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Do narcissists end any relationships themselves?
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By *hagTonight OP Man 31 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
I was reading an interesting article about it if narcissists end any relationships themselves.
They said that no they dont because when a narcissist realises they are not getting what they want or enough attention from their narcissistic supply, they start mistreating them, they may give the silent treatment and act like they are not interested anymore.
They also added that they may not completely cut you off, but if they do, they wont feel remorse about it.
I agree with that they dont do it, because they need the supply for them to feed on.
I would also say that the majority of narcissists arent the ones who end relationships, it is normally their partner who eventually reaches the point where they cant take anymore.
What is your view about it and do you agree with it, have you been together with one and how did it go for you?  |
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If a traumatic life event hadn’t separated me from my narcissistic partner I know 100% I would have still been with her and in her grasp, living the painful abusive life I had unwittingly been manipulated into over 10 years. Narcissists are so clever at their craft and feed like termites on your very being and soul, their need for this will never make them leave a relationship, that is until they move on to another victim and get their vile satisfaction from them. 3 years down the line and I still live with toxic shame and guilt but rebuilding my life and being ME is something I’m enjoying learning to do again. |
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From my experience no they don't, they will just carry on and when the long suffering person does have the courage to end it, it's never the narcissist fault the reason why it ended, they will never see or accept they were the problem.
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most with narcissistic traits dont have a diagnosis - its traits of narcissistic personality. Think having worked with people trying to get out of relationships, and having some experience - they are hard to get rid of because of their sense of entitlement and that you are doing them a wrong.
But as with everything everyone is different and you cant put a blanket statement on everything - |
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"From my experience no they don't, they will just carry on and when the long suffering person does have the courage to end it, it's never the narcissist fault the reason why it ended, they will never see or accept they were the problem.
"
All very true, they cannot be blamed it’s all your fault, like everything else you ever did |
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By (user no longer on site) 31 weeks ago
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"I am not sufficiently qualified to diagnose narcissism.
I am sufficiently human to realise their condition isn't voluntary.
Shall we do cancer sufferers instead today ? "
There’s an argument that it is voluntary.
It’s rooted in insecurity, which can come from early childhood experiences, core beliefs are formed and a pattern starts. It can be worked on, if they choose to.
Op there are less narcissist than it is believed, but many people have narcissistic traits |
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"I am not sufficiently qualified to diagnose narcissism.
I am sufficiently human to realise their condition isn't voluntary.
Shall we do cancer sufferers instead today ?
There’s an argument that it is voluntary.
It’s rooted in insecurity, which can come from early childhood experiences, core beliefs are formed and a pattern starts. It can be worked on, if they choose to.
Op there are less narcissist than it is believed, but many people have narcissistic traits"
The causes are complex and although childhood traumas can be worked on genetics and neurobiological reasons are far more permanent.
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I agree I think all humans have narcissistic traits, it’s how we control and use these though especially when interacting with others and loved ones. We can all be selfish and manipulative at times, I suppose we learn that as children, it’s how we do that and recognise the impact on others that differentiates an abusive narcissist and narcissistic traits. The lack of empathy for your actions is I believe the biggest thing missing in narcissists, for whatever reason it just never develops. |
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I am not a fan of discussions about narcissists as if they ALL hatched out of the same egg and ALL do exactly the same thing.
e.g. Do narcissists end relationships themselves .....
Answer .. that one did but that one didn't and that one did but that one didn't .... yada yada
They are not peas on a pod. Just people navigating life with what life gave them.
Can we do brain tumors now? |
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In general most people demonstrate a wide variety of human emotions and conditions, it's what makes us individual. The problems come when the degree and or severity of a particular trait becomes dominant in a person.
In answer to the ops question, yes they can end relationships. Most narcissists do realise when they have exhausted a particular source and will move on. It's the ones that don't are the ones that you really need to worry about! |
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By *os19Man 31 weeks ago
Edmonton |
I googled Narcissist as although I had heard the word I didn’t really know what it meant.Overview. Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others. Having read the overview it seems to be a mental health condition and as mental health is so much in the news about having empathy should we not be more caring.On the flip side it seems that once again someone can use mental health to cover up themselves and what they are.I have always been sceptical when someone says mental health as symptoms can be easy to feign but if diagnosed by GP / Hospital then I guess they must be genuine. |
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If you read forums like this then the majority of people claim to have a narsassistic ex partner it seems to be the popular word to throw around.
