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It was just a kiss, so what?
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By *hagTonight OP Man 10 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
I watched a scene in eastenders where I will set the scene before asking the question to you.
Ian found out that his ex wife cindy kissed george, george was cindys ex husband too, ian and cindy still like eachother, cindy hoped that ian wouldnt find out about it, but ian didnt find it out until later.
Ian talked it over with someone about the kiss and ian said "it was just a kiss" he was upset about it, he thought that he could get over it, but all he was doing was just seeking validation from the friend that the kiss didnt mean anything, whilst it was really bothering him and it meant a lot to him as he still like her.
Basically, as I see it, ian was in denial about it, you could see that it did hurt him even if it was his ex as he still have a soft spot for her.
What is your view about it, have it happened to you, could you forgive your partner or potential partner if they kissed someone else and work it through?
I probably could forgive a potential partner it, because one should always try and save what is left of the relationship too  |
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It’s a strange question for us. We’re swingers, she can have sex with others as long as I know about it and I’m involved in some way but she doesn’t kiss. So technically a kiss would be a bigger betrayal than sex but anything done behind my back would be game over anyway. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 10 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"It’s a strange question for us. We’re swingers, she can have sex with others as long as I know about it and I’m involved in some way but she doesn’t kiss. So technically a kiss would be a bigger betrayal than sex but anything done behind my back would be game over anyway."
Yes, you are right there, it would be different, depending what kind of lifestyle one is living, swinging v non swinging. I see, so it would be the end for you, yes, kissing behind someones back would be seen as a bigger betrayal and harder to accept too.
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I think I must be the only person who thinks is never just a kiss.
You don’t kiss someone out of boredom. Because their face was there and you wanted to flex your lip muscles.
It usually stems from desire. Or booze. Neither are a good enough excuse for smooching up to someone else if you have genuine feelings for someone.
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Are they together, do they have a boundary that says neither can kiss other people, is Ian being unreasonable in being upset by this?
I haven't watched EastEnders for a very long time so I don't know the answers to any of this BUT if Ian was talking to me about this I'd tell him to talk to Cindy about it and stop being dramatic at his age. |
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For me kissing is extremely intimate.
So if I was with someone and they kissed someone else, and I’m talking not just a peck, without my knowledge prior that it may happen then it’s a huge red flag for me |
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"For me kissing is extremely intimate.
So if I was with someone and they kissed someone else, and I’m talking not just a peck, without my knowledge prior that it may happen then it’s a huge red flag for me "
But in this context, they are NOT together... so no red flags. |
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"It’s a strange question for us. We’re swingers, she can have sex with others as long as I know about it and I’m involved in some way but she doesn’t kiss. So technically a kiss would be a bigger betrayal than sex but anything done behind my back would be game over anyway."
We're similar. I don't know if it would be game over but crossing an agreed boundary is a big thing to do.
I don't know if Ian and Cindy had such a boundary but as they aren't together I'm assuming she's free to kiss whoever she wants |
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Depends if they are a couple or not? If they aren't then it didn't matter but also begs the question if Ian and Cindy like one another, why is she kissing George in the first place?
This is not a conversation I thought I'd be having this morning |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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"The surprise to me in this situation is that Shag watches Eastenders 
The surprise to me is that Ian and Cindy are still in it. "
I think my last viewing was when Dirty Den got shot, a bit like my involvement with Dallas (and who shot JR - main interest in Dallas was Wogan's commentary, for instance with the poisoned dwarf) |
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To me, kissing is one of the most intimate acts you can do. I don’t kiss someone unless it’s meant.
If Ian and Cindy were looking to get back together and she was then kissing someone else then if I was Ian I’d be questioning why she wanted to. Whilst not a boundary crossed, it’s also not right.
But as it’s a soap and ‘our little secret’ never remains that then it’s bound to happen 
K |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 10 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I think I must be the only person who thinks is never just a kiss.
You don’t kiss someone out of boredom. Because their face was there and you wanted to flex your lip muscles.
It usually stems from desire. Or booze. Neither are a good enough excuse for smooching up to someone else if you have genuine feelings for someone.
"
Hi luna. I am the same as you. I also think that it is never just a kiss, yes, if one have genuine feelings for someone else, they shouldnt do it |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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"I think I must be the only person who thinks is never just a kiss.
