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Need a woman’s advice
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Hey ladies, I need some advice. Me n the gf used to have sex all the time until our son was born who’s coming upto 5 years old! We both have kids from different partners but since our son was born we have only had sex about 20 times in 4 n half years havnt even had sex this year I keep trying but she’s not bothered it’s like she has no sex drive at all what can I do? Private message me please with what I should do am tired of wanking and using fleshlight |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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Try sitting down and talking to her about it. Have an open, honest and frank conversation about it. Then you'll know where you stand and can then go forward from there. Good luck dude. Hope it turns out ok for you both. |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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"I have tried a few times she says she will be more involved but never happens it’s like she has no sex drive at all "
Maybe couples counselling is an option. Honesty is the key. Can't really offer up any other advise. |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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Only person that can answer this is your wife suspect sitting and talking with her
also some questions to ask yourself
Is she a stay it home mom left with kid all day and house work that can be very stressful in its self maybe she’s just can’t be bothered with it
Or dose she work and also house work and look after the kid
Do you help around the house on days off / when getting home from work
Do you say to her look it’s my day off I going to drop kid off at school then do all the house work and pick him back up
Or are you the person that like yip it’s my day off i Geting a long lay in you drop the kid off
Sat infornt off the tv or whatever all day
Not saying you don’t just question as these are things only your wife can answer
Ask her if she feels you need to step up more and help
Maybe she’s not feeling sexy at all after the baby ie made plans in her head to get the baby wight off but it never happened and she’s not feeling it at all
You harping on about sex can’t be helping ither if she’s feeling like that
Again only question your wife can answer
Here is a suggestion to see if it helps things
Do you have bother or sister or mum / dad or her mom / dad
Go to them and ask them to temporarily borrow money all will be revealed why
Go to the likes off red letter day or something
And book a spa day for 2 her and her friends or who ever she want to take
It’s a voucher that can be used at anytime within a year
Tell her that on her day off choosing one day your off or you take a holiday for it
You will look after the kids / do the house work and send her away for a lovely day break away
See if that improves things but please don’t jump straight I want sex bl bl bl let it come naturally as if you do she be thinking ooo that’s what that day was
That will tell you if she’s just stuck in a rut down on life with the house work and kids and things and maybe from time to time she needs some her time
Pay who ever Oderd the day away ones you gifted her then that why it’s special she wouldn’t have noticed the money going out the bank or email or anything
If things don’t perk up
Same as above with borrowing so she doesn’t know
Do you have someone who kid stay with over night
Maybe book a hotel night away dosent need to be far could be 10 minutes down the road
But it’s a time away from home life and such
Book a restaurant
And make a story up that ooo my mum wanted to take kid for a hour or two to go do something
Before she home from work or before you get home from work
Go check in to hotel check in time is after 3 mostly
And set some fair light and what not in the hotel room can get ones that look like candles sorry candles can’t be done due to need to be left un adened
Lay a card on the bed with a note telling her how much she means to you and all this
Wait for her to come home from work / you comeing home
And then wisk her away to dinner then back to the hotel room with the lovely dimed light and all that the card flowers and note
Don’t pressure for sex again just tell her you thought she need a little brake
And see whare the night takes you |
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Deffo gonna have another sit down with her plus her birthday is in next few weeks so will make it a special 1 she’s turning 47 could be start of menopause. But doesn’t explain last 5 years but your right think I could do more around the house I do the schools runs every day and cook a few times a week but I suffer with obstructive sleep apnea so tired a lot of the time |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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"Deffo gonna have another sit down with her plus her birthday is in next few weeks so will make it a special 1 she’s turning 47 could be start of menopause. But doesn’t explain last 5 years but your right think I could do more around the house I do the schools runs every day and cook a few times a week but I suffer with obstructive sleep apnea so tired a lot of the time "
Definitely talk to her as for birthday yes make it nice but your treading in to the it’s her birthday category you done it because it’s her birthday
What I am suggesting is doing it out off knowhare for no special reason other than you love her it’s for her not because it’s her birthday that’s a big big mistake that a lot fall in to they do something nice and land it on a birthday a Christmas anniversary or such it lessons the impact off it in they mind as it was done for sed occasions
Doing it out off knowwhare with nothing attached to it says your doing it for them and them only
Not meaning to nit pick here but your contdicking yourself a bit here on one hand you say you suffer from I suffer with obstructive sleep apnea so tired a lot
But on the other hand not tired anuff that you don’t want sex
How about that energy you would use for sex is put in to maybe doing the hovering or dusting or washing the dishes some nights or days |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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Why a woman’s advice? Men have a lot more in common than you, we could probably relate to you and know some stuff. Haha.