It's not as common as people think.
Its a mental health issue that needs diagnosing being selfish and manipulative and in general a bit of a ass hole really does not make someone a narsassis. |
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No idea. I don't know any narcissists.
I do know a few people who have treated their partners abominably and expected them to overlook it because 'that's how they are'then been utterly flabbergasted when they walk away. I also know people who want to look like the injured party so treat their partner terribly in the hope that they will end the relationship. I know people whose life long battle with depression has caused them to be really nasty to their partner/children for long periods of time and expect to be forgiven when they're better without discussion or apology because they can't help it.
I don't know if any of them are narcissists. I do know people can be horrible for loads of reasons though. |
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Yes Cos19. It's been said before that it is an emotional and mental health condition and I for one ( and I know others do ) don't like the way that narcissists are portrayed as something out of a Marvel comic like a Banshee or a Freddy Kruger.....
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By *hagTonight OP Man 31 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"From my experience no they don't, they will just carry on and when the long suffering person does have the courage to end it, it's never the narcissist fault the reason why it ended, they will never see or accept they were the problem.
"
Yes, you are right there, they dont do it, as it is up to the partner to leave them. |
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" Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them.."
Sounds awful ! do you think there might be some on here even ? I assume sending them cock pics and telling them they are perfect and beautiful fixes it ? |
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"I was reading an interesting article about it if narcissists end any relationships themselves.
They said that no they dont ..."
Yes they do. When I was in the wrong side of such a relationship, it was "ended" every month - then restarted. The controlling half then had a fresh flood of attention and coming first in everything...
When it truely ended it was a calculated ending sending as much pain as posiable.
The worst thing about such relationships, is when you're in it you don't realise - it's taken me years to be able to look back and see what it was  |
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"I was reading an interesting article about it if narcissists end any relationships themselves.
They said that no they dont ...
Yes they do. When I was in the wrong side of such a relationship, it was "ended" every month - then restarted. The controlling half then had a fresh flood of attention and coming first in everything...
When it truely ended it was a calculated ending sending as much pain as posiable.
The worst thing about such relationships, is when you're in it you don't realise - it's taken me years to be able to look back and see what it was "
It has taken me 3 years to get back to someone I vaguely recall being me, the trauma bond still triggers in me now but I now recognise it for what it is. The conditioning was so deeply embedded it will take years more to fully recover. |
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Sadly a narcissist may not realise what they are doing, they've gone through life based on personal, usually unpleasant, experiences and have therefore handled new relationships in a set way, not seeing what they are doing, so it usually ends badly. It means they are traumatised feeling they have become victims of abuse at the hands of others, in many situations that may be true as the other person has reacted to how they have been treated themselves but in other instances they have just given up, believing they aren't getting what they need so looking elsewhere. Almost like their next fix of excitement.
I have personal experience of a beautiful lady, who I would give anything to be with but who couldn't return my love, because she can't commit to anything, she's always looking for something else and of course that comes across as cold, controlling and narcissistic. She won't accept help even from someone who loves her, because she doesn't think she needs it, she believes it's a trick and she can't trust anyone, and so the same circle of life continues, following the same pattern but getting more extreme. She does things she knows hurt but underneath it all is someone desperate to be someone's number one though ultimately pushing everyone away.
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By *hagTonight OP Man 31 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"If a traumatic life event hadn’t separated me from my narcissistic partner I know 100% I would have still been with her and in her grasp, living the painful abusive life I had unwittingly been manipulated into over 10 years. Narcissists are so clever at their craft and feed like termites on your very being and soul, their need for this will never make them leave a relationship, that is until they move on to another victim and get their vile satisfaction from them. 3 years down the line and I still live with toxic shame and guilt but rebuilding my life and being ME is something I’m enjoying learning to do again. "
Yes, they are clever at what they do too.
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My first husband was a narcissist I left him in end! But not without months after of him being a total nightmare! From emotional bm saying he would unalive himself! Him stalking me! Threatening me ! It was horrendous! X |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 31 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Narcissists don’t have relationships they have batteries. As long as you give them what they need they will not let go. "
Yes, you are right there, they wont let go, until one dont give them that.
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"I am not a fan of discussions about narcissists as if they ALL hatched out of the same egg and ALL do exactly the same thing.
e.g. Do narcissists end relationships themselves .....
