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Feeling bad about saying no

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By (user no longer on site) OP    24 weeks ago

When does the line become crossed playing with a guy in private cabin but doors wide open so fair play to others coming in actually like it but I’m lay down on my front the man finishes all good suddenly iv another guy within seconds on me I try move then pain of him missing then instantly inside me new to this only had 2 small to average before but gentle.

I may have had fun with him not like that tho very sore now felt bad saying no first time like he tried to hurt me slamming all time then once I’m forcing more it’s not ok

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By *esthetic21Man 24 weeks ago

Birmingham/Bristol

Sounds like r*pe

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By (user no longer on site) OP    24 weeks ago

Wasn’t nice door was open tho

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS 24 weeks ago

chichester

I use explosive violence in situations like that

If a guy doesn’t stop after firm no. Then it’s time to inflict as much violent damage as possible to them

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By *ot - CoupleCouple 24 weeks ago

Glasgow

If you can't say no you shouldn't be doing it.

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By *parkle1974Woman 24 weeks ago

Leeds

Doesn't matter if the door was open or not....this was r*pe and assault!

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By *lowupdollTV/TS 24 weeks ago

Herts

This sounds like r*pe. Have you spoken to the venue and/or police? This needs to be dealt with.

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By *rsKOTCTWoman 24 weeks ago

Leeds

Ther was no consent here the others are correct this was r**e

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By (user no longer on site) 24 weeks ago

If you feel like you can, I second Glowupdoll’s suggestion of speaking to the venue and the police. Much love OP

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By *r John WickMan 24 weeks ago

The Continental

The second you withdraw consent with “no” it became a r@pe being committed against you.

Please do what the others are suggesting. Speak with the police.

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By *lynJMan 24 weeks ago

Morden


"The second you withdraw consent with “no” it became a r@pe being committed against you.

Please do what the others are suggesting. Speak with the police. "

From what OP posted, I'm not sure he gave consent in the first place. Sounds like the second guy tried it on before even asking for consent.

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By *r AnalyticMan 24 weeks ago

Nuneaton

Tbh I think you need to report it to the police. I would say this to anyone male or female or trans.

If the invite wasn't direct to him he shouldn't have done it full stop.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman 24 weeks ago

Reading

That is utterly unacceptable. You need to be very dear with your boundaries. Good clubs will act quickly with such behaviour. Did you go alone?

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple 24 weeks ago

Southampton


"When does the line become crossed playing with a guy in private cabin but doors wide open so fair play to others coming in actually like it but I’m lay down on my front the man finishes all good suddenly iv another guy within seconds on me I try move then pain of him missing then instantly inside me new to this only had 2 small to average before but gentle.

I may have had fun with him not like that tho very sore now felt bad saying no first time like he tried to hurt me slamming all time then once I’m forcing more it’s not ok "

I'm so sorry you experienced this... no is no... I agree with the other posters this was r*pe.. I know it will be difficult but please report this to the police x please feel free to message me if you are struggling or just need a chat x

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By *ormerWelshcouple2020Man 24 weeks ago

Stourbridge

I’m sorry this happened to you OP. As has been suggested by many, this is not your fault and you should report it if you feel able. There are numerous help organisations out there that would be a good place to start.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman 24 weeks ago

Reading

I think reporting this to the police will be pointless tbh. A waste of everyone's time. You would never get a successful conviction.

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple 24 weeks ago

Southampton


"I think reporting this to the police will be pointless tbh. A waste of everyone's time. You would never get a successful conviction."

And this attitude is why so few r*pes are reported

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By (user no longer on site) 24 weeks ago


"I think reporting this to the police will be pointless tbh. A waste of everyone's time. You would never get a successful conviction.

And this attitude is why so few r*pes are reported"

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By *ot to giggleWoman 24 weeks ago

Coventry

im so sorry to hear of your bad experience OP

please take the advice of the others and report - there are charities out there to support victims of r**e and sexual abuse and they will also help support you to make a report.

No not all reporting results in a prosecution but what it does do is gives you a peace of mind that you have taken back control of the situation and the other party will be investigated, so they will know that what they did was not acceptable. You then have to take what you can out of each part of the process to get what you need. It may not get to court, there may not be sufficient evidence, it will be recorded and on that man's record.

Reporting is your choice entirely, please pm me if you want more information, i used to support people through this process and can point you in the direction of organisations that can help.

Your not alone here OP xxx

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By *allandathleticMan 24 weeks ago

Asgard

As others have said its R*pe.

Your need to report it. From what youve written above you didn't consent.

The fact your objection only spurred the perp on. Makes him dangerous and his predatory behaviour needs addressing.

