FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > I'm confused?
I'm confused?
Jump to: Newest in thread
 | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"I don't know if this is the right place to put this but here goes. I have been talking to this girl for a while (met her on Pof) we have met up for a chat a couple of times and she always puts two or there x'es on txt's, we seem to get on really well but I have invited her around to watch a film and she just bars me off. Is she totally not interested or playing it easy to start with I just don't know. Any help would be greatly received "I'd say there's someone in her past that she hasn't let go of yet. She seems happy to meet you on neutral ground where there's no risk of you trying to get intimate with her but as soon as you suggest something more private she backs away. Keep her as a friend if you feel there is friendship there that you would value but don't pine for her. Maybe if you cool things she'll start to wonder why then you can explain the situation from how you are seeing it. | |||
 | |||
 | |||
| |||
"I haven't gone strait out with it and said anything but I have been leaving her in no doubt that I fancy her but she hasn't said if she even likes me as someone to talk to. that is what is confusing me" You know, sometimes your idea of leaving someone in no doubt may have left them in doubt. It's time to get straight-talking. Communication is a two way process. | |||
"I don't know if this is the right place to put this but here goes. I have been talking to this girl for a while (met her on Pof) we have met up for a chat a couple of times and she always puts two or there x'es on txt's, we seem to get on really well but I have invited her around to watch a film and she just bars me off. Is she totally not interested or playing it easy to start with I just don't know. Any help would be greatly received
I'd say there's someone in her past that she hasn't let go of yet. She seems happy to meet you on neutral ground where there's no risk of you trying to get intimate with her but as soon as you suggest something more private she backs away. Keep her as a friend if you feel there is friendship there that you would value but don't pine for her. Maybe if you cool things she'll start to wonder why then you can explain the situation from how you are seeing it."I don't know if it is just me but it feels like she is waiting to see if she can find someone better as she is new in the area. | |||
"I haven't gone strait out with it and said anything but I have been leaving her in no doubt that I fancy her but she hasn't said if she even likes me as someone to talk to. that is what is confusing me You know, sometimes your idea of leaving someone in no doubt may have left them in doubt. It's time to get straight-talking. Communication is a two way process." I just realised I have no idea what to say to her and I don't want to put my big foot in my mouth and fuck it up. | |||
"I haven't gone strait out with it and said anything but I have been leaving her in no doubt that I fancy her but she hasn't said if she even likes me as someone to talk to. that is what is confusing me You know, sometimes your idea of leaving someone in no doubt may have left them in doubt. It's time to get straight-talking. Communication is a two way process. I just realised I have no idea what to say to her and I don't want to put my big foot in my mouth and fuck it up." If you don't know what you want to say to her there is a very good chance that you are communicating that you don't know to her. Work out what to say. Keep it simple and listen to her response. | |||
"I haven't gone strait out with it and said anything but I have been leaving her in no doubt that I fancy her but she hasn't said if she even likes me as someone to talk to. that is what is confusing me You know, sometimes your idea of leaving someone in no doubt may have left them in doubt. It's time to get straight-talking. Communication is a two way process. I just realised I have no idea what to say to her and I don't want to put my big foot in my mouth and fuck it up. If you don't know what you want to say to her there is a very good chance that you are communicating that you don't know to her. Work out what to say. Keep it simple and listen to her response." I talk about loads with her but I meant that I have no idea what to say to her to ask her if she fancies me or not, there in lye's my problem I don't want to say the wrong thing and her get the wrong end of the stick! | |||
 | |||
"You say you've met her on PoF, so I take it you're looking to date? You've met her a couple of times for a chat...then invite her to yours? No dinner? No cinema? No live gig? Just back yo yours?!! Nope! I'm at a loss why she's not chomping at the bit! "I've not just invited her back to mine I offered for her to come round to watch a film and have a drink. | |||
"You say you've met her on PoF, so I take it you're looking to date? You've met her a couple of times for a chat...then invite her to yours? No dinner? No cinema? No live gig? Just back yo yours?!! Nope! I'm at a loss why she's not chomping at the bit!
I've not just invited her back to mine I offered for her to come round to watch a film and have a drink."Sigh...you sit on the sofa drinking cheap plonk and watching DVDs with established girlfriends. In the first flush of romance you want to feel the excitement of dressing up for a night out, not jeans and t shirt sitting on your sofa where you'll probably try and cop a feel! I'd rather wash my hair...sorry! | |||
"You say you've met her on PoF, so I take it you're looking to date? You've met her a couple of times for a chat...then invite her to yours? No dinner? No cinema? No live gig? Just back yo yours?!! Nope! I'm at a loss why she's not chomping at the bit!
