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Just a thought
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As the title says really its just come to me that some people feel cheating isnt right yet are willing to swing with their partners. Both actions are against the traditional marrage vowes after all "foresaking all others unless my new partner joins in" wasnt part of any marrage i have ever come across. I understand cheating is going behind someones back, but then theres the "if they dont know it wont hurt them" reply as apposed to "they know so its ok" or even "they join in so its great" not really looking for answers as the title says its just a though not saying either is right or wrong, exceptance of either is the way forward. |
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"Whatever spin you try and put on it, swinging and cheating are not the same thing. End of."
Exactly.. We do not appreciate being put in the same bracket as a guy cheating on his wife for whatever reason he has for doing that. and that is his business. but with us as with alot if couples we play together only so no one is being told fibs or cheating.
Sorry not the same at all.. but the op is a married man lol. it is funny it is only ever the married men or women cheating that try to justify it by claiming its the same as a swinging couple. but there we go whatever makes you feel better i suppose.
Each to their own and if op is happy in what he is doing then thats up to him.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Swinging and cheating are definitely not the same..
I guess some will stoop to all lengths to try and justify that they are not scheming, lying and doing the dirty behind their partners back!!
When they are clearly nothing but a cheat...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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forsaking all others is just one line from the vows..
the vows overall is committing to each other and becoming one, being a partnership and sharing your lives. If you swing as an activity together then thats what you are doing.
but even in swinging you must foresake all others and not fall in love and run off with another  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im married and my husband doesnt know im on here or that I have met others. So I guess therefore I am cheating. I am not in this to deliberately hurt him and take great care to ensure that he doesnt find out - so far has worked out well. I do admit to blocking it in my mind that I am cheating otherwise Im not sure that I would be able to do this and as I am not getting fun at home why shouldnt I get it here? The poster is married so therefore he is cheating too? |
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"Im married and my husband doesnt know im on here or that I have met others. So I guess therefore I am cheating. I am not in this to deliberately hurt him and take great care to ensure that he doesnt find out - so far has worked out well. I do admit to blocking it in my mind that I am cheating otherwise Im not sure that I would be able to do this and as I am not getting fun at home why shouldnt I get it here? The poster is married so therefore he is cheating too?"
The difference is you're not trying to justify your selfishness or comparing your situation to a couple that play together: the op is! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's Easter Sunday folks !
Can we not have a day off from falling out about cheating ?
If you don't all behave I am gonna start a 'not all BBW's are beautiful' thread and then you really will have summat to fall out over  |
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"Why do married men, and it's invariably the men, seek to justify their being on here and try to compare their duplicity with couples that play openly together.
I truly don't get it!  "
Maybe they are getting an attack of the 'guilts' and want us to validate their actions. Women just seem to suck it up and deal with it.
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I am not trying to justify cheating mearly getting other people _iews on the matter. Playing together or alone isnt what marrage is about. Its a union of 2 people not 2 and their friends.
The fact the last time a friend knocked on ny door telling my wife i had been seeing her,,, my wife said sorry to her. just shows that my wife really isnt bothered what i do.my vowes didnt include forsaking all other. So i havnt swore to not do it and my wife was happy with the reasons for not including the line no one knows each others personal situations. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am not trying to justify cheating mearly getting other people _iews on the matter. Playing together or alone isnt what marrage is about. Its a union of 2 people not 2 and their friends.
The fact the last time a friend knocked on ny door telling my wife i had been seeing her,,, my wife said sorry to her. just shows that my wife really isnt bothered what i do.my vowes didnt include forsaking all other. So i havnt swore to not do it and my wife was happy with the reasons for not including the line no one knows each others personal situations. "
Spin spin spin.
Sorry pal but you are deluding yerself. Cheat, don't cheat, doesn't affect us. But don't try and make out its the same.