You also need to look after yourself and seek help. Even if its just talking it through. DO NOT allow it to manifest.

You may not feel it how. But you've been through a traumatic experience and you need an outlet.

There's hundreds of people right behind you. You are not alone.

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By *jorkishMan 24 weeks ago

Seaforth

No means no. R*pe in my view. Report to police and the club

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By (user no longer on site) 24 weeks ago


"I think reporting this to the police will be pointless tbh. A waste of everyone's time. You would never get a successful conviction."

I think I understand why people don’t and don’t want to. Especially given how hard convictions are. But I think it’s not for us to decide or influence. If the person feels like they can, they should. If they feel like it’s too much, that’s ok but it’s for them to decide imo

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By (user no longer on site) 24 weeks ago


"I think reporting this to the police will be pointless tbh. A waste of everyone's time. You would never get a successful conviction.

I think I understand why people don’t and don’t want to. Especially given how hard convictions are. But I think it’s not for us to decide or influence. If the person feels like they can, they should. If they feel like it’s too much, that’s ok but it’s for them to decide imo"

I think reporting to the venue is good because if nothing else they should be aware and be able to act accordingly to keep people safe in future

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By *ophieslutTV/TS 24 weeks ago

Central

The line is crossed without consent.

An open door, even if you have had dozens of people before fucking you, gives nobody consent to touch you.

Potentially when you finish with one, change your body position and get ready to forcibly tell others to keep away.

Report anyone who crosses the line, including with the police

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By *ot to giggleWoman 24 weeks ago

Coventry

reporting is not always an easy option, neither is it compulsory to do so. you have to sit with whatever you feel is the best course of action for you and that will be the right one.

If you havent been in that situation yourself, it is difficult to say which way you want to go. I have personal experience and didnt because ...... well for a lot of reasons, but that doesnt mean that your not impacted by it. The charities specialising in this form of abuse will support you regardless of your decision, they provide one to one counselling and will provide an advocate who can discuss with you your options if you want to report this or not.

This is not on you, you are not responsible for that man's actions, you are responsible however, to make sure you are ok about what has happened to you.

Good luck and your not alone here xxx

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By *glyBettyTV/TS 24 weeks ago

About 3 feet away from the fence

Maybe I'm having trouble understanding the OP, but did you actually tell this guy no, & he forced himself upon you regardless?

Or did you want to say no after he started being rough, but couldn't for some reason?

Had you previously told him no earlier?

I'm not clear on some things, which I would like to be before casually throwing around the R word in a club situation..

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By *imi_RougeWoman 24 weeks ago

Portsmouth

Have a look on my support space org, if you're having problems with how you're feeling about this x

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By *lynJMan 24 weeks ago

Morden


"Maybe I'm having trouble understanding the OP, but did you actually tell this guy no, & he forced himself upon you regardless?

Or did you want to say no after he started being rough, but couldn't for some reason?

Had you previously told him no earlier?

I'm not clear on some things, which I would like to be before casually throwing around the R word in a club situation.."

Surely, unless OP gave positive consent, it is not ok and could/should be considered r*pe.

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By *rixie_BlondeWoman 24 weeks ago

London (She/Her)

I’m so sorry this happened to you, OP. Please take some time to do some self care and heal, physically and emotionally.

You have nothing to feel bad about, and please never fear saying no. No is always ok. Access to your body is an honour and a privilege that you get to bestow as you see fit.

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By (user no longer on site) 24 weeks ago


"Sounds like r*pe"

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By *glyBettyTV/TS 24 weeks ago

About 3 feet away from the fence


"Maybe I'm having trouble understanding the OP, but did you actually tell this guy no, & he forced himself upon you regardless?

Or did you want to say no after he started being rough, but couldn't for some reason?

Had you previously told him no earlier?

I'm not clear on some things, which I would like to be before casually throwing around the R word in a club situation..

Surely, unless OP gave positive consent, it is not ok and could/should be considered r*pe."

In certain situations, simply not saying yes might not be sufficient enough in getting the message across to someone who you don't want to play with.

Being in a sex club and letting random people walk into your unlocked room sounds like one of those situations where you need to be explicit about who you want to play with, AND who you don't.

Things can quickly get out of your control if you're not assertive, especially as the receptive participant.

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By *irthandgirthMan 24 weeks ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster


"Maybe I'm having trouble understanding the OP, but did you actually tell this guy no, & he forced himself upon you regardless?

Or did you want to say no after he started being rough, but couldn't for some reason?

Had you previously told him no earlier?

I'm not clear on some things, which I would like to be before casually throwing around the R word in a club situation.."

