FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Out of my league
Out of my league
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By (user no longer on site) OP 10 weeks ago
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Do you ever look at profiles and think they’re way, way of your league? Personally if I look at one and think they’re far too gorgeous, I won’t message or wink.
Then I wonder why not? They don’t know me and I might attract a stunning partner who has a thing for fat, bald, lorry drivers. I still don’t message though. I just put them on my hotlist and tell myself I’ll message them tomorrow - and tomorrow never comes! |
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Not at all. I think the concept of leagues in general is outdated and pointless, and is arguably disrespectful to the autonomy of choice of the person you're placing on that pedestal.
What you're effectively doing there is deciding for that person what they are and aren't attracted to. For all you know, you are exactly their jam; the attractiveness of the individual does not necessarily predict what they're looking for. |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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"I don’t agree with people being out of other’s leagues.
You sure about that  I’m out of yours  "
There’s a difference between being attractive to someone and being out of their league. They aren’t synonymous things. Attraction isn’t simplistic or defined as being within a certain perceived level of hotness, which is how I defined the idea of leagues. As if saying someone isn’t the same level of hotness. Who defines these leagues is unknown to me but I certainly don’t place people in leagues.
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By (user no longer on site) OP 10 weeks ago
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"I look and think some most definitely are out of my league!! So I don’t message, and yes I know I could be wrong about that person, but knock backs are sometimes crap to deal with. X. "
Hmmm. That’s interesting, and please don’t take this the wrong way. I’ve just had a quick look at your profile and I would say I wouldn’t message as you look stunning in the your pics and yes, out of my league.
But apparently I have messaged you in the past. It’s made me wonder if my confidence has gone down?
And please, please don’t take this as anything other than an observation! |
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"Oh all the time, I seem to only like what I describe as really hot men but I never message them because they would never be interested in me lol x"
The question is, if any of those men messaged you, would the hotness outweight the disregarding of what your profile says? :P |
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"I look and think some most definitely are out of my league!! So I don’t message, and yes I know I could be wrong about that person, but knock backs are sometimes crap to deal with. X. "
Yer that's excatly how we feel especially being a larger couple |
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"Oh all the time, I seem to only like what I describe as really hot men but I never message them because they would never be interested in me lol x
The question is, if any of those men messaged you, would the hotness outweight the disregarding of what your profile says? :P"
My marriage is worth more than a shag with a really hot man lol x |
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I’m delulu enough to flirt with anyone I find attractive on here, and then an always SHOCKED when someone isn’t interested back (although it happens all the time in real life so I dunno why I’m shocked here lol) |
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I have 2 sides, most women on here are out of my league and I always wonder why they would choose me given some of the rather handsome and well endowed men on this site, but then I remind myselfe, fuck it. I’m big enough and ugly enough to take rejection, better to have tried and know where I stand as opposed to never trying and potentially missing an opportunity. One life, make most of it. |
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"Oh all the time, I seem to only like what I describe as really hot men but I never message them because they would never be interested in me lol x
The question is, if any of those men messaged you, would the hotness outweight the disregarding of what your profile says? :P
My marriage is worth more than a shag with a really hot man lol x"
Ahh, guessing you're not in an open marriage then? ^_^ |
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"Oh all the time, I seem to only like what I describe as really hot men but I never message them because they would never be interested in me lol x
The question is, if any of those men messaged you, would the hotness outweight the disregarding of what your profile says? :P
My marriage is worth more than a shag with a really hot man lol x
Ahh, guessing you're not in an open marriage then? ^_^"
We was. Long story x |
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"Oh all the time, I seem to only like what I describe as really hot men but I never message them because they would never be interested in me lol x
The question is, if any of those men messaged you, would the hotness outweight the disregarding of what your profile says? :P
My marriage is worth more than a shag with a really hot man lol x
Ahh, guessing you're not in an open marriage then? ^_^
We was. Long story x"
Understood, I won't pry further. x |
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"I be polite and probably is my downfall as when I message a girl I try to show I have manners,that's probably why I never get an answer  "
I don't think anyone has an aversion to manners. :P I can see a more formal kind of message putting some people off, though. I identified a couple of things in messages I was sending that might imply I lack in confidence or am trying too hard, so I've made adjustments accordingly. |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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"out of my league"
My team were in the fourth division and made it to the first. I definitely believe in leagues, and each season I dread the possibility of relegation.  |
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"I be polite and probably is my downfall as when I message a girl I try to show I have manners,that's probably why I never get an answer
I don't think anyone has an aversion to manners. :P I can see a more formal kind of message putting some people off, though. I identified a couple of things in messages I was sending that might imply I lack in confidence or am trying too hard, so I've made adjustments accordingly."
