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Does mental health put you off someone
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Difficult question for me.
My mum had lengthy periods of mental ill health which impacted hugely on me (and my siblings). If I felt it might trigger me I'd stay away for mine and the person's sake be because it would be in both our best interests |
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It depends how it manifests I suppose.
And the condition of the relationship when it reaches a certain point.
Just getting to know someone stages leave a lot less space for support and understanding than someone you already care deeply for hitting a rough patch. |
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"Is it a reason you would stop seeing someone or wouldn’t get involved with someone"
Everyone has some kind of anxiety over something, it's the extent it interferes with everyday life and those around that prevent any relationship.
At one end of the scale you could have something like antisocial personality disorder which would be a bit of a balancing act, if it's more an anxiety of crowds, that's probably a bit more manageable. |
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No it doesn’t put me off anyone. But… if they’re very depressed I can find their messages incredibly draining and as someone who also has had tough MH issues in the past I find it better for me not to absorb their negative energy too much.
I love to help people as much as I can but I cannot do it for them  |
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By *rsPricklePantsWoman 25 weeks ago
Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk |
I think generally it would be more my mental health that would prevent me from meeting with someone, I've offered to meet people in the past that are dealing with bad mental health as sometimes it just takes talking to someone who's been there themselves to know your not the only one and to know others understand |
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This is a tough one …
On one hand avoid and on the other my nature would be there to support somehow ( I am not trained to be professional) but it could open a can of worms but I would try to filter first
It’s awful saying typing that now but if I was into it I would definitely support - some way
Tough one … |
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By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
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"Is it a reason you would stop seeing someone or wouldn’t get involved with someone"
I think everyone I know has mental health issues - I seem to be the common denominator (but then apparently I have the emotional complexity of an amoeba and the emotional awareness of a porifera - so I just plod on with life leaving a trail of destruction in my wake)  |
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By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
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It's a tough one to answer. The noble answer would be to say that you absolutely would and mental health doesn't matter as long as you're interested in them.
And that's true to an extent, but I worry there will come a time where dealing with certain issues they have becomes too overwhelming for me and I wouldn't want to be stepping on eggshells around them or changing so much of my own life to cater to their needs. It sounds very selfish, but it's all about how we manage it together rather than how I manage being around them if that makes any sense? |
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I'd like to say no, but it would be a yes - especially in the earlier stages.
If it's someone I know well and already have an established relationship with then I'm in a better place to support them.
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I’m committed to somebody who has had mental health issues. He’s supported me through mine. We support family and close friends through theirs.
I wouldn’t willingly take on a relationship with somebody I knew needed support I don’t have the capacity to give.
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By (user no longer on site) OP 25 weeks ago
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"I’m committed to somebody who has had mental health issues. He’s supported me through mine. We support family and close friends through theirs.
I wouldn’t willingly take on a relationship with somebody I knew needed support I don’t have the capacity to give.
"
Capacity. Such an important factor. |
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Yes. To some extent. It wouldn't necessarily stop me from seeing them but I would consider my options with prudence on taking things further.
I would say that a 'certain proportion' of women that I've ·met· on Fab have been impacted by mental health in varying degrees. As delightful as they •all• have been it's been hard work and a detriment to my mental wellbeing. |
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I think being open about my issues has put people off getting to know me better and I can understand why. I have fallen out with people who said I shouldn't be friends with people who have their own mh issues. I take people as people. |
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"Is it a reason you would stop seeing someone or wouldn’t get involved with someone"
Definitely.
Absolutely.
Categorically.
Anyone mentally healthy - far too one dimensional. They're hiding things .
Give me the freaks and the weirdos. They're hiding things far more interesting x
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By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
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Hmmm this is such a wide envelope.. The short answer is I'm not sure - I think you need a really strong network to support you
I think it also depends on whether the person is able to recognise and ask for help when sliding and talk openly |
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By *bzy88Man 25 weeks ago
PLAISTOW |
I wouldn't knowingly as you I have once unknowingly had someone who wanted more but when I said no all the signs showed and became very one sided and emotionally use me or they would do something apologise expect it to go back to normal |
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I’ve been suffering from MH for a couple of years now and I’ve tried taking my life many times even though I haven’t succeeded that thought always tends to cross my mind!!!