I've not just invited her back to mine I offered for her to come round to watch a film and have a drink.
Sigh...you sit on the sofa drinking cheap plonk and watching DVDs with established girlfriends.
In the first flush of romance you want to feel the excitement of dressing up for a night out, not jeans and t shirt sitting on your sofa where you'll probably try and cop a feel!
I'd rather wash my hair...sorry! "not cheep plonk no lol she can't drink she is on call for work thats why I invited her back to my place to watch a DVD, otherwise I would have offered to take her out for a meal (which I would pay for obviously ) | |||
| |||
"I haven't gone strait out with it and said anything but I have been leaving her in no doubt that I fancy her but she hasn't said if she even likes me as someone to talk to. that is what is confusing me" Maybe she's just not that into you. This might sound mean but not every female wants a romantic, sexual, or intimate relationship with every male they come across. She might like your company for going out and thinks you are a nice chap and all that, but doesn't want to take it further. | |||
"I haven't gone strait out with it and said anything but I have been leaving her in no doubt that I fancy her but she hasn't said if she even likes me as someone to talk to. that is what is confusing me Maybe she's just not that into you. This might sound mean but not every female wants a romantic, sexual, or intimate relationship with every male they come across. She might like your company for going out and thinks you are a nice chap and all that, but doesn't want to take it further." That is what I think is the case and the thing I am most afraid of as she is the first girl in 4 years to show any interest in me. | |||
"I haven't gone strait out with it and said anything but I have been leaving her in no doubt that I fancy her but she hasn't said if she even likes me as someone to talk to. that is what is confusing me Maybe she's just not that into you. This might sound mean but not every female wants a romantic, sexual, or intimate relationship with every male they come across. She might like your company for going out and thinks you are a nice chap and all that, but doesn't want to take it further. That is what I think is the case and the thing I am most afraid of as she is the first girl in 4 years to show any interest in me." You never know, she might have a mate that will be into you. | |||
| |||
"I haven't gone strait out with it and said anything but I have been leaving her in no doubt that I fancy her but she hasn't said if she even likes me as someone to talk to. that is what is confusing me Maybe she's just not that into you. This might sound mean but not every female wants a romantic, sexual, or intimate relationship with every male they come across. She might like your company for going out and thinks you are a nice chap and all that, but doesn't want to take it further. That is what I think is the case and the thing I am most afraid of as she is the first girl in 4 years to show any interest in me. You never know, she might have a mate that will be into you. " Unfortunately not she is sad as she doesn't know anyone  | |||
"I haven't gone strait out with it and said anything but I have been leaving her in no doubt that I fancy her but she hasn't said if she even likes me as someone to talk to. that is what is confusing me Maybe she's just not that into you. This might sound mean but not every female wants a romantic, sexual, or intimate relationship with every male they come across. She might like your company for going out and thinks you are a nice chap and all that, but doesn't want to take it further. That is what I think is the case and the thing I am most afraid of as she is the first girl in 4 years to show any interest in me." You have a verification from last year though. | |||
"I haven't gone strait out with it and said anything but I have been leaving her in no doubt that I fancy her but she hasn't said if she even likes me as someone to talk to. that is what is confusing me Maybe she's just not that into you. This might sound mean but not every female wants a romantic, sexual, or intimate relationship with every male they come across. She might like your company for going out and thinks you are a nice chap and all that, but doesn't want to take it further. That is what I think is the case and the thing I am most afraid of as she is the first girl in 4 years to show any interest in me. You have a verification from last year though. " Yes that was sex not a relationship she just wanted me for my body as hard as that is to believe lol | |||
"I haven't gone strait out with it and said anything but I have been leaving her in no doubt that I fancy her but she hasn't said if she even likes me as someone to talk to. that is what is confusing me Maybe she's just not that into you. This might sound mean but not every female wants a romantic, sexual, or intimate relationship with every male they come across. She might like your company for going out and thinks you are a nice chap and all that, but doesn't want to take it further. That is what I think is the case and the thing I am most afraid of as she is the first girl in 4 years to show any interest in me. You have a verification from last year though. Yes that was sex not a relationship she just wanted me for my body as hard as that is to believe lol" She still must have shown some interest in you though. | |||
