FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > How old were you when you became a parent?
How old were you when you became a parent?
Jump to: Newest in thread
| |||
 | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
 | |||
"I was 21, he was 23, didn't feel like we were too young, we were both ready to have kids. We had 4 by time I was 27, he was 29. And became grandparents at 43 and 46. Children and grandchildren are truly a blessing, Mrs x" Oh..You were grandparents younger than I am now.. | |||
| |||
 - Xeno | |||
"I was 21, he was 23, didn't feel like we were too young, we were both ready to have kids. We had 4 by time I was 27, he was 29. And became grandparents at 43 and 46. Children and grandchildren are truly a blessing, Mrs x Oh..You were grandparents younger than I am now.. " Yeah but there's no right or wrong time, Mrs x | |||
| |||
 | |||
"I was 42. It means I’m forever destined to come well down the order in the parents race at school sports day."  | |||
| |||
| |||
"I was 42. Never considered myself responsible enough until I’d passed my 40’s. I was an angry 20 something, and a ridiculously busy/stressed out 30 something. I’m much mellowed and more relaxed now, and my daughter is reaping the benefits of my waiting. " | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
 | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"An age that apparently I am not allowed to discuss on here. " Were you very young?.. My folks were around early 30s when they had me & my brother.. | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"An age that apparently I am not allowed to discuss on here. Were you very young?.. My folks were around early 30s when they had me & my brother.." Very, very young. Less than half my current age. | |||
 .
It's never easy being a parent and there are pros and cons whatever age you are.
If you want children have them (if it's possible) and if you don't, don't. Thinking too deeply about it probably means you'll never get round to it. | |||
| |||
| |||
"33 and 35. I remember feeling like Methuselah at nursery and school school pick up .
It's never easy being a parent and there are pros and cons whatever age you are.
If you want children have them (if it's possible) and if you don't, don't. Thinking too deeply about it probably means you'll never get round to it. "My parents were condescended to for being children when we started school. Mum was 27 and Dad was 26 when they had me. | |||
| |||
"33 and 35. I remember feeling like Methuselah at nursery and school school pick up .
It's never easy being a parent and there are pros and cons whatever age you are.
If you want children have them (if it's possible) and if you don't, don't. Thinking too deeply about it probably means you'll never get round to it. " | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"29 32 37 Like Boo, we lost one in pregnancy. But a much earlier stage. It's horrible. Falcon - you seem young for your age, so don't let your age put you off. You'll need lots of energy to get the most from becoming a parent - they'll enjoy your energy, and you'll enjoy everything they can take from you as you give it. Good luck." | |||
| |||
| |||
"Was 17 when I had my first born! I married at 16! 50 years ago today actually x" Im guessing is 16 the youngest age that someone can marry? | |||
| |||
"Was 17 when I had my first born! I married at 16! 50 years ago today actually x Im guessing is 16 the youngest age that someone can marry?" Was back then with parents consent not sure about now? X | |||
"Was 17 when I had my first born! I married at 16! 50 years ago today actually x Im guessing is 16 the youngest age that someone can marry?" Yes, with parental permission. 18 if parents do not consent. That’s how it used to be anyway. Laws change. | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"I'm nearly 55 and have never ever felt like I wanted children. Or rather I never ever wanted to be pregnant. I've been in relationships with people who had children, but have no parental responsibility. I don't regret my life decisions and certainly wouldn't have the life I have now if I'd been a parent, but I do sometimes ponder how lonely my old age might become..."
Yes it's an interesting thought.
At the same time I don't want to be motivated by fear.. | |||
"I haven't, and I doubt I will. I don't think I'd be the kind of parent my child would need." Aww that is kind of sad. You could not be any worse than the mum we had. Do you not have any maternal instincts? | |||
| |||
| |||
"I haven't, and I doubt I will. I don't think I'd be the kind of parent my child would need. Aww that is kind of sad. You could not be any worse than the mum we had. Do you not have any maternal instincts?" Why is it sad? I think the worst thing in the world is bringing children into the world when they're not wanted and won't be cherished. Children deserve that. I've never longed for a child, and have been confused about why people hand me (and not, say, my brother) babies since I was old enough to be trusted holding a baby. To the extent I have feelings which might overlap with maternal instincts, I put them into altruistic work, solving needs that already exist. | |||
"This is a philosophical question as well as a practical one I guess. I was speaking at length to an old friend of my mum & dad's. He's in his late 80s now and he told me that he regrets not having children even though the chance arose with the right relationships several times when he was younger. For me, at this point I'm 50/50 as to whether I want to be a dad myself..& I realise I'm leaving it late in the day.. What are your thoughts?" I have never had children... | |||
Had them at 31, 34 and 38. Couldn’t have had them any younger… I think time was just right. There are women I went to high school with who have children in their 30s!
