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Is 35 too old to change your life for the better?
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"Or am I destined to always be an ugly loser? I'm going to Australia for at least a year in July but have a bad feeling I'll just fail miserably like I usually do"
No, you’re a young man. And you’re neither ugly nor a loser. Going to Australia for a year is brave and adventurous! Will it be hard, I’m sure there will be times it is, but will it be worth it, undoubtedly.
I’m sorry you sound so down on yourself, has something happened to make you feel this way? |
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"Or am I destined to always be an ugly loser? I'm going to Australia for at least a year in July but have a bad feeling I'll just fail miserably like I usually do
No, you’re a young man. And you’re neither ugly nor a loser. Going to Australia for a year is brave and adventurous! Will it be hard, I’m sure there will be times it is, but will it be worth it, undoubtedly.
I’m sorry you sound so down on yourself, has something happened to make you feel this way? "
Nothing particular. Just years of rejection and failure and now in my mid 30s just feel like I've run out of time to be anything |
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By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
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Its never too late to make changes, find new opportunities, do a new hobby, change your life etc
Life is about choice and you hold the keys - you can choose to change or remain, choose to be happy or sad
Good luck xx |
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"I’m sorry you sound so down on yourself, has something happened to make you feel this way?
Nothing particular. Just years of rejection and failure and now in my mid 30s just feel like I've run out of time to be anything"
Truth is, rejection and failure is sadly a big part of everyone’s lives. It’s just how we respond to it that makes the difference. You’ve made the active, positive decision to move and put yourself in new circumstances. That’s great, sounds like you are bouncing back!
It might be worth using the tube before you move to get done therapy, get support on learning healthy ways to deal with these negative feelings |
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Ive been through a lot of sh*t in the last few years and am still struggling to rebuild myself. My anxiety and depression doesnt help. Surround yourself with friemds and family, its about the only thing thay helps me |
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"Or am I destined to always be an ugly loser? I'm going to Australia for at least a year in July but have a bad feeling I'll just fail miserably like I usually do
No, you’re a young man. And you’re neither ugly nor a loser. Going to Australia for a year is brave and adventurous! Will it be hard, I’m sure there will be times it is, but will it be worth it, undoubtedly.
I’m sorry you sound so down on yourself, has something happened to make you feel this way?
Nothing particular. Just years of rejection and failure and now in my mid 30s just feel like I've run out of time to be anything"
It's never too late x you're not ugly...I think Australia sounds amazing! You've got this xx |
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By *ucka39Man 25 weeks ago
Newcastle |
Hiya op
Stay focused and think of it how much you want it. You'll find inner strength to reach your goals
I'm 50 and still searching but know what I want and the work involved which I'm pushing myself through
Never give up |
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"Or am I destined to always be an ugly loser? I'm going to Australia for at least a year in July but have a bad feeling I'll just fail miserably like I usually do"
think positive, think you'll do well and you will  |
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By *am882Man 25 weeks ago
Northampton |
"Or am I destined to always be an ugly loser? I'm going to Australia for at least a year in July but have a bad feeling I'll just fail miserably like I usually do"
I will be very honest with you mate don’t look for sympathy here from people you don’t know because the conversation would be totally different with your best friend or family member. You’re obviously worried or ashamed to talk to someone close to you or this wouldn’t be a post. Speak to people who mean something to you and someone you look up to. Stop looking back because you can’t change that. Look forward and believe in your self. We all have regrets but me personally I wouldn’t be looking here if I wanted to change my life. Please don’t think I’m being rude. Hope everything works out for you. Godbless |
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"Or am I destined to always be an ugly loser? I'm going to Australia for at least a year in July but have a bad feeling I'll just fail miserably like I usually do
I will be very honest with you mate don’t look for sympathy here from people you don’t know because the conversation would be totally different with your best friend or family member. You’re obviously worried or ashamed to talk to someone close to you or this wouldn’t be a post. Speak to people who mean something to you and someone you look up to. Stop looking back because you can’t change that. Look forward and believe in your self. We all have regrets but me personally I wouldn’t be looking here if I wanted to change my life. Please don’t think I’m being rude. Hope everything works out for you. Godbless"
I couldn’t agree more. This is sound advice |
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By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
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Respect to you OP for taking a huge leap to live and work in a different country that takes guts. Btw you’re not an ugly loser don’t put negative thoughts in your head. Good luck |
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You can change your life whenever you want. You just need to do things differently. Travelling is a great opportunity to reinvent yourself and try (or become) something new.
