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Martha/Baby Reindeer situation
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So I slept with a lady friend of mine that I have known for about 6 years as a 1 off. She has started to tell me she loves me and is bombarding me with messages. It's not that serious at the moment but I would feel bad if I blocked her as I don't want to ruin or friendship. Any advice? |
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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago
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"I think you need to sit down and have a Frank discussion with her...yes she'll feel hurt but she'll get over it ....."
Alternatively give her my contact details  |
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Your friendship is close to ruination anyway. You have nothing to lose by telling her that you aren't interested in taking this further *sooner rather than later*. You might salvage something
Also never have sex with her again even if she says she is happy with no strings |
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"So I slept with a lady friend of mine that I have known for about 6 years as a 1 off. She has started to tell me she loves me and is bombarding me with messages. It's not that serious at the moment but I would feel bad if I blocked her as I don't want to ruin or friendship. Any advice?"
Keep copies of every message and get a tv series wrote about it, oh wait  just don’t make it real unless you’ve got a deep pocket ! |
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"Awkward … how do you feel about her … ?
I can easily mail you some gaffer tape and how to build a patio plan ( sorry just re read this .. not funny eeeek ! ) but I am giggling .. "
Thanks for the advice Josef Fritzl  , i don't feel the same way about her |
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"So there were no signs she was attracted to you in the last 6 years building upto this ??"
Evidently not.
Or
There was. He's ignored it and now he's got himself into a pile and he struggling to get out because he feels emotionally guilty for leading her on....
Buuuut I could be wrong. |
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"Awkward … how do you feel about her … ?
I can easily mail you some gaffer tape and how to build a patio plan ( sorry just re read this .. not funny eeeek ! ) but I am giggling ..
Thanks for the advice Josef Fritzl , i don't feel the same way about her"
Ok - what’s your address lol |
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By *mmaleiaWoman 13 weeks ago
East Northamptonshire |
"So there were no signs she was attracted to you in the last 6 years building upto this ??
Evidently not.
Or
There was. He's ignored it and now he's got himself into a pile and he struggling to get out because he feels emotionally guilty for leading her on....
Buuuut I could be wrong."
I’ll go with the latter too |
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"So there were no signs she was attracted to you in the last 6 years building upto this ??"
Unfortunately not, went around hers to have a meal and chilled watching a movie, 1 thing lead to another and here I am  |
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"So there were no signs she was attracted to you in the last 6 years building upto this ??
Evidently not.
Or
There was. He's ignored it and now he's got himself into a pile and he struggling to get out because he feels emotionally guilty for leading her on....
Buuuut I could be wrong."
This.
OP you need to tell her clearly and firmly (but be kind) that those feelings aren’t reciprocated. |
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I have a few rules about myself and how I behave, one of which is not to have sex with non ENM people. The lines between love, sex and intimacy are far too blurred for many people and it can often lead to exactly this situation.
Tell her directly and tell her as soon as you can. Don’t be nasty and don’t equate her to someone synonymous with stalking, she’s not, she is just confused by the situation that she’s in |
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Ok if she's bombarding you with texts why are you not telling her to stop?
Tell her you are friends and it was a one time only thing and ask her politely to stop with all the messages, if she doesn't then it's the block button.
If you can't be straight with her then she's probably thinking there's some chance. |
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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago
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"Just tell her again you're not interested in her sexually, and be done with it. Probably better to say you want to take a little break from the friendship to give you both some breathing space "
This. Be upfront & clear. Don't sleep with her as that's messing with her feelings even if she thinks she can handle it. Space to heal/ both do your own thing is wise. Being honest salvages the hope of a friendship in the future. Trying to be her friend now when she has the feels/ you slept together/ not clearly saying no, could be leading her on. |
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"So there were no signs she was attracted to you in the last 6 years building upto this ??
Unfortunately not, went around hers to have a meal and chilled watching a movie, 1 thing lead to another and here I am "
Ok mum style talk coming up
You're an adult. Deal with this in an adult manner by being absolutely straight with her completely unambiguously.
Don't say things like one thing led to another as if you had no control over the situation. You did and you do. |
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"So there were no signs she was attracted to you in the last 6 years building upto this ??