I am not maternal at all, but their father is amazing. He was born to be a dad. And I quite like them.  | |||
Miss S x | |||
"I haven't, and I doubt I will. I don't think I'd be the kind of parent my child would need. Aww that is kind of sad. You could not be any worse than the mum we had. Do you not have any maternal instincts? Why is it sad? I think the worst thing in the world is bringing children into the world when they're not wanted and won't be cherished. Children deserve that. I've never longed for a child, and have been confused about why people hand me (and not, say, my brother) babies since I was old enough to be trusted holding a baby. To the extent I have feelings which might overlap with maternal instincts, I put them into altruistic work, solving needs that already exist." Sorry I don't mean sad as in saddo I felt sad reading it that you don't think you'd be the kind of parent your child would need. You are right, children should not be brought in to the world if they're not wanted. My best friend never wanted children but she is the best auntie ever to her four nephews. | |||
"I haven't, and I doubt I will. I don't think I'd be the kind of parent my child would need. Aww that is kind of sad. You could not be any worse than the mum we had. Do you not have any maternal instincts? Why is it sad? I think the worst thing in the world is bringing children into the world when they're not wanted and won't be cherished. Children deserve that. I've never longed for a child, and have been confused about why people hand me (and not, say, my brother) babies since I was old enough to be trusted holding a baby. To the extent I have feelings which might overlap with maternal instincts, I put them into altruistic work, solving needs that already exist. Sorry I don't mean sad as in saddo I felt sad reading it that you don't think you'd be the kind of parent your child would need. You are right, children should not be brought in to the world if they're not wanted. My best friend never wanted children but she is the best auntie ever to her four nephews. " I thought long and hard about it and decided it wouldn't be in the interests of my potential children. My dad told me about a year ago that it's not too late. I resisted the urge to say "damn". I don't have any nieces or nephews - and if I did, in all likelihood, as my family are in Australia, I'd be the random name who sends them stuff for birthday and Christmas. | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"I haven't, and I doubt I will. I don't think I'd be the kind of parent my child would need. Aww that is kind of sad. You could not be any worse than the mum we had. Do you not have any maternal instincts?" I have no maternal instincts (that's all pummelled in by society anyway, not an innate biological thing) but it's a shame people often equate "I'd be a bad mum" to "I'm a bad person" in the society hivemind | |||
"I haven't, and I doubt I will. I don't think I'd be the kind of parent my child would need. Aww that is kind of sad. You could not be any worse than the mum we had. Do you not have any maternal instincts? Why is it sad? I think the worst thing in the world is bringing children into the world when they're not wanted and won't be cherished. Children deserve that. I've never longed for a child, and have been confused about why people hand me (and not, say, my brother) babies since I was old enough to be trusted holding a baby. To the extent I have feelings which might overlap with maternal instincts, I put them into altruistic work, solving needs that already exist." Well said It's looking unlikely my son and his wife will conceive because of her disability. She looks fine, healthy but her body wouldn't cope with childbirth, but of course people keep saying to her now she is married 'ooh kids next' um no, it's not on the cards for them. They may adopt they may not. They are looking into becoming foster carers for now. I will be happy and support them whatever the outcome and if they remain childless then that's great to, they continue to have my support because their bodies, their lives, their decisions | |||
"I haven't, and I doubt I will. I don't think I'd be the kind of parent my child would need. Aww that is kind of sad. You could not be any worse than the mum we had. Do you not have any maternal instincts? I have no maternal instincts (that's all pummelled in by society anyway, not an innate biological thing) but it's a shame people often equate "I'd be a bad mum" to "I'm a bad person" in the society hivemind" Very much this. I don't think I'd be a good mum because of what I think it entails. The ways I was hurt, unintentionally, as a child. The enormous pressure I'd put on myself to be perfect. That would ruin my mental health and would have ripple effects on a child. It's best if I sit this one out. (Besides, my gynaecological health record is sketchy) | |||