Answer .. that one did but that one didn't and that one did but that one didn't .... yada yada
They are not peas on a pod. Just people navigating life with what life gave them.
Can we do brain tumors now?"
Yes, lets. Then let's do people who've had broken bones. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 31 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"In general most people demonstrate a wide variety of human emotions and conditions, it's what makes us individual. The problems come when the degree and or severity of a particular trait becomes dominant in a person.
In answer to the ops question, yes they can end relationships. Most narcissists do realise when they have exhausted a particular source and will move on. It's the ones that don't are the ones that you really need to worry about!"
Yes, you are right there, most of them realise that and move on too |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 31 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"No idea. I don't know any narcissists.
I do know a few people who have treated their partners abominably and expected them to overlook it because 'that's how they are'then been utterly flabbergasted when they walk away. I also know people who want to look like the injured party so treat their partner terribly in the hope that they will end the relationship. I know people whose life long battle with depression has caused them to be really nasty to their partner/children for long periods of time and expect to be forgiven when they're better without discussion or apology because they can't help it.
I don't know if any of them are narcissists. I do know people can be horrible for loads of reasons though."
Yes, you are right there, those are also good points, people can be that for loads of reasons too. |
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Mrs here. My ex certainly had narcissistic traits. Does he have NPD? I don't know. I have considered that he may have anti social personality disorder. The likelihood of him ever considering that there is anything wrong with him is negligible.
I have (minimal) contact with him because we share 2 children. One is now an adult and can choose what contact she wants. The other is coming to the end of primary school and enjoys seeing him (when it's convenient to him), although she has disclosed some things of concern, but not enough that I can justify stopping contact.
I ended the relationship. Best decision of my life. It's not been easy, by any stretch, but emotionally and psychologically I'm a much better person now. It took some time to repair, and I'll never be the same as I was before I met him. You can't go through something like that unscathed.
I am now the me that I want to be.
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By *ML49Man 31 weeks ago
Burnley |
Yes they do end relationships themselves. However they leave confusion behind themselves and give you the silent treatment, which is emotional and psychological abuse. They know exactly what they are doing is wrong. They can and will come back for the person at a later date too, this is called hoovering. |
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By (user no longer on site) 31 weeks ago
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Having been married to one for 10 years .... yes I can point to all the reasons for their personality disorder but there are plenty of people who have childhood trauma etc etc who are not thunderous c*nts.
Lying, gaslighting, mental abuse, financial abuse, being selfish all the things I was subjected to ... There is never an acceptable excuse for someone behaving like a d*ck to someone else. |
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By *ML49Man 31 weeks ago
Burnley |
"Having been married to one for 10 years .... yes I can point to all the reasons for their personality disorder but there are plenty of people who have childhood trauma etc etc who are not thunderous c*nts.
Lying, gaslighting, mental abuse, financial abuse, being selfish all the things I was subjected to ... There is never an acceptable excuse for someone behaving like a d*ck to someone else. "
Correct and I fully agree with you. If I had any confidence in the justice system or if the law wasn't do messed up. Then I would have reported the ex gf for coercive and controlling behaviour, emotional and psychological abuse because that's what it is. It's actually illegal to behave in that manner. They made it illegal in 2015, however proving it can be a nightmare for all concerned. |
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By *ucka39Man 31 weeks ago
Newcastle |
Mine did as she cheated then wanted me also but trust was gone, but she still made attempts to try and start again as friends. I just kept things flowing never in person
The first one died and she quickly moved to another. Think she got the message as she realised how she had treated me... Far too much damage had been done, (unforgivable) but I did. because I knew without alcohol we had something that was unreal and she knew that then and afterwards. I'm not second best
I understand no one can turn the clock back, I know she wishes it could've as she understood what she lost
Too many bridges got burnt  |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 31 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"most with narcissistic traits dont have a diagnosis - its traits of narcissistic personality. Think having worked with people trying to get out of relationships, and having some experience - they are hard to get rid of because of their sense of entitlement and that you are doing them a wrong.