Sounds like I need to make a few changes in my approach, Thanks for that |
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"I sometimes do. I try my best to get chats going, but it fails, big time "
As TheBelladonna pointed out, there's a difference between being attractive to someone and being out of their league.
It's not that your attempts are failing because you had no right to make those attempts in the first place and the people you're contacting are above you in some imaginary pecking order; you're just not their cup of tea, and that's perfectly okay. You will find people for whom your brand is the tea they enjoy the most. |
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By *oo..Woman 10 weeks ago
Boo's World |
No such thing as leagues in my mind when it comes to me going ahead and speaking with or contacting someone on fab.
But, I've have often been surprised and proved wrong with the type of people that have found me attractive in the time I've been on fab that I've gone on to spend more intimate time with.
The popular,fit,handsome,well known forum ones, the ones with a queue behind them of anyone they want and yet they still picked me over them.
That's always something I find strange in my mind, why me instead of them!
Not sure if that's still a league thing or not.
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"I'm in a league of my own
Don't care about anyone else
Your on a different planet though _onko "
We can miss out on gems by not using our gut feeling it’s not all about looks it’s about outside the box and reading between the lips or lines |
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Yes and no, OP. I think we kid ourselves if we say there aren't some people who are more attractive to more people than others, but as lots of people have said, there are no leagues (though quite a hard thought pattern to break) - beauty in the eye of the beholder and all that.
Less about leagues, but I'm more inclined not to message (not that I send many) after looking at the other kind of guys they'd met and deciding I wouldn't be their type on the basis I didn't look like them, if that makes sense. |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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"
Less about leagues, but I'm more inclined not to message (not that I send many) after looking at the other kind of guys they'd met and deciding I wouldn't be their type on the basis I didn't look like them, if that makes sense."
I do this but when receiving messages too cause obviously being female I can’t be arsed to send the ice breakers. I wouldn’t do better than “Hi” and I’d have to urge you to delete and block me myself |
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We had messages from a stunning looking Birmingham hotwife who's Husband didn't play after he got injured serving his country (was he Uncle Albert?), she had verifications including one from meeting in the Jacuzzi in Chameleons. A reverse image search showed "she" was an American model and Instagram star. We didn't reply. (It's unlikely the model in question has heard of Chameleons in Darlaston!). |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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"Do you ever look at profiles and think they’re way, way of your league? Personally if I look at one and think they’re far too gorgeous, I won’t message or wink.
"
Yep. Especially when I see who they have met in the past. We are our worst enemies for stopping something that could be good.  |
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No. I don’t believe in leagues.
I suppose I’m in a comfortable position though. I don’t think I’m desperately ugly, and also not so gorgeous as to be intimidating.
As for what I find attractive - none of the men I meet have a single physical characteristic in common (other than human physiology). Genuinely what I find attractive can’t be photographed. There obviously has to be a physical attraction, but it’s way more nuanced than good looks, chiselled physique, blue eyes or whatever.
I like to think that the people I meet have a similar outlook. In fact - 2 of my favourite fab humans do have the same outlook.
This is why that first message & profiles are so important here. You really do need to show who **you** are. |
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Dove here I don’t message people as most are out of our league! If people message us then great means they read all stats and are happy enough. So many have a list of what they want and don’t want it’s off putting or sexy seeks sexy ( what exactly is the definition of sexy) that puts me off also!
Xxx |
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By *bi HaiveMan 10 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I’ve been turnt down by users I’ve considered “out of my league”. Only to see they verifications from some total munters
So go for it!
You never know "
Maybe those people had great personalities, charm and the ability to attract interest from others.
And didn't simply judge people on looks. One person's 'munter' is evidently someone else's cup of tea...... |
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What league are you talking about.
It’s not football or any other sport.
The perceived leagues of other people are created by ourselves.
For me looks are a percentage of what I like, personality is the key for me and that cannot always be ascertained through photos |
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When I first started out here, hell yes. I simply never messaged anyone.
As the years have passed, I’ve embraced how disgustingly handsome I am, and will message ANYONE that takes my fancy, regardless of the stratospheric levels of hotness involved.
That said, I’ll still only message them if I feel we’d actually be compatible. I certainly wouldn’t message the super hotty that says “no fatties” or “no beardy weirdys”. |
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I’m perfect and I’m way passed being in anyone’s “league”
I think that the reason no one messages me
I also think that’s why I don’t get responses people are nervous to contact me because of that
That’s a shame because I see myself as just a bloke looking for fun |
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It’s been hard to read profiles first and not just look at posted pictures videos first !