If you want a woman’s advice, ask your gf! Just an idea. |
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Makes sense about doing it randomly and not for her birthday, she doesn’t even sleep in bed with me she sleeps on the sofa downstairs, I keep trying to get her to sleep in the bed. But we are busy all the time and having a 18 year old with attitude and lazy we seems to be stressed out all the time but as for gf sleeping on the couch and not coming to bed how can I change that no cuddles and hardly any kisses I feel like she doesn’t love me anymore and we are together for sake of the kids |
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By *iss.ddWoman 41 weeks ago
Leeds + Newcastle |
All I'm seeing is woe is me. Have you thought she might be having a hard time in herself?
Maybe she feels undervalued and you're always hassling her for sex and affection. No one feels like sexy time if it feels like a chore or you perceive you're only being used for one thing. |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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"Is there anything you think you might be doing wrong to cause this situation?
Not saying you are but it might give you a different perspective "
People have intuition, and it not necessarily doing anything wrong.
You’ve got a point, if I was with someone, and they were acting different or not wanting to enjoy something they used to with me, I’d know something is wrong. It could be me, or she’s getting dick somewhere else. …, sorry, but could be an option.
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As a woman lol, my first question is did she have an ok birth? Sometimes something happens during child birth and can affect sex and she maybe too embarrassed to seek help.
My 2nd question is does she know you are here? I know we all have our reasons but maybe she might think if she does know and just isn't interested in sex "oh they are getting it elsewhere, thank god I can just go about my day". The simple fact of the matter is she might just not like sex anymore and given you say she is 47 soon, in terms of having a 5 year old at that age, that's quite late really, with having a young son, demands if life, it sounds like sex is the last thing she is thinking about. |
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By *mmaleiaWoman 41 weeks ago
Trowbridge |
Sounds more like exhaustion mixed in with peri menopause, best thing right now is for you to be supportive, help around the house, do chores, offer her foot massages without expecting anything else, get comfortable in each other presence again, as a woman, you lose your identity a bit having children, as you just concentrate on them & lose focus of what’s around you, or are just too tired to care.
Bringing the subject up of menopause is touchy, be subtle about it, it’s a waiting game now but you must put the effort in or you’ll drift apart, ask her how you can help & what you can do for her & your child, if she’s tired all the time maybe suggest she goto the dr for a blood test to check her iron levels, which may lead on to menopause check?
Good luck OP, this isn’t going to be a quick fix |
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The sleeping on the couch part is significant.
Sleeping next to someone is, in some ways, more intimate than sex.
Also...why is she sleeping on the couch and not you?
Surely it's more uncomfortable for her - have you ever offered to swap? Chivalrous like? |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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Does she know you're on here? Do you want sex or affection? They are different things.
If she doesn't know, or you think she doesn't know, she may suspect. And believe me, that does not make you want to have sex with that person.
Having been someone who is trying to work, raise kids and has a partner that fucks about, yeah, doesn't make you want sex.
I'd forget the sex for now and concentrate on showing her affection without expecting it to lead anywhere.
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By *TG3Man 41 weeks ago
Dorchester |
"O.P.
I am so sorry for you. I am so so so sorry. I feel the hell you are going through right now and hope she gets her fanny out soon.
Your poor arm x
Bless you"
Thank you Granny kind words  |
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"Deffo gonna have another sit down with her plus her birthday is in next few weeks so will make it a special 1 she’s turning 47 could be start of menopause. But doesn’t explain last 5 years but your right think I could do more around the house I do the schools runs every day and cook a few times a week but I suffer with obstructive sleep apnea so tired a lot of the time "
I’ve been married twice and currently on my third. I personally found that my exes went into mum mode and switched mentally to the kids. This is a time for patience and understanding, I know us guys don’t understand and generally think with our dicks. But, mothers are what they are. I found putting pressure on them for any sexual activity, just made them turn a bit bitter. I separated from them for other reasons . Sex had no bearing on the situation. Take care buddy. |
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OP Assuming that the problem is with her is probably 99% of the problem.
Just try being a dad and a partner support and love her stop thinking about you.
Delete your profile and concentrate on love. if you are unable to delete this profile then I suggest that you have bigger problems.
