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Ex as a friend
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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"I am friends with my ex. He chose to end the relationship. Neither of us have a new partner. I think if one had a new partner it would be different. "
She has had two new partners since me but haven't worked out for her and it's me that's there for her when it all goes wrong x |
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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago
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"I am friends with my ex. He chose to end the relationship. Neither of us have a new partner. I think if one had a new partner it would be different.
She has had two new partners since me but haven't worked out for her and it's me that's there for her when it all goes wrong x "
I think when people are still trying to get one over on the other person or still playing the blame is a way of stopping any type of friendship existing.
You first became friends because you wanted to add to each other’s lives, and if that desire isn’t there anymore, friendship won’t exist. |
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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago
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Was in a relationship with him from the age of 17-37… we stayed friends for about a year.
But then he met someone else and he told me he had to cut me out of his life. Went through a weird grieving stage because of all the history but am much better without him now.
I think it’s hard to stay friends with someone you used to love! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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"I am friends with my ex. He chose to end the relationship. Neither of us have a new partner. I think if one had a new partner it would be different.
She has had two new partners since me but haven't worked out for her and it's me that's there for her when it all goes wrong x
I think when people are still trying to get one over on the other person or still playing the blame is a way of stopping any type of friendship existing.
You first became friends because you wanted to add to each other’s lives, and if that desire isn’t there anymore, friendship won’t exist. "
I find it very hard to trust her
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Me and ex wife are still best friends it all came to an amicable ending as just fallen out of love with each other and the spark that we had naturally had gone out. I wanted to show the kids that a relationship can end in a positive amicable way. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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"Was in a relationship with him from the age of 17-37… we stayed friends for about a year.
But then he met someone else and he told me he had to cut me out of his life. Went through a weird grieving stage because of all the history but am much better without him now.
I think it’s hard to stay friends with someone you used to love! "
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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"Was in a relationship with him from the age of 17-37… we stayed friends for about a year.
But then he met someone else and he told me he had to cut me out of his life. Went through a weird grieving stage because of all the history but am much better without him now.
I think it’s hard to stay friends with someone you used to love! "
Sorry to here that, that's a long time x glad your better off x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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"Me and ex wife are still best friends it all came to an amicable ending as just fallen out of love with each other and the spark that we had naturally had gone out. I wanted to show the kids that a relationship can end in a positive amicable way. "
Fair play to you |
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Hello O.P.
What is a friend to you ?
What are your life values that you live by?
Does she share those values?
Have any of those lines been crossed ?
Those are for you to think of you don't need to post answers here.
From what I read you two gravitate back to each other because there is no one else and people need people and children will love a shitty parent when it's all they've got.
You say you feel used and you say you can't trust her.
Trust is the very foundation of ALL relationships / friendships.
Why is trust not one of your values?
When she is in her other relationships does she contact you and offer you support still ? If not then you are not friends you are an on and off couple.
The choice is entirely yours. Either it's okay by you to feel used and to be kept on a string and to be with someone where you know it will go tits up or it's not okay........ to be honest either is absolutely fine as long as it's not hurting you and you are in it as part of life's ride.
What you talk about does not fit MY definition of friendship BUT I have quite a lot of people in my life who are just that ...... people in my life. Not everyone can be a close friend.
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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"Hello O.P.
What is a friend to you ?
What are your life values that you live by?
Does she share those values?
Have any of those lines been crossed ?
Those are for you to think of you don't need to post answers here.
From what I read you two gravitate back to each other because there is no one else and people need people and children will love a shitty parent when it's all they've got.
You say you feel used and you say you can't trust her.
Trust is the very foundation of ALL relationships / friendships.
Why is trust not one of your values?
When she is in her other relationships does she contact you and offer you support still ? If not then you are not friends you are an on and off couple.
The choice is entirely yours. Either it's okay by you to feel used and to be kept on a string and to be with someone where you know it will go tits up or it's not okay........ to be honest either is absolutely fine as long as it's not hurting you and you are in it as part of life's ride.
What you talk about does not fit MY definition of friendship BUT I have quite a lot of people in my life who are just that ...... people in my life. Not everyone can be a close friend.
"
Wow that message hit home and opened my eyes a bit x thank you for taking the time to write it x |
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I have remained friends with my ex husband, we used to be really close but over the years it's wained slightly but when doughnut and I was going through our rough patch he came round and he was the only one out of my friends to actually listen and give me some sound advice probably because he has known me for 30 odd years.