Open door or not, no consent was given. There is no implied consent in this situation. It was uninvited and unwelcome penetrative. The R word is absolutely applicable here, club or not.

I am sorry the OP experienced this situation. The club needs to be informed at the very least.

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By *piritualBlackBWW1979Woman 24 weeks ago

Medway


"Sounds like r*pe"

I completely agree. It is this. I'm so sorry and please take care of yourself.

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By *piritualBlackBWW1979Woman 24 weeks ago

Medway


"Maybe I'm having trouble understanding the OP, but did you actually tell this guy no, & he forced himself upon you regardless?

Or did you want to say no after he started being rough, but couldn't for some reason?

Had you previously told him no earlier?

I'm not clear on some things, which I would like to be before casually throwing around the R word in a club situation..

Surely, unless OP gave positive consent, it is not ok and could/should be considered r*pe.

In certain situations, simply not saying yes might not be sufficient enough in getting the message across to someone who you don't want to play with.

Being in a sex club and letting random people walk into your unlocked room sounds like one of those situations where you need to be explicit about who you want to play with, AND who you don't.

Things can quickly get out of your control if you're not assertive, especially as the receptive participant."

Unless you have been given permission. You have not given consent. No human being should ever do anything remotely like this, just because they didn't say no or not explicit in what they did or did not want. Being in a highly sexual environment or not an excuse for vile behaviour.

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By *piritualBlackBWW1979Woman 24 weeks ago

Medway


"I’m so sorry this happened to you, OP. Please take some time to do some self care and heal, physically and emotionally.

You have nothing to feel bad about, and please never fear saying no. No is always ok. Access to your body is an honour and a privilege that you get to bestow as you see fit."

Well said

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By *piritualBlackBWW1979Woman 24 weeks ago

Medway


"Maybe I'm having trouble understanding the OP, but did you actually tell this guy no, & he forced himself upon you regardless?

Or did you want to say no after he started being rough, but couldn't for some reason?

Had you previously told him no earlier?

I'm not clear on some things, which I would like to be before casually throwing around the R word in a club situation..

Surely, unless OP gave positive consent, it is not ok and could/should be considered r*pe."

Exactly

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By *piritualBlackBWW1979Woman 24 weeks ago

Medway


"Maybe I'm having trouble understanding the OP, but did you actually tell this guy no, & he forced himself upon you regardless?

Or did you want to say no after he started being rough, but couldn't for some reason?

Had you previously told him no earlier?

I'm not clear on some things, which I would like to be before casually throwing around the R word in a club situation.."

He has been clear in his description. It was unexpected. So the r word is the correct one to use.

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By *piritualBlackBWW1979Woman 24 weeks ago

Medway


"Maybe I'm having trouble understanding the OP, but did you actually tell this guy no, & he forced himself upon you regardless?

Or did you want to say no after he started being rough, but couldn't for some reason?

Had you previously told him no earlier?

I'm not clear on some things, which I would like to be before casually throwing around the R word in a club situation..

Open door or not, no consent was given. There is no implied consent in this situation. It was uninvited and unwelcome penetrative. The R word is absolutely applicable here, club or not.

I am sorry the OP experienced this situation. The club needs to be informed at the very least. "

Well said!!!!

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By *ackformore100Man 24 weeks ago

Tin town


"When does the line become crossed playing with a guy in private cabin but doors wide open so fair play to others coming in actually like it but I’m lay down on my front the man finishes all good suddenly iv another guy within seconds on me I try move then pain of him missing then instantly inside me new to this only had 2 small to average before but gentle.

I may have had fun with him not like that tho very sore now felt bad saying no first time like he tried to hurt me slamming all time then once I’m forcing more it’s not ok "

That sounds illegal let alone nasty for you. Hope you get through OK.

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By *a LunaWoman 24 weeks ago

South Wales

Hope you’re ok OP.

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By *glyBettyTV/TS 24 weeks ago

About 3 feet away from the fence


"Maybe I'm having trouble understanding the OP, but did you actually tell this guy no, & he forced himself upon you regardless?

Or did you want to say no after he started being rough, but couldn't for some reason?

Had you previously told him no earlier?

I'm not clear on some things, which I would like to be before casually throwing around the R word in a club situation..

Open door or not, no consent was given. There is no implied consent in this situation. It was uninvited and unwelcome penetrative. The R word is absolutely applicable here, club or not.

I am sorry the OP experienced this situation. The club needs to be informed at the very least. "

We actually don't know if the penetration was uninvited, or if/when it became unwelcome, or at least it isn't clear from the original posting. Which is why I'm asking for further details before tossing around heavy words.