We have a saying in our marriage which has served is pretty well:
It's a share, not an affair. |
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"I am not trying to justify cheating mearly getting other people _iews on the matter. Playing together or alone isnt what marrage is about. Its a union of 2 people not 2 and their friends.
The fact the last time a friend knocked on ny door telling my wife i had been seeing her,,, my wife said sorry to her. just shows that my wife really isnt bothered what i do.my vowes didnt include forsaking all other. So i havnt swore to not do it and my wife was happy with the reasons for not including the line no one knows each others personal situations. "
So you get out on a technicality then??? Are you a lawyer in real life lol
I don't think you get around cheating just because you didn't have one line in your vows lol |
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"Im married and my husband doesnt know im on here or that I have met others. So I guess therefore I am cheating. I am not in this to deliberately hurt him and take great care to ensure that he doesnt find out - so far has worked out well. I do admit to blocking it in my mind that I am cheating otherwise Im not sure that I would be able to do this and as I am not getting fun at home why shouldnt I get it here? The poster is married so therefore he is cheating too?
The difference is you're not trying to justify your selfishness or comparing your situation to a couple that play together: the op is! "
I think the line 'I'm not getting any fum at home so why shouldn't I get it here' smacks a bit of seeking justification.
If sex is so important to you why not find out why you're not getting it from your husband? And just because you are clever at hiding it doesn't mean that you are bring nice to him  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"exceptance of either is the way forward.
Plenty do take exception
Who knows what vows people took? I can't even remember my own!"
Mine are in a brown envelope now |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Whatever spin you try and put on it, swinging and cheating are not the same thing. End of."
Correct. Swinging is two people in a relationship deciding together what they want sexually whereas cheating involves deception. It's not the act of fucking behind your partner's back that hurts, it's the lies that need to be told to make it happen. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Whatever people do, it is their own business. They have to live with their own conscience at the end of the day.
However, I have no time for those who try and justify their actions. Don't explain, don't complain, just JFDI.
I was a cheat, and am not proud of it. It was in the past, and I have moved on.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you get married people trying too cheat behind their partners backs on here ? Oh wow,well I never. Nothing funnier than folk.
M "
 in fact I know someone who is not only cheating via the couple's profile he has but also has his own profile. What's not nice is that I have known this couple (not closely) for years since my kids and theirs went to the same school |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Realistically you are just trying to justify why you are cheating with your post. Couples who play with other couples or play as a single with OH's permission are not cheating, you are |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I thought it was bunnies at Easter not trolls...
The clue is in the word. Cheating by definition is about deceiving someone.
Swinging/swapping is consensual.
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I've said this before in many different ways but I just can't keep my typing fingers still on the subject. 
Neither of is interested in judging someone else for their actions on here not our business and he who casts the first stone and all that. What really gets my goat are people who try to imply that it's us in the wrong because we choose not to meet them, people who mention the partner not involved and imply that it's their fault and people with a sense of entitlement. If you're married and here without your partners knowledge don't explain, don't justify, don't whine just get on with it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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both first timers and married we've talked grate lengths about this and have agreed that we both play together and not separate! No question about it.
As long as a couple married or not are happy for the other to play on there own then not considered cheating.
Do it behind your partner's back and hiding it cheating imo.
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"It's Easter Sunday folks !
Can we not have a day off from falling out about cheating ?
If you don't all behave I am gonna start a 'not all BBW's are beautiful' thread and then you really will have summat to fall out over "
Swiftly followed by bi men are diseased...that will overload the naughty step!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im married and my husband doesnt know im on here or that I have met others. So I guess therefore I am cheating. I am not in this to deliberately hurt him and take great care to ensure that he doesnt find out - so far has worked out well. I do admit to blocking it in my mind that I am cheating otherwise Im not sure that I would be able to do this and as I am not getting fun at home why shouldnt I get it here? The poster is married so therefore he is cheating too?
The difference is you're not trying to justify your selfishness or comparing your situation to a couple that play together: the op is!