Unfortunately not, went around hers to have a meal and chilled watching a movie, 1 thing lead to another and here I am "
Then speak to her on the phone. Don’t text. And tell her you don’t feel the same way. Today. Now even. Instead of asking people on the forum. If you care about her as a friend as you said in your OP that is the least she deserves  |
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"So there were no signs she was attracted to you in the last 6 years building upto this ??
Evidently not.
Or
There was. He's ignored it and now he's got himself into a pile and he struggling to get out because he feels emotionally guilty for leading her on....
Buuuut I could be wrong.
I’ll go with the latter too "
Well you would be completely wrong  |
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"What are you going to do op?"
She asked me to be her bf..i said no.
She then said ok lets just be fwb..i said no.
We video called and i told her that it will go nowhere and it was a one off (i didn't want to say it was a mistake as i don't want to hurt her)
I am just stuck at the moment as we have been to each others place many many times and nothing has ever happen between us. |
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"What are you going to do op?
She asked me to be her bf..i said no.
She then said ok lets just be fwb..i said no.
We video called and i told her that it will go nowhere and it was a one off (i didn't want to say it was a mistake as i don't want to hurt her)
I am just stuck at the moment as we have been to each others place many many times and nothing has ever happen between us."
I think it sounds like you need to put a bit of distance between you x |
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"What are you going to do op?
She asked me to be her bf..i said no.
She then said ok lets just be fwb..i said no.
We video called and i told her that it will go nowhere and it was a one off (i didn't want to say it was a mistake as i don't want to hurt her)
I am just stuck at the moment as we have been to each others place many many times and nothing has ever happen between us."
Ok.
Have you worked out in your mind how you want this to go forward? If not take some time to sort that out then ask her how she sees your future relationship.
You might need to give each other some space |
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"What are you going to do op?
She asked me to be her bf..i said no.
She then said ok lets just be fwb..i said no.
We video called and i told her that it will go nowhere and it was a one off (i didn't want to say it was a mistake as i don't want to hurt her)
I am just stuck at the moment as we have been to each others place many many times and nothing has ever happen between us."
OP, you sound like a nice guy. Who I assume feels bad because you don't feel the same. That is ok. There's nothing wrong with not feeling the same. And there's nothing wrong with saying so.
Don't feel bad. You CANNOT control her reaction to your feelings.
Take some time. Be straight and talk from the heart. Best way
 |
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"What are you going to do op?
She asked me to be her bf..i said no.
She then said ok lets just be fwb..i said no.
We video called and i told her that it will go nowhere and it was a one off (i didn't want to say it was a mistake as i don't want to hurt her)
I am just stuck at the moment as we have been to each others place many many times and nothing has ever happen between us."
You've told her no now, if she keeps messaging you need to really put your foot down and ask her to stop, explain it's a bit much & it's going to end up ruining the friendship. |
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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago
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"What are you going to do op?
She asked me to be her bf..i said no.
She then said ok lets just be fwb..i said no.
We video called and i told her that it will go nowhere and it was a one off (i didn't want to say it was a mistake as i don't want to hurt her)
I am just stuck at the moment as we have been to each others place many many times and nothing has ever happen between us.
You've told her no now, if she keeps messaging you need to really put your foot down and ask her to stop, explain it's a bit much & it's going to end up ruining the friendship."
Don't forget the breakup sex! |
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"So I slept with a lady friend of mine that I have known for about 6 years as a 1 off. She has started to tell me she loves me and is bombarding me with messages. It's not that serious at the moment but I would feel bad if I blocked her as I don't want to ruin or friendship. Any advice?"
You don't think she has ruined the friendship already? Block her.
Evie |
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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago
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Guy has female friend, takes it further as you know, sex is sex. Guy complains when female friend has feelings.
Next time don't fuck your friends.
Oh, and don't make out said friend to be a crazy stalker bitch.
|
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"Guy has female friend, takes it further as you know, sex is sex. Guy complains when female friend has feelings.
Next time don't fuck your friends.
Oh, and don't make out said friend to be a crazy stalker bitch.
"
Martha? |
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"What are you going to do op?