How I read the story was that this guy was already in the room with him and at least one other, then after the other person had finished this guy has gone to help himself.

Where I'm not clear is whether the perpetrator was either explicitly told no, or very clearly given a sign that penetration was not wanted via body language and just disregarded it anyway, or whether it might have been not discouraged initially, but then became an unpleasant experience due to this guy being rough.

It isn't clear to me what the actual complaint is, from how it's written.

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By *irthandgirthMan 24 weeks ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster


"Maybe I'm having trouble understanding the OP, but did you actually tell this guy no, & he forced himself upon you regardless?

Or did you want to say no after he started being rough, but couldn't for some reason?

Had you previously told him no earlier?

I'm not clear on some things, which I would like to be before casually throwing around the R word in a club situation..

Open door or not, no consent was given. There is no implied consent in this situation. It was uninvited and unwelcome penetrative. The R word is absolutely applicable here, club or not.

I am sorry the OP experienced this situation. The club needs to be informed at the very least.

We actually don't know if the penetration was uninvited, or if/when it became unwelcome, or at least it isn't clear from the original posting. Which is why I'm asking for further details before tossing around heavy words.

How I read the story was that this guy was already in the room with him and at least one other, then after the other person had finished this guy has gone to help himself.

Where I'm not clear is whether the perpetrator was either explicitly told no, or very clearly given a sign that penetration was not wanted via body language and just disregarded it anyway, or whether it might have been not discouraged initially, but then became an unpleasant experience due to this guy being rough.

It isn't clear to me what the actual complaint is, from how it's written."

"suddenly iv another guy within seconds on me I try move then pain of him missing then instantly inside me"

"felt bad saying no first time like he tried to hurt me slamming all time"

Even taking poor grammar into consideration (sorry OP), these 2 sentences indicate:

1. 2nd person was not invited.

2. 2nd person was being far too rough for the OP (who has indicated he tried to move out) and he was not happy/comfortable.

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By *ravelling_WilburyMan 24 weeks ago

Beverley

Sounds like a very incoherent r@pe

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By *andy CanesWoman 24 weeks ago

south

Just hope the OP is ok he haven’t logged on since making this post dreadful thing to happen to someone

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By *glyBettyTV/TS 24 weeks ago

About 3 feet away from the fence


"We actually don't know if the penetration was uninvited, or if/when it became unwelcome, or at least it isn't clear from the original posting. Which is why I'm asking for further details before tossing around heavy words.

How I read the story was that this guy was already in the room with him and at least one other, then after the other person had finished this guy has gone to help himself.

Where I'm not clear is whether the perpetrator was either explicitly told no, or very clearly given a sign that penetration was not wanted via body language and just disregarded it anyway, or whether it might have been not discouraged initially, but then became an unpleasant experience due to this guy being rough.

It isn't clear to me what the actual complaint is, from how it's written.

"suddenly iv another guy within seconds on me I try move then pain of him missing then instantly inside me"

"felt bad saying no first time like he tried to hurt me slamming all time"

Even taking poor grammar into consideration (sorry OP), these 2 sentences indicate:

1. 2nd person was not invited.

2. 2nd person was being far too rough for the OP (who has indicated he tried to move out) and he was not happy/comfortable."

1. If the guy was there "within seconds" this indicates he was already in the room with him.

A risk you run when leaving your door open is that anyone can walk in.

2. The part where he says "he tried move but pain of him missing" doesn't really contain enough detail to draw any conclusive idea of what he did do. Did he try to move away from him? Move out of the room? Was he forcefully prevented from moving?

If the sex was rough enough to cause pain he really should have tried to stop proceedings immediately in whatever way necessary. I cannot fathom how instinct doesn't automatically take over.

"I may have had fun with him not like that tho"

This, as well as being in the room with him for what sounds like some considerable time, indicates that this guy may have been invited, at least initially prior to penetration. It's just not clear enough.

"very sore now felt bad saying no first time like he tried to hurt me slamming all time then once I’m forcing more it’s not ok"

"Felt bad saying no the first time" indicates a previous interaction with the perpetrator, where he said no, as does the title of the thread, and also implies he might have changed his mind later on and gave consent.

Honestly, I don't know what is meant by "once im forcing its not ok" is he pushing back? Is he forcing to get out & escape?

This is not simply poor grammar, it's imprecise language being used which is obfuscating important details for a situation as potentially serious as this.

Details matter. If he was to report this to the police as he has written it above, they would be asking similar questions, and the fact it takes place in a sex club, and had been allowing other people in the same room to consensually penetrate him, will muddy the waters of whether consent, implicit or explicit, has been given.