MH in men is very frowned upon as people always think they should MAN up  |
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Yes of course it would put me off. I am supportive but there does come a point with mental health where it just adds strain to relationships and it isn't healthy for anyone involved. But what might be a problem for me, might not be an issue to someone else. I don't think it's always a dick move to choose not to be involved with someone because of bad mental health. |
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"Hmmm this is such a wide envelope.. The short answer is I'm not sure - I think you need a really strong network to support you
I think it also depends on whether the person is able to recognise and ask for help when sliding and talk openly "
This 
If you fall in love with someone then you take the whole package but it can be difficult living with people who have issues. I am not sure I could do it now.
If it was a fab meet then I would be very wary. |
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By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
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For a relationship .... It really depends on the type of MH challenge, how that manifests in their behaviour and what they would need from me .... and what capacity to meet the needs of others.
If their MH challenges meant that they were unable to meet my own relationship needs longer term then I could not be in a relationship with them. At the end of the day as selfish as it sounds i refuse to sacrifice my own happiness and wellbeing for someone else (other than my children) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 25 weeks ago
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"No
But if it turns out that their MH issues clash with mine and we can't resolve that then I have to protect my well-being."
That’s pretty much where I’m at I think. It wouldn’t bother me. How can it? I have MH issues myself. But I have to protect my own wellbeing. And I will if it comes to it. |
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"I’ve been suffering from MH for a couple of years now and I’ve tried taking my life many times even though I haven’t succeeded that thought always tends to cross my mind!!!
MH in men is very frowned upon as people always think they should MAN up "
For what's it worth and know I don't know you but glad you are still here |
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By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
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After being with someone who was mentally ill for almost 5 years it does put me off now. I just remember how miserable the whole thing made me, never want to go back to that. Not slagging off people who have mental illnesses btw, just rather not go back to that |
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"It depends how it manifests I suppose.
And the condition of the relationship when it reaches a certain point.
Just getting to know someone stages leave a lot less space for support and understanding than someone you already care deeply for hitting a rough patch."
Agreed It depends on the impact of their MH on their day to day life and what stage the relationship is at. Severe MH issues would definitely put me off getting to know someone new but if I was already in a committed relationship with someone, I would support them as much as I possibly could. |
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By *a LunaWoman 25 weeks ago
South Wales |
This for me too. My kids dad suffers with depression and has attempted to take his own life a few times. As someone who suffers with anxiety and who has had depressive episodes in the past myself, it was overwhelming. And miserable. You feel helpless, on edge and alone. More so if they are not seeking help ( be that from medication, counselling or whatever).
It feels selfish, and maybe it is, but sometimes for self preservation, you have to make decisions that are right for you.
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I guess we have to appreciate that people on here won’t even come near a person whom is suffering from MH
Some of these comments are unbelievable I just hope that anyone nearest and dearest to ya’ll never feel that way so then you can meet them |
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"No
But if it turns out that their MH issues clash with mine and we can't resolve that then I have to protect my well-being.
That’s pretty much where I’m at I think. It wouldn’t bother me. How can it? I have MH issues myself. But I have to protect my own wellbeing. And I will if it comes to it. "
It sucks when that happens. I'd say charge it to the game, but sometimes it feels like the casino is rigged. Maybe one more roll of the dice, before I cash my chips in.
It's good to be able to trust that you can protect yourself, if you need to. If that starts slipping, I know I'm skating on thin ice. |
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"I guess we have to appreciate that people on here won’t even come near a person whom is suffering from MH
Some of these comments are unbelievable I just hope that anyone nearest and dearest to ya’ll never feel that way so then you can meet them "
I think you're judging them too harshly.
