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Communicate, musings and stuff...
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By *eli OP Woman 3 days ago
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So Willy's thread got me thinking (I know, a sentence I didn't think I'd ever type either). I'd like to say I'm a good communicator generally but I'm not sure I am.
How about you? Are you good at communicating what you intend to? Direct, I suppose. Do you have time/make allowances for those who perhaps aren't?
On Fab in particular, is communication style important to you? |
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By *heBelladonnaWoman 3 days ago
Somewhere Out There In The World |
I have little patience for people whose communication style doesn’t match mine on Fab if and when I’m intrigued beyond a platonic friendship.
I am direct but not succinct. I like to think my communication style leave no room to reading between the lines.
There is however a fine line. There’s people who appreciate quantity and not quality. There’s a difference.
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My communication is pretty straight forward, you normally know where you are with me for better or for worse depending on what you like.
I hope for the same just be you and I will be be me and we’re either going to get on or not.
I get in with most people I talk to, so can’t be doing too bad a job of it  |
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I don't think I'm bad at communicating, in the sense that I do think about what I want to say and how I want to say it before opening my mouth.
However if it's something that I think the other person isn't going to want to hear then I will often skirt round the issue, or try to drop hints rather than directly saying things explicitly
Mr |
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Um.
I think I'm pretty direct. I don't tend to make secrets of my feelings or opinions. Though I will tone down for other people's comfort or step away for a while to process and for my own.
However, the way I speak, I'm probably not always as clear as I intend to be.
The word vomit tends to fall in vaguely pleasing patterns, but sometimes the patterns seem to take away from the meaning  |
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By *eli OP Woman 3 days ago
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"I have little patience for people whose communication style doesn’t match mine on Fab if and when I’m intrigued beyond a platonic friendship.
I am direct but not succinct. I like to think my communication style leave no room to reading between the lines.
There is however a fine line. There’s people who appreciate quantity and not quality. There’s a difference.
"
So the presence of something different to a platonic friendship, where it's more likely to lead to sex affects how you view communication on here?
There's a difference in quantity and quality, you're right. I'd rather the latter than the former, I can get bored without it. Give me good quality messages every now and again over "what did you have for dinner?" daily. :D |
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I have been notoriously bad at communicating in the past. I seem to be cursed with being a people pleaser and have just gone with the flow to keep others happy. I am learning as I get a bit older though, but it’s still difficult. I still worry about putting boundaries in place in case it rocks the boat.
As it comes to fab, I’d say quality is very much in preference over quantity. A good conversation isn’t easy to come by, so I appreciate them when I find them. |
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By *heBelladonnaWoman 3 days ago
Somewhere Out There In The World |
"I have little patience for people whose communication style doesn’t match mine on Fab if and when I’m intrigued beyond a platonic friendship.
I am direct but not succinct. I like to think my communication style leave no room to reading between the lines.
There is however a fine line. There’s people who appreciate quantity and not quality. There’s a difference.
So the presence of something different to a platonic friendship, where it's more likely to lead to sex affects how you view communication on here?
There's a difference in quantity and quality, you're right. I'd rather the latter than the former, I can get bored without it. Give me good quality messages every now and again over "what did you have for dinner?" daily. :D"
Well somewhat. I’m not sending you messages, for example, professing given the privilege I’d drink up your cunt juices like a dehydrated hiker in the Sahara. 
It’s not that I’m a different person but simply that I have different facets and someone may see a flirtatious me versus a platonic friendly version of me.
For me substance is what distinguishes quality from just someone giving me finger service (lip service but you know across a keyboard). |
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By *eli OP Woman 3 days ago
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"My communication is pretty straight forward, you normally know where you are with me for better or for worse depending on what you like.
I hope for the same just be you and I will be be me and we’re either going to get on or not.
I get in with most people I talk to, so can’t be doing too bad a job of it "
That's a good way of approaching it - you won't always get along with everyone but as long as you're you? That's okay.
I like people who are straightforward, it's just... easier. |
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I think I communicate great. The people I communicate with may disagree.
If I message you a few times it means I'm slightly interested, if I'm friends with you I'm most likely interested.
