FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Lost the urge...
Lost the urge...
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By (user no longer on site) OP 20 weeks ago
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You know when you talk to someone and you have plans to meet and stuff, and it's kinda great.
Then plans get cancelled, re-arranged, they say something stupid, and yeah, the urge is gone. Just like that, disappeared. You've moved on to the next.
Does that happen often for you? If you like someone does that change before you even meet?
I do have the attention span of a toddler, this could be my problem.
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By *igR93Man 20 weeks ago
Sarcasm City |
"You know when you talk to someone and you have plans to meet and stuff, and it's kinda great.
Then plans get cancelled, re-arranged, they say something stupid, and yeah, the urge is gone. Just like that, disappeared. You've moved on to the next.
Does that happen often for you? If you like someone does that change before you even meet?
I do have the attention span of a toddler, this could be my problem.
"
It’s when somebody unnecessary lies about something to avoid meeting up
And then they come back and continue to try to talk and arrange another meeting
So yes, when someone lies or bails tbe urge disappears instantly really
Feels like there’s a lot of this on fab |
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By *eliWoman 20 weeks ago
. |
I'm just happy you're posting about this and the I no longer I don't do sex and I hate men and I never talk to them schtick has gone. 
Being serious though... I can't say it does happen to me. People don't really cancel on me. And if I'm talking to someone for long enough that I'm at the point I want to meet them, it's very rare that something they say puts me off.
The only time I can think of where someone put me off after we'd discussed possibly meeting is when they attributed humour to social class. The level of snobbery, the judgemental nature... everything. It was grim and I lost interest instantly. |
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Yes, it happens occasionally. It's just the natural ebb and flow of the Fab apparatus. Sometimes I have well-intentioned plans to meet, we maintain our dialogue in the interim and there's also the odd phone call here and there.
Then plans change, things which are out of our control or influence, for whatever reason, and then the impetus to meet dwindles and erodes, indifference kicks in and desire moves out. |
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It happens quite often. Sometimes there are just tiny tiny things that can put me off and once seen, or heard, cannot be unseen.
It doesn’t bother me too much if I haven’t met them. It becomes an issue after we met and it still happens. |
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By *HUSH-Man 20 weeks ago
London |
It’s just something that happens. Not exclusive to Fab either. I find sarcasm can really throw me off when it’s subtle.
It’s also impossible to know how others perceive you on here unless they directly tell you. I’m way more of a goofball in real life but the majority of my pictures are Mr Serious face. I’m still figuring out how to show that side of me. Perhaps I should take another photo with my t-shirt off?
I don’t have any hard feelings towards someone who changes their mind on meeting me. Sometimes it’s just not meant to be and I could never hold a grudge against a Fab Baddie.
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By *ddie1966Man 20 weeks ago
Paper Town Central, Essex. |
Sometimes it's the thrill of the chase. The thought of "I could if I wanted to" or "Yes, I've still got it"
Then calling a stop at the last minute.
It irks me and has happened to me like it has to many others.
But, you know what?
It's worth it because of the genuine ones you do get to meet that makes your heart soar and your knees tremble. |
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Not necessarily move on but can easily be put off especially by things that are said .
Absolutely can change before I’ve even met , in fact it can change before we’ve even spoken !
In words that is , not by text , that would be weird even by my standards . |
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By *8on33Man 20 weeks ago
winfrith |
I think the secret is speaking to the person live have a burner phone so you can give a number and talk to them ,its a good way to get personality too but I guess some people here don't want repeat meets so not sure what the person doing wrong is if you dont want to meet them again ,it doesn't really matter surely if you fancy them ? |
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"You know when you talk to someone and you have plans to meet and stuff, and it's kinda great.
Then plans get cancelled, re-arranged, they say something stupid, and yeah, the urge is gone. Just like that, disappeared. You've moved on to the next.
Does that happen often for you? If you like someone does that change before you even meet?
I do have the attention span of a toddler, this could be my problem.