"I haven't, and I doubt I will. I don't think I'd be the kind of parent my child would need. Aww that is kind of sad. You could not be any worse than the mum we had. Do you not have any maternal instincts? Why is it sad? I think the worst thing in the world is bringing children into the world when they're not wanted and won't be cherished. Children deserve that. I've never longed for a child, and have been confused about why people hand me (and not, say, my brother) babies since I was old enough to be trusted holding a baby. To the extent I have feelings which might overlap with maternal instincts, I put them into altruistic work, solving needs that already exist. Sorry I don't mean sad as in saddo I felt sad reading it that you don't think you'd be the kind of parent your child would need. You are right, children should not be brought in to the world if they're not wanted. My best friend never wanted children but she is the best auntie ever to her four nephews. I thought long and hard about it and decided it wouldn't be in the interests of my potential children. My dad told me about a year ago that it's not too late. I resisted the urge to say "damn". I don't have any nieces or nephews - and if I did, in all likelihood, as my family are in Australia, I'd be the random name who sends them stuff for birthday and Christmas." And even when it is too late biologically and you've changed your mind, there are the adoption and fostering routes. | |||
"I haven't, and I doubt I will. I don't think I'd be the kind of parent my child would need. Aww that is kind of sad. You could not be any worse than the mum we had. Do you not have any maternal instincts? I have no maternal instincts (that's all pummelled in by society anyway, not an innate biological thing) but it's a shame people often equate "I'd be a bad mum" to "I'm a bad person" in the society hivemind Very much this. I don't think I'd be a good mum because of what I think it entails. The ways I was hurt, unintentionally, as a child. The enormous pressure I'd put on myself to be perfect. That would ruin my mental health and would have ripple effects on a child. It's best if I sit this one out. (Besides, my gynaecological health record is sketchy)" This is me to a T! | |||
"I haven't, and I doubt I will. I don't think I'd be the kind of parent my child would need. Aww that is kind of sad. You could not be any worse than the mum we had. Do you not have any maternal instincts? Why is it sad? I think the worst thing in the world is bringing children into the world when they're not wanted and won't be cherished. Children deserve that. I've never longed for a child, and have been confused about why people hand me (and not, say, my brother) babies since I was old enough to be trusted holding a baby. To the extent I have feelings which might overlap with maternal instincts, I put them into altruistic work, solving needs that already exist. Sorry I don't mean sad as in saddo I felt sad reading it that you don't think you'd be the kind of parent your child would need. You are right, children should not be brought in to the world if they're not wanted. My best friend never wanted children but she is the best auntie ever to her four nephews. I thought long and hard about it and decided it wouldn't be in the interests of my potential children. My dad told me about a year ago that it's not too late. I resisted the urge to say "damn". I don't have any nieces or nephews - and if I did, in all likelihood, as my family are in Australia, I'd be the random name who sends them stuff for birthday and Christmas. And even when it is too late biologically and you've changed your mind, there are the adoption and fostering routes. " Proving my point, us silly little girls never know our own minds do we?  | |||
"I haven't, and I doubt I will. I don't think I'd be the kind of parent my child would need. Aww that is kind of sad. You could not be any worse than the mum we had. Do you not have any maternal instincts? Why is it sad? I think the worst thing in the world is bringing children into the world when they're not wanted and won't be cherished. Children deserve that. I've never longed for a child, and have been confused about why people hand me (and not, say, my brother) babies since I was old enough to be trusted holding a baby. To the extent I have feelings which might overlap with maternal instincts, I put them into altruistic work, solving needs that already exist. Sorry I don't mean sad as in saddo I felt sad reading it that you don't think you'd be the kind of parent your child would need. You are right, children should not be brought in to the world if they're not wanted. My best friend never wanted children but she is the best auntie ever to her four nephews. I thought long and hard about it and decided it wouldn't be in the interests of my potential children. My dad told me about a year ago that it's not too late. I resisted the urge to say "damn". I don't have any nieces or nephews - and if I did, in all likelihood, as my family are in Australia, I'd be the random name who sends them stuff for birthday and Christmas. And even when it is too late biologically and you've changed your mind, there are the adoption and fostering routes. " Oh good. Not even fucking menopause will mean that I'm old enough to know what I want and decide for myself. I'm. Not. Interested. | |||