As much as it's possible to express non-consent without actually saying "no", it's also possible to express consent, inadvertently or otherwise, without actually saying "yes", especially if you're in an environment like that where people don't always verbally express consent or non-consent.

If you have initially consented to being penetrated (not saying he has, but it's not clear either way), then didn't like the way you were being penetrated, but you haven't told them to stop, attempted to stop them yourself, or tried to escape, to prove a r*pe conviction is going to be very difficult.

Details matter.

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By *os19Man 24 weeks ago

Edmonton

From what I have read and what others are saying this sounds like r***.Also the way I have read it it’s male on male and although r*** is r*** I wonder just how serious the police would take this especially if it was at a adult venue.

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By *ackformore100Man 24 weeks ago

Tin town

I may be missing something, but when did it become acceptable to walk in a room and jam your cock up someones arse without so much as a by your leave? Sex club or not don't you have to get consent first?

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By *irthandgirthMan 24 weeks ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster


"We actually don't know if the penetration was uninvited, or if/when it became unwelcome, or at least it isn't clear from the original posting. Which is why I'm asking for further details before tossing around heavy words.

How I read the story was that this guy was already in the room with him and at least one other, then after the other person had finished this guy has gone to help himself.

Where I'm not clear is whether the perpetrator was either explicitly told no, or very clearly given a sign that penetration was not wanted via body language and just disregarded it anyway, or whether it might have been not discouraged initially, but then became an unpleasant experience due to this guy being rough.

It isn't clear to me what the actual complaint is, from how it's written.

"suddenly iv another guy within seconds on me I try move then pain of him missing then instantly inside me"

"felt bad saying no first time like he tried to hurt me slamming all time"

Even taking poor grammar into consideration (sorry OP), these 2 sentences indicate:

1. 2nd person was not invited.

2. 2nd person was being far too rough for the OP (who has indicated he tried to move out) and he was not happy/comfortable.

1. If the guy was there "within seconds" this indicates he was already in the room with him.

A risk you run when leaving your door open is that anyone can walk in.

2. The part where he says "he tried move but pain of him missing" doesn't really contain enough detail to draw any conclusive idea of what he did do. Did he try to move away from him? Move out of the room? Was he forcefully prevented from moving?

If the sex was rough enough to cause pain he really should have tried to stop proceedings immediately in whatever way necessary. I cannot fathom how instinct doesn't automatically take over.

"I may have had fun with him not like that tho"

This, as well as being in the room with him for what sounds like some considerable time, indicates that this guy may have been invited, at least initially prior to penetration. It's just not clear enough.

"very sore now felt bad saying no first time like he tried to hurt me slamming all time then once I’m forcing more it’s not ok"

"Felt bad saying no the first time" indicates a previous interaction with the perpetrator, where he said no, as does the title of the thread, and also implies he might have changed his mind later on and gave consent.

Honestly, I don't know what is meant by "once im forcing its not ok" is he pushing back? Is he forcing to get out & escape?

This is not simply poor grammar, it's imprecise language being used which is obfuscating important details for a situation as potentially serious as this.

Details matter. If he was to report this to the police as he has written it above, they would be asking similar questions, and the fact it takes place in a sex club, and had been allowing other people in the same room to consensually penetrate him, will muddy the waters of whether consent, implicit or explicit, has been given.

As much as it's possible to express non-consent without actually saying "no", it's also possible to express consent, inadvertently or otherwise, without actually saying "yes", especially if you're in an environment like that where people don't always verbally express consent or non-consent.

If you have initially consented to being penetrated (not saying he has, but it's not clear either way), then didn't like the way you were being penetrated, but you haven't told them to stop, attempted to stop them yourself, or tried to escape, to prove a r*pe conviction is going to be very difficult.

Details matter."

I do not think we will agree on this. Despite the unclear wording, I think the majority on here are taking it that, despite being in a room with an open door the OP did not consent to anal penetration by the second man, whether he was in the room previously or not.

Open door does not equal consent.

Not feeling able to say no does not equal saying yes.

As much as this could be difficult to prove, minimising the OPs experience and being reticent about using the R word due to the situation feels akin to victim blaming a female for dressing provocatively.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman 24 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross

If this is legitimate and not a fantasy then you should consider the seriousness of it and consider reporting it to the appropriate authorities

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By *glyBettyTV/TS 24 weeks ago

About 3 feet away from the fence


"I do not think we will agree on this. Despite the unclear wording, I think the majority on here are taking it that, despite being in a room with an open door the OP did not consent to anal penetration by the second man, whether he was in the room previously or not.

Open door does not equal consent.

Not feeling able to say no does not equal saying yes.

