DVD, the player should be disconnected from the telly, put back in it's box along with all the wires and the box put back on a dusty shelf in a wardrobe. (just as he used to do when listening to 45rpm records on his Dansette in the 1970s) He is far too doddery to be able to cope with plugging and unplugging wires from the back of a flat screen telly.
I've seriously considered the DVD player option, I have several cakeboxes of unused DVD-RW disks and indeed, I have previously put all manner of stuff onto DVDs, all without success  |
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"This has to be satire
I'm not so sure. My Dad has forgotten pretty much everything between 1968 and the present day, but he CAN occasionally send a crappy email from his phone and can find that Hub of P, every so often
He has his priorities set
He asked me if I was his Mum the last time I saw him, for context! He's 85."
85? Is that all? Mine is 90...
I know and understand that parents sometimes see being elderly as their chance to wreak revenge on their sons / daughters in return for the horrors we inflicted upon our parents when we ourselves were toddlers.  |
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"Does the TV unit have enough space for a top loader Betamax video player?"
Indeed it does. It's one of those 3 level smoked glass units designed to fit diagonally into a corner of the room.
Telly on the top shelf with space for Xmas cards in front of the telly during December.
Middle shelf is filled with dinky toys.
Bottom shelf is filled with pottery ornaments such as mini Eiffel tower, white and blue wind up windmill with sails which rotate in time to the music box playing Tulips from Amsterdam and a mini plaque with the legendary words "Greetings from Tossa de Mar".
I have given serious consideration to buying an old 12 inch portable black and white telly with a manual tuning dial.
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"You can get tellys with integrated DVD slots at the side, or even an old CRT with integral VHS slot and bring porn films on video or DVD?
Or just buy him some magazines "
Magazines...
Now this might be a workable solution.
He could stash them in the middle of his stack of "classic bike monthly" and "Steam train collectors" magazines, just like back in the 1980s.
Indeed, I myself remember being surprised in the 1980's to discover that even WH Smith were selling extremely dodgy magazines such as H&E.
But where does one buy Razzle or Fiesta or Knave or Playboy today?
Traditional newsagents are very rare today....
Do they sell them in Tesco / spar / One Stop?
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"“My dad” would like to know how to get out of my wife finding a size 6 pair of knickers in my glovebox."
Well, that's easy.
Most modern cars have an airbag in the place one would normally have found a glovebox in the old days.
Just tell her that the knickers are actually an airbag. Made of soft, delicate material designed to protect the human skin. And that airbag must have been triggered accidentally last week when you swerved to avoid a cyclist.
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By *8on33Man 17 weeks ago
winfrith |
"Your dad is a filthy pervert
Yeah, I know.
However, that statement doesn't help with my predicament.
Of course, I could use my own credit card to personally sign up to any manner of adult sites, yeah, I know, including the finder of adult friends ones.
Just like you, I know full well that he will only get ripped off financially and will only become more frustrated emotionally."
He doesn't have wifi then ? |
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By *8on33Man 17 weeks ago
winfrith |
"Your dad is a filthy pervert
Yeah, I know.
However, that statement doesn't help with my predicament.
Of course, I could use my own credit card to personally sign up to any manner of adult sites, yeah, I know, including the finder of adult friends ones.
Just like you, I know full well that he will only get ripped off financially and will only become more frustrated emotionally.He doesn't have wifi then ?"
If he does connect the smart TV to the wifi . |
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"Maybe nows a good time to remind your dad that you can't always get what you want "
I fully agree, but he does have 90 years of experience of getting what he wants.
And to be fair, that is likely one of the biggest sources of his frustrations.
The world has changed around him. All he wants is a simple telly with Channel 4 broadcasting dodgy, explicit movies late at night.
Oh, and playboy tv like they have on the tellys in French motels. |
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"“My dad” would like to know how to get out of my wife finding a size 6 pair of knickers in my glovebox.
Well, that's easy.
Most modern cars have an airbag in the place one would normally have found a glovebox in the old days.
Just tell her that the knickers are actually an airbag. Made of soft, delicate material designed to protect the human skin. And that airbag must have been triggered accidentally last week when you swerved to avoid a cyclist.
"
I… I mean my dad really appreciates this advice. |
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"Your dad is a filthy pervert
Yeah, I know.
However, that statement doesn't help with my predicament.
Of course, I could use my own credit card to personally sign up to any manner of adult sites, yeah, I know, including the finder of adult friends ones.
Just like you, I know full well that he will only get ripped off financially and will only become more frustrated emotionally.He doesn't have wifi then ?If he does connect the smart TV to the wifi ."
The smart TV is already connected to the wifi.
That is not the problem.
The smart TV has a browser. That's not the problem.
The problem is, Dad. He's not so smart.
He can't use a telly remote, mouse or keyboard. Touch screens are out of the question.
Yes, I've spent 20 years trying to convert him to digital and computers. Trying to teach him how to use a mouse. Or a touch screen.
He fully believes that a "website" is the corner of the greenhouse filled with spiders.
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My dad is 97. He wants to buy things on the net with his debit card. He has already tried to send money to a 'friend' who is in trouble and needs an apple pay card but can't speak on the phone due to laryngitis. We have refused to help him do this and told him we will do any on line purchasing for him because he's simply incapable of doing it himself. I have to endure and as much as I love my father it is enduring, nightly calls in which he questions why he can't buy things himself, he doesn't want to be old, how can a computer know your bank account if you're just typing your card details etc etc over and over accompanied by claims that he has an aura that moves the tool bar, minimises the screen and performs all sorts of other operations because he definitely doesn't click the mouse as he's moving it (I've watched him do it). The stress of this though is as nothing compared to the stress that would ensue once he'd been scammed by some internet chancer.