I haven't the energy to shower people with compliments |
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"Are you good at communicating what you intend to? "
I like to think so, but sometimes I get the words wrong (or cannot remember them - so you used "al dente" in a previous thread, which was what I wished to convey). I blame age on my part!
"Do you have time/make allowances for those who perhaps aren't? "
Mostly, but every so often I think people are pratts, and then I have to sit on the naughty step.
"On Fab in particular, is communication style important to you?"
Depends on what is being communicated. Love the humour in various threads. Sarcasm too. And then you have Nero, he has style! |
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"I think I communicate great. The people I communicate with may disagree.
If I message you a few times it means I'm slightly interested, if I'm friends with you I'm most likely interested.
I haven't the energy to shower people with compliments"
Nothing wrong with that, say things like they are. |
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By *eli OP Woman 3 days ago
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"I don't think I'm bad at communicating, in the sense that I do think about what I want to say and how I want to say it before opening my mouth.
However if it's something that I think the other person isn't going to want to hear then I will often skirt round the issue, or try to drop hints rather than directly saying things explicitly
Mr "
That's understandable - you don't want to hurt someone and sometimes people aren't... particularly receptive to directness. There are different ways of communicating something, as long as it's not done in a very dickish way I think you're fine.:D |
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By *eli OP Woman 3 days ago
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"Um.
I think I'm pretty direct. I don't tend to make secrets of my feelings or opinions. Though I will tone down for other people's comfort or step away for a while to process and for my own.
However, the way I speak, I'm probably not always as clear as I intend to be.
The word vomit tends to fall in vaguely pleasing patterns, but sometimes the patterns seem to take away from the meaning "
I like your word vomit. Sure, it's sometimes a stream of consciousness and perhaps not as polished but you get across what you need to, well. |
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"So Willy's thread got me thinking (I know, a sentence I didn't think I'd ever type either). I'd like to say I'm a good communicator generally but I'm not sure I am.
How about you? Are you good at communicating what you intend to? Direct, I suppose. Do you have time/make allowances for those who perhaps aren't?
On Fab in particular, is communication style important to you?"
I am good at communicating, at least through the written word (if I’m not taking photographs then I’m writing something). I can be direct, and I can be diplomatic with how I express myself, whatever is required. I place no expectations on other people - not everyone is as interested as I am in words and literature. As for style, people express themselves differently all the time, and the context for that depends on the kind of relationship you have with them in the first place. Style is far less important to me than the act of communication itself. Xx |
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I think communication styles have to gel for it to work. I don't think it's a matter of good v bad but like humour it had to connect.
It's terribly important to me far more so than looks or height or anything physical. |
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I am a very good listener, which means things tend to go well with people who are authentic and open in their communication.
I'd say you communicate very well Meli, if my opinion matters to you.
I make allowances probably more often than I should, at least that's the feedback I have received from others. If conversation doesn't flow, I see little reason to force it.
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Not sure really. I like straightforward say it how it is men, I feel more comfortable around that.
I’m better at communicating in writing. I detest talking openly about my feelings, mostly due to shy awkwardness and the feeling that nobody is ever really interested in what I have to say, as I’m quiet (and therefore dull and boring).
So I tend to over share and vomit out words on here.
I think I give a little bit of allowance on Fab, but it depends how low my social battery is running. |
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I have 2 very different communication styles and it depends on context.
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In a non-sexual context, I use a lot of analogy, metaphor, negotiation, idea-trading, suggestion, nurture, encouragement.
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In a sexual context as a dominant, I either employ the same style above (depending on the person) OR I am very direct and to the point (depending on the person). |
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I try to communicate clearly and effectively as possible.
Do I get the message over ...I think so, sometimes with a few stumbles.
I know people far better with words than myself. It's quite the skill. |
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I don't think I'm clear communicating in person, my deafness for one can mean I totally get the wrong end of the stick plus I have a tendency to say everything as I don't want others not to believe me or think I'm making stuff up. I also tend to go round the houses, I'm not direct.
However, I'm much better when I can write what I want to say down. I can edit and re edit before it's been sent. So messages, emails are much better for me. Plus I can process the information received better in this form to.