She asked me to be her bf..i said no.
She then said ok lets just be fwb..i said no.
We video called and i told her that it will go nowhere and it was a one off (i didn't want to say it was a mistake as i don't want to hurt her)
I am just stuck at the moment as we have been to each others place many many times and nothing has ever happen between us."
In which case if she cannot accept the word no then I’m afraid you have no choice but to block and move on |
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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago
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"Guy has female friend, takes it further as you know, sex is sex. Guy complains when female friend has feelings.
Next time don't fuck your friends.
Oh, and don't make out said friend to be a crazy stalker bitch.
Martha?"
Sent from my iphone |
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"Guy has female friend, takes it further as you know, sex is sex. Guy complains when female friend has feelings.
Next time don't fuck your friends.
Oh, and don't make out said friend to be a crazy stalker bitch.
Martha?
Sent from my iphone"
I’m sure you have an android phone. Very Martha of you. |
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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago
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Gloat in knowing you’ve given her a memorable dick-down.
That will give you high ratings with future sex partners.
Tell her you can’t give her what she’s after.
Block her.
Don’t be an idiot and find yourself in another similar situation again.
 |
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By *8on33Man 13 weeks ago
winfrith |
"So I slept with a lady friend of mine that I have known for about 6 years as a 1 off. She has started to tell me she loves me and is bombarding me with messages. It's not that serious at the moment but I would feel bad if I blocked her as I don't want to ruin or friendship. Any advice?"
Sorry mate if you tell her you're not interested that's the loss of a friend you should have thought about this before you did the deed ,you have no choice but to have a conversation with her but she's going to be very upset I guess,so softly softly.
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"So I slept with a lady friend of mine that I have known for about 6 years as a 1 off. She has started to tell me she loves me and is bombarding me with messages. It's not that serious at the moment but I would feel bad if I blocked her as I don't want to ruin or friendship. Any advice?
You don't think she has ruined the friendship already? Block her.
Evie "
It takes two to tango, I played my part by letting it turn sexual, so I am partially to blame too. I am just trying to recover fragments of our friendship, but I know it will never be the same again. |
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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago
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"Guy has female friend, takes it further as you know, sex is sex. Guy complains when female friend has feelings.
Next time don't fuck your friends.
Oh, and don't make out said friend to be a crazy stalker bitch.
Martha?
Sent from my iphone
I’m sure you have an android phone. Very Martha of you."
I model myself on her |
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Respect her and what she says. Make your situation very clear to her and ensure that you both have a future that you're both happy with, either together in some way or not. Don't fall into the trap of casual sex with someone who has shown she may be vulnerable to getting emotionally involved. You refer to Baby Reindeer presumably for good reason. Have a rigid boundary that is not crossed. |
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"What are you going to do op?
She asked me to be her bf..i said no.
She then said ok lets just be fwb..i said no.
We video called and i told her that it will go nowhere and it was a one off (i didn't want to say it was a mistake as i don't want to hurt her)
I am just stuck at the moment as we have been to each others place many many times and nothing has ever happen between us.
You've told her no now, if she keeps messaging you need to really put your foot down and ask her to stop, explain it's a bit much & it's going to end up ruining the friendship.
Don't forget the breakup sex! "
This reply wins the thread  |
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"Guy has female friend, takes it further as you know, sex is sex. Guy complains when female friend has feelings.
Next time don't fuck your friends.
Oh, and don't make out said friend to be a crazy stalker bitch.
Martha?
Sent from my iphone
I’m sure you have an android phone. Very Martha of you.
I model myself on her"
As if you could ever go to a bar and not have an alcoholic drink.
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"Gloat in knowing you’ve given her a memorable dick-down.
That will give you high ratings with future sex partners.
Tell her you can’t give her what she’s after.
Block her.
Don’t be an idiot and find yourself in another similar situation again.
"
Lmao I'll drop the "check out my trustpilot reviews" on my next endeavour |
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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago
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"
It takes two to tango, I played my part by letting it turn sexual, so I am partially to blame too. I am just trying to recover fragments of our friendship, but I know it will never be the same again. "
"Partially to blame"! You did the deed. You needn't have. But I think OP that you are going to to take her up on the FWB offer (#RuledByYourDick) |
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"
It takes two to tango, I played my part by letting it turn sexual, so I am partially to blame too. I am just trying to recover fragments of our friendship, but I know it will never be the same again.