I've learned through bitter experience that just as with teenagers sometimes you have to tell your elderly parents that what they want is not possible because they simply can't be trusted to do it safely and responsibly.
I know and understand full well the emotional toll it takes on you dealing with a parent like this, you can't undo years of being the child to their parent in the relationship but the roles reverse sometimes and as bad as it makes you feel you have to take on that role
Good luck to you.
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"My dad is 97. He wants to buy things on the net with his debit card. He has already tried to send money to a 'friend' who is in trouble and needs an apple pay card but can't speak on the phone due to laryngitis. We have refused to help him do this and told him we will do any on line purchasing for him because he's simply incapable of doing it himself. I have to endure and as much as I love my father it is enduring, nightly calls in which he questions why he can't buy things himself, he doesn't want to be old, how can a computer know your bank account if you're just typing your card details etc etc over and over accompanied by claims that he has an aura that moves the tool bar, minimises the screen and performs all sorts of other operations because he definitely doesn't click the mouse as he's moving it (I've watched him do it). The stress of this though is as nothing compared to the stress that would ensue once he'd been scammed by some internet chancer.
I've learned through bitter experience that just as with teenagers sometimes you have to tell your elderly parents that what they want is not possible because they simply can't be trusted to do it safely and responsibly.
I know and understand full well the emotional toll it takes on you dealing with a parent like this, you can't undo years of being the child to their parent in the relationship but the roles reverse sometimes and as bad as it makes you feel you have to take on that role
Good luck to you.
"
Thankyou for these very kind words.
As this thread rolls on towards a final conclusion, I do feel compelled to "sum up".
My first question was basically, how can a smart TV show hard core porn via freeview?
The answers have been complex, interesting and sometimes plain silly.
Basically, I've got an old and grumpy parent (90) who refuses to accept the changing modern world.
It is nice to have a place where I can vent my frustrations, but it is also nice to find a place where I can find others who have similar frustrations.
Taking a sudden "turn" I can honestly say that this fabswingers website has a forum which is similar to sitting naked in a hottub, we are all the same when naked and without pretences.
The input from the forum modulator has not gone without notice - I do feel that we are in similar but not identical situations.
Talking / chatting is the most powerful way to overcome obstacles.
ps. if anyone knows exactly how to watch hard core, pussy flaps held open style porno on Freeview, please advise........
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I agree that talking really does help as does knowing other people are in a similar situation. You don't feel quite as isolated and people who really understand don't dismiss your feelings on the subject by telling you you're lucky to still have them. We know we're lucky but we're not saints we can't do this stuff without letting off steam somewhere. |
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By *r.SJMan 17 weeks ago
Wellingborough |
"I agree that talking really does help as does knowing other people are in a similar situation. You don't feel quite as isolated and people who really understand don't dismiss your feelings on the subject by telling you you're lucky to still have them. We know we're lucky but we're not saints we can't do this stuff without letting off steam somewhere. "
That letting off is steam is definitely needed... I'm a carer for my parents and at points that means taking, what at points feels like, taking a parental role with them. So credit to OP, yourself and anyone else taking on the role. It's the hardest job I've ever done. |
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"This has to be satire
I'm not so sure. My Dad has forgotten pretty much everything between 1968 and the present day, but he CAN occasionally send a crappy email from his phone and can find that Hub of P, every so often
He has his priorities set
He asked me if I was his Mum the last time I saw him, for context! He's 85.
85? Is that all? Mine is 90...
I know and understand that parents sometimes see being elderly as their chance to wreak revenge on their sons / daughters in return for the horrors we inflicted upon our parents when we ourselves were toddlers. "
My Dad just has dementia and is losing his grip on reality. |
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"I agree that talking really does help as does knowing other people are in a similar situation. You don't feel quite as isolated and people who really understand don't dismiss your feelings on the subject by telling you you're lucky to still have them. We know we're lucky but we're not saints we can't do this stuff without letting off steam somewhere.
That letting off is steam is definitely needed... I'm a carer for my parents and at points that means taking, what at points feels like, taking a parental role with them. So credit to OP, yourself and anyone else taking on the role. It's the hardest job I've ever done. "
Well here's the place to let that steam off.
I have several friends who are helping care for elderly parents and I've told them I'm a safe pair of ears. They won't get any patronising twaddle like they do from people who have never done it and think we should put our own life and relationship on hold.
I know I sound harsh but I'm realistic and I've already told our kids they're not to do it for us. |
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"It's probably not workable but a lot of TVs have voice control. He'd need to be able to remember the details though "
You're right!
He is totally insistent that for the last few years, we have been suffering Connie Various.
And I can only imagine him shouting to the telly "Just do as I think" |
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"It's probably not workable but a lot of TVs have voice control. He'd need to be able to remember the details though
You're right!
He is totally insistent that for the last few years, we have been suffering Connie Various.
And I can only imagine him shouting to the telly "Just do as I think""
that's why I haven't got my dad a smart speaker. He'd um and ah, hem and haw then say that it didn't work.
It's not their fault they don't understand how modern tech works, the internet is literal magic to my dad. |
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