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By (user no longer on site) 14 weeks ago
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4 nuns are lined up for confession
First one goes up to the priest , “father I have sinned- I touched a man’s penis with my hand , deliberately”
The priest says” you have confessed, put the appropriate hand in the font water and you are absolved”
Second nun goes up, “father I have sinned/ I touched a man’s penis with both my hands”
Father says” you have confessed , wash both your hands in the font and go on your way”
The 4th nun taps the 3rd nun on the shoulder and tries to push in front
Father says” what’s going on here, we have time for you both”
“I’m sorry father , but I’d rather gargle the water before she’s had her arse in the font” |
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A mature guy goes on a first date with a stunningly attractive 60-something woman. He fawns all over her and even pays for dinner. Before they part, she coyly asks "Look, I've really enjoyed myself, would you by any chance be interested in a Sportsman's 3-Sum back at my place?". The guy is perplexed and replies "TBH I'm not really sure what a Sportsman's 3-Sum is". The lady explains "Well it's when a gentleman has a 3-sum with a mother and daughter". "OMG!" cries the guy "Of course I'm in!". They drive home in a taxi, the guy very excited. As they enter the house and hang up their coats, the lady walks to the bottom of the stairs and shouts up "MOTHER ARE YOU STILL AWAKE??"
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By *ty31Man 10 weeks ago
NW London |
Little girl gets a thorn in her hand. She runs inside the house crying for her mother.
"Mummy mummy I need a glass of cider"
The mother is perpelexled and asked her young daughter why a glass of cider would help?
The girl replies "well my big sister says everytime she gets a prick in her hand she can't wait to get it in-side-her" |
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By *ty31Man 9 weeks ago
NW London |
A man with no arms and no legs gets horny and goes to the local brothel.
The madam opens the door and looks down on him- "mate what the fuck are you actually planning to do? You've got no arms and no legs"
The man looks up- "I rang the fucking bell didn't I  " |
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