Mrs |
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It depends on how close I am to the person on the receiving end. If it's someone I'm close with and trust that my views will be heard, I'll be direct and honest with them. It's something I struggle with doing with those I may not know as well because I never know if how I communicate is suitable enough while keeping them onside i.e. I don't know if I sound like a knob when I'm saying it. |
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By *eli OP Woman 3 days ago
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"I have been notoriously bad at communicating in the past. I seem to be cursed with being a people pleaser and have just gone with the flow to keep others happy. I am learning as I get a bit older though, but it’s still difficult. I still worry about putting boundaries in place in case it rocks the boat.
As it comes to fab, I’d say quality is very much in preference over quantity. A good conversation isn’t easy to come by, so I appreciate them when I find them."
Maybe it's not so much about rocking the boat as it is steadying yours? A wise friend told me that and although I can lean back in to the people pleasing ways at times, it did help me reframe how I felt about establishing boundaries. Speaking up.
I do think it's something you can get better at. Hope so. |
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I'm not great. I tend to hold back a lot. I always think that people aren't interested in what I have to say so I don't push conversations along and am very quick to not reply if I *think* the other person is getting bored. It's definitely a me thing and is worse now I'm completely lacking in confidence. I'm hoping I'll get over it and will be able to move on. Interesting reflection to have that was unexpected. Thanks Meli. |
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"So Willy's thread got me thinking (I know, a sentence I didn't think I'd ever type either). I'd like to say I'm a good communicator generally but I'm not sure I am.
How about you? Are you good at communicating what you intend to? Direct, I suppose. Do you have time/make allowances for those who perhaps aren't?
On Fab in particular, is communication style important to you?"
I try hard to be good at communicating but when I hit silence, I just don’t know what to do.
Have seen people say that they read messages, mean to get back but forget and maybe that’s true, but sometimes when you feel you’re holding the ball of the conversation, it makes my shoulders drop, I sigh and shake my head.
On WhatsApp, I’ll archive someone I feel I’m doing all the communication to.
I’ve also not double messaged sometimes and left a conversation like that and sadly, in a few cases, that’s it.
Have did similar on fab at times, as I don’t want to be a nuisance or have someone feel they have to reply.
If it’s natural and spontaneous both people initiate chat at different times.
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By *eli OP Woman 3 days ago
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"...professing given the privilege I’d drink up your cunt juices like a dehydrated hiker in the Sahara. "
Amazing. Won't be having sex with someone unless they reach this standard of declaration now, thanks Bella. |
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By *eli OP Woman 3 days ago
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"I think I communicate great. The people I communicate with may disagree.
If I message you a few times it means I'm slightly interested, if I'm friends with you I'm most likely interested.
I haven't the energy to shower people with compliments"
I don't think good communication requires showering of compliments, does it? For some that might be how they express, their giving love language etc but... you can understand someone without them fawning over you.
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I find many of the answers above quite bland and I guess the absence of a definition of the word ' communicate' i'll have to concede that they were done blindly.
Communication doesn't only depend on the self but on the other and for someone to imagine they expressed themselves well when their intended meaning is not received is no more than pissing in the wind. |
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By *heBelladonnaWoman 2 days ago
Somewhere Out There In The World |
"...professing given the privilege I’d drink up your cunt juices like a dehydrated hiker in the Sahara.
Amazing. Won't be having sex with someone unless they reach this standard of declaration now, thanks Bella. "
Succinct. Direct. No pussy footing. Either horrifies you or leaves you full of anticipatory excitement.
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I prefer conversations that feel natural and relaxed.
On fab I'm more inclined to respond to messages that aren't direct and in my face.
I'm much better at communicating what I don't want than I am with what I do want but like many others on fab I have been very clear in telling people what I have no interest in only for them to come back with stupid responses such as "How do you know if you haven't tried before?" "... But you haven't done it with me yet!" , all of which make me wonder which part of "no" they didn't understand and if I should communicate it differently? |
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In person, I think I am a good communicator but I’m very aware of the language barrier and self conscious of my accent.
Online, or texting or even calling - I am terrible at it and it shows. Both on here and in my personal life. |
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I've lost friendships over my communication issues, I don't always think to message someone daily for example but then at the same time I think I'm also a "I match your energy" so if that person/s is giving me the impression they can't be arsed with me, I can't be arsed with you either, just going through stuff that happened in the last 6 months has proved I'm terrible with communication.
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