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Going for it...
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By *eli OP Woman 22 weeks ago
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When it comes to Fab (or general life if you want a good waffle), what stops you going from what you want?
Reaching out to the person you find attractive, saying yes to a social, flirting with them etc.
If you're good at going for what you want...
What advice would you give? Have you always been that way? |
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"When it comes to Fab (or general life if you want a good waffle), what stops you going from what you want?
Reaching out to the person you find attractive, saying yes to a social, flirting with them etc.
If you're good at going for what you want...
What advice would you give? Have you always been that way? "
Generally I've read their biog and know I'm not what they're looking for. Also read the veris, if they're all from xyz age, build, looks, I know I'm not their type.
So why bother? |
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In all honesty, nothing does.
What's the worst that can happen?
If it's the thought of rejection (on here) then this site may be the wrong place for that person.
If it's in general life, if you don't ask you don't get...shoot your shot.
You only live once! |
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Be open and honest to everyone and especially yourself.
Say exactly what you want to say because regret and lost chances are easily avoidable.
You may not succeed every time but you never will if you don’t take those chances in the first place  |
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"In all honesty, nothing does.
What's the worst that can happen?
If it's the thought of rejection (on here) then this site may be the wrong place for that person.
If it's in general life, if you don't ask you don't get...shoot your shot.
You only live once!"
Love this! |
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On fab, nothing. I can deal with rejection.
In life? There are lots of things I've had to pass up because I need to carefully pace myself in order to avoid autistic burnout. It's annoying, yes I get fomo, but I have to be realistic about my limits. On the occasions when I've ignored the shutdown warning signs and ploughed on regardless, I've regretted it. Plus I was terrible company for those around me. A startled-looking mute is no fun to be around  |
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By (user no longer on site) 22 weeks ago
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I am unafraid of rejection in general. On here, I would tell myself they’re missing out and carry on if I was rejected. It wouldn’t dampen my day, or experience on the website.
In general life, I guess I don’t think about not getting what I want. One of my best friends says I always get what I want, and the rare times I don’t, it’s not from lack of trying.
This may make me seem really arrogant. I don’t see it that way. Direct and confident, yes. |
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By *eli OP Woman 22 weeks ago
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"Usually, an assumption that they wouldn't be interested in the same way that I'm interested  "
Do you ever say fuck it and try anyway? Or is the assumption more based on some sort of "proof"? |
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On here, if someone ticks enough boxes I'm comfortable approaching them.
I can take and administer rejection equally.
In general life, only financial constraints (I don't have a spare £400,000 for the Icon A5 I would like, and would invest in eco co-operatives first anyway...just ). |
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"Usually, an assumption that they wouldn't be interested in the same way that I'm interested
Do you ever say fuck it and try anyway? Or is the assumption more based on some sort of "proof"?"
I try to examine my assumptions generally to identify where they come from and the reasoning behind them.
I won't say I always feel my interpretations are entirely justified. But I'm aware of when that's more or less the case than usual.
Sometimes there are enough compelling factors for me to say fuck it and give it a try anyway. But it's rare for someone to strike me that way |
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By (user no longer on site) 22 weeks ago
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The last couple of years tought me to go for it. Good people are far between, and happy times are rare so when I see a chance to enjoy something with someone I have to speak up nowadays because of YOLO and all that jazz.
I want good memories, I don’t want regrets.  |
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By (user no longer on site) 22 weeks ago
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"When it comes to Fab (or general life if you want a good waffle), what stops you going from what you want?
Reaching out to the person you find attractive, saying yes to a social, flirting with them etc.
If you're good at going for what you want...
What advice would you give? Have you always been that way? "
Reaching out is very easy, but then the reality of aging bodies kicks in and general nerves kick in!! |
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I just go for it, the people I want to meet or like I'm chatting to or meeting.
It's taken me a while to get my confidence to a point of just going for it though but I've been pleasantly surprised by the responses.
Seems some people do think I'm attractive, who'd have known. |
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Presently it's mostly situational, I've got so much on that's all serious and adultingy that I am questioning whether I have the headspace to give another sexual relationship the time and involvement it would deserve or require.
I've had a couple of situations where that's been the case lately, so I am a bit hesitant about getting involved on a level I can't sustain.
The situation is temporal so I look at it as that I just need to be a bit disciplined get it sorted and then that should free up time. It's frustrating at times though. |
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We go for it - we try and ride on a wave of good vibes and I think that helps go for that person who you think maybe isn’t going to be interested or we are out of their (normal) age range
We are both confident in our abilities and we make a good team and that shows in our chats.
We expect good chat back too as we strive for top shelf moments so anything half hearted doesn’t work.
All in or nothing for us 
K |
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By *eli OP Woman 22 weeks ago
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"In all honesty, nothing does.
What's the worst that can happen?
If it's the thought of rejection (on here) then this site may be the wrong place for that person.