I really do not think there ought to be no ‘ out of my League ‘ thoughts really although I guess subconsciously we all may have those thoughts including myself from time to time.
Getting a a knock back on here is going to happen .
But - there is always someone out there for us
It’s not always easy finding them
But perseverance and being polite I think is key, and sharing in the forum the frustrations and challenges help others to gain confidence
No one is better than anyone else and there is a good book in everyone |
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Attraction is weird.
I had an 8-month regular meet with a woman some years back. She was, as it were, totally out of my league. Indeed, she used to joke I was not her type at all but she was initially intrigued and wanted to go outside of her usual zone of seriously muscled masc straight guys.
For some bizarre reason, she saw me two to three times a week for all those months. She put it down to chemistry, lol. |
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"To many people putting themselves down on this post back yourselfs x"
There’s always that one comment.
It’s not about putting ourselves down but being realistic.
I can only speak for myself here and I know my limits regarding time, availability and resources and I know there’s always someone more available, more willing, more present.
I know my worth and I am very confident in my abilities, just not as much resourceful as others are. Hope it makes sense. |
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By *hilloutMan 10 weeks ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
I've messaged profiles in the past I considered stunning, but only after having seen I might meet their requirements / standards.
If not, I've just admired from a distance. |
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"To many people putting themselves down on this post back yourselfs x
There’s always that one comment.
It’s not about putting ourselves down but being realistic.
I can only speak for myself here and I know my limits regarding time, availability and resources and I know there’s always someone more available, more willing, more present.
I know my worth and I am very confident in my abilities, just not as much resourceful as others are. Hope it makes sense. "
I believe the comment was directed to people putting themselves down because they think they are not attractive or good looking...nothing to do with time and resources |
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"To many people putting themselves down on this post back yourselfs x
There’s always that one comment.
It’s not about putting ourselves down but being realistic.
I can only speak for myself here and I know my limits regarding time, availability and resources and I know there’s always someone more available, more willing, more present.
I know my worth and I am very confident in my abilities, just not as much resourceful as others are. Hope it makes sense.
I believe the comment was directed to people putting themselves down because they think they are not attractive or good looking...nothing to do with time and resources"
Hence the “I can only speak for myself” part. |
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"To many people putting themselves down on this post back yourselfs x
There’s always that one comment.
It’s not about putting ourselves down but being realistic.
I can only speak for myself here and I know my limits regarding time, availability and resources and I know there’s always someone more available, more willing, more present.
I know my worth and I am very confident in my abilities, just not as much resourceful as others are. Hope it makes sense. "
you said how little I have to offer that’s not backing yourself at all |
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"To many people putting themselves down on this post back yourselfs x
There’s always that one comment.
It’s not about putting ourselves down but being realistic.
I can only speak for myself here and I know my limits regarding time, availability and resources and I know there’s always someone more available, more willing, more present.
I know my worth and I am very confident in my abilities, just not as much resourceful as others are. Hope it makes sense.
I believe the comment was directed to people putting themselves down because they think they are not attractive or good looking...nothing to do with time and resources
Hence the “I can only speak for myself” part. "
There's also the "There's always that one comment" part or the "I know my worth and I'm very confident " part of your reply, like the original comment was an attack to you directly and you had to justify yourself. The original comment was very simple...too many people putting themselves down because they think they are unattractive or bad looking- so you either believe you are one of those people or you don't...has nothing to do with the time and resources part of your reply |
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Bit of advice for us would be have a go worst case scenario your in the same position your in before you take a shot. Be confident, confidence is sexy don’t be over confident as then that turns to ego and ego is ugly. Reading the comments you can tell who is confident and you can also see who has ego so there’s lots of people to learn off in this thread |
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Nah. I’ll message people who I think have fun or similar personalities. I never have any idea who I’ll be attracted to in the flesh so I just find my people. What’s attractive to me may not be as much to the next person. |
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I have done in the past, I’ve looked at a few people and just thought no way , they are so hot, so desired & so popular, I would not have a chance. And been completely wrong. They are just ordinary people , most not wanting to put on a pedestal. |
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"To many people putting themselves down on this post back yourselfs x
There’s always that one comment.
It’s not about putting ourselves down but being realistic.
I can only speak for myself here and I know my limits regarding time, availability and resources and I know there’s always someone more available, more willing, more present.