It’s when somebody unnecessary lies about something to avoid meeting up
And then they come back and continue to try to talk and arrange another meeting
So yes, when someone lies or bails tbe urge disappears instantly really
Feels like there’s a lot of this on fab "
Lie to me and I’m gone. I can deal with truth, however harsh it may be. But lies no. The ultimate turn off. |
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Most of our communication is non-verbal, so when we are reduced to tapping words into a telegram message, it stands to reason that so much of what we would usually pick up face to face gets missed. It might take weeks of messages to form the same opinion you’d reach in ten minutes if you were sat together in a cafe. In such a truncated communication arena, it’s only natural that your thoughts and feelings can change completely before you ever get to meet. x |
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By *aizyWoman 20 weeks ago
west midlands |
Me actually wanting to meet someone happens rarely on here I have to be really interested in someone to even think about meeting them, I think they would have to say something pretty outrageous to put me off meeting them, canceling and re-arranging doesn't bother me as life does have a habit of getting in the way. |
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By (user no longer on site) 20 weeks ago
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I’ve had my first ever cancellation recently and it was a platonic coffee social. I’ve been bored and put off someone recently before meeting. We had tentative plans to meet but not a set date. I didn’t like the way they expressed themselves or didn’t. I’m not a mind reader and lose all interest in someone who blows hot and cold. His loss. Not mine.
I’m sure it’s the same for you. His loss, not yours.
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By (user no longer on site) OP 20 weeks ago
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"I'm just happy you're posting about this and the I no longer I don't do sex and I hate men and I never talk to them schtick has gone.
Being serious though... I can't say it does happen to me. People don't really cancel on me. And if I'm talking to someone for long enough that I'm at the point I want to meet them, it's very rare that something they say puts me off.
The only time I can think of where someone put me off after we'd discussed possibly meeting is when they attributed humour to social class. The level of snobbery, the judgemental nature... everything. It was grim and I lost interest instantly. "
I mean, technically I'm not having the sex! Everyone cancels/rearranges on me. I think I'm cursed. Or it's the face pictures I send.  |
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"You know when you talk to someone and you have plans to meet and stuff, and it's kinda great.
Then plans get cancelled, re-arranged, they say something stupid, and yeah, the urge is gone. Just like that, disappeared. You've moved on to the next.
Does that happen often for you? If you like someone does that change before you even meet?
I do have the attention span of a toddler, this could be my problem.
"
Yeah all the time with women I. Here I find. That message you start to talk normally and boom goes quiet for weeks. Then I just switch off |
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By *ddie1966Man 20 weeks ago
Paper Town Central, Essex. |
"
I mean, technically I'm not having the sex! Everyone cancels/rearranges on me. I think I'm cursed. Or it's the face pictures I send. "
To be honest, it's not your face pics or chat down lines.
It's your scathing wit and you'll never get me attitude, and just like Emily and Bag Puss, we still love you...
Ps... Make your meets virtual... That way you'll never really be let down. |
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Happened to me yesterday.
Spent the whole day chating to a lady. We have a lot of common interest and were getting on really well. She thinks I'm in London when I'm not and then bang I'm blocked!
It can be very demoralising sometimes.
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Um.
It takes me quite a while to get really into someone. And I have to know the physical chemistry and enough about them to get to that stage. At which point one stupid thing isn't going to put me off.
But, if I'm just interested in the potential of someone, and we're making plans to meet and see where it goes, and then they say one thing that really gets my hackles up. I'm probably bailing on the interest in that potential and focusing my energy elsewhere |
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Before anyone gets testy, this is about ANOTHER site, not Fab!
We've always got the ol' rods in the water looking for that elusive fish known as the "sane individual" to have some fun with. We had a bite from a professional guy in London, who wanted to see Kaz for some spanking/sex action. Wanting to boat this particular bass and reel him in (are these fishing puns tortured enough for you yet...?) we messaged him and explained that we have a small cadre of individuals for safe play and fun every now and again. He sounded exactly like the kind of person we wanted, and had no problem with safe sex, nor coming all the way over from London (he was apparently good for it, as he usually paid "professional" ladies for his spanking pleasure) but there was one thing bubbling under the surface like a flatulent flounder: exclusivity.
When explaining that we only see two other people, and don't engage in casual sex with people we don't know, it seemed to quell his concerns. Things went well, agreeing our stipulations, but something just wasn't quite right. After exchanging a few more emails, all seemed fine. An hour later, we had a message out of the blue, one which started OK, but grew increasingly snotty and rude as it went on. He had decided that he had "made too many compromises", and that we were not the kind of people he wanted to be associated with anyway. He "elected to walk away from the situation", and pretty much dropped the mic on his way out.