"Partially to blame"! You did the deed. You needn't have. But I think OP that you are going to to take her up on the FWB offer (#RuledByYourDick)"
Absolutely not, you don't know anything about me but quick to judge. I have plenty of fwb offers but I am selective on who I sleep with. I just made a bad call on this, if I wanted her as a fwb I would have done that 6 years ago if this was my intentions |
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"So there were no signs she was attracted to you in the last 6 years building upto this ??
Unfortunately not, went around hers to have a meal and chilled watching a movie, 1 thing lead to another and here I am
Then speak to her on the phone. Don’t text. And tell her you don’t feel the same way. Today. Now even. Instead of asking people on the forum. If you care about her as a friend as you said in your OP that is the least she deserves "
Exactly. I've a friend. She has such rigid rules about compartmentalizing sex from intimacy. She caught the feelings recently and it was so hard for her. It took so much courage for her to say how she felt. All she wanted was the guy to be straight with her. She's not some stalker or whatever, the woman is razor sharp. I'd be gutted for her if he'd have left her hanging, it's a horrible place to be.
Pull it together OP you know what you need to do, you don't even need to be asking. |
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By (user no longer on site) 13 weeks ago
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"
It takes two to tango, I played my part by letting it turn sexual, so I am partially to blame too. I am just trying to recover fragments of our friendship, but I know it will never be the same again.
"Partially to blame"! You did the deed. You needn't have. But I think OP that you are going to to take her up on the FWB offer (#RuledByYourDick)
Absolutely not, you don't know anything about me but quick to judge. I have plenty of fwb offers but I am selective on who I sleep with. I just made a bad call on this, if I wanted her as a fwb I would have done that 6 years ago if this was my intentions "
"The OP doth protest too much, methinks!" |
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"So I slept with a lady friend of mine that I have known for about 6 years as a 1 off. She has started to tell me she loves me and is bombarding me with messages. It's not that serious at the moment but I would feel bad if I blocked her as I don't want to ruin or friendship. Any advice?"
Serious this one - TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL!!
You’re a grown up and should be able to have these conversations….dont ghost them without telling them how you feel and where they stand….its a horrid thing to do….i had something similar but i actually told her i loved her and she ghosted me….hurts like hell!!
BE HONEST OP |
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"So I slept with a lady friend of mine that I have known for about 6 years as a 1 off. She has started to tell me she loves me and is bombarding me with messages. It's not that serious at the moment but I would feel bad if I blocked her as I don't want to ruin or friendship. Any advice?
Serious this one - TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL!!
You’re a grown up and should be able to have these conversations….dont ghost them without telling them how you feel and where they stand….its a horrid thing to do….i had something similar but i actually told her i loved her and she ghosted me….hurts like hell!!
BE HONEST OP "
Hugs xx |
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From reading the little you have said about the friendship over the last 6 years (and from someone who gets attached way to easily), she fell in love with you a long time ago and has been hoping it led to sex for a very long time and now it has, she felt comfortable enough to finally tell you, she probably made it obvious plenty of times before but you were a man and chose to ignore it and all the other glaringly obvious signs she has probably given you, you've probably also without meaning too, led her on a little (like I say, you probably didn't mean too) and she probably thought your friendship was probably more than it was but given the fact you boned her now, she probably thought "I can finally tell him".
She may not be a Martha and be ok about it, if the above is true and she will most likely end up feeling a bit of a tit because she completely misread the signs (I mean being really friendly with her, so much so you go round for a meal and watch a film).
Just be honest, she's owed that much. |
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"So I slept with a lady friend of mine that I have known for about 6 years as a 1 off. She has started to tell me she loves me and is bombarding me with messages. It's not that serious at the moment but I would feel bad if I blocked her as I don't want to ruin or friendship. Any advice?"
Send your pet rabbit away at any cost to a rabbit pet sitter at the furthest corner of the earth until this blows over |
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