I know my worth and I am very confident in my abilities, just not as much resourceful as others are. Hope it makes sense. "
I think what you are saying is the highly desirable types have a huge following & the amount of attention they get you need to be prepared to match that and meet when they decide etc.The opposite is often true! |
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"Do you ever look at profiles and think they’re way, way of your league? Personally if I look at one and think they’re far too gorgeous, I won’t message or wink.
Then I wonder why not? They don’t know me and I might attract a stunning partner who has a thing for fat, bald, lorry drivers. I still don’t message though. I just put them on my hotlist and tell myself I’ll message them tomorrow - and tomorrow never comes!"
Well, as my old man always used to the say "aim for the stars and land on the moon."
Disclaimer: you may end up orbiting a few asteroids along your travels, mucker. But fuck it! Sidequests are always fun |
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It's only Fab.
If you're taking it seriously then you're spending too much time on here.
If you're still horny then to a club and meet some real people, who will more likely judge you as a real person versus just an in-line profile. |
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Yes I do with some profiles, I tend to look at those who have verified them too. If they are all hotties and the opposite of me, then I wouldn't message them and if they'd contacted me, I'd wonder why. |
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"To many people putting themselves down on this post back yourselfs x
There’s always that one comment.
It’s not about putting ourselves down but being realistic.
I can only speak for myself here and I know my limits regarding time, availability and resources and I know there’s always someone more available, more willing, more present.
I know my worth and I am very confident in my abilities, just not as much resourceful as others are. Hope it makes sense.
I believe the comment was directed to people putting themselves down because they think they are not attractive or good looking...nothing to do with time and resources
Hence the “I can only speak for myself” part.
There's also the "There's always that one comment" part or the "I know my worth and I'm very confident " part of your reply, like the original comment was an attack to you directly and you had to justify yourself. The original comment was very simple...too many people putting themselves down because they think they are unattractive or bad looking- so you either believe you are one of those people or you don't...has nothing to do with the time and resources part of your reply "
Not at all what I meant but I’ll put it down to the language barrier and translation issue and leave it there. |
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"I’m (j) well out of D’s league but we’ve been married 20 years so what’s the worst that can happen "
I’m well out of londons league….its like Man Untd playing Bridlington under 16s…..that type of out of her league……but she’s laid next to me so I must be doing something right! |
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Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
I've been fortunate and approached some women who many would have said were way out of my league. Some of these women have even said that men dont approach them because of their perceived "hotness".
I'll chat and flirt with anyone, regardless of societies preconception of hotness. |
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By *lfa RomeoMan 10 weeks ago
southeast , Herts, Beds |
I have to admit, I do look and some profiles and think no way I'm in going to message or wink at them, especially if there are over 15 years younger then me. I mean what on earth would a 40 something want with an old fart like me  |
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"To many people putting themselves down on this post back yourselfs x
There’s always that one comment.
It’s not about putting ourselves down but being realistic.
I can only speak for myself here and I know my limits regarding time, availability and resources and I know there’s always someone more available, more willing, more present.
I know my worth and I am very confident in my abilities, just not as much resourceful as others are. Hope it makes sense.
I believe the comment was directed to people putting themselves down because they think they are not attractive or good looking...nothing to do with time and resources
Hence the “I can only speak for myself” part.
There's also the "There's always that one comment" part or the "I know my worth and I'm very confident " part of your reply, like the original comment was an attack to you directly and you had to justify yourself. The original comment was very simple...too many people putting themselves down because they think they are unattractive or bad looking- so you either believe you are one of those people or you don't...has nothing to do with the time and resources part of your reply "
exactly my point pal |
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"Yes I do with some profiles, I tend to look at those who have verified them too. If they are all hotties and the opposite of me, then I wouldn't message them and if they'd contacted me, I'd wonder why. "
Hit the nail right on the head |
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"I have to admit, I do look and some profiles and think no way I'm in going to message or wink at them, especially if there are over 15 years younger then me. I mean what on earth would a 40 something want with an old fart like me "
London is 11hrs younger than me |
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I met M on a vanilla dating site. She liked a few of my pics on there and that gave me courage to start conversation.
I don’t think I would have if she hadn’t liked those pics.
But I do believe in Game Theory. If you are in a nightclub and everyone is focussing their attention on the person deemed most attractive everyone else may get upset from being ignored, even worse when the pursuers downgrade expectations and work their way down their imagined list of hotness. No one likes being second/third/fourth choice.
Bit different on here as no one knows who anyone is messaging so what have you got to lose? |
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"To many people putting themselves down on this post back yourselfs x
There’s always that one comment.