"I haven't, and I doubt I will. I don't think I'd be the kind of parent my child would need. Aww that is kind of sad. You could not be any worse than the mum we had. Do you not have any maternal instincts? Why is it sad? I think the worst thing in the world is bringing children into the world when they're not wanted and won't be cherished. Children deserve that. I've never longed for a child, and have been confused about why people hand me (and not, say, my brother) babies since I was old enough to be trusted holding a baby. To the extent I have feelings which might overlap with maternal instincts, I put them into altruistic work, solving needs that already exist. Sorry I don't mean sad as in saddo I felt sad reading it that you don't think you'd be the kind of parent your child would need. You are right, children should not be brought in to the world if they're not wanted. My best friend never wanted children but she is the best auntie ever to her four nephews. I thought long and hard about it and decided it wouldn't be in the interests of my potential children. My dad told me about a year ago that it's not too late. I resisted the urge to say "damn". I don't have any nieces or nephews - and if I did, in all likelihood, as my family are in Australia, I'd be the random name who sends them stuff for birthday and Christmas. And even when it is too late biologically and you've changed your mind, there are the adoption and fostering routes. Proving my point, us silly little girls never know our own minds do we? "Wow, any need for that? People can and do change their minds. Our situations and mindsets present differnt opportunities. All I'm saying is, plenty of people decide to foster or adopt when in their late 40s or 50s. | |||
"I haven't, and I doubt I will. I don't think I'd be the kind of parent my child would need. Aww that is kind of sad. You could not be any worse than the mum we had. Do you not have any maternal instincts? Why is it sad? I think the worst thing in the world is bringing children into the world when they're not wanted and won't be cherished. Children deserve that. I've never longed for a child, and have been confused about why people hand me (and not, say, my brother) babies since I was old enough to be trusted holding a baby. To the extent I have feelings which might overlap with maternal instincts, I put them into altruistic work, solving needs that already exist. Sorry I don't mean sad as in saddo I felt sad reading it that you don't think you'd be the kind of parent your child would need. You are right, children should not be brought in to the world if they're not wanted. My best friend never wanted children but she is the best auntie ever to her four nephews. I thought long and hard about it and decided it wouldn't be in the interests of my potential children. My dad told me about a year ago that it's not too late. I resisted the urge to say "damn". I don't have any nieces or nephews - and if I did, in all likelihood, as my family are in Australia, I'd be the random name who sends them stuff for birthday and Christmas. And even when it is too late biologically and you've changed your mind, there are the adoption and fostering routes. Proving my point, us silly little girls never know our own minds do we?
Wow, any need for that? People can and do change their minds. Our situations and mindsets present differnt opportunities. All I'm saying is, plenty of people decide to foster or adopt when in their late 40s or 50s.
"No, you said "when you change your mind". I've explained in reasonable depth how I've thought about it, why it's not for me, how I otherwise do good in the world. And you, a stranger, inform me that I will change my mind one day. I will not. And assuming that a stranger will is the height of rudeness. When is a woman old enough to know what she wants and stop being told that she'll change her mind? Death? | |||
"I haven't, and I doubt I will. I don't think I'd be the kind of parent my child would need. Aww that is kind of sad. You could not be any worse than the mum we had. Do you not have any maternal instincts? Why is it sad? I think the worst thing in the world is bringing children into the world when they're not wanted and won't be cherished. Children deserve that. I've never longed for a child, and have been confused about why people hand me (and not, say, my brother) babies since I was old enough to be trusted holding a baby. To the extent I have feelings which might overlap with maternal instincts, I put them into altruistic work, solving needs that already exist. Sorry I don't mean sad as in saddo I felt sad reading it that you don't think you'd be the kind of parent your child would need. You are right, children should not be brought in to the world if they're not wanted. My best friend never wanted children but she is the best auntie ever to her four nephews. I thought long and hard about it and decided it wouldn't be in the interests of my potential children. My dad told me about a year ago that it's not too late. I resisted the urge to say "damn". I don't have any nieces or nephews - and if I did, in all likelihood, as my family are in Australia, I'd be the random name who sends them stuff for birthday and Christmas. And even when it is too late biologically and you've changed your mind, there are the adoption and fostering routes. Proving my point, us silly little girls never know our own minds do we?
Wow, any need for that? People can and do change their minds. Our situations and mindsets present differnt opportunities. All I'm saying is, plenty of people decide to foster or adopt when in their late 40s or 50s.
No, you said "when you change your mind".
I've explained in reasonable depth how I've thought about it, why it's not for me, how I otherwise do good in the world.
And you, a stranger, inform me that I will change my mind one day.
I will not. And assuming that a stranger will is the height of rudeness.