I think the line 'I'm not getting any fum at home so why shouldn't I get it here' smacks a bit of seeking justification.
If sex is so important to you why not find out why you're not getting it from your husband? And just because you are clever at hiding it doesn't mean that you are bring nice to him "
Im not justifying myself to anyone here just trying to answer the posters question. Nowhere did I say I was being nice to my husband. Im not going to say anymore about my life at home as I will be accused of justifying myself again!! I want sex, he doesnt - thats it in a nutshell |
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"I've said this before in many different ways but I just can't keep my typing fingers still on the subject.
Neither of is interested in judging someone else for their actions on here not our business and he who casts the first stone and all that. What really gets my goat are people who try to imply that it's us in the wrong because we choose not to meet them, people who mention the partner not involved and imply that it's their fault and people with a sense of entitlement. If you're married and here without your partners knowledge don't explain, don't justify, don't whine just get on with it."
^^^This! |
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So my wife knows i have friends even opolgised to one of them when she went of the handle because i wouldnt go on holiday with her. The only thing my wife doesnt know who where and when i play i would see that as more hurtfull as she would be sat at home knowing what i was doing. I simply go out and come home later so theres isnt any lies. She doesnt want to know. Same as i dont want to know what she does all day while i am working . My profile actualy does say shes probably on here as well. Bottom line i could say she knows, but then does she? Have i got her blessing/consent ? No.... does she know where and when ? No...... is she bothered or intetested ? No...... Is it cheating ? Yes. Is she or myself or anyone bothered or hurt by it? No...... is she doing the same as me ? I dont know,probably...... do me and her have a sex life together ? No. Its not as simple as i sneak out lie about where i go then get in bed when i get home. Neither me or her pretend life is great and rosey, it is what it is. |
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I think it's sadder that you would continue a life where neither of you are happy with each other and then come on here boasting about how one woman flew off the handle at your wife and she just took it on the chin.
Someone came into your life and tried to hurt your wife and you seem to not care |
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"I am not trying to justify cheating mearly getting other people _iews on the matter. Playing together or alone isnt what marrage is about. Its a union of 2 people not 2 and their friends.
The fact the last time a friend knocked on ny door telling my wife i had been seeing her,,, my wife said sorry to her. just shows that my wife really isnt bothered what i do.my vowes didnt include forsaking all other. So i havnt swore to not do it and my wife was happy with the reasons for not including the line no one knows each others personal situations. "
Do you not think she was saying sorry to the other person meaning something else.... that she felt sorry for the other woman seeing you. If someone came to me saying my husband was seeing her.. My response would be I'm sorry (meaning I feel sorry for her) and you can have him as I don't want him... just a thought! |
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The conversation afterwards was something along the lines of, had you been seeing her? yes i have , fine but why is she knocking on our door. The point i am making is unlike people who put on their profile "married" but he/she knows i play i was more honest and said it like it is which is technically she knows and isnt bothered. We dont talk about it i certainly dont say where or when and as for showing her pictures ( which i have read on some profiles) thats weird to me anyway. My wife usually finds out about my affairs after the fact not a one has bothered her.
To answer the question of why we stay together if were not happy,, we are happy just dont do anything sexual for each other any more. To me its simple if nsa sex is what you want and all parties are in agreement its no more diffrent than taking your car for a service. We did talk about prostitution at one point and she was only pissed of about the money aspect of it. If it was free she wouldnt bother. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As the title says really its just come to me that some people feel cheating isnt right yet are willing to swing with their partners. Both actions are against the traditional marrage vowes after all "foresaking all others unless my new partner joins in" wasnt part of any marrage i have ever come across. I understand cheating is going behind someones back, but then theres the "if they dont know it wont hurt them" reply as apposed to "they know so its ok" or even "they join in so its great" not really looking for answers as the title says its just a though not saying either is right or wrong,
exceptance of either is the way forward. "
Are you not married |
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"The conversation afterwards was something along the lines of, had you been seeing her? yes i have , fine but why is she knocking on our door. The point i am making is unlike people who put on their profile "married" but he/she knows i play i was more honest and said it like it is which is technically she knows and isnt bothered. We dont talk about it i certainly dont say where or when and as for showing her pictures ( which i have read on some profiles) thats weird to me anyway. My wife usually finds out about my affairs after the fact not a one has bothered her.