It’s not about putting ourselves down but being realistic.
I can only speak for myself here and I know my limits regarding time, availability and resources and I know there’s always someone more available, more willing, more present.
I know my worth and I am very confident in my abilities, just not as much resourceful as others are. Hope it makes sense.
I think what you are saying is the highly desirable types have a huge following & the amount of attention they get you need to be prepared to match that and meet when they decide etc.The opposite is often true! "
That’s kind of what I mean. Add my limited availability and possibility our calendars will ever align are close to none. So I don’t even try. It doesn’t mean I feel unattractive but I can’t match others that have more resources available for them. |
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"To many people putting themselves down on this post back yourselfs x
There’s always that one comment.
It’s not about putting ourselves down but being realistic.
I can only speak for myself here and I know my limits regarding time, availability and resources and I know there’s always someone more available, more willing, more present.
I know my worth and I am very confident in my abilities, just not as much resourceful as others are. Hope it makes sense.
I think what you are saying is the highly desirable types have a huge following & the amount of attention they get you need to be prepared to match that and meet when they decide etc.The opposite is often true!
That’s kind of what I mean. Add my limited availability and possibility our calendars will ever align are close to none. So I don’t even try. It doesn’t mean I feel unattractive but I can’t match others that have more resources available for them. "
Would you consider that a "league" thing, though? That just sounds like you have differing circumstances to others, which is more of a sideways movement than an upwards one, IMO.
I suppose that's the other problem I have with the entire concept; there's no real consensus on what the league actually is, which teams are playing in it, and what makes any given person higher in the rankings than any other. :P |
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"Do you ever look at profiles and think they’re way, way of your league? Personally if I look at one and think they’re far too gorgeous, I won’t message or wink.
Then I wonder why not? They don’t know me and I might attract a stunning partner who has a thing for fat, bald, lorry drivers. I still don’t message though. I just put them on my hotlist and tell myself I’ll message them tomorrow - and tomorrow never comes!"
No - they’re not out of mine and im not out of theirs - i hope no one is ever put off contacting me because they’re intimidated or think im too amazing for them- that would explain how few women message me though… jeez i need to dial down the awesomeness.. just in case!!  |
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"I think you should always shoot your shot. You never know what that individual is in to. Just because they might be very attractive shouldn't put you off"
Ah but then you also get the bullshittery of yeah I really want to meet you etc and when they actually meet you in the flesh they look at you like you've chucked a bucket of water over them ... shrug |
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"To many people putting themselves down on this post back yourselfs x
There’s always that one comment.
It’s not about putting ourselves down but being realistic.
I can only speak for myself here and I know my limits regarding time, availability and resources and I know there’s always someone more available, more willing, more present.
I know my worth and I am very confident in my abilities, just not as much resourceful as others are. Hope it makes sense.
I think what you are saying is the highly desirable types have a huge following & the amount of attention they get you need to be prepared to match that and meet when they decide etc.The opposite is often true!
That’s kind of what I mean. Add my limited availability and possibility our calendars will ever align are close to none. So I don’t even try. It doesn’t mean I feel unattractive but I can’t match others that have more resources available for them.
Would you consider that a "league" thing, though? That just sounds like you have differing circumstances to others, which is more of a sideways movement than an upwards one, IMO.
I suppose that's the other problem I have with the entire concept; there's no real consensus on what the league actually is, which teams are playing in it, and what makes any given person higher in the rankings than any other. :P"
That’s interesting when you put it that way. I still think it’s a “league” think, whatever the league is indeed.
I stand by Mr Hot Nots comment above, it kinda makes sense to me and explains why I rarely contact those people, and even if I do - things don’t always go as smoothly as with other, more available ones.
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By *hoirCouple 10 weeks ago
Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds |
"Do you ever look at profiles and think they’re way, way of your league? Personally if I look at one and think they’re far too gorgeous, I won’t message or wink.
Then I wonder why not? They don’t know me and I might attract a stunning partner who has a thing for fat, bald, lorry drivers. I still don’t message though. I just put them on my hotlist and tell myself I’ll message them tomorrow - and tomorrow never comes!"
All the time. Even now that P has a single profile I look at her pics and think she is out of my league.
C |
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"To many people putting themselves down on this post back yourselfs x
There’s always that one comment.
It’s not about putting ourselves down but being realistic.
I can only speak for myself here and I know my limits regarding time, availability and resources and I know there’s always someone more available, more willing, more present.