Most folk have qualified their unwillingness to do it again due to previous experience, and also their own mental state, not because they're uncaring. Indeed, many sound like they've cared TOO much. As I have.
Sometimes you have to look after number 1. |
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"Is it a reason you would stop seeing someone or wouldn’t get involved with someone"
I wouldn't start a relationship with someone who I felt was "too fragile" emotionally. I would however be their friend.
Cal |
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By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
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"I guess we have to appreciate that people on here won’t even come near a person whom is suffering from MH
Some of these comments are unbelievable I just hope that anyone nearest and dearest to ya’ll never feel that way so then you can meet them
I think you're judging them too harshly.
Most folk have qualified their unwillingness to do it again due to previous experience, and also their own mental state, not because they're uncaring. Indeed, many sound like they've cared TOO much. As I have.
Sometimes you have to look after number 1. "
Exactly this, I have cared very much to the detriment of my own mental health .... and I have been in relationships where none of my own needs were being met because the other person did not have the capacity due to their MH.
It left me broken .... and I can't be back in that place again. |
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"Is it a reason you would stop seeing someone or wouldn’t get involved with someone
I wouldn't start a relationship with someone who I felt was "too fragile" emotionally. I would however be their friend.
Cal"
To expand.
A new relationship always has the potential to breakdown quite quickly. There is a huge learning process at the beginning of any relationship, it takes dome time to figure out how compatible you might be.
For me, I would be concerned about exasperating their mental issues if we were not compatible.
Cal |
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Mental health encompasses a whole range of issues. I have my own that interferes with relationships, so I'm understanding.
If the person has psychotic episodes, I would not want to be involved with them.
It would be sad for me if I were invested in someone who retreated from life and wasn't able to see me. That might possibly affect my own mental, and I have to put myself first.
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I think we all have 'stuff', it's part and parcel of life. For me it would depend on what 'stuff', and how that would impact on the relationship, and my own wellbeing though. I've only lived with someone who wasn't a family member once, and they used to play the 'I will go and harm myself, if I don't get my own way' game. Bugger that again for a laugh! So no, if it was something that was going to cause me emotional harm, I'd check out of the relationship sharpish this time round. If it's more something they just required some extra support around then I'd probably view it differently |
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"I guess we have to appreciate that people on here won’t even come near a person whom is suffering from MH
Some of these comments are unbelievable I just hope that anyone nearest and dearest to ya’ll never feel that way so then you can meet them
I think you're judging them too harshly.
Most folk have qualified their unwillingness to do it again due to previous experience, and also their own mental state, not because they're uncaring. Indeed, many sound like they've cared TOO much. As I have.
Sometimes you have to look after number 1.
Exactly this, I have cared very much to the detriment of my own mental health .... and I have been in relationships where none of my own needs were being met because the other person did not have the capacity due to their MH.
It left me broken .... and I can't be back in that place again. "
Aw, much love to you |
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By *ib.Man 25 weeks ago
Hampshire |
It's complex and depends on severity.
It's never bothered me, but the relationships I had where the other party have very acute issues haven't gone well. It needs a deep bond, trust and understanding from both parties, and that isn't something that can be formed very quickly.
It wouldn't put me off though at all - honesty is probably the most important thing. |
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It depends on the degree of it tbh
I firmly believe we all have mental health issues
A lot of people just live with them and an outsider would never spot them
I have my own battles (body dysmorphia runs much pretty off the scale most of the time) but I function daily with ease
I have a friend who needs definition for his struggles - accepting them isn't enough - they need a name and a name that gives them reason
He struggles daily (or weekly) but again is pretty high functioning |
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By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
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"I think we all have 'stuff', it's part and parcel of life. For me it would depend on what 'stuff', and how that would impact on the relationship, and my own wellbeing though. I've only lived with someone who wasn't a family member once, and they used to play the 'I will go and harm myself, if I don't get my own way' game. Bugger that again for a laugh! So no, if it was something that was going to cause me emotional harm, I'd check out of the relationship sharpish this time round. If it's more something they just required some extra support around then I'd probably view it differently "
My ex used to threaten that when I said I was leaving. After years of pleading and begging him not to etc etc and staying ..... one day I said "myself and your child and parents would be devastated if you do that but it's your choice ... "
I rightly calculated that it was an empty threat said to control me ... once he realised I knew that he never threatened it again and went on to a new tactic till I threw him out...
