We should be allowed to name and shame timewasters on here. I posted a meet and spent two days messaging someone, even gave them my mobile number, whats app, he offered to pay for hotel but he said could I do it as his wife might find out, I agreed and paid for room, night before lots of messages exchanged, I went to hotel, checked in and spent time getting ready, whats app him, messages not delievered, radio silence, wasted my time and now I am out of pocket as well, disgraceful
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By *bi HaiveMan 29 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"We should be allowed to name and shame timewasters on here. I posted a meet and spent two days messaging someone, even gave them my mobile number, whats app, he offered to pay for hotel but he said could I do it as his wife might find out, I agreed and paid for room, night before lots of messages exchanged, I went to hotel, checked in and spent time getting ready, whats app him, messages not delievered, radio silence, wasted my time and now I am out of pocket as well, disgraceful
"
RebeccaHallTV stood me up after we made arrangements to meet and I booked an entire hotel at great expense, including that guy in the purple coat to meet and greet us at the door and The Rolling Stones to play Paint It Black as we fucked like bunnies in the presidential suite whilst Taylor Swift fed us grapes.
See why naming and shaming isn't a good idea or allowed?
Anyone could say anything.
Just report the profile, let admin look into it and block anyone that wastes your time or you're suspicious of.
Simples. |
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By (user no longer on site) 29 weeks ago
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It’s why I’ll never pay for anything up front - who’d have thunk a randomer from tinternet might let you down!
Sorry to hear what happened and that you’re out of pocket, take it as a painful lesson and hopefully you have better luck next time.
Sadly naming and shaming can be abused and used to name/shame innocent people too easily - I can see why it’s not allowed.
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By (user no longer on site) 29 weeks ago
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Sorry to hear what happened to you. Public naming and shaming isn't realistic.
However sharing your story will be a reminder to others to be a bit more wary in the future should they find themselves in a similar situation of being asked to pay for something up front.
So thank you for sharing and hope you are ok x |
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Agree naming and shaming in public isn't a great idea as afew in our area are damn sure we are timewasters as we won't have sex with them ???? plus we won't even guarantee sex either ? or Mr4 won't start licking the windows and talking to the chairs or even whip out his todger and start asking random strangers if they might ???..but sounds like's a lesson learnt sadly the hard way but still a lesson xx  |
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By *unchalMan 29 weeks ago
Dartford |
"We should be allowed to name and shame timewasters on here. I posted a meet and spent two days messaging someone, even gave them my mobile number, whats app, he offered to pay for hotel but he said could I do it as his wife might find out, I agreed and paid for room, night before lots of messages exchanged, I went to hotel, checked in and spent time getting ready, whats app him, messages not delievered, radio silence, wasted my time and now I am out of pocket as well, disgraceful
"
No. We should not. I’m not entirely sure why some of the rules of this site exist but I do know that some people need to be protected against angry vengeful folk. People are allowed to change their mind or be anxious or whatever that leads them to not meet with you. It’s annoying and a waste of time and in this case money but a little empathy might go a long way to soothing your troubled brow. Oh, and don’t spend money to meet people. If they can’t come your home or you to theirs or any number of other places, then give them a pass…Just sayin’  |
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By *ullyMan 29 weeks ago
Near Clacton |
I feel for op, Though I have never or never would pay for anything sex related, time wasters or bottle jobs are a price we pay. I am on here and the sister site and I know there is a couple MM who are deliberately Effing me around with many fake profiles because I turned them down. But as a guy I got no advice, no helpful info or replies, just "put your big boy pants on and move on" I was told. Yeh great but some of us have feelings!