I know my worth and I am very confident in my abilities, just not as much resourceful as others are. Hope it makes sense.
I think what you are saying is the highly desirable types have a huge following & the amount of attention they get you need to be prepared to match that and meet when they decide etc.The opposite is often true!
That’s kind of what I mean. Add my limited availability and possibility our calendars will ever align are close to none. So I don’t even try. It doesn’t mean I feel unattractive but I can’t match others that have more resources available for them.
Would you consider that a "league" thing, though? That just sounds like you have differing circumstances to others, which is more of a sideways movement than an upwards one, IMO.
I suppose that's the other problem I have with the entire concept; there's no real consensus on what the league actually is, which teams are playing in it, and what makes any given person higher in the rankings than any other. :P
That’s interesting when you put it that way. I still think it’s a “league” think, whatever the league is indeed.
I stand by Mr Hot Nots comment above, it kinda makes sense to me and explains why I rarely contact those people, and even if I do - things don’t always go as smoothly as with other, more available ones.
"
Going back to what I said before about it being potentially insulting to the person, I actually knew a woman once who had been interested in a guy, but changed her mind when he thought she was out of his league, because the fact that he'd thought he knew what she wanted better than she did turned her off.
It's a tricky tightrope to walk sometimes, for sure. |
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"Do you ever look at profiles and think they’re way, way of your league? Personally if I look at one and think they’re far too gorgeous, I won’t message or wink.
Then I wonder why not? They don’t know me and I might attract a stunning partner who has a thing for fat, bald, lorry drivers. I still don’t message though. I just put them on my hotlist and tell myself I’ll message them tomorrow - and tomorrow never comes!"
All the time, especially when all his verifications are from thin stunning younger women |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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The best thing is receiving a message from the female of a couple to say " why would you think I would want to play with you"... great for moral..lol
Leagues are outdated but some still believe they are Man City when they more like Luton Town.. |
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"To many people putting themselves down on this post back yourselfs x
There’s always that one comment.
It’s not about putting ourselves down but being realistic.
I can only speak for myself here and I know my limits regarding time, availability and resources and I know there’s always someone more available, more willing, more present.
I know my worth and I am very confident in my abilities, just not as much resourceful as others are. Hope it makes sense.
I think what you are saying is the highly desirable types have a huge following & the amount of attention they get you need to be prepared to match that and meet when they decide etc.The opposite is often true!
That’s kind of what I mean. Add my limited availability and possibility our calendars will ever align are close to none. So I don’t even try. It doesn’t mean I feel unattractive but I can’t match others that have more resources available for them.
Would you consider that a "league" thing, though? That just sounds like you have differing circumstances to others, which is more of a sideways movement than an upwards one, IMO.
I suppose that's the other problem I have with the entire concept; there's no real consensus on what the league actually is, which teams are playing in it, and what makes any given person higher in the rankings than any other. :P"
I think it does have an impact but you perceive that highly desirable people , with their followers crave attention and are going to be hard work to get into bed or even date. But often the opposite is true, they find authenticity and someone who doesn’t chase them refreshing among all the fake compliments |
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I'm a realist. I know I'm out of manys league, obviously there is the exceptions but generally speaking. I good with that. On dating sites I swipe left a lot on the really beautiful ones. It's just my life experience. I really like me and think I'm decent, I just know I'm an acquired taste. |
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By *eliWoman 10 weeks ago
. |
No.
I did before. Not so much leagues in terms of conventional attractiveness (which do matter to some) but more... I didn't think that a person would possibly be interested in me. And then I realised that's a reflection of me and my low self esteem, how I was doubting myself.
Now I have occasional wobbles, worry that there's no chance they could be interested in me, not because they're on a pedestal but because I'm not good enough.
And then I try. Try anyway. See what happens. Because sometimes it can be so incredibly hot and beautiful and I want a life filled with those experiences and not ones of doubt. |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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I don't agree with regarding anyone as out of someone's league. You could find they do like you back if you msg them x
You can't decide for anyone else if you're someone's 'type' or not x |
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"No.
I did before. Not so much leagues in terms of conventional attractiveness (which do matter to some) but more... I didn't think that a person would possibly be interested in me. And then I realised that's a reflection of me and my low self esteem, how I was doubting myself.
Now I have occasional wobbles, worry that there's no chance they could be interested in me, not because they're on a pedestal but because I'm not good enough.
And then I try. Try anyway. See what happens. Because sometimes it can be so incredibly hot and beautiful and I want a life filled with those experiences and not ones of doubt."