A relationship is something you need to work at. |
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Do you help out with the child and around the house. I know when I had kids my ex did hardly anything and I was expected to do everything so last thing I wanted was to have sex with him. Do you make her feel appreciated. Sometimes you have to make that extra effort outside of the bedroom first |
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Just for everyone's info and amusement , at one point in our marriage with a man I LOVED with every ounce of me and he LOVED me .....
I would creep upstairs like a fookin' cat burglar, undress in silence on the landing, put my arse on the edge of the bed like it was a ming vase and slide sideways into bed like a featherweight envelope......
The last thing I wanted to do after a 17 hour shift with kids, house, dog , debts , school , shopping and cooking was fucking overtime with a massive horn .. |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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Women's sexual desire is responsive not spontaneous. Meaning women often will not feel.like sex until physical affection starts .... but here's the kicker if she feels.pressured to have sex she will back off.
And so it starts in the little things you do all day to make her feel loved and appreciated and safe emotionally. The way you talk to her, the way you do loving everyday things.
Doing your fair share of the household and childcare chores because you should as a partner and not because you want sex.
Does she know about you being on here and that you are bi? Or does she suspect? Because honestly that might be a contributing factor. If she knows she won't trust you or feel emotionally safe or want sex.
Finally menopause effects women differently and no every woman has low libido during menopause. But a woman who is knackered looking after kids and feel emotionally unsafe and can't trust her partner will have zero sex drive. |
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There could be a multitude of things, but ultimately, only SHE can tell you what is going on.
Could be stress, could be hormones, could be contributing factors such as your relationship or what's going on in your lives, could be a simple dip in libido...she is 47 after all!
Why is she sleeping on the sofa? I wonder if that could be your sleep apnea adding to her exhaustion, or do you perhaps unknowingly only go in for kisses and cuddles when you want sex and she has developed an aversion to this? My Hubby got into this habit at some point (he's not a cuddly sort of person but I am!). We were going through a rough patch and he wasn't pulling his weight around the house or with the kids. I felt like a single Mum with 3 dependants instead of 2 (one of whom has severe disabilities), and when Hubby was only showing affection when he wanted sex, I no longer wanted his affection.
I saw sex as just yet another thing someone else wanted from me and I was friggin' exhausted. |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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Sometimes women just cant be arsed, alot go through phases, me personally right now have no sex drive whatsoever but im single so have no need to put out for my partner, plus every woman is different hormones and all that, sorry i dont have any real advice |
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"Hey ladies, I need some advice. Me n the gf used to have sex all the time until our son was born who’s coming upto 5 years old! We both have kids from different partners but since our son was born we have only had sex about 20 times in 4 n half years havnt even had sex this year I keep trying but she’s not bothered it’s like she has no sex drive at all what can I do? Private message me please with what I should do am tired of wanking and using fleshlight "
Wife it gf? Conflicting info. Do you do anything to make her feel special or different you just jump straight on in?
Do you do anything to help her with the daily work of looking after the house and child?
I haven't read all of the thread and of course there are things she could do if she feels there is a problem. It may just be she doesn't enjoy sex at the moment. People go through phases and part of a relationship is learning to adapt to those and your love for them should not be conditional based on how many times you have sex.
You're on here looking to cheat on her. Perhaps she knows but doesn't want to rock the boat as there is a young child to consider.
Evie |
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Well you've been on here at least 7 years op, so maybe she has some idea what you're up to on the sly.
Only she can tell you why she's not interested in sex anymore, have a frank conversation and see if there's any compromises you can both come to.
As someone else suggested counselling may also be useful to you both. Maybe delete your profile and use you're energy to rekindle a spark in the relationship you've got. |
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It’s got to the point now where she sleeps downstairs and me upstairs with the mask on plus the youngest and middle children out of 5 1 has autism and the other has adhd we both tired and exhausted I have a sex drive but she doesn’t |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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Hi again OP. Lots of chat seems to pander to her and places fault at your feet. Which i think is unfair. There are two people in the relationship. Responsibility and accountability lies with both you and your partner. With that in mind. If you have been the one trying to resolve or even trying to find what the problem is all this time. Then, for me, there is a limit on things like this. Children being involved complicates things but ultimately if you are both unhappy in whatever way, the children will pick up on it and it will ultimately affect them too. So you need it sorted. It's been 5 yrs. How long are you prepared to put up with this? Life is short. Time is the most precious thing we have in life. How much time are you prepared to waste? So, suggest a pretty frank conversation. If your partner can't or is unable to resolve conflict, for want of better word, then a healthy relationship is impossible. Problems need resolved or they just pile up over time to the point that there's too much to sort out and too much time has passed. For me personally, it's a case of, lets resolve this now or it's time to part ways.