When is a woman old enough to know what she wants and stop being told that she'll change her mind? Death?"Wow apologies big time. IF IF IF not when. I'm not being malevolent here, all I'm saying is it's never too late. There are plenty of children waiting to be fostered or adopted. For the record, as I've already said my best friend of 30 years chose to not have children. She's not a silly girl who doesn't know her mind. It's her choice but I've never heard her say she'd not be the parent her child would need. I'm sorry I was taken aback by your comment and felt sad. I really wish I'd never replied to you. You've got me all wrong. | |||
| |||
| |||
"I was 26. And I think it was a good age. I had been with my partner 8 years. I have friends who are in their 50s with children younger than my little one and they are incredible parents. I think yes, as long as you are absolutely certain you want to have a child age really isn't that important but you do have to consider there comes a certain point where it might not be as easy due to mobility, energy and then not only being part of their life for such a short time and is that an ideal situation? I don't think so. " | |||
And I'm enjoying getting my life back now  | |||
" Wow apologies big time. IF IF IF not when. I'm not being malevolent here, all I'm saying is it's never too late. There are plenty of children waiting to be fostered or adopted. For the record, as I've already said my best friend of 30 years chose to not have children. She's not a silly girl who doesn't know her mind. It's her choice but I've never heard her say she'd not be the parent her child would need. I'm sorry I was taken aback by your comment and felt sad. I really wish I'd never replied to you. You've got me all wrong. " I don't want your pity and I don't want the thousandth iteration of "it's not too late/ fostering/ adoption". You might not realise that women hear this a lot, but they do. I know my own mind. I know what I want and what I don't. I am able to make decisions about all areas of my life, including what happens to my uterus. You might mean well, but it's better to not go there. Some women are holding back the pain of infertility (not me). Some women might be in bad circumstances where bringing a child into the world would be bad for everyone (not me). Some women have genetic problems that they don't want their children to have (it's part of my decision making). And some women just don't want to. And that's just as valid. | |||
"I haven't, and I doubt I will. I don't think I'd be the kind of parent my child would need. Aww that is kind of sad. You could not be any worse than the mum we had. Do you not have any maternal instincts? Why is it sad? I think the worst thing in the world is bringing children into the world when they're not wanted and won't be cherished. Children deserve that. I've never longed for a child, and have been confused about why people hand me (and not, say, my brother) babies since I was old enough to be trusted holding a baby. To the extent I have feelings which might overlap with maternal instincts, I put them into altruistic work, solving needs that already exist. Sorry I don't mean sad as in saddo I felt sad reading it that you don't think you'd be the kind of parent your child would need. You are right, children should not be brought in to the world if they're not wanted. My best friend never wanted children but she is the best auntie ever to her four nephews. I thought long and hard about it and decided it wouldn't be in the interests of my potential children. My dad told me about a year ago that it's not too late. I resisted the urge to say "damn". I don't have any nieces or nephews - and if I did, in all likelihood, as my family are in Australia, I'd be the random name who sends them stuff for birthday and Christmas. And even when it is too late biologically and you've changed your mind, there are the adoption and fostering routes. Proving my point, us silly little girls never know our own minds do we?
Wow, any need for that? People can and do change their minds. Our situations and mindsets present differnt opportunities. All I'm saying is, plenty of people decide to foster or adopt when in their late 40s or 50s.
No, you said "when you change your mind".
I've explained in reasonable depth how I've thought about it, why it's not for me, how I otherwise do good in the world.
And you, a stranger, inform me that I will change my mind one day.
I will not. And assuming that a stranger will is the height of rudeness.
When is a woman old enough to know what she wants and stop being told that she'll change her mind? Death?"I hear you! Even in my mid 50s, I'm still regularly told my my aunt (by marriage) that I'm not too old to have children and complete my life... This woman, who until she met my uncle, kept breeding to get benefits and leech off the state, and then bled my uncle dry to the point that his own children no longer have any inheritance as her children have taken every penny he owned. But I digress... We know our own minds, and what completes our lives. And a decision not to have children is as valid as that conscious decision to become a parent, and anyone who tries to tell us we're wrong, can go f#ck themselves! | |||
| |||
| |||
" Wow, any need for that? People can and do change their minds. Our situations and mindsets present differnt opportunities. All I'm saying is, plenty of people decide to foster or adopt when in their late 40s or 50s. " There was need for it because you worded things in a very patronising fashion, but if you didn't mean it in that way (judging by the backtracking) then all in the garden is rosy | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"There is never a right or wrong time. I was in my 30's, quite late by a lot of people's standards. It depends when you meet the 'right' person who in my case turned out to be the wrong one!!" I think everyone has the potential to be the wrong one. You just never know  | |||
| |||
"I wouldn’t consider becoming a parent until I’m a grownup myself " | |||
"There is never a right or wrong time. I was in my 30's, quite late by a lot of people's standards. It depends when you meet the 'right' person who in my case turned out to be the wrong one!!" That was exactly my situation too! I've given up any sort of hope of meeting the "right" person. I'd rather just rely on myself | |||
Saw a post on social media the other day which I showed my girls,
It said 'remember it's your mums first time at life too'
It really hit me - we think as parents we should have all the answers but we're just living this life as first timers too.
Each day is a new experience- embrace it
S xxx | |||
| |||
"First daughter in 2007 Second daughter in 2008 There is 10 months between them.as our second daughter was premature - thankfully all ok though
Saw a post on social media the other day which I showed my girls,
It said 'remember it's your mums first time at life too'
It really hit me - we think as parents we should have all the answers but we're just living this life as first timers too.