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take, as they say. |
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The term “out of you’re league”
I wouldn’t say those words, I’d phrase it that when you meet someone that comes in and has a huge impact on your mind and body.
Who you can see them and think…..my god she is beautiful.
It does make you question if you have a chance of getting to know them.
But you’ve got to go and shoot your shot otherwise you’ll never know.
Life should be magic not tragic, and chances need to be taken and regrets not held.
|
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"I met M on a vanilla dating site. She liked a few of my pics on there and that gave me courage to start conversation.
I don’t think I would have if she hadn’t liked those pics.
But I do believe in Game Theory. If you are in a nightclub and everyone is focussing their attention on the person deemed most attractive everyone else may get upset from being ignored, even worse when the pursuers downgrade expectations and work their way down their imagined list of hotness. No one likes being second/third/fourth choice.
Bit different on here as no one knows who anyone is messaging so what have you got to lose?"
This is important and why not showing veris helps. People imagine all kinds of social quotients often a lack of centrality on here is your best asset |
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A league is a concept, I guess it's a product of a competitive mindset. You could call it a social construct. I don't like it, I find it nurtures qualities that aren't conducive to the kinds of relationship I would want to be in.
If people think that way, then you exist within that milieu. I choose not to partake in it. What matters to me is how the other person and I treat each other. Can we let go of that bullshit and focus on us? That's an exceptionally attractive quality to me. When I meet someone like that it's a privilege. Why waste my thoughts elsewhere? |
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We never think in terms of leagues but think in terms of sets of attributes. Gym fit, young professionals operate in a different place from out of shape, old retirees. There’s no leagues but are these two groups going to meet each other. Rarely.
When you look at profiles sometimes you judge how compatible you might be and decide it’s probably not worth it as it’s unlikely to go further. Not impossible but can you be bothered chasing 1% chance of a meet shots. |
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however you phrase it, it is a fact of life, no one is for everyone and some people are probably not attractive to 99% of the people on fab.
That is no different to the real world, and yes there are people on here i think are sexy as hell, would i message them and think they may be interested in me - NO ! |
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By *vaRose43Woman 10 weeks ago
Forest of Dean |
Everyone has wobbles in their confidence and self esteem. As someone who really struggled with that in my 20’s and early 30’s it took a fairly big health scare for me to realise that life really is too short.
Shoot your shot |
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"No, I never think that. My problem is I rarely ever message first. I am attracted to younger than myself lately, so that's the only barrier for me as I think perhaps I am 'too old' for them"
You're only as old as the man you feel, or however that saying goes. :D |
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"Everyone has wobbles in their confidence and self esteem. As someone who really struggled with that in my 20’s and early 30’s it took a fairly big health scare for me to realise that life really is too short.
Shoot your shot "
This, exactly this….life is to be embraced and not filled with doubts or wondering if someone is going to like us or not.
Shoot that shot and what will be will be
Life is too short for us all to have doubts or regrets.
You absolutely nailed it lovely  |
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By *hoirCouple 10 weeks ago
Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds |
I'm not really someone to make the first move anyway, regardless of whether I fancy someone, I've never had the confidence and I really struggle with rejection sensitive dysphoria.
I often think I lucked out with C, he's amazing and I'm forever thankful we fell into each other
P |
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Back when I was single, I had a really good friend who viscerally hated the concept of ‘out of my league’. If any of his friends uttered the dreaded phrase, he’d give them a good hard slap across the face. Every time.
It genuinely helped. I think it helped us all accept that it’s a bloody stupid idea. |
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"Back when I was single, I had a really good friend who viscerally hated the concept of ‘out of my league’. If any of his friends uttered the dreaded phrase, he’d give them a good hard slap across the face. Every time.
It genuinely helped. I think it helped us all accept that it’s a bloody stupid idea."
I very much like your mates approach...
You like who you like, and if they like you great. |
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"Back when I was single, I had a really good friend who viscerally hated the concept of ‘out of my league’. If any of his friends uttered the dreaded phrase, he’d give them a good hard slap across the face. Every time.
It genuinely helped. I think it helped us all accept that it’s a bloody stupid idea.
I very much like your mates approach...
You like who you like, and if they like you great. "
99% of the time I like them but it's unreciprocated... I've learnt to stay in my own lane ... lol |
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Age, height, weight, build, facial hair, cock size etc are all want to meet conventional criteria in profiles which I respect- at a party or club, these preferences or criteria often go out the window as real life personality comes into play, charm, charisma, energy, twinkles in the eye, cute smiles…
The ‘the out of my league’ is a further self imposed set of criteria we beat ourselves with… It’s not in the profile want-to-meet criteria, we imagine it… comparing conventional beauty, socio-economic status, body fat, muscles, washboard stomachs… “These people wouldn’t be interested in me”. Confidence can defeat these reservations and often we get it so wrong - the rich socialite actually wanting a bit of rough.. it’s a literary and movie script trope.