But as with everything everyone is different and you cant put a blanket statement on everything - "
Hi gottogiggle, yes, you are right there, those are good points, everyone is different too |
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By *ML49Man 31 weeks ago
Burnley |
"Mine did as she cheated then wanted me also but trust was gone, but she still made attempts to try and start again as friends. I just kept things flowing never in person
The first one died and she quickly moved to another. Think she got the message as she realised how she had treated me... Far too much damage had been done, (unforgivable) but I did. because I knew without alcohol we had something that was unreal and she knew that then and afterwards. I'm not second best
I understand no one can turn the clock back, I know she wishes it could've as she understood what she lost
Too many bridges got burnt "
Did you really understand which personality you liked as they are liars, cheats, gaslight and manipulate at an Olympic level. The only reason Narcissists get on with people coz thru are getting something from it all. When their mask slips they then devalue and then discard so they don't get found out. They are actually running away from themselves too as their self esteem lowers and they begin to look for new or go back to their old supply. GO NO CONTACT with these NPDs. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 31 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Having been married to one for 10 years .... yes I can point to all the reasons for their personality disorder but there are plenty of people who have childhood trauma etc etc who are not thunderous c*nts.
Lying, gaslighting, mental abuse, financial abuse, being selfish all the things I was subjected to ... There is never an acceptable excuse for someone behaving like a d*ck to someone else. "
Yes, you are right there, those are also good points too. |
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"From my experience no they don't, they will just carry on and when the long suffering person does have the courage to end it, it's never the narcissist fault the reason why it ended, they will never see or accept they were the problem.
"
Definitely this and to add they will do their best to discredit you and destroy what pittance of a life you have left.
Three years out of a relationship and still she tries to control my life. |
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By (user no longer on site) 31 weeks ago
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They triangulate when they get bored of their current partner and have their next victim lined up well before the current partner is provided with the ‘use and discard’ approach.
Even after being discarded, the former partner will be perpetually harassed by him/her and will never be free of them
 |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 31 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"They triangulate when they get bored of their current partner and have their next victim lined up well before the current partner is provided with the ‘use and discard’ approach.
Even after being discarded, the former partner will be perpetually harassed by him/her and will never be free of them
"
Yes, you are right there, those are good points too |
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By (user no longer on site) 31 weeks ago
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"They triangulate when they get bored of their current partner and have their next victim lined up well before the current partner is provided with the ‘use and discard’ approach.
Even after being discarded, the former partner will be perpetually harassed by him/her and will never be free of them
Yes, you are right there, those are good points too "
I have experience with them in the past! Had to research them throughly to learn to understand their mechanisms
They are devoid of any interpersonal ability whatsoever unless it’s to advance a personal agenda!! Brilliant actors. Quite intelligent too. Devoid on emotional and compassionate levels entirely
Quite empty people intrinsically |
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My narc ex love bombed me and discarded me so many times. After he finally ended things and I moved back down the other end of the country, it didn't take long to hear that he was feeling very sorry for himself supposedly  |
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By *ucka39Man 31 weeks ago
Newcastle |
"Mine did as she cheated then wanted me also but trust was gone, but she still made attempts to try and start again as friends. I just kept things flowing never in person
The first one died and she quickly moved to another. Think she got the message as she realised how she had treated me... Far too much damage had been done, (unforgivable) but I did. because I knew without alcohol we had something that was unreal and she knew that then and afterwards. I'm not second best
I understand no one can turn the clock back, I know she wishes it could've as she understood what she lost
Too many bridges got burnt
Did you really understand which personality you liked as they are liars, cheats, gaslight and manipulate at an Olympic level. The only reason Narcissists get on with people coz thru are getting something from it all. When their mask slips they then devalue and then discard so they don't get found out. They are actually running away from themselves too as their self esteem lowers and they begin to look for new or go back to their old supply. GO NO CONTACT with these NPDs."
The main one before the switch, I understand rather than themselves taking the full blame tend to spread it out as if both parties played a part
She is going to get found out when I've finished and expose her  |
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I think Narcissism is being phased out as a MH diagnosis. It certainly has in the ICD-11 in the DSM-5 it still exists, but that's essentially only in the USA.
Dissociality is probably the personality disorder trait that's most relatable to the various Narcissistic conceptualisations people have in popular culture. |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 29 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"Shag, you seem quite keen on discussing narcissism. This isn't the first time you posed such a question. Just wondered what the fascination is? "
Yes. I find it an interesting topic to discuss about too |
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I was in a thus type of relationship- with my mum.
I ended our relationship 3 years ago - I couldn't take it anymore and she was starting her toxic traits with my kids.
She would never have ended it as she gained such pure enjoyment and fulfillment at my suffering. It made her 'buzz' whenever we argued.