Each day is a new experience- embrace it
S xxx" | |||
"I wouldn’t consider becoming a parent until I’m a grownup myself "There's still time. | |||
"This is a philosophical question as well as a practical one I guess. I was speaking at length to an old friend of my mum & dad's. He's in his late 80s now and he told me that he regrets not having children even though the chance arose with the right relationships several times when he was younger. For me, at this point I'm 50/50 as to whether I want to be a dad myself..& I realise I'm leaving it late in the day.. What are your thoughts?" You’re too old mate | |||
"This is a philosophical question as well as a practical one I guess. I was speaking at length to an old friend of my mum & dad's. He's in his late 80s now and he told me that he regrets not having children even though the chance arose with the right relationships several times when he was younger. For me, at this point I'm 50/50 as to whether I want to be a dad myself..& I realise I'm leaving it late in the day.. What are your thoughts? You’re too old mate "That's my initial thought.. When did you become a dad rex? Or have you not?.. | |||
| |||
"This is a philosophical question as well as a practical one I guess. I was speaking at length to an old friend of my mum & dad's. He's in his late 80s now and he told me that he regrets not having children even though the chance arose with the right relationships several times when he was younger. For me, at this point I'm 50/50 as to whether I want to be a dad myself..& I realise I'm leaving it late in the day.. What are your thoughts? You’re too old mate
That's my initial thought..
When did you become a dad rex?
Or have you not?..
"I was 40 and this I feel is the cut off point from my experience. I’m just about old ‘young’ enough to enjoy everything a young child needs to fulfill their ‘growing’ experiences There’s days when I’m absolutely fucked | |||
| |||
"For context, my Dad was 47 when I was born. He was an active father, insofar as he was able bodied and joined in with physical activities with us (a lot) but my parents divorced when I was 3 or 4 and so he was also very absent a lot of the time (not entirely his fault, as I have grown to understand). What being a much older father has resulted in, is me being so much younger at the point where he is now in need of care. He has dementia now. He's nearly 85 and I am 38. I have a primary school aged child and a FT job but also now am my Dad's PoA, next of kin and primary carer. I run two households. It's killing me to keep up. My colleagues in similar situations are 20yrs my senior and have at least jettisoned the school aged child responsibility. It's not easy for them either. " I've thought that perhaps by the time I'm very old that technology could provide help. I joked with my mum when she was alive that I'd get a robot when the time came that I needed lots of assistance.. | |||
| |||
| |||
Either do it, or don't OP. You know yourself way more than we know your circumstances. | |||
| |||
| |||
"Had my first 2 weeks before I turned 20 and my second 3 weeks before I turned 30" Your 40th is gonna be big. Twins | |||
| |||
"Had my first 2 weeks before I turned 20 and my second 3 weeks before I turned 30 Your 40th is gonna be big. Twins "No thank you | |||
"Had my first 2 weeks before I turned 20 and my second 3 weeks before I turned 30 Your 40th is gonna be big. Twins
No thank you "I warned you | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"I was 23 and I realised I had never felt love before until I felt the love I had for my own children. They made me less selfish, they gave me something to fight for , they gave me so much joy. Given my time over again though, I don't think I would have children for many many reasons. " Do you mind me asking what some of those reasons are? | |||
"I was 23 and I realised I had never felt love before until I felt the love I had for my own children. They made me less selfish, they gave me something to fight for , they gave me so much joy. Given my time over again though, I don't think I would have children for many many reasons. " I feel I need to hug you x | |||
"I think a lot later on in life will regret not having children(if they're lucky enough to have that opportunity). They may disagree now with me but I've never spoken to old person whose not regretted it. It's different for men and women OP but my neighbour had a child at 60. He's the youngest 80 year old I know " Have you got the lottery numbers too? | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"I was 28, 30 and 33 when mine were born. I always knew I wanted children and felt the time was right to have them. They are hard work and my own sense of self has practically disappeared. If people say they don't want children I totally understand that. It's very hard to not be believed and questioned. It was only when I had my third that people generally stopped asking if I was having more. And even then some still did. My sister in law has been refused sterilisation as doctors think she might want more than the one she has. Decisions should be respected. It's a major life decision, and one you can't back out of afterwards. As for fearing loneliness in old age, how many adult children hardly speak to their elderly parents? There's no guarantee you'll even get on with them as people. You can choose your friends but not your relatives after all. " This. Adult children usually get busy with their own lives and families, so their own parents come bottom of the pile | |||
"I think a lot later on in life will regret not having children(if they're lucky enough to have that opportunity). They may disagree now with me but I've never spoken to old person whose not regretted it. It's different for men and women OP but my neighbour had a child at 60. He's the youngest 80 year old I know Have you got the lottery numbers too? "06 28 30 40 53 58 Bonus ball 13 | |||