The whole thing seemed to come down to our unwillingness to get rid of everybody else in favour of being exclusively "his". I could tell he was unhappy about it, but something snapped in him which made him breathtakingly rude. I have something of a temper on me, and it was only my wife calming me down which stopped me from sending a tirade in return, including "it's no wonder you have to open your wallet for sex, as no woman with a brain their head could tolerate your company without the benefit of money, alcohol or Secobarbital drugs". I might well have also included: "Glad you didn't make the journey after all, sparing BOTH my wife and I a huge pain in the arse".
That incident has taken the sheen off of looking for new people at the moment, as it was all so very unexpected and terse. |
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"...Then plans get cancelled, re-arranged, they say something stupid, and yeah, the urge is gone. Just like that, disappeared. You've moved on to the next."
Yes and no. Conversations start, they take a direction, it seems positive, ideas and photos are swapped, then for whatever reason it doesn't happen. If someone was interesting and I wanted to meet them then the urge hasn't gone, but I recognise that it just isn't going to happen and I move on. |
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I think it just comes with the territory here ..anything can happen beforehand...had a meet last week planned...they cancelled a few hours before on the day, yet still posting looking for a guy after they had cancelled me..maybe a fake/ time waster ? |
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Depends. I often find if I give up on somebody fairly quickly like that I was never really in to them quite as much as I thought I was.
It will be an overlap of goals, intent, expectations and mix in a bit of broken hopesof what could have been with disappointment. |
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Small talk puts me off.
They may look like someone i would click with but the conversation is short two to three words reply after a roll play chat or in depth question or experiences. Just kills it for me. |
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Yeah I understand this. Had it happen a couple of times.
If they go radio silent after a cancellation I just assume they weren't that interested originally, or the face pic thing as OP mentioned.
Meh, their loss. I'm a hoot! And fat fellas do it better. We appreciate it more, and we KNOW how to eat |
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By (user no longer on site) 20 weeks ago
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"im with you op.
they only need to say one thing i disagree with and i stop and move on.
i dont know why i became so ruthless. maybe a product of the environment. maybe."
Probably the abundance of choice due to sites like this and online dating has something to do with it also... |
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By *4bimMan 20 weeks ago
Farnborough Hampshire |
"im with you op.
they only need to say one thing i disagree with and i stop and move on.
i dont know why i became so ruthless. maybe a product of the environment. maybe.
Probably the abundance of choice due to sites like this and online dating has something to do with it also..."
could be but also could be that im older now and understand my time is less. i need to use time i have left better and with people who are worth spending time with.
so i have to be ruthless. women are incredibly so on here, will keep you waiting forever, flake in and out and i do not have forever.
so i can be choosy, i can be difficult because i am here for me. |
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"im with you op.
they only need to say one thing i disagree with and i stop and move on.
i dont know why i became so ruthless. maybe a product of the environment. maybe.
Probably the abundance of choice due to sites like this and online dating has something to do with it also..."
You make it sound like a bad thing.
Surely it's good that you can interact with more people from further afield and find someone that is actually a good fit for you, rather than just tolerating the least mediocre of the options in the village |
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By (user no longer on site) 20 weeks ago
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"im with you op.
they only need to say one thing i disagree with and i stop and move on.
i dont know why i became so ruthless. maybe a product of the environment. maybe.
Probably the abundance of choice due to sites like this and online dating has something to do with it also...
You make it sound like a bad thing.
Surely it's good that you can interact with more people from further afield and find someone that is actually a good fit for you, rather than just tolerating the least mediocre of the options in the village "
Not necessarily a bad thing, I was just saying it affords the opportunity to be less tolerant, safe in the knowledge other options are readily available |
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"This is coyotes with me, used to be super keen, now could not give less shits 
"
To be fair I'm surprised we lasted as long as we did. We all know know it would just take another video call though |
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Cancel on me once, shame on me. Cancel on me twice, shame on you. We all live busy lives and things crop up that can't be helped or they might not be in the mood for meeting. Unless it's already someone I've met multiple times, I'm likely to invest my time and energy elsewhere. |
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I have an issue of friend zoning anyone I chat too for too long without meeting, I need a quick social & meet or they go in the friend basket.