So no they won't end it - one because they never see themselves as in the wrong and 2 because they are addicted the the buzz
S xxx |
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"If a traumatic life event hadn’t separated me from my narcissistic partner I know 100% I would have still been with her and in her grasp, living the painful abusive life I had unwittingly been manipulated into over 10 years. Narcissists are so clever at their craft and feed like termites on your very being and soul, their need for this will never make them leave a relationship, that is until they move on to another victim and get their vile satisfaction from them. 3 years down the line and I still live with toxic shame and guilt but rebuilding my life and being ME is something I’m enjoying learning to do again. "
Oh I feel this in my soul. We had a major and pretty traumatic event separate us too. And 100% for sure, I’d either still be in his grasp, or dead. I’m almost 2 years out, but finding my old self has been difficult. I know exactly what you’re going through if you ever want to chat to someone who understands |
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"Shag, you seem quite keen on discussing narcissism. This isn't the first time you posed such a question. Just wondered what the fascination is? "
I think any experience with a narcissist is so traumatic that it can be quite validating to talk about |
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"Shag, you seem quite keen on discussing narcissism. This isn't the first time you posed such a question. Just wondered what the fascination is?
I think any experience with a narcissist is so traumatic that it can be quite validating to talk about "
Absolutely  |
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By *hagTonight OP Man 29 weeks ago
From the land of haribos. |
"I was in a thus type of relationship- with my mum.
I ended our relationship 3 years ago - I couldn't take it anymore and she was starting her toxic traits with my kids.
She would never have ended it as she gained such pure enjoyment and fulfillment at my suffering. It made her 'buzz' whenever we argued.
So no they won't end it - one because they never see themselves as in the wrong and 2 because they are addicted the the buzz
S xxx "
I see, so you did it there, you are right there, as they wouldnt do it x. |
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"Yes they do end relationships themselves. However they leave confusion behind themselves and give you the silent treatment, which is emotional and psychological abuse. They know exactly what they are doing is wrong. They can and will come back for the person at a later date too, this is called hoovering. "
 Yes! Just this. That was my experence. I'm still being softly "hoovered", (9 years on) I had a message just this week. I'm polite, as I still don't like to think badly of her (perverse isn't it!?!?), but I've learnt my lession, and always step aside and avoid being sucked in! |
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"If a traumatic life event hadn’t separated me from my narcissistic partner I know 100% I would have still been with her and in her grasp, living the painful abusive life I had unwittingly been manipulated into over 10 years. Narcissists are so clever at their craft and feed like termites on your very being and soul, their need for this will never make them leave a relationship, that is until they move on to another victim and get their vile satisfaction from them. 3 years down the line and I still live with toxic shame and guilt but rebuilding my life and being ME is something I’m enjoying learning to do again.
Oh I feel this in my soul. We had a major and pretty traumatic event separate us too. And 100% for sure, I’d either still be in his grasp, or dead. I’m almost 2 years out, but finding my old self has been difficult. I know exactly what you’re going through if you ever want to chat to someone who understands "
I’d love to chat more with someone who understands and has experienced a shared trauma, please message me as I can’t directly contact you. X |
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By *ML49Man 27 weeks ago
Burnley |
"I am not a fan of discussions about narcissists as if they ALL hatched out of the same egg and ALL do exactly the same thing.
e.g. Do narcissists end relationships themselves .....
Answer .. that one did but that one didn't and that one did but that one didn't .... yada yada
They are not peas on a pod. Just people navigating life with what life gave them.
Can we do brain tumors now?"
So why are you commenting on the post then |
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By *ML49Man 27 weeks ago
Burnley |
"I was reading an interesting article about it if narcissists end any relationships themselves.
They said that no they dont because when a narcissist realises they are not getting what they want or enough attention from their narcissistic supply, they start mistreating them, they may give the silent treatment and act like they are not interested anymore.
They also added that they may not completely cut you off, but if they do, they wont feel remorse about it.
I agree with that they dont do it, because they need the supply for them to feed on.
I would also say that the majority of narcissists arent the ones who end relationships, it is normally their partner who eventually reaches the point where they cant take anymore.
What is your view about it and do you agree with it, have you been together with one and how did it go for you? "
They end the relationship when it becomes difficult for the narc to get what they want. Their mask slips and before they get found out they discard you with no good reasons or give you the silent treatment.
Their self esteem is low and it needs building up so they groom people who have positive energy |
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