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Follow on from Would you…
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In a word: yes.
Clearly it's not as simple as that (for me) because it would depend on how far those feelings would manifest themselves. I wouldn't be looking for a relationship or anything resembling a 'spousal' type of commitment.
I still need feelings that delve somewhat beneath the veneer, beyond the superficial level for me to play with someone. |
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By (user no longer on site) 28 weeks ago
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No. Absolutely not. If I knew someone had feelings that I could not and had no intention of reciprocating I would kindly and gently say no and walk away.
Continuing to play with them or be FWB would be unkind.
I had a FWB who wanted more so I firmly but kindly friend zoned them ...
.... equally I had a situationship with someone where I had unreciprocated feelings ... it was left to drift on for far too long before I ended it because it was detrimental to my mental health. |
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By *lueLotusWoman 28 weeks ago
the wilderness |
No I wouldn't because if I knew they have strong love feelings that means they'd told me or someone else hence proving they can't control those feelings enough to be safe and look after themselves.. I'd feel too responsible for them.
Of course if I also had strong feelings that would be a different matter. Then I would, why not?
Why do I have a feeling this one will come back to bite me in the ass  |
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Bit different for a couple I guess.
But when I was single I would never mess around with someone’s feelings - they would probably not be honest in the hope they could change your mind at some point.
K
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"I feel like I've missed the point with this one.
Is it more that they have feelings, but I don't?
Apologies if that's a stupid question."
Sorry - yes, if you knew someone you were talking to or meeting with had proper feelings, but you didn’t, would you continue to meet with them or not.
Not a stupid question.
Possibly mine was, but I was pondering based off Coyotes thread, and also making an assumption that that person might have been clear that feelings weren’t reciprocated - in which case have you (generic you!) absolved yourself to carry on, by being clear where you are with the other person. |
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I'm 'no, fuck that' to both sides of the coin.
If I have feelings it's about self preservation (no one wants to see _allandathletic ugly crying because he's caught feelings for someone, and they don't reciprocate)
And
If they have feelings for me but I don't them. I won't allow myself to carry the burden of them being heartbroken.
Therefore "no, fuck that" x 2 |
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"I feel like I've missed the point with this one.
Is it more that they have feelings, but I don't?
Apologies if that's a stupid question.
Sorry - yes, if you knew someone you were talking to or meeting with had proper feelings, but you didn’t, would you continue to meet with them or not.
Not a stupid question.
Possibly mine was, but I was pondering based off Coyotes thread, and also making an assumption that that person might have been clear that feelings weren’t reciprocated - in which case have you (generic you!) absolved yourself to carry on, by being clear where you are with the other person."
AHH I see now, thank you. I did have an experience similar to that, going back onto the 'dating' app scene, after my wife died. I had feelings for her, but not on the level she did. I was open with her about it. It was hard for me, as I have a strong belief around respecting other people's autonomy of mind and she was adamant that she didn't mind the disparity - she was 'happy with whatever I was able to give her.' So I respected that and tried and it was good for a while.
She's a wonderful person, so intelligent and emotionally too. And understanding that I couldn't get passed the fact that I couldn't reciprocate fully. There was no rupture or falling out. I understood, but it still felt wrong, her wanting more than I could give, in terms of exclusivity. It wasn't even that there was someone else, I just knew that there could be. It affected me so much afterwards, I just pulled away entirely and didn't have any relationships or sex, for over a year. Then I came back here for the first time in 4 years. |
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