It's hard when things get rescheduled to keep that excitement going, day to day chat irritates the hell out of me. |
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Yeah situations like that occur sometimes.
Your last comment in particular. I have inattentive ADHD, so my mind can wander and get focused elsewhere quite easily. People need to prod me sometimes to get my attention back, and I find some don't like having to do that. Some says it's funny or cute some take offence.
It can irritating if I really like someone, but it falls into a cycle like that. |
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By *HUSH-Man 20 weeks ago
London |
"Yeah I understand this. Had it happen a couple of times.
If they go radio silent after a cancellation I just assume they weren't that interested originally, or the face pic thing as OP mentioned.
Meh, their loss. I'm a hoot! And fat fellas do it better. We appreciate it more, and we KNOW how to eat"
Radio silence after a cancellation doesn’t mean they weren’t interested though. One of the biggest complaints on here is that people won’t take no for an answer.
If someone cancels on me I won’t bother them anymore. |
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By (user no longer on site) 20 weeks ago
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Nobody cancels on me….
Narrator - which is quite untrue as we already know, and now we watch Woody shuffle uncomfortably unseat train to upkeep his elaboration of the truth….
But the initial excitement can definitely disappear if arranging something and plans are changing all the time. But that definitely doesn’t mean that the opportunity has gone forever.  |
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"You know when you talk to someone and you have plans to meet and stuff, and it's kinda great.
Then plans get cancelled, re-arranged, they say something stupid, and yeah, the urge is gone. Just like that, disappeared. You've moved on to the next.
Does that happen often for you? If you like someone does that change before you even meet?
I do have the attention span of a toddler, this could be my problem.
"
This seems to be a big problem with meeting people online, not just in fab but on tinder and dating apps in general. They say something silly, it might be a joke, but is misconstrued as aggressive. If you were face to face, you'd carry on the conversation or decide to end things when you are certain there's no chemistry.
Online it's too tempting to immediately block or ghost them, hence why it's so hard to meet up online. I genuinely think online dating doesn't work, face to face is better. My tuppence worth. |
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By *HUSH-Man 20 weeks ago
London |
"You know when you talk to someone and you have plans to meet and stuff, and it's kinda great.
Then plans get cancelled, re-arranged, they say something stupid, and yeah, the urge is gone. Just like that, disappeared. You've moved on to the next.
Does that happen often for you? If you like someone does that change before you even meet?
I do have the attention span of a toddler, this could be my problem.
This seems to be a big problem with meeting people online, not just in fab but on tinder and dating apps in general. They say something silly, it might be a joke, but is misconstrued as aggressive. If you were face to face, you'd carry on the conversation or decide to end things when you are certain there's no chemistry.
Online it's too tempting to immediately block or ghost them, hence why it's so hard to meet up online. I genuinely think online dating doesn't work, face to face is better. My tuppence worth."
From some of the answers I’ve read on here simply having wires crossed is a big problem. |
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"You know when you talk to someone and you have plans to meet and stuff, and it's kinda great.
Then plans get cancelled, re-arranged, they say something stupid, and yeah, the urge is gone. Just like that, disappeared. You've moved on to the next.
Does that happen often for you? If you like someone does that change before you even meet?
I do have the attention span of a toddler, this could be my problem.
This seems to be a big problem with meeting people online, not just in fab but on tinder and dating apps in general. They say something silly, it might be a joke, but is misconstrued as aggressive. If you were face to face, you'd carry on the conversation or decide to end things when you are certain there's no chemistry.
Online it's too tempting to immediately block or ghost them, hence why it's so hard to meet up online. I genuinely think online dating doesn't work, face to face is better. My tuppence worth.
From some of the answers I’ve read on here simply having wires crossed is a big problem."
A lot of communication is non verbal, you can't see the other persons face online. When a woman asks what I do for work, me being me, might answer serial killer.
In person, looking at my face you can tell I'm pulling her leg. Online she's thinking I've got a nutter here, run! Even good jokes get wasted. |
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By *HUSH-Man 20 weeks ago
London |
"You know when you talk to someone and you have plans to meet and stuff, and it's kinda great.
