There's so much wrong with this, I do not know where to begin.
1. Consent and awareness of your gf is not mentioned. That's paramount.
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2. If you are a cuck, shouldn't she be calling the shots ? Your dynamic is unclear.
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3. A dom should never be "abusive", unless it's all discussed beforehand and carefully orchestrated, with all parties on board, safe words, agreements, order of play, etc. Asking for an "abusive" dom is very likely to get you exactly the wrong sort of person and that would potentially harm the dynamic, the people involved and I suspect destroy the fantasy.
4. If I can offer constructive advice, join a munch in your local area, meet people, ask questions, and visit a club or two to get a feel for what's what.
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Number 1 though concerns me the most.
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