There is a lot of talk here about being positive. Thats ok but I think the real secret is to stop being negative. Stop doing the things that are holding you back (or you feel are holding you back) and just flip it - do the opposite and see what happens. Very few people will know you in Australia so they won’t have expectations about you - you can become someone new and no one will know you were never that person before. |
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It’s never too late to do the right thing.
As said above, you’ve got some negative feelings so I’d work on dealing with that first so you can change. Otherwise you can just be the same person in a different place, which isn’t what you want.
Good luck with the next stage of your life! |
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By *aseylee324Couple 25 weeks ago
Valley of Squinting Windows |
"You can change your life whenever you want. You just need to do things differently. Travelling is a great opportunity to reinvent yourself and try (or become) something new.
There is a lot of talk here about being positive. Thats ok but I think the real secret is to stop being negative. Stop doing the things that are holding you back (or you feel are holding you back) and just flip it - do the opposite and see what happens. Very few people will know you in Australia so they won’t have expectations about you - you can become someone new and no one will know you were never that person before."
Fully agree, too much emphasis on being positive is as destructive as negativity. Life is hard for everyone at times, try to understand the world is not focused on making things tough for you. Make a plan (going to Australia to try something different is a good one), but don't set yourself up to fail. Stop the negative self-talk (I'm ugly, nothing ever works out for me, etc) -would you speak to a friend like this? Treat every day as a fresh opportunity.
You might benefit from counselling, negative thoughts patterns can be deeply ingrained from childhood and an approach like CBT can be very helpful. Best of luck. |
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"Or am I destined to always be an ugly loser? I'm going to Australia for at least a year in July but have a bad feeling I'll just fail miserably like I usually do
No, you’re a young man. And you’re neither ugly nor a loser. Going to Australia for a year is brave and adventurous! Will it be hard, I’m sure there will be times it is, but will it be worth it, undoubtedly.
I’m sorry you sound so down on yourself, has something happened to make you feel this way?
Nothing particular. Just years of rejection and failure and now in my mid 30s just feel like I've run out of time to be anything"
You mention failure. In what ways have you failed?
And what would constitute success? |
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By *ysizeMan 25 weeks ago
Nottingham (ish) |
" years of rejection and failure and now in my mid 30s just feel like I've run out of time to be anything"
Trust me, you're younger than you think. You've got decades ahead of you.
Some of the most interesting people I know still don't know what they'll do when they "grow up" and they're in their 50's 60's 70's
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"Or am I destined to always be an ugly loser? I'm going to Australia for at least a year in July but have a bad feeling I'll just fail miserably like I usually do"
On the face of things, you’re in the prime of your life, you’re a good looking fella, about to head off on an experience of a lifetime, working in Australia for a year.
Clearly it doesn’t feel like that to you, but this sounds like an amazing time for you. |
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" years of rejection and failure and now in my mid 30s just feel like I've run out of time to be anything
Trust me, you're younger than you think. You've got decades ahead of you.
Some of the most interesting people I know still don't know what they'll do when they "grow up" and they're in their 50's 60's 70's
"
Agreed. I have friends who have changed careers in their 50’s, moved countries, opened up about their sexuality, become superfit … completely changing your life isn’t that hard once you decide what you rally want to do |
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OP sometimes the harder you try at something the less likely it's going to happen.
Love can present itself when and where you least expect it.
Just enjoy the age you are.