I guess op has to swallow, lesson learned. |
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"We should be allowed to name and shame timewasters on here. I posted a meet and spent two days messaging someone, even gave them my mobile number, whats app, he offered to pay for hotel but he said could I do it as his wife might find out, I agreed and paid for room, night before lots of messages exchanged, I went to hotel, checked in and spent time getting ready, whats app him, messages not delievered, radio silence, wasted my time and now I am out of pocket as well, disgraceful
RebeccaHallTV stood me up after we made arrangements to meet and I booked an entire hotel at great expense, including that guy in the purple coat to meet and greet us at the door and The Rolling Stones to play Paint It Black as we fucked like bunnies in the presidential suite whilst Taylor Swift fed us grapes.
See why naming and shaming isn't a good idea or allowed?
Anyone could say anything.
Just report the profile, let admin look into it and block anyone that wastes your time or you're suspicious of.
Simples. "
Well this was rather patronising |
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"We should be allowed to name and shame timewasters on here. I posted a meet and spent two days messaging someone, even gave them my mobile number, whats app, he offered to pay for hotel but he said could I do it as his wife might find out, I agreed and paid for room, night before lots of messages exchanged, I went to hotel, checked in and spent time getting ready, whats app him, messages not delievered, radio silence, wasted my time and now I am out of pocket as well, disgraceful
RebeccaHallTV stood me up after we made arrangements to meet and I booked an entire hotel at great expense, including that guy in the purple coat to meet and greet us at the door and The Rolling Stones to play Paint It Black as we fucked like bunnies in the presidential suite whilst Taylor Swift fed us grapes.
See why naming and shaming isn't a good idea or allowed?
Anyone could say anything.
Just report the profile, let admin look into it and block anyone that wastes your time or you're suspicious of.
Simples.
Well this was rather patronising "
I thought it was quite a good example of why you shouldn't name and shame.
The OP is, rightly, thoroughly pissed off. It will be a lesson learned. It will be better next time  |
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This is why I will not meet without a social first. Far too many fantasists on here that when the chance arrives they bottle it.
I would never pay for a hotel for someone I had not met.
That does not mean that ghosting you is low, have the courage to tell someone you can’t make it or are no longer interested
That said are you sure they are okay, have they been on here and read any messages since? Have they blocked you? Sometimes there is a genuine reason for a no show |
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Sorry that happened op.
I've seen many couples have similar experiences, so I'd never stump up for a hotel upfront because people do unfortunately mess others about.
I hope you've reported them though. |
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By *amoanMan 29 weeks ago
st peter port |
I do feel for the other person as this has happened recently to me, and its beyond frustrating.
When you consider the time, energy, and money, that goes into a clandestine meet, to be greeted with a no show its a disgrace, just ping a msg to say changed my mind ect
Messages flying about all over the place until an hour before, then radio silence.
Social meet is a good leveller or a contact phone number. If neither offered, red flag and walk away.
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By *ood-guyMan 29 weeks ago
wild, wild west |
What’s to report? No one made the OP book a room or travel. All of their own free will. It’s a risk one agrees to take. As for people piling on the ‘time waster’, you have no idea why they cancelled and so how about giving them the benefit of the doubt. Naming and shaming, what is this Mumsnet! |
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By *lan157Man 29 weeks ago
a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex |
My four penny worth. Always have a social meeting first unless you are already staying at the hotel for other reasons like work so nothing to lose.If someone fails to engage for a social meeting then it's an indication of potential trouble ahead. If you are prepared to take a chance on anything then also be prepared for cancellation with or without notice.Lastly if you have a social meeting and are happy then offer to meet again at your own home and therefore nothing to lose . |
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"What’s to report? No one made the OP book a room or travel. All of their own free will. It’s a risk one agrees to take. As for people piling on the ‘time waster’, you have no idea why they cancelled and so how about giving them the benefit of the doubt. Naming and shaming, what is this Mumsnet!"
I agree with not naming and shaming, however if a meet was agreed, then unless you never had any intention of turning up, they should let the person who had booked the hotel know that they can't make it.
It's just basic manners, especially when they've asked the op to get the hotel.