If it's in general life, if you don't ask you don't get...shoot your shot.
You only live once!"
Oh, I don't think we should gatekeep this site based on how people go for it/don't. :D
People can sometimes be hesitant and that's fair enough. Sometimes I am. |
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"Be open and honest to everyone and especially yourself.
Say exactly what you want to say because regret and lost chances are easily avoidable.
You may not succeed every time but you never will if you don’t take those chances in the first place "
I think though that self confidence has a fair bit to do with it plus interest too.
I'm only saying that as this was always my case. I didn't have a lot of confidence to start plus there was also just too much, too many people, so I got impatient and did massive deletes, a lot. The problem with that is I missed out on any potential people that I would be compatible with. However, I think meeting where possible in person be it socials etc is generally easier as you can gauge easier (for me) if there is a mutual interest. So I would be more inclined to possibly try my luck. |
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By *eli OP Woman 22 weeks ago
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"On fab, nothing. I can deal with rejection.
In life? There are lots of things I've had to pass up because I need to carefully pace myself in order to avoid autistic burnout. It's annoying, yes I get fomo, but I have to be realistic about my limits. On the occasions when I've ignored the shutdown warning signs and ploughed on regardless, I've regretted it. Plus I was terrible company for those around me. A startled-looking mute is no fun to be around "
So you're never a bit... "oh I shouldn't message them" in between your quest of carrying the ring? For whatever reason. You just go for it?
Being realistic about limits is important but that's something you learn in time, how to not rob yourself of all your spoons. |
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In general life I go for what I want. I’m very focused and determined at achieving the goals I set myself.
On fab? I don’t particularly like rejection so that plays a part. I sometimes struggle with my self image and that holds me back. |
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By (user no longer on site) 22 weeks ago
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"We go for it - we try and ride on a wave of good vibes and I think that helps go for that person who you think maybe isn’t going to be interested or we are out of their (normal) age range
We are both confident in our abilities and we make a good team and that shows in our chats.
We expect good chat back too as we strive for top shelf moments so anything half hearted doesn’t work.
All in or nothing for us
K"
One of you two had to make the first move, and look how that worked out! |
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I have a Fortune Favours the Foolish or Bold depending on your point of view.
If you are stuck in a place where you’re uming and arghing it’s better to make a bad decision than no decision.
You can always learn from a bad one rather than live with regrets you didn’t go for it.
Push yourself out of your comfort zone a little bit at a time Meli and you might surprise yourself  |
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I'm inclined to go for it. In a way.
It would be unusual for me to approach someone that I hadn't already met at a social event or interacted with through the forum so I'm usually fairly sure there's a spark to begin with.
It's rare for me be to send an opening message to someone I don't know at all but if I do it's because something resonates for me and I think it's worth reaching out. In that case I will go for it and I don't worry about not getting a response.
It's kind of like swiping right I guess. It's a shot in the dark.
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By (user no longer on site) 22 weeks ago
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Previously I have been terrible at saying yes.
I made excuses, I compared myself to others, thought I won't be what they want.
And I still do sometimes. Just the fuck it part of me is shouting a little louder lately
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I’m getting much better at it. The problem is more finding the time to stay in touch with my favourite regular fab friend and also make time for new socials/friends especially those who don’t regularly attend organised socials.
I definitely find myself saying yes more and being thankful that I have |
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Nothing stops me approaching someone unless they are not looking for what I'm offering.
If we match then my approach is always be polite, honest and yourself. I am terrible at online patter so I would say don't follow my advice. |
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By *eli OP Woman 22 weeks ago
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"I am unafraid of rejection in general. On here, I would tell myself they’re missing out and carry on if I was rejected. It wouldn’t dampen my day, or experience on the website.
In general life, I guess I don’t think about not getting what I want. One of my best friends says I always get what I want, and the rare times I don’t, it’s not from lack of trying.
This may make me seem really arrogant. I don’t see it that way. Direct and confident, yes. "
I don't think it's arrogance. Perhaps I would if I didn't like you because I think a lot of that particular perception is down to views held on a person.
You're direct and know yourself. Set out to get what you want and have enough self belief to carry you through regardless of the outcome. That's far from arrogance in my eyes. |
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By *eli OP Woman 22 weeks ago
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"Previously I have been terrible at saying yes.
I made excuses, I compared myself to others, thought I won't be what they want.
And I still do sometimes. Just the fuck it part of me is shouting a little louder lately
"
I'm so proud of you and your vagina Ms Coyote. It does mean you're waving farewell to your man hating era though, that's been a riot. |
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By (user no longer on site) 22 weeks ago
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"Previously I have been terrible at saying yes.
I made excuses, I compared myself to others, thought I won't be what they want.
And I still do sometimes. Just the fuck it part of me is shouting a little louder lately
I'm so proud of you and your vagina Ms Coyote. It does mean you're waving farewell to your man hating era though, that's been a riot. "
Let's not get carried away. |
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By *eli OP Woman 22 weeks ago
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"The last couple of years tought me to go for it. Good people are far between, and happy times are rare so when I see a chance to enjoy something with someone I have to speak up nowadays because of YOLO and all that jazz.