| |||
"I've never had children. When I was younger I thought I would but I've never wanted to be a single mum and I was never in a relationship where it was good enough for me to want to have a child with that person. Even though a long-term partner did ask me to get pregnant. Thank goodness I didn't as he would have just fecked off. When I got to my 40s I realised it would not happen and I don't regret that at all.In fact considering my family medical history I'm glad I didn't. I've never felt a massive maternal rush to have children I know if I had them at some stage they would have been loved deeply and cared for. But it just didn't happen and I don't regret that. I don't believe being worried about who will look after me when I get older is a reason to have children and in fact I think it's a horrible reason to decide to. Your children should not be expected to be your carers yes if they decide to then that's fine,but to just expect it is out of line. They have they own lives to live. Like I said I do not regret not having children and I won't regret it. Like others people have said the attitude that all women need to have a child to feel complete is wrong and outdated. " | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"I've never had children. When I was younger I thought I would but I've never wanted to be a single mum and I was never in a relationship where it was good enough for me to want to have a child with that person. Even though a long-term partner did ask me to get pregnant. Thank goodness I didn't as he would have just fecked off. When I got to my 40s I realised it would not happen and I don't regret that at all.In fact considering my family medical history I'm glad I didn't. I've never felt a massive maternal rush to have children I know if I had them at some stage they would have been loved deeply and cared for. But it just didn't happen and I don't regret that. I don't believe being worried about who will look after me when I get older is a reason to have children and in fact I think it's a horrible reason to decide to. Your children should not be expected to be your carers yes if they decide to then that's fine,but to just expect it is out of line. They have they own lives to live. Like I said I do not regret not having children and I won't regret it. Like others people have said the attitude that all women need to have a child to feel complete is wrong and outdated. " | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"Not having children. Did want them, but now I don’t. Don’t like the way things are going in this world. " This plays on my mind. The future isn't looking excellent for my grandkids, and as one is looking to likely always require some form of support as an adult. There's that worry now too | |||
"This is a philosophical question as well as a practical one I guess. I was speaking at length to an old friend of my mum & dad's. He's in his late 80s now and he told me that he regrets not having children even though the chance arose with the right relationships several times when he was younger. For me, at this point I'm 50/50 as to whether I want to be a dad myself..& I realise I'm leaving it late in the day.. What are your thoughts?" I would definitely wait until you are 100% sure you want as I think it would be so unfair on the child if the father didn’t want anything to do with the child after there being here as they say kids don’t ask to be born but there the ones that always suffer for the parents decisions | |||
"This is a philosophical question as well as a practical one I guess. I was speaking at length to an old friend of my mum & dad's. He's in his late 80s now and he told me that he regrets not having children even though the chance arose with the right relationships several times when he was younger. For me, at this point I'm 50/50 as to whether I want to be a dad myself..& I realise I'm leaving it late in the day.. What are your thoughts? I would definitely wait until you are 100% sure you want as I think it would be so unfair on the child if the father didn’t want anything to do with the child after there being here as they say kids don’t ask to be born but there the ones that always suffer for the parents decisions " I was overwanted by my father if that makes sense.. Some of my earliest memories are of him taking me everywhere with him. | |||
| |||
"Not having children. Did want them, but now I don’t. Don’t like the way things are going in this world. This plays on my mind. The future isn't looking excellent for my grandkids, and as one is looking to likely always require some form of support as an adult. There's that worry now too " I feel for you, it's a worry for me too. Especially as there's so little family left for my kids. I worry how they'd cope without me all the time. One of my daughters will likely need support throughout her life. | |||
| |||
"I'm 39 and childless. I fear the child ship has sailed for me though. It's sad. I've always wanted daughters and I think (and have been told by many people) that I'd be a great dad. " I get told that too. It's only in the last year or 2 that the seed of curiosity has been planted.. | |||
"I'm 39 and childless. I fear the child ship has sailed for me though. It's sad. I've always wanted daughters and I think (and have been told by many people) that I'd be a great dad. I get told that too. It's only in the last year or 2 that the seed of curiosity has been planted.." Out of curiosity how do you think you'd go about it OP? Fostering, adoption, a sperm donor for close friends, or the conventional couples route? Just because the latter is much harder to find really? As in meeting a prospective partner, being aligned on both wanting kids, and compatibility around ideas how to raise them | |||
| |||