Then plans get cancelled, re-arranged, they say something stupid, and yeah, the urge is gone. Just like that, disappeared. You've moved on to the next.
Does that happen often for you? If you like someone does that change before you even meet?
I do have the attention span of a toddler, this could be my problem.
This seems to be a big problem with meeting people online, not just in fab but on tinder and dating apps in general. They say something silly, it might be a joke, but is misconstrued as aggressive. If you were face to face, you'd carry on the conversation or decide to end things when you are certain there's no chemistry.
Online it's too tempting to immediately block or ghost them, hence why it's so hard to meet up online. I genuinely think online dating doesn't work, face to face is better. My tuppence worth.
From some of the answers I’ve read on here simply having wires crossed is a big problem.
A lot of communication is non verbal, you can't see the other persons face online. When a woman asks what I do for work, me being me, might answer serial killer.
In person, looking at my face you can tell I'm pulling her leg. Online she's thinking I've got a nutter here, run! Even good jokes get wasted. "
Completely agree. |
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By *lder.Woman 20 weeks ago
Not Local |
No, I can maintain interest over years. If I've liked something about a person, I can sustain that almost indefinitly, until circumstances are such that meeting may be likely. They on the other hand will probably have long since moved on |
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By *hilloutMan 20 weeks ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
"No, I can maintain interest over years. If I've liked something about a person, I can sustain that almost indefinitly, until circumstances are such that meeting may be likely. They on the other hand will probably have long since moved on "
This is very much me. Though I'd hope the latter wouldn't be the case  |
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"You know when you talk to someone and you have plans to meet and stuff, and it's kinda great.
Then plans get cancelled, re-arranged, they say something stupid, and yeah, the urge is gone. Just like that, disappeared. You've moved on to the next.
Does that happen often for you? If you like someone does that change before you even meet?
I do have the attention span of a toddler, this could be my problem.
"
I know what you mean, such a downer |
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"No, I can maintain interest over years. If I've liked something about a person, I can sustain that almost indefinitly, until circumstances are such that meeting may be likely. They on the other hand will probably have long since moved on
This is very much me. Though I'd hope the latter wouldn't be the case "
It usually is.
The grass is always greener and all that. |
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I had this recently. Was chatting to an attractive woman here, all seemed good and then silence on her part. I got back in touch a day or 2 later, and she said she was waiting for me to respond first... even though I'd sent the last message. I gave her the benefit of the doubt, but it suddenly became clear she wasn't going to put in as much effort as me, and my desire to chase just disappeared. I've seen this kind of interaction here way too many times. Only serious fuckers get to be desired by me these days |
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By (user no longer on site) 20 weeks ago
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Communication in a text only environment especially one where you have to monitor the site vigilantly to keep up a flow is extremely difficult to keep going well.
Against you is the time gaps from initial encounter through back and forths and maybe even meeting. Moods alter, both yours and theirs. It's actually a wonder that anyone that is in it for more than a wham and a bam does meet. |
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Yes, it was happening before hence I only now meet in clubs, by chance. It was even happening with people I have already met- one guy kept asking about what we were going to do when we meet, despite being told more than once I prefer to go with the flow. |
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If I've never met them and they cancel the first meet I lose interest. If we have met, then they cancel and want to rearrange a subsequent meet then I'm far more likely to sustain the interest. Life happens. Kids get sick, periods appear unexpectedly, cars fail MOT's. I've had to rearrange in the past with people who I was still very keen to see for various reasons. |
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By (user no longer on site) 20 weeks ago
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100% when a meets been cancelled last minute for some shit reason I get put right off. Other things such as language or being overly concerned about what will happen. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 20 weeks ago
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People that have cancelled have done for legitimate reasons. I think. And I don't need or like constant attention.
It's just annoying for my sex life when it takes so long for me to like someone yet I can go off them in seconds. |
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"People that have cancelled have done for legitimate reasons. I think. And I don't need or like constant attention.
It's just annoying for my sex life when it takes so long for me to like someone yet I can go off them in seconds. "
You have a sex life?  |
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I've never had anyone cancel on me although I've had to postpone a couple of times. I chat for awhile and rule out the ones I'm not interested in. By the time I say yes then I definetly want to meet that person and nothing really changes my mind |
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