"I haven't gone strait out with it and said anything but I have been leaving her in no doubt that I fancy her but she hasn't said if she even likes me as someone to talk to. that is what is confusing me Maybe she's just not that into you. This might sound mean but not every female wants a romantic, sexual, or intimate relationship with every male they come across. She might like your company for going out and thinks you are a nice chap and all that, but doesn't want to take it further. That is what I think is the case and the thing I am most afraid of as she is the first girl in 4 years to show any interest in me. You have a verification from last year though. Yes that was sex not a relationship she just wanted me for my body as hard as that is to believe lol She still must have shown some interest in you though." It was a lust thing rather than a love thing I don't know how else to describe it. We met on here and met up for sex, I have never managed to attract a woman who I could have a future with. | |||
"I haven't gone strait out with it and said anything but I have been leaving her in no doubt that I fancy her but she hasn't said if she even likes me as someone to talk to. that is what is confusing me Maybe she's just not that into you. This might sound mean but not every female wants a romantic, sexual, or intimate relationship with every male they come across. She might like your company for going out and thinks you are a nice chap and all that, but doesn't want to take it further. That is what I think is the case and the thing I am most afraid of as she is the first girl in 4 years to show any interest in me. You have a verification from last year though. Yes that was sex not a relationship she just wanted me for my body as hard as that is to believe lol She still must have shown some interest in you though. It was a lust thing rather than a love thing I don't know how else to describe it. We met on here and met up for sex, I have never managed to attract a woman who I could have a future with." Give it time. You're 26. Young enough to be having fun without worrying too much about the future. | |||
"I haven't gone strait out with it and said anything but I have been leaving her in no doubt that I fancy her but she hasn't said if she even likes me as someone to talk to. that is what is confusing me Maybe she's just not that into you. This might sound mean but not every female wants a romantic, sexual, or intimate relationship with every male they come across. She might like your company for going out and thinks you are a nice chap and all that, but doesn't want to take it further. That is what I think is the case and the thing I am most afraid of as she is the first girl in 4 years to show any interest in me. You have a verification from last year though. Yes that was sex not a relationship she just wanted me for my body as hard as that is to believe lol She still must have shown some interest in you though. It was a lust thing rather than a love thing I don't know how else to describe it. We met on here and met up for sex, I have never managed to attract a woman who I could have a future with. Give it time. You're 26. Young enough to be having fun without worrying too much about the future. " yes and no I want to have kids by the time I am 35 so only have 9 years left | |||
| |||
"As _yrdwoman said. But women who want more want to be wooed and dated. It doesn't have to be fancy or expensive, a little imagination goes a long way - crazy golf, a night at the dogs, a picnic on the beach (yes in this weather: lots of blankets, beach chairs, a couple of hot water bottles and picnic food doesn't have to be cold, pick a sheltered sunny spot and she'll be impressed)." I have invited her out for a meal she said yes but when she isn't on call! But other than that she has just give me the cold shoulder all I wanted was to sit and chat I didn't even want to do anything sexy just chat (I must be going mad lol) | |||
"As _yrdwoman said. But women who want more want to be wooed and dated. It doesn't have to be fancy or expensive, a little imagination goes a long way - crazy golf, a night at the dogs, a picnic on the beach (yes in this weather: lots of blankets, beach chairs, a couple of hot water bottles and picnic food doesn't have to be cold, pick a sheltered sunny spot and she'll be impressed). I have invited her out for a meal she said yes but when she isn't on call! But other than that she has just give me the cold shoulder all I wanted was to sit and chat I didn't even want to do anything sexy just chat (I must be going mad lol)" If she won't even go to the cinema then you are a friend when she's lonely. Don't abandon her but keep making other online friends - it may seem she's the only one when in actual fact she's simply the first. And as you've seen female friends who you can ask stuff are handy.  | |||
"As _yrdwoman said. And as you've seen female friends who you can ask stuff are handy. "Yes they are Thank you everyone for your help it is extremely valued | |||
| |||
"You say you've met her on PoF, so I take it you're looking to date? You've met her a couple of times for a chat...then invite her to yours? No dinner? No cinema? No live gig? Just back yo yours?!! Nope! I'm at a loss why she's not chomping at the bit!
I've not just invited her back to mine I offered for her to come round to watch a film and have a drink.