As much as this could be difficult to prove, minimising the OPs experience and being reticent about using the R word due to the situation feels akin to victim blaming a female for dressing provocatively. "

Well going by what he has actually written, it is not clear whether he has consented or not. He appears to have had 2 interactions with this person and said no once, then possibly changed his mind later on. And even if he has, he can still deny consent at any point it becomes uncomfortable or painful, which is why I'm wondering why OP apparently hasn't done so.

So yes we fundamentally disagree about how to interpret the text we are reading. All of the text.

I didn't want to go there, but judging by his most recent update, he appears to have gotten over it relatively quickly

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By *piritualBlackBWW1979Woman 24 weeks ago

Medway


"We actually don't know if the penetration was uninvited, or if/when it became unwelcome, or at least it isn't clear from the original posting. Which is why I'm asking for further details before tossing around heavy words.

How I read the story was that this guy was already in the room with him and at least one other, then after the other person had finished this guy has gone to help himself.

Where I'm not clear is whether the perpetrator was either explicitly told no, or very clearly given a sign that penetration was not wanted via body language and just disregarded it anyway, or whether it might have been not discouraged initially, but then became an unpleasant experience due to this guy being rough.

It isn't clear to me what the actual complaint is, from how it's written.

"suddenly iv another guy within seconds on me I try move then pain of him missing then instantly inside me"

"felt bad saying no first time like he tried to hurt me slamming all time"

Even taking poor grammar into consideration (sorry OP), these 2 sentences indicate:

1. 2nd person was not invited.

2. 2nd person was being far too rough for the OP (who has indicated he tried to move out) and he was not happy/comfortable.

1. If the guy was there "within seconds" this indicates he was already in the room with him.

A risk you run when leaving your door open is that anyone can walk in.

2. The part where he says "he tried move but pain of him missing" doesn't really contain enough detail to draw any conclusive idea of what he did do. Did he try to move away from him? Move out of the room? Was he forcefully prevented from moving?

If the sex was rough enough to cause pain he really should have tried to stop proceedings immediately in whatever way necessary. I cannot fathom how instinct doesn't automatically take over.

"I may have had fun with him not like that tho"

This, as well as being in the room with him for what sounds like some considerable time, indicates that this guy may have been invited, at least initially prior to penetration. It's just not clear enough.

"very sore now felt bad saying no first time like he tried to hurt me slamming all time then once I’m forcing more it’s not ok"

"Felt bad saying no the first time" indicates a previous interaction with the perpetrator, where he said no, as does the title of the thread, and also implies he might have changed his mind later on and gave consent.

Honestly, I don't know what is meant by "once im forcing its not ok" is he pushing back? Is he forcing to get out & escape?

This is not simply poor grammar, it's imprecise language being used which is obfuscating important details for a situation as potentially serious as this.

Details matter. If he was to report this to the police as he has written it above, they would be asking similar questions, and the fact it takes place in a sex club, and had been allowing other people in the same room to consensually penetrate him, will muddy the waters of whether consent, implicit or explicit, has been given.

As much as it's possible to express non-consent without actually saying "no", it's also possible to express consent, inadvertently or otherwise, without actually saying "yes", especially if you're in an environment like that where people don't always verbally express consent or non-consent.

If you have initially consented to being penetrated (not saying he has, but it's not clear either way), then didn't like the way you were being penetrated, but you haven't told them to stop, attempted to stop them yourself, or tried to escape, to prove a r*pe conviction is going to be very difficult.

Details matter.

I do not think we will agree on this. Despite the unclear wording, I think the majority on here are taking it that, despite being in a room with an open door the OP did not consent to anal penetration by the second man, whether he was in the room previously or not.

Open door does not equal consent.

Not feeling able to say no does not equal saying yes.

As much as this could be difficult to prove, minimising the OPs experience and being reticent about using the R word due to the situation feels akin to victim blaming a female for dressing provocatively. "

You're right. The man above doesn't understand and is criticising his grammar after his ordeal. He doesn't understand the stigma for R victim's especially male ones. The equation is very simple. Did he give permission for this other man to enter him, the answer is no! He didn't say, I said he could but he did it too early, which implies a definite communication issue, still not nice but consent has been given. What this poor man has experienced is awful.

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By *urnedoutniceagainMan 24 weeks ago

louth

I do agree that if there was implied consent initially that consent was withdrawn when things became painful and therefore penetration became non consensual. The problem with reporting it after the event is that the more time that passes the colder the evidential trail becomes. There would be little or no point preserving the scene now and likewise any evidence that could potentially be recovered from the victim will most likely be gone. The strongest evidence would be that of a witness who would be willing to provide a statement confirming that consent was withdrawn or never given. I suspect that a person in the club would be extremely difficult to trace and then unlikely to give a statement and potential lead in court as a witness. Nonetheless the victim needs care and support as a matter of urgency which can be facilitated by the Police.