"I'm 39 and childless. I fear the child ship has sailed for me though. It's sad. I've always wanted daughters and I think (and have been told by many people) that I'd be a great dad. I get told that too. It's only in the last year or 2 that the seed of curiosity has been planted.. Out of curiosity how do you think you'd go about it OP? Fostering, adoption, a sperm donor for close friends, or the conventional couples route? Just because the latter is much harder to find really? As in meeting a prospective partner, being aligned on both wanting kids, and compatibility around ideas how to raise them" I've always liked the idea of adoption. But not sure on any of the other answers to the other questions. A good friend of mine recently became a first time father at 49, so he's older than me. He and his partner have been together for ages though. At least the 15 years or so I've known them. | |||
"Mr here! I wouldn't wish kids on my worst enemy! Absolutely nothing in it for a guy. Avoid like the plague and stay happy! " Noted | |||
| |||
"This is a philosophical question as well as a practical one I guess. I was speaking at length to an old friend of my mum & dad's. He's in his late 80s now and he told me that he regrets not having children even though the chance arose with the right relationships several times when he was younger. For me, at this point I'm 50/50 as to whether I want to be a dad myself..& I realise I'm leaving it late in the day.. What are your thoughts? I would definitely wait until you are 100% sure you want as I think it would be so unfair on the child if the father didn’t want anything to do with the child after there being here as they say kids don’t ask to be born but there the ones that always suffer for the parents decisions I was overwanted by my father if that makes sense.. Some of my earliest memories are of him taking me everywhere with him." | |||
| |||
"Notice how the blokes who don't want children haven't been dictated too "That's because no one cares what men think. | |||
"I'm 39 and childless. I fear the child ship has sailed for me though. It's sad. I've always wanted daughters and I think (and have been told by many people) that I'd be a great dad. I get told that too. It's only in the last year or 2 that the seed of curiosity has been planted.. Out of curiosity how do you think you'd go about it OP? Fostering, adoption, a sperm donor for close friends, or the conventional couples route? Just because the latter is much harder to find really? As in meeting a prospective partner, being aligned on both wanting kids, and compatibility around ideas how to raise them I've always liked the idea of adoption. But not sure on any of the other answers to the other questions. A good friend of mine recently became a first time father at 49, so he's older than me. He and his partner have been together for ages though. At least the 15 years or so I've known them. " I'm an adoptee, my folks were 40 & 42 at the point of my arrival. Depends on what age group you'd be seeking though. Older kids are often easier to foster/adopt, babies are like gold dust. Or were back in my day. Fostering teens and so forth is extremely do able though if that might interest you. Maybe look into it. You could always sign up for emergency placements once you jump through the hoops. Extremely hard work, but so worthwhile (in theory) | |||
"Notice how the blokes who don't want children haven't been dictated too
That's because no one cares what men think."Or because menfolk tend not to have the assumed working parts to carry the babbies? | |||
"Notice how the blokes who don't want children haven't been dictated too
That's because no one cares what men think."They should! | |||
"Notice how the blokes who don't want children haven't been dictated too
That's because no one cares what men think.
Or because menfolk tend not to have the assumed working parts to carry the babbies? "Babbies hahaha | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"I always thought I wanted them. I always thought I'd be a mother. It was always supposed to be part of 'the plan' (which never really came off the way I thought it would - does it ever?!). Then, when I was married, it was when I started to figure out the marriage wasn't right, as I realised I didn't want to bring a kid into the world with him as a father. (And it was meant to be part of our relationship) Now, at the age of 44, I've realised I do not want them. I don't think I'd be a good mother, I can't still only just about look after myself (some days even that is questionable!). I know if I were to have a child, it would probably give me a damn good kick up the butt and I'd be fine, but I'd be worried my mental health would enable me to screw up a kid even worse than I am screwed up. Some of the experiences I've had I wouldn't wish know anyone else. I'm worried something like that would happen to them. And I don't like where the world seems to be headed. I don't think it's a great environment in which to propagate the species. There seems plenty of people who are having kids, so the human race will continue, but my line finishes here. I feel kind of sad my parents (who were 36 (Mum) and 33 when they had me) won't be grandparents, cos they would have been awesome. My grandparents are all long dead, as they too were older parents, especially for their day. I do try to be very careful not to ask women I know about them having children, as you never know what their situations are. But I'm always joyful for those who tell me that they are pregnant, and like to share their happiness." | |||
 | |||
| |||
"I'm 39 and childless. I fear the child ship has sailed for me though. It's sad. I've always wanted daughters and I think (and have been told by many people) that I'd be a great dad. " It's never really too late for men, your clock doesn't tick like ours. One of my friends just had a baby and got married, and he's just turned 50. | |||