Of course if I'd thought it was a genuine MH crisis I would have had a difference response but it wasn't... he didn't have MH problems he was just a c*nt. |
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Yes. I have been burned a few times before, with "friends" who have deep set mental health problems. Until I found out that I was the only one In our friendship, after they ghosted me repeatedly. Now I'm extremely cautious on who I let In
Happily there are a few who are just on the borderline, who I can call a friend
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I’m very lucky to not suffer with MH and don’t have anyone close to me who particularly suffers.
But I’m well aware it can happen to anyone at anytime.
I wouldn’t purposely put myself in a position to be with someone who severely suffers. It’s a lot of extra responsibility and I think I’d struggle with the guilt and always being on edge.
Think it’s more about how it manifests and how it’s controlled rather than a blanket yes or no answer. |
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"Is it a reason you would stop seeing someone or wouldn’t get involved with someone"
We all have mental health unless I am mistaken.
Now the pedantry is out of the way, mental health problems are common and most of us will statistically have experienced them at some point.
Providing the person/people we were meeting weren’t vulnerable as a consequence of their MH and in a “good place” it would be no issue and none of our business. |
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Yes and no. I can't be involved in being the only person to work towards someone healing, I've got my own shit to deal with.
But I'm also wary of people who claim to have never had mental health problems. Quite often that's a ticking time bomb of denial - and/ or someone who will have no empathy for me and my struggles. |
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"Yes and no. I can't be involved in being the only person to work towards someone healing, I've got my own shit to deal with.
But I'm also wary of people who claim to have never had mental health problems. Quite often that's a ticking time bomb of denial - and/ or someone who will have no empathy for me and my struggles."
As someone who’s never really suffered with mental health problems, I’ve never seen it from this POV before.
Interesting take and something for me tk reflect on, empathy wise  x |
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"I’m committed to somebody who has had mental health issues. He’s supported me through mine. We support family and close friends through theirs.
I wouldn’t willingly take on a relationship with somebody I knew needed support I don’t have the capacity to give.
Capacity. Such an important factor. "
It’s often overlooked, but people who are in a bad place themselves can easily cause more harm than good, even with the best of intentions x |
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"Yes and no. I can't be involved in being the only person to work towards someone healing, I've got my own shit to deal with.
But I'm also wary of people who claim to have never had mental health problems. Quite often that's a ticking time bomb of denial - and/ or someone who will have no empathy for me and my struggles."
Yeah my hackles respond to that one too. There tends to be a cycle of can't go there conversations that leave me feeling unheard. It's not healthy for me. |
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yes it would , i have been involved before dating with someone that had bipolar and some other ones .. this was withheld at the start and manifest quite fast into it and well it was just wild .... not again for me ...
couldnt be dealing with the flip flop persona changes and aggressive/passive changes .. i had to sack the dating off quite fast as it was just going to be a problem .
For one off casual sex meets in clubs etc its prob not so much of a concern |
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"Is it a reason you would stop seeing someone or wouldn’t get involved with someone"
I wouldn't choose to start a relationship with someone with serious mental health issues. It is emotionally draining.
My ex husband had mental health problems which I supported him with. It wasn't the reason we broke up but was challenging, and not something I would knowingly put myself through again.
Supporting a friend or family member is very different to living with someone with significant mental health problems. |
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Now it would put me off after being stalked by an ex who was bipolar. She teamed up with an ex soldier suffering from PTSD. I came back one day to find them in my living chatting to my partner and children. |
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