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By *glyBettyTV/TS 24 weeks ago

About 3 feet away from the fence


"You're right. The man above doesn't understand and is criticising his grammar after his ordeal. He doesn't understand the stigma for R victim's especially male ones. The equation is very simple. Did he give permission for this other man to enter him, the answer is no! He didn't say, I said he could but he did it too early, which implies a definite communication issue, still not nice but consent has been given. What this poor man has experienced is awful. "

Seems to have recovered pretty quickly though, hasn't he

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By *aribbean King 1985Man 24 weeks ago

South West London

Definately sounds like you been violated, I think you should report it

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple 24 weeks ago

Southampton


"You're right. The man above doesn't understand and is criticising his grammar after his ordeal. He doesn't understand the stigma for R victim's especially male ones. The equation is very simple. Did he give permission for this other man to enter him, the answer is no! He didn't say, I said he could but he did it too early, which implies a definite communication issue, still not nice but consent has been given. What this poor man has experienced is awful.

Seems to have recovered pretty quickly though, hasn't he "

And how do you know he isn't faking being ok....people do that after traumatic events you know

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By *essTTWoman 24 weeks ago

Birmingham


"Maybe I'm having trouble understanding the OP, but did you actually tell this guy no, & he forced himself upon you regardless?

Or did you want to say no after he started being rough, but couldn't for some reason?

Had you previously told him no earlier?

I'm not clear on some things, which I would like to be before casually throwing around the R word in a club situation.."

Sounds like the guy just came up behind him and started doing his thing with out any discussion or conversation before hand

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By *glyBettyTV/TS 24 weeks ago

About 3 feet away from the fence


"You're right. The man above doesn't understand and is criticising his grammar after his ordeal. He doesn't understand the stigma for R victim's especially male ones. The equation is very simple. Did he give permission for this other man to enter him, the answer is no! He didn't say, I said he could but he did it too early, which implies a definite communication issue, still not nice but consent has been given. What this poor man has experienced is awful.

Seems to have recovered pretty quickly though, hasn't he

And how do you know he isn't faking being ok....people do that after traumatic events you know "

Why is he asking for meets yesterday? Wouldn't that be the last thing you would want to do? Especially if he's still injured from it.

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By *essTTWoman 24 weeks ago

Birmingham


"You're right. The man above doesn't understand and is criticising his grammar after his ordeal. He doesn't understand the stigma for R victim's especially male ones. The equation is very simple. Did he give permission for this other man to enter him, the answer is no! He didn't say, I said he could but he did it too early, which implies a definite communication issue, still not nice but consent has been given. What this poor man has experienced is awful.

Seems to have recovered pretty quickly though, hasn't he

And how do you know he isn't faking being ok....people do that after traumatic events you know

Why is he asking for meets yesterday? Wouldn't that be the last thing you would want to do? Especially if he's still injured from it."

I became hyper sexual after r*pe its actually a very very common response to it...

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By *lueLotusWoman 24 weeks ago

the wilderness


"You're right. The man above doesn't understand and is criticising his grammar after his ordeal. He doesn't understand the stigma for R victim's especially male ones. The equation is very simple. Did he give permission for this other man to enter him, the answer is no! He didn't say, I said he could but he did it too early, which implies a definite communication issue, still not nice but consent has been given. What this poor man has experienced is awful.

Seems to have recovered pretty quickly though, hasn't he

And how do you know he isn't faking being ok....people do that after traumatic events you know

Why is he asking for meets yesterday? Wouldn't that be the last thing you would want to do? Especially if he's still injured from it."

Judgemental much?

You can only speak from your own experiences and not for anybody else's.

You'd do well to let that fact sink in thoroughly.

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By *glyBettyTV/TS 24 weeks ago

About 3 feet away from the fence


"You're right. The man above doesn't understand and is criticising his grammar after his ordeal. He doesn't understand the stigma for R victim's especially male ones. The equation is very simple. Did he give permission for this other man to enter him, the answer is no! He didn't say, I said he could but he did it too early, which implies a definite communication issue, still not nice but consent has been given. What this poor man has experienced is awful.

Seems to have recovered pretty quickly though, hasn't he

And how do you know he isn't faking being ok....people do that after traumatic events you know

Why is he asking for meets yesterday? Wouldn't that be the last thing you would want to do? Especially if he's still injured from it.

I became hyper sexual after r*pe its actually a very very common response to it..."