I want good memories, I don’t want regrets. "
YOLO should really be banned from the forums by now, don't you think?
That aside, I wholeheartedly agree Woody. It's far better to say yes, to go for something and it to potentially not work than it is to waste time overthinking and then regretting it. |
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By *eli OP Woman 22 weeks ago
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"Great question.
I’m inclined to agree *Mainly with Prey, some salient points shared.
I could write a detailed response but it would be war and peace. "
What's wrong with a War and Peace answer? Sure, sometimes a quick little reply is great but it'll be so dull everyone replied with succinct, bordering at times on lacklustre, energy.  |
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"On fab, nothing. I can deal with rejection.
In life? There are lots of things I've had to pass up because I need to carefully pace myself in order to avoid autistic burnout. It's annoying, yes I get fomo, but I have to be realistic about my limits. On the occasions when I've ignored the shutdown warning signs and ploughed on regardless, I've regretted it. Plus I was terrible company for those around me. A startled-looking mute is no fun to be around
So you're never a bit... "oh I shouldn't message them" in between your quest of carrying the ring? For whatever reason. You just go for it?
Being realistic about limits is important but that's something you learn in time, how to not rob yourself of all your spoons."
I get doubts and worries, sure. "What if they don't fancy a trip to Mordor?" Or, "what if they've already been to Mordor and they thought it was really naff?" Or, "they might not like women with pointy ears and hairy toes" Etc. I send the message anyway.
Yes, I realise the hobbit references are getting a bit old now... |
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You win some you lose some. Essentially you’re all strangers on the internet so nothing to lose and potentially everything to gain.
I certainly have more confidence online than I might do in person. That said, online, especially in the forums, you can get a better feel (ooer) for people and you might find yourself chatting or more with those that you might not normally think you would |
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By (user no longer on site) 22 weeks ago
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On Fab, usually it's a fear of rejection or looking at their photos and thinking I wouldn't be their type. It's almost Schroedinger in that as long as I never reach out, there's still a chance they could be interested!
In real life, it's more of a case of thinking they don't want to be disturbed when we occupy the same social spaces and again, not knowing if I would be their type which I think is the underlying insecurity that I have.
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By *bi HaiveMan 22 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
What stops me is generally a chaotic work/life balance.
I'm usually working when everyone else is off, stuck home binging Netflix whilst all are at work, and every club trip/party/organised social is usually miles away and on a night when I have a 6am start next day.
There's much I'd like to do. People I'd love to meet.
But the balancing act of paying the bills, doing essential normal life stuff and seeing my partner when I have the time means I miss out on a lot.
Such is life.
On the plus side I'm 10 hours into sunbathing, drinking copious amounts of cocktails and snuggling on a very comfy lounge bed by a pool in near 30° heat with them right now. So all is well in the world.  |
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By *eli OP Woman 22 weeks ago
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"On fab, nothing. I can deal with rejection.
In life? There are lots of things I've had to pass up because I need to carefully pace myself in order to avoid autistic burnout. It's annoying, yes I get fomo, but I have to be realistic about my limits. On the occasions when I've ignored the shutdown warning signs and ploughed on regardless, I've regretted it. Plus I was terrible company for those around me. A startled-looking mute is no fun to be around
So you're never a bit... "oh I shouldn't message them" in between your quest of carrying the ring? For whatever reason. You just go for it?
Being realistic about limits is important but that's something you learn in time, how to not rob yourself of all your spoons.
I get doubts and worries, sure. "What if they don't fancy a trip to Mordor?" Or, "what if they've already been to Mordor and they thought it was really naff?" Or, "they might not like women with pointy ears and hairy toes" Etc. I send the message anyway.
Yes, I realise the hobbit references are getting a bit old now..."
Love you Nell, the beautiful courtesan that you are.
I'm calling a ceasefire on Frodo-ing for the next few weeks. |
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By *eli OP Woman 22 weeks ago
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"I’m getting much better at it. The problem is more finding the time to stay in touch with my favourite regular fab friend and also make time for new socials/friends especially those who don’t regularly attend organised socials.
I definitely find myself saying yes more and being thankful that I have "
Aww GTK this is so lovely! Time is a big thing isn't it? As is headspace. If you stretch yourself too thin you end up not truly enjoying all of it which is a shame. I hope you continue yes-ing this year. |
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"When it comes to Fab (or general life if you want a good waffle), what stops you going from what you want?
Reaching out to the person you find attractive, saying yes to a social, flirting with them etc.
If you're good at going for what you want...
What advice would you give? Have you always been that way? "
I don't go for anything because I assume that whomever I am attracted to does not feel the same... have made an idiot of myself in the past... not in a hurry to do it again lol |
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