Sigh...you sit on the sofa drinking cheap plonk and watching DVDs with established girlfriends.
In the first flush of romance you want to feel the excitement of dressing up for a night out, not jeans and t shirt sitting on your sofa where you'll probably try and cop a feel!
I'd rather wash my hair...sorry! "I'm with Miss Stress on this. Treat her like a princess ffs!!! If guys want a woman to feel special and remember them then treat her like she means something to you and that you are proud to be with her and to have her with you. Value her! | |||
 | |||
"You say you've met her on PoF, so I take it you're looking to date? You've met her a couple of times for a chat...then invite her to yours? No dinner? No cinema? No live gig? Just back yo yours?!! Nope! I'm at a loss why she's not chomping at the bit!
I've not just invited her back to mine I offered for her to come round to watch a film and have a drink.
Sigh...you sit on the sofa drinking cheap plonk and watching DVDs with established girlfriends.
In the first flush of romance you want to feel the excitement of dressing up for a night out, not jeans and t shirt sitting on your sofa where you'll probably try and cop a feel!
I'd rather wash my hair...sorry!
I'm with Miss Stress on this.
Treat her like a princess ffs!!!
If guys want a woman to feel special and remember them then treat her like she means something to you and that you are proud to be with her and to have her with you. Value her!"Like most have said, try to talk to her find out what she really wants. Most women like to talk. As for the drink, ask her for a drink out somewhere, she and you dont have to drink alchohol, pubs do coffee. Ok boring but then you dont have the alchohol taking over the situation. time for that on next date when she is not on call. She doesnt sound comfy with going back to yours. Am guessing she isnt on here as well? then she wont be up for sex on first date/meet | |||
"You say you've met her on PoF, so I take it you're looking to date? You've met her a couple of times for a chat...then invite her to yours? No dinner? No cinema? No live gig? Just back yo yours?!! Nope! I'm at a loss why she's not chomping at the bit!
I've not just invited her back to mine I offered for her to come round to watch a film and have a drink.
Sigh...you sit on the sofa drinking cheap plonk and watching DVDs with established girlfriends.
In the first flush of romance you want to feel the excitement of dressing up for a night out, not jeans and t shirt sitting on your sofa where you'll probably try and cop a feel!
I'd rather wash my hair...sorry!
I'm with Miss Stress on this.
Treat her like a princess ffs!!!
If guys want a woman to feel special and remember them then treat her like she means something to you and that you are proud to be with her and to have her with you. Value her!
Like most have said, try to talk to her find out what she really wants. Most women like to talk. As for the drink, ask her for a drink out somewhere, she and you dont have to drink alchohol, pubs do coffee. Ok boring but then you dont have the alchohol taking over the situation. time for that on next date when she is not on call. She doesnt sound comfy with going back to yours. Am guessing she isnt on here as well? then she wont be up for sex on first date/meet"And I just realised that last bit made us all sound like we are up for sex first time out. Sorry Guys. I, for one, dont mind if its just a social first meet, get to know them a little bit | |||
"Ask her on an actual date to a public place to do something that will pass time if you don't know what to say and give you something to talk about - cinema, crazy golf, bowling etc. It will take X amount of time (so if it all goes horribly wrong you both know it will soon be over) she can be on call from any of those places and she'll feel like it's a bit of an occasion not just a night on the sofa in a strange persons company. Not everyone is happy to invite a stranger off the internet round or to go to theirs. And if it all goes well there are coffee shops and restaurants and second dates." Mens brains are wired differently: he doesn't get it! | |||
| |||
" Mens brains are wired differently: he doesn't get it! "If he doesn't stop overthinking this, he'll never get "it"!!! OP: Go with the flow, he yourself and if it's meant to be.... It will be.... | |||
The other is assertive alpha males!