Again, i wish you luck OP. |
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She knows I’m bi bi curious I do my park as a dad some days I’m off due to obstructive sleep apnea but I do my part 7 days a week if I didn’t try it wouldn’t be 20 times over last 5 years it would be 0 she isn’t bothered about sex at all how would you feel with them numbers unloved? |
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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OP, is this like self help? Some form of therapy, putting a stream of consciousness down in a thread.
Get off Fab and go to sleep.
In the morning, sit down with your partner and talk to her.
Get counselling. |
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By *bony22Woman 41 weeks ago
Sheffield |
The fact that you are even here with her not even aware is a red flag ??. I am going to say it .. You are just together for kids or convenience.I dont know if things could be rekindled between you two .. I just think you should move on .. It sounds to me like its more than just sex . You both have major problems .. Its a 2 way thing .You wont do therapy? You say you are too tired to do stuff because you have a health condition ??.. Thats questionable?? Anyway ..Life is too short .. I would just move on .. You are both not willing to put in the work ..why would you let your woman sleep on a couch ??? ?????????? |
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I d just like to jump in an ask a question. If your always tired because of you health condition (and what I’m about to say I m not judging) surely you having ten extra showers a day by pissing all over yourself no?
I mean that’s at least ten minutes there if wasted energy you could use to be making your woman feel good.  |
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"Hi again OP. Lots of chat seems to pander to her and places fault at your feet. Which i think is unfair. There are two people in the relationship. Responsibility and accountability lies with both you and your partner. With that in mind. If you have been the one trying to resolve or even trying to find what the problem is all this time. Then, for me, there is a limit on things like this. Children being involved complicates things but ultimately if you are both unhappy in whatever way, the children will pick up on it and it will ultimately affect them too. So you need it sorted. It's been 5 yrs. How long are you prepared to put up with this? Life is short. Time is the most precious thing we have in life. How much time are you prepared to waste? So, suggest a pretty frank conversation. If your partner can't or is unable to resolve conflict, for want of better word, then a healthy relationship is impossible. Problems need resolved or they just pile up over time to the point that there's too much to sort out and too much time has passed. For me personally, it's a case of, lets resolve this now or it's time to part ways.
Again, i wish you luck OP. "
Part ways if he doesn't get sex ?
He'll definitely get sex if he leaves his family yeah ?
I think maybe we can consider leaving our families if they are standing on our windpipe but i'm not sure that sex should be the be all and end all of an entire relationship.
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By (user no longer on site) 41 weeks ago
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"Hi again OP. Lots of chat seems to pander to her and places fault at your feet. Which i think is unfair. There are two people in the relationship. Responsibility and accountability lies with both you and your partner. With that in mind. If you have been the one trying to resolve or even trying to find what the problem is all this time. Then, for me, there is a limit on things like this. Children being involved complicates things but ultimately if you are both unhappy in whatever way, the children will pick up on it and it will ultimately affect them too. So you need it sorted. It's been 5 yrs. How long are you prepared to put up with this? Life is short. Time is the most precious thing we have in life. How much time are you prepared to waste? So, suggest a pretty frank conversation. If your partner can't or is unable to resolve conflict, for want of better word, then a healthy relationship is impossible. Problems need resolved or they just pile up over time to the point that there's too much to sort out and too much time has passed. For me personally, it's a case of, lets resolve this now or it's time to part ways.
Again, i wish you luck OP.
Part ways if he doesn't get sex ?
He'll definitely get sex if he leaves his family yeah ?
I think maybe we can consider leaving our families if they are standing on our windpipe but i'm not sure that sex should be the be all and end all of an entire relationship.
"
Many think and feel that love is unconditional. It's not. It's conditional for many reasons. |
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A few reasons I can think of…
She’s probably absolutely knackered from sleeping on the sofa.
She’s probably absolutely knackered looking after the kids.
Those reasons alone would be enough for me to prefer sleep or rest to sex.
She is probably aware that you’re on Fab on the sly.
If you are frequently pestering her or expecting sex, she won’t want it.
I would suggest getting off Fab, talking to her about what she needs, what you could do to help, is she happy in the relationship. Re-assess after that. |
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