The TL:DR… give it a shot, approach those people in the Club or at that social, on Fab the worst that can happen is that your message is deleted without reading.. |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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I've a healthy skepticism of images posted on personal profiles... whether they're popular or not. A lot gets edited out.
Now I'm no oil painting myself but I've been with the hot, hard, young, muscle types and been disappointed and had fantastic screaming orgasms with fat, balding, shorter guys so I guess the true test is in that first meet in an art gallery or café. |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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When I first joined I was petrified to contact women and couples I perceived as out of my league.
But over time I’ve learnt not to judge others through first looks |
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Rejection stings like a fucker.
My low self esteem and confidence can take a hot minute to fix itself, back to where I was. Ouchies…
sends me rushing back to 1987, that time with Marie Smith… getting rejected by her on the coach to Chester zoo… etched hard in my memory that one!
Wanted to stick my head in the hippos mouth.. chow down….my friend… chow down. Kids laughed at me for
Years about that.
Kids hey…
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I see some amazingly hot women on here. I don't see them as out of my league at all. I see hassle of distance, circumstance and differing attitudes which means I rarely pursue. Certainly not out of league. I don't believe in leagues. |
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I think anyone with any experience on here know physical looks aren't the be all and end all on here and also what is hot is often subjective. Infact often they are second fidle to interpersonal compatability. I also think some people use physical looks as a cop out to excuse why they are not successful when it's actually the interpersonal attributes they project that are the reason.
What works sexually and personally doesn't always follow archetypal rules anyway. Most of us in this lifestyle a free enough not to worry about societal expectations or judgment and just follow what's good and what works instead.
So I say if you see someone/s you like and they seem to be on the same page as you just throw your hat in the ring whether you think they're out of your league or not.
Mr |
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"Do you ever look at profiles and think they’re way, way of your league? Personally if I look at one and think they’re far too gorgeous, I won’t message or wink.
Then I wonder why not? They don’t know me and I might attract a stunning partner who has a thing for fat, bald, lorry drivers. I still don’t message though. I just put them on my hotlist and tell myself I’ll message them tomorrow - and tomorrow never comes!"
I know what you mean. For me it's usually the age that stops me, although I have met people twenty years younger than me, just not enough of them. |
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"I look and think some most definitely are out of my league!! So I don’t message, and yes I know I could be wrong about that person, but knock backs are sometimes crap to deal with. X. "
Exactly what I always think as well knock backs are hard to take. X |
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"I've had messages & thought nope out of my league & deleted...saves disappointment later  "
Your stunning I am definitely out of your league and wouldn't stand a chance so I would be to scared to send message |
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Leagues are a really unhelpful idea. I’ve had partners drive me away because he’s convinced I’m out of his league and everywhere I go I’m being fucked by hot young lovelies, and on the flip side I’ve had men who I think loved me but drive me away because they were ashamed to be seen with a porker “beneath” his league.
It’s a toxic concept, just enjoy who you enjoy xx |
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By (user no longer on site) 10 weeks ago
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Mate, you're not just out of some peoples league, you're not even in the same sport, never mind game! My advice, don't message, don't get rejected! But definitely remember you're not going to attract unreal lasses etc. Have a good one! |
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As already stated, confidence is one of the most attractive features someone can possess. Also a good sense of humour and not taking this lifestyle too seriously
We're happy to chat to everyone and if there's a connection then happy to take things further xx |
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To be honest- the worst thing you could do is to have pre conceptions on Fab because it always throws up( in my experience anyway) surprises.
Just be yourself. Whats the harm in sending a polite message about you- just be honest and a sense of humour definitely helps.
Life is too short to be wondering what league you are in |
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By *ookie46Woman 10 weeks ago
Deepest darkest Peru |
"Definitely not out of someone’s league, I mean we’re all in the same league right?! It’s a question of chemistry, timing & connection.
Oh and perhaps the old thing such as a personality. "
Exactly this |
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By *cflirtyMan 10 weeks ago
closer than you might think |
"I look and think some most definitely are out of my league!! So I don’t message, and yes I know I could be wrong about that person, but knock backs are sometimes crap to deal with. X. "
Premier League Munchy xxx |
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