I would try an alternative option which would be to just meet for a brew. She may not want a date but most people can spare 30 mins for a cuppa In a public place
Good luck | |||
"Without wishing to sound awful OP you sound desperate in some of your responses here. That is never a good place to be and rarely a good look. If the lady in question has picked up on this she may very well be strategically backing away from you. Have some gumption and ask her. Be prepared for answers you may not like but remember, it does give you a solid point to move on from either way (unless she is the type that doesn't like saying 'no' to people for fear of upsetting them in which case you will have dance the dance until such a point thst you realise it isnt going anywhere yourself) Good luck "I agree with this: desperation is shining through! | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"That is true I do need to grow a pair, but if you where in my position I think you would be desperate as well of never having a relationship that has lasted more than a week and that was 4 years ago. It's kind of the chicken and the egg thing you need confidence to get a relationship but you need to have had relationships to be confident lol." Just chill a relationship will happen when its ready to... Don't push it as they run a mile | |||
"That is true I do need to grow a pair, but if you where in my position I think you would be desperate as well of never having a relationship that has lasted more than a week and that was 4 years ago. It's kind of the chicken and the egg thing you need confidence to get a relationship but you need to have had relationships to be confident lol. Just chill a relationship will happen when its ready to... Don't push it as they run a mile "Lol yeah I do try it's just hard getting rejected all the time | |||
| |||
"Learn to flirt. Women are great at it but guys can do it too. I always flirt at the supermarket checkouts, I even tend to get a smile from the sourfaced old boilers too. The point I'm making is that it will increase your self confidence and that can be a guys most attractive trait. Then try out your new technique on your lady friend. Best of luck "Wish I could flirt tried it and massively failed lol  | |||
"Learn to flirt. Women are great at it but guys can do it too. I always flirt at the supermarket checkouts, I even tend to get a smile from the sourfaced old boilers too. The point I'm making is that it will increase your self confidence and that can be a guys most attractive trait. Then try out your new technique on your lady friend. Best of luck "@ sour faced old boilers! | |||
"Learn to flirt. Women are great at it but guys can do it too. I always flirt at the supermarket checkouts, I even tend to get a smile from the sourfaced old boilers too. The point I'm making is that it will increase your self confidence and that can be a guys most attractive trait. Then try out your new technique on your lady friend. Best of luck
Wish I could flirt tried it and massively failed lol "Practice, practice, practice, not all life skills are inherited, you can learn or aquire infinately more by just having a go, and everyone loves a trier. Think can, not can't | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"That is true I do need to grow a pair, but if you where in my position I think you would be desperate as well of never having a relationship that has lasted more than a week and that was 4 years ago. It's kind of the chicken and the egg thing you need confidence to get a relationship but you need to have had relationships to be confident lol. Just chill a relationship will happen when its ready to... Don't push it as they run a mile
Lol yeah I do try it's just hard getting rejected all the time "Well maybe look at the type you go for.. However you do really need to chill because people run a mile when they smell desperation... I really do feel for you as rejection is hard but we go through it... A positve attitude creates positive reponses... | |||
"It's like riding a bike, you might fall off but if you get back on and keep trying you'll get better at it. In my single days I used to take every oppurtunity to flirt and chat to women, on buses, trains, libraries on the street. You get a few knock backs but you'll feel better for trying and being politely refused than looking at a gorgeous woman, walking by and regretting it for the rest of your day. Start simple next time you're in a shop try complimenting the woman serving you, comment that she has really nice nails, hair style or maybe ask what perfume she's wearing as its really gorgeous. Nothing bad can come of it, at best you'll get a smile and maybe a little head turn as they try to hide there blushing you can then walk away knowing you made her feel good and yourself." Spot on... I always compliment a guy if he smells nice.... | |||
"It's like riding a bike, you might fall off but if you get back on and keep trying you'll get better at it. In my single days I used to take every oppurtunity to flirt and chat to women, on buses, trains, libraries on the street. You get a few knock backs but you'll feel better for trying and being politely refused than looking at a gorgeous woman, walking by and regretting it for the rest of your day. Start simple next time you're in a shop try complimenting the woman serving you, comment that she has really nice nails, hair style or maybe ask what perfume she's wearing as its really gorgeous. Nothing bad can come of it, at best you'll get a smile and maybe a little head turn as they try to hide there blushing you can then walk away knowing you made her feel good and yourself. Spot on... I always compliment a guy if he smells nice.... "you like baked beans then?  | |||
| |||
| |||
"I don't know if this is the right place to put this but here goes. I have been talking to this girl for a while (met her on Pof) we have met up for a chat a couple of times and she always puts two or there x'es on txt's, we seem to get on really well but I have invited her around to watch a film and she just bars me off. Is she totally not interested or playing it easy to start with I just don't know. Any help would be greatly received "I hate to break it to you but maybe she just isn't that into you. You say you have met up a few times fore a chat but she doesn't want to take it anywhere... | |||
| |||
"I'm starting to think that I am barking up the wrong tree again lol" Take the positives from these posts and disreguard the negetives | |||