It takes 2 mins to send a message to them to say that somethings come up or they've changed their minds etc.
I'd always meet for a social first and then if they flake, I haven't lost much. |
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I have had meets on other sites but unfortunately not on here. I made the decision not to go beyond an hours drive and ask for a social meet first. People do have changes of heart for whatever reason which I do get. But then I don’t want to have driven 300 miles and have forked out for a hotel. So, whilst being understanding of people’s circumstances, I prefer to minimise my losses. |
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There is no reason, absolutely no reason not to tell the person you can’t make it, or you are no longer interested. The act of ghosting someone you are about to meet itself, is disgusting behavior. I wish we could name and shame them, given all the evidence |
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By *amoanMan 2 weeks ago
st peter port |
Naming and shaming might be a step too far, but how about a red flag, next to the profile to signify a no show, a couple of these, and folk would take the view, that the individual is a total timewaster |
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Not sure if I had a time waster last night or not, to be honest:
9.45pm. received a one sentence message. Replied.
Around 10.00 they'd dissapeared so deleted both messages. Around 10.30 received another message asking if I was up for a meet. Replied asking where and when.
11.00pm they suggested Xmas eve and a hotel and if I couldn't, the earliest they could meet then, was middle of Jan.
Woke up this morning to a message asking if I can accommodate.
Tbh, I'm flattered that I got so many messages.  |
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"Not sure if I had a time waster last night or not, to be honest:
9.45pm. received a one sentence message. Replied.
Around 10.00 they'd dissapeared so deleted both messages. Around 10.30 received another message asking if I was up for a meet. Replied asking where and when.
11.00pm they suggested Xmas eve and a hotel and if I couldn't, the earliest they could meet then, was middle of Jan.
Woke up this morning to a message asking if I can accommodate.
Tbh, I'm flattered that I got so many messages. "
Not really time wasting though is it? Annoying maybe. |
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"Naming and shaming might be a step too far, but how about a red flag, next to the profile to signify a no show, a couple of these, and folk would take the view, that the individual is a total timewaster"
Ahh but the same old problem exists and it's why you can't name and shame you can't be sure of what's gone before one person says this the other says that .If you are lead by your loins then you are likely to get cooked .I've been their and done it paid for the room ,travelled you learn hopefully.
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"There is no reason, absolutely no reason not to tell the person you can’t make it, or you are no longer interested. The act of ghosting someone you are about to meet itself, is disgusting behavior. I wish we could name and shame them, given all the evidence "
agree, I'm following a couple now who on face value have a perfect profile, photos, verification etc, but I've noticed they seem to make regular arrangements put also pull out stating illness as the reason, yep I know this happens but the pattern is the same every time, is this fair on the umpteen guys that are being lead on every week.
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Did your sex arrive on time?
*
Was it in the condition expected?
*
Were the postage and packing costs reasonable?
*
Joking aside, that's shitty. the risk we take effectively making ourselves vulnerable to whims of others, especially someone cheating where they obviously prioritise themselves first.
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People on here need to come to terms with the fact that nobody owes you anything, and that's by design, because it's the only way anything works.
When you start obligating people to anything here you start going to some very dark places. |
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Don't name and shame.
I have had a few now and decided that rather than give them the satisfaction knowing they may have wound me up for a laugh and then hide or ghost me after I just block.
Just learn from it report and move on. |
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By *dc1Man 2 weeks ago
essex and all over the south |
I dont get meessed about anymore. Ive got wise to time idiots. But i do think we should be able to name and shame. Ive just booked a holiday and the 1st thing i done is visited trip adviser to get the reviews. Bad review means i keep looking. |
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I think they could put a link on the site that if you organise a meet after you message and arrange it sends a link to the other party to confirm the meet and then a follow up of if they turned up or not , and could show a verification or something like , and if they get a couple of strikes against them they get a warning or suspension (obviously would need tweaking so works perfectly so people can’t falsify) |
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