To answer the question of why we stay together if were not happy,, we are happy just dont do anything sexual for each other any more. To me its simple if nsa sex is what you want and all parties are in agreement its no more diffrent than taking your car for a service. We did talk about prostitution at one point and she was only pissed of about the money aspect of it. If it was free she wouldnt bother."
There seems to be some deep seeded issues going on... Issues that a professional is better to advise on.. maybe contact relate... or leave the marriage. |
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Deep seeded issues? My wife doesnt turn me on any more and after sitting down and talking to each other about it she said the same about me. We both do our own thing outside of the family unit and dont wish to know what it is the other does.
Whats deep seeded about that.
We have kids house cars holiday home, neither of us is unhappy so why split up. What would be the benefit? Neither of us can see one. So we choose to ignore parts of each others lives thats all.
Jeeess i started the thread to see peoples take on things it seem stone wall cheating is cheating in any shape or form even when its allowed.anything else is fair play and allowed. Now i know i can stop reading the thread and carry on. As the op says i wasnt looking for answers i certainly wasnt trying to justify anything or get guidence as i have said all the wsy through each person is diffrent
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Deep seeded issues? My wife doesnt turn me on any more and after sitting down and talking to each other about it she said the same about me. We both do our own thing outside of the family unit and dont wish to know what it is the other does.
Whats deep seeded about that.
We have kids house cars holiday home, neither of us is unhappy so why split up. What would be the benefit? Neither of us can see one. So we choose to ignore parts of each others lives thats all.
Jeeess i started the thread to see peoples take on things it seem stone wall cheating is cheating in any shape or form even when its allowed.anything else is fair play and allowed. Now i know i can stop reading the thread and carry on. As the op says i wasnt looking for answers i certainly wasnt trying to justify anything or get guidence as i have said all the wsy through each person is diffrent
"
Whatever makes you happy but your cheating whatever way you say it your still cheating, if you was swinging together then that's something you've decided together, this your doing alone without your wife knowing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Swinging to us is not cheating its having fun with each other. We have a meet and some good fun but its later when we are alone we can both lye together and smile at each other other knowing we both enjoyed it because we do it for each other because we love each other so much. Got a smile now thinking of past meets |
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"Deep seeded issues? My wife doesnt turn me on any more and after sitting down and talking to each other about it she said the same about me. We both do our own thing outside of the family unit and dont wish to know what it is the other does.
Whats deep seeded about that.
We have kids house cars holiday home, neither of us is unhappy so why split up. What would be the benefit? Neither of us can see one. So we choose to ignore parts of each others lives thats all.
Jeeess i started the thread to see peoples take on things it seem stone wall cheating is cheating in any shape or form even when its allowed.anything else is fair play and allowed. Now i know i can stop reading the thread and carry on. As the op says i wasnt looking for answers i certainly wasnt trying to justify anything or get guidence as i have said all the wsy through each person is diffrent
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My take on it is my take on it... Your take on it is your take... If you are happy then carry on.... I am not living in your shoes the same as you are not living in mine...My thought process is based on the information that you have supplied in the thread. |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
I am indifferent to the whole cheating thing, it is the bleating and huffy entitlement that makes me feel sadness, for the invisible partner.
do what you have to do... |
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"I am indifferent to the whole cheating thing, it is the bleating and huffy entitlement that makes me feel sadness, for the invisible partner.
do what you have to do... "
while not exactly indifferent I wholeheartedly agree with the rest of this statement. |
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