Looks have very little to do with a long term relationship, obviously it helps but finding a connection with someone is more than a great smile.
Try to look at things differently.
You've travelled to a place many can only dream of visiting, so when you do meet you have lot's of interesting stories to tell.
Good luck and don't be so hard on yourself. |
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"Rejection" and "ugly loser". These are not words that come to a person naturally. If it was me, I would have said that they would have come from my birth family, particularly my mother. I put 50+ years, many hundreds of miles and no contact between them.
Going to Australia sounds a good idea but make sure that you are running towards something and not running away from something.
Finally, if you are comparing yourself to others, then switch off that television. That isn't real life nor is it entertainment nor is social media. Switch them off, start using your brain again.
Good luck. |
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By *unchalMan 25 weeks ago
Dartford |
"Or am I destined to always be an ugly loser? I'm going to Australia for at least a year in July but have a bad feeling I'll just fail miserably like I usually do"
Not sure if you’re looking for a sympathy fuck but to answer literally, no, of course people can make changes at any time or age in their life. Oh, and get yourself some professional therapy. |
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By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
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Enjoy Australia and the time you have there. Look after your mental health, as others have said get some counselling, but if you can't do that talk openly to people you are close to.
With regard to change, I changed career in my 20s, changed again in my 30s and went and worked abroad, changed again in my 40s coming back to the UK, and then started my own company in my 50s. Embrace the change and see where it takes you (oh, and fuck the Tories).  |
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" years of rejection and failure and now in my mid 30s just feel like I've run out of time to be anything
Trust me, you're younger than you think. You've got decades ahead of you.
Some of the most interesting people I know still don't know what they'll do when they "grow up" and they're in their 50's 60's 70's
Agreed. I have friends who have changed careers in their 50’s, moved countries, opened up about their sexuality, become superfit … completely changing your life isn’t that hard once you decide what you rally want to do "
Exactly this. Never too late to make a change no matter how small or large it may be |
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Going to a different country but still having the same negative thoughts will just result in the same outcome.
You can’t escape from you.
What you can do is go with the attitude that you are the key to changing your own fortunes. Learn to start appreciating little things first and then build up to start loving yourself more.
You’ll find others will naturally gravitate towards you the more you radiate happiness.
K |
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It's never too late, but going with a negative mindset will probably lead to a negative outcome.
You have an amazing experience planned try looking forward to it and at the positives, I know that can be hard when your feeling down.
Don't set yourself up for failure before you even start. |
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Life goes so quickly take the opportunities that you're offered and do the exciting things in life, i put stead in the saying "you get one life live it". Positive thinking is the way forward, I'd do it if i had my life over |
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By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
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I made a career change in my later 30’s as I wasn’t happy.
Granted it’s been a tough few years having to start over but I feel much better in myself for doing it which is the most important thing |
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By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
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If you go about with the attitude that you're a looser and you're going to fail, you're probably right, you'll be a failure add a looser.
Change your thinking. The rest will follow with the help of a ton of hard work. |
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By *929Man 25 weeks ago
newcastle |
As others said Your not ugly or a looser mate you can change your life at any time focus on self and achieving your own goals and rest will fall into place. Some peoples path to success is straight up others up and down and others flat for a long time before finally getting on the up just don’t life grind you down or beat you everyone has the power to change their life |
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"If you go about with the attitude that you're a looser and you're going to fail, you're probably right, you'll be a failure add a looser.
Change your thinking. The rest will follow with the help of a ton of hard work. "
… or maybe stop viewing life as a pass / fail thing, or success / loser.
Real life experiences are what happen along the way, the people we meet, the relationships we forge, the things we do.
Viewing life as wanting “to be something” is looking in the wrong direction. |
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Change your outlook fella.
You’re off on what could be an amazing adventure for a year, and you’re a ready putting a negative spin on it.