You don’t kiss someone out of boredom. Because their face was there and you wanted to flex your lip muscles.
"
I have to say, I used to think a kiss is never just a kiss. My mind has been changed. I have and do kiss a friend just to flex my lip muscles. He is the best kisser I’ve ever kissed. I don’t want sex with him. I don’t desire him. He’s attractive. He’s conventionally hot. Women fall all over him. I only want to practice kissing with him because he’s so good at it. |
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"In the scenario as you’ve described it there is no betrayal.
Yes Ian can be hurt because….. feelings, however they’re all single and therefore completely free to kiss whoever they want. "
Ian and Cindy are back together so there was definitely betrayal, I watch eastenders every night and even I’m struggling to keep up with who’s with who  |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 10 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"In the scenario as you’ve described it there is no betrayal.
Yes Ian can be hurt because….. feelings, however they’re all single and therefore completely free to kiss whoever they want.
Ian and Cindy are back together so there was definitely betrayal, I watch eastenders every night and even I’m struggling to keep up with who’s with who "
Yes, you are right there, they are back together, so it was betrayal. I also watch eastenders everyday too |
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"In the scenario as you’ve described it there is no betrayal.
Yes Ian can be hurt because….. feelings, however they’re all single and therefore completely free to kiss whoever they want.
Ian and Cindy are back together so there was definitely betrayal, I watch eastenders every night and even I’m struggling to keep up with who’s with who Yes, you are right there, they are back together, so it was betrayal. I also watch eastenders everyday too "
I’ve already watched tonight’s, Shag. It’s a bit boring tonight |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 10 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"In the scenario as you’ve described it there is no betrayal.
Yes Ian can be hurt because….. feelings, however they’re all single and therefore completely free to kiss whoever they want.
Ian and Cindy are back together so there was definitely betrayal, I watch eastenders every night and even I’m struggling to keep up with who’s with who Yes, you are right there, they are back together, so it was betrayal. I also watch eastenders everyday too
I’ve already watched tonight’s, Shag. It’s a bit boring tonight "
That is good harlot, it will be fun to see what tonights episode will be about too |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 10 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Depends if they are a couple or not? If they aren't then it didn't matter but also begs the question if Ian and Cindy like one another, why is she kissing George in the first place?
This is not a conversation I thought I'd be having this morning "
Hi giveme, yes, you are right there, it depends on that too, they are together, but it seems that cindy still likes george a bit as well |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 10 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Ive forgiven much bigger ! It doesn’t matter to me if the relationship was being saved or not or even whether the other person was sorry , I’d forgive - I refuse to carry past baggage."
That is good you have forgiven bigger things too  |
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"It’s a strange question for us. We’re swingers, she can have sex with others as long as I know about it and I’m involved in some way but she doesn’t kiss. So technically a kiss would be a bigger betrayal than sex but anything done behind my back would be game over anyway.
We're similar. I don't know if it would be game over but crossing an agreed boundary is a big thing to do.
I don't know if Ian and Cindy had such a boundary but as they aren't together I'm assuming she's free to kiss whoever she wants"
Last time I watched Eastenders Cindy was dead |
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It doesn’t sound like Ian and Cindy are dating, I know they were married kids etc but are they dating now?
If they were together and she wandered(again) why? Didn’t he give her enough attention?
If I liked someone and found out they kissed someone I’d be jealous yes, if I wasn’t dating them it’s nothing to do with me. |
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Interesting question.
Reading my diary recently, I was astonished to see that, some years ago, my late wife told me that she and my best friend (now also departed) had kissed and she enjoyed it. The astonishment is that I had totally forgotten about it, so it couldn't have been a big deal for me. I just wish she had told me at the time so I could have suggested going further........ |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 10 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Are they together, do they have a boundary that says neither can kiss other people, is Ian being unreasonable in being upset by this?
I haven't watched EastEnders for a very long time so I don't know the answers to any of this BUT if Ian was talking to me about this I'd tell him to talk to Cindy about it and stop being dramatic at his age. "
They are together, yes, it seems that they have a boundary too, in the episode on 3rd june, ians mother kathy said to him that "you are letting her get away with it, you are letting her walking all over you, ians reply was "I am trying to save my relationship. I am not over reacting. I want me and cindy. I want it to work" I also think that ian should talk to cindy about this as well |
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But no, it's not 'only a kiss'
J