In my experience it's not a common response if you're a man who has become injured from aggressive anal sex. It is the last thing you would want to do, due to the sheer pain alone.

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By *iberius61Man 24 weeks ago

Pontefract

The only thing I would add us to say that nobody should ever feel bad about saying no. It's that simple.

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By *glyBettyTV/TS 24 weeks ago

About 3 feet away from the fence


"You're right. The man above doesn't understand and is criticising his grammar after his ordeal. He doesn't understand the stigma for R victim's especially male ones. The equation is very simple. Did he give permission for this other man to enter him, the answer is no! He didn't say, I said he could but he did it too early, which implies a definite communication issue, still not nice but consent has been given. What this poor man has experienced is awful.

Seems to have recovered pretty quickly though, hasn't he

And how do you know he isn't faking being ok....people do that after traumatic events you know

Why is he asking for meets yesterday? Wouldn't that be the last thing you would want to do? Especially if he's still injured from it.

Judgemental much?

You can only speak from your own experiences and not for anybody else's.

You'd do well to let that fact sink in thoroughly. "

Of course it's judgemental because if you're still trying to have anal sex whilst your arse is injured, that's a demonstrably idiotic thing to do. I don't need to have walked a mile in his shoes to make that assessment. That's just common sense.

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple 24 weeks ago

Southampton


"You're right. The man above doesn't understand and is criticising his grammar after his ordeal. He doesn't understand the stigma for R victim's especially male ones. The equation is very simple. Did he give permission for this other man to enter him, the answer is no! He didn't say, I said he could but he did it too early, which implies a definite communication issue, still not nice but consent has been given. What this poor man has experienced is awful.

Seems to have recovered pretty quickly though, hasn't he

And how do you know he isn't faking being ok....people do that after traumatic events you know

Why is he asking for meets yesterday? Wouldn't that be the last thing you would want to do? Especially if he's still injured from it.

I became hyper sexual after r*pe its actually a very very common response to it...

In my experience it's not a common response if you're a man who has become injured from aggressive anal sex. It is the last thing you would want to do, due to the sheer pain alone.

"

Fair comment

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By *urry BlokeMan 24 weeks ago

Stalybridge

Things that make you go

OP - I do hope you're OK

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By *adyBugsWoman 24 weeks ago

cognito


"You're right. The man above doesn't understand and is criticising his grammar after his ordeal. He doesn't understand the stigma for R victim's especially male ones. The equation is very simple. Did he give permission for this other man to enter him, the answer is no! He didn't say, I said he could but he did it too early, which implies a definite communication issue, still not nice but consent has been given. What this poor man has experienced is awful.

Seems to have recovered pretty quickly though, hasn't he

And how do you know he isn't faking being ok....people do that after traumatic events you know

Why is he asking for meets yesterday? Wouldn't that be the last thing you would want to do? Especially if he's still injured from it.

I became hyper sexual after r*pe its actually a very very common response to it...

In my experience it's not a common response if you're a man who has become injured from aggressive anal sex. It is the last thing you would want to do, due to the sheer pain alone.

Fair comment "

If the “recovery” you are referring to is his status. Check again, the status is from yesterday. He’s not been online since yesterday.

I hope the OP is ok and if he comes back, please seek support locally OP and talk to professionals. What happened to you was not consensual OP regardless of where you were or what else was going on at the time.

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By *glyBettyTV/TS 24 weeks ago

About 3 feet away from the fence


"You're right. The man above doesn't understand and is criticising his grammar after his ordeal. He doesn't understand the stigma for R victim's especially male ones. The equation is very simple. Did he give permission for this other man to enter him, the answer is no! He didn't say, I said he could but he did it too early, which implies a definite communication issue, still not nice but consent has been given. What this poor man has experienced is awful.

Seems to have recovered pretty quickly though, hasn't he

And how do you know he isn't faking being ok....people do that after traumatic events you know

Why is he asking for meets yesterday? Wouldn't that be the last thing you would want to do? Especially if he's still injured from it.

I became hyper sexual after r*pe its actually a very very common response to it...

In my experience it's not a common response if you're a man who has become injured from aggressive anal sex. It is the last thing you would want to do, due to the sheer pain alone.

Fair comment

If the “recovery” you are referring to is his status. Check again, the status is from yesterday. He’s not been online since yesterday.

I hope the OP is ok and if he comes back, please seek support locally OP and talk to professionals. What happened to you was not consensual OP regardless of where you were or what else was going on at the time."

I don't know when exactly he made this thread, but there can't be much difference between this thread & that update. In the update, "randomencounter" is asking for people to meet him locally in a vague area, which doesn't sound much like he was at, or planning to go to a venue.

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