Get on that plane, and be thinking…..this is gonna be fuckin awesome! |
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By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
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I'm not exactly sure what aspect of your life you're referring to op. Is it a fulfilling relationship you seek or are you talking about career shortcomings? Either way, your physical appearance isn't holding you back, it's your mindset. You're clearly a intelligent and educated individual, who isn't ugly btw. The thing that I've picked up on is you're willing to make changes, this is a massive positive. So many people bemoan their lives without being willing, or scared to make changes. To change the way we feel about our lives and ourselves, means having to make changes.
Moving to a foreign country is a big step not to be taken lightly and shows that you are willing and brave enough to undertake such a challenge. Now you need to use this same desire and motivation to change your mental state. Get some counselling, it really does work and it's not a sign of weakness. How can improving yourself be weak.
I wish you all the best in your endeavours op, you've made a big decision for a positive change, now build on it. And never be afraid of starting again with worn out tools, false starts and failings are part of success.  |
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Thanks for a the responses. Booked a therapy session and started excercising properly again and just trying to stay positive and focus on the future rather than focusing on the past and wollowing in self-pity |
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By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
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"Thanks for a the responses. Booked a therapy session and started excercising properly again and just trying to stay positive and focus on the future rather than focusing on the past and wollowing in self-pity"
That's brilliant news that you've booked a therapy session. We hope it goes well and you start to feel better soon. And exercise is a great idea too. Remember that it's a slow process so be patient. |
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By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
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"If you go about with the attitude that you're a looser and you're going to fail, you're probably right, you'll be a failure add a looser.
Change your thinking. The rest will follow with the help of a ton of hard work.
… or maybe stop viewing life as a pass / fail thing, or success / loser.
Real life experiences are what happen along the way, the people we meet, the relationships we forge, the things we do.
Viewing life as wanting “to be something” is looking in the wrong direction. "
Along the way to what?
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By (user no longer on site) 25 weeks ago
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"Thanks for a the responses. Booked a therapy session and started excercising properly again and just trying to stay positive and focus on the future rather than focusing on the past and wollowing in self-pity"
Not much one can do about one's past, but the future you can!
Keep doing lots of little positive things that move you closer to where you'd like to be and with some time you'll be surprised what your able to get done.
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"Or am I destined to always be an ugly loser? I'm going to Australia for at least a year in July but have a bad feeling I'll just fail miserably like I usually do"
You're definitely not too old! I don't know how it will work out in Australia, but you'll have tried. You could stay at home *in case* you "fail", but would think you'd regret that more. Nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that (and I'm sure it will be an amazing experience!). Good luck! |
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The Question is
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Most people over 40 will say "Im grown up"
The fact that every day week month year passes by, you're still growing up untill you die.
I meet a woman 73 years old who was doing a degree in University.
Her words was " no matter your age you can always improve your self".
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Honestly for the longest time, I mean years and years I had the "I'm crap at everything" and "I literally can't see the point in anything, I'm just waiting to pop my clogs" but this year, I faced huge personal growth, I got myself into trauma therapy for past things that has gone on (nothing that awful, just childhood stuff and treatment of others towards me in my adult life) and for once, in probably about ten years, I'm actually looking forward to what lies ahead for me.
We can only tell you "chin up" (plus anything else along those lines) but it's not going to help you, it will make you feel better for all of five minutes and then that dread and resentment will return.
I found exercise helped me massively, which coming from me is something I never thought I'd say, I've also found making small goals for myself really good; it might just be 'pick that washing up from the floor' or 'clean the bathroom' but it helps me try and keep a clear head.
I have also found writing things down helps me, conversations I think im going to have, wish I had, stuff like that, it gets out any resentment over something I might be harbouring.
One last thing, dancing, dancing in your pants in the kitchen to your favourite song, even if it's on ten times, if it makes you feel better, do it!
Much love op x |
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"Or am I destined to always be an ugly loser? I'm going to Australia for at least a year in July but have a bad feeling I'll just fail miserably like I usually do"
Well number one… you are not ugly so just get a fucking grip  |
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