Would we have remained friends if we didn't have kids? Unsure. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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"I have remained friends with my ex husband, we used to be really close but over the years it's wained slightly but when doughnut and I was going through our rough patch he came round and he was the only one out of my friends to actually listen and give me some sound advice probably because he has known me for 30 odd years.
Would we have remained friends if we didn't have kids? Unsure."
We don't have kids together x but I will always be there for her if she needed me and that makes it hard to just walk away x |
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"I have remained friends with my ex husband, we used to be really close but over the years it's wained slightly but when doughnut and I was going through our rough patch he came round and he was the only one out of my friends to actually listen and give me some sound advice probably because he has known me for 30 odd years.
Would we have remained friends if we didn't have kids? Unsure.
We don't have kids together x but I will always be there for her if she needed me and that makes it hard to just walk away x "
Doughnut and I don't have kids together either and I get the impression, had we split for good, we would still have remained friends, good luck OP x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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"I have remained friends with my ex husband, we used to be really close but over the years it's wained slightly but when doughnut and I was going through our rough patch he came round and he was the only one out of my friends to actually listen and give me some sound advice probably because he has known me for 30 odd years.
Would we have remained friends if we didn't have kids? Unsure.
We don't have kids together x but I will always be there for her if she needed me and that makes it hard to just walk away x
Doughnut and I don't have kids together either and I get the impression, had we split for good, we would still have remained friends, good luck OP x"
Donut lol thank you for your time x |
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I'm friendly with my ex partners, there's only one of them I truly hope to never speak to again. I consider several of them actual friends, and most of the rest I'm casually friendly with or would be if our paths crossed again.
Just because I'm not intimately involved with someone any more doesn't mean I have to cut them off completely. There must have been some reason we were together in the first place, and it not working as a relationship doesn't mean that the connection or feelings that initiated it just go away. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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"I'm friendly with my ex partners, there's only one of them I truly hope to never speak to again. I consider several of them actual friends, and most of the rest I'm casually friendly with or would be if our paths crossed again.
Just because I'm not intimately involved with someone any more doesn't mean I have to cut them off completely. There must have been some reason we were together in the first place, and it not working as a relationship doesn't mean that the connection or feelings that initiated it just go away."
Very true x |
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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago
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Interesting one. For me, once the hurts stops and I no longer carry the weight of what went wrong. I will be happy to reply to a question from them, or even chat if we cross paths. But actively in my life? Not too sure about that...  |
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"Was in a relationship with him from the age of 17-37… we stayed friends for about a year.
But then he met someone else and he told me he had to cut me out of his life. Went through a weird grieving stage because of all the history but am much better without him now.
I think it’s hard to stay friends with someone you used to love! "
This... |
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I’m on friendly terms with a few of my ex’s, as I try and not end it on bad terms. I never mess them around about going back and forth afterwards and I think that’s been key.
My ex-wife and I get on well as we have a son together and so we’ve ensured he knows he’s loved by us both. We’ve both moved on and are happy and my son loves C and spending time with us.
K |
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"Me and ex wife are still best friends it all came to an amicable ending as just fallen out of love with each other and the spark that we had naturally had gone out. I wanted to show the kids that a relationship can end in a positive amicable way. "
This  |
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By *ucka39Man 36 weeks ago
Newcastle |
I did for many years but I had a valid reason for this which she wasn't aware of. Could never of took it further given amount of trouble she caused and it was distance friends no meeting up
Never trust a narcissist |
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"There’s a difference between cordial and friends. I think it’s easy enough to be cordial and polite "
AHH cordial the quintessential gateway to passive-aggression. How wonderful of you to drop by, would you care for more tea, before you leave?  |
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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago
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Very easy to stay friends if one of you didn’t break the trust between you. Things come to a natural end and brilliant if you can be grown up about it.
That thing about them knowing you better than most is a special bond for better or worse.
On the other hand it’s always good advice to never be d*unk around each other again as you’ll probably end up in the sack or words will be said  |
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I have 4 ex's
I am in contact with all 4
Two I see pretty regularly
The other two are FB friends
I go out for a coffee with the brother of one ex every week
I recently visited another ex's Mum in hospital
They are important people in my journey
They were never twats with me - and I wasn't with me
I think not having kids possibly feeds into the amicable nature of our friendships though
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I'm friends with my ex because we do have children even though they are grown up. Would hate to not be comfortable if he was there visiting them and I turned up. Life is too short to be bitter about things that happened in the past. |
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one of my ex is my best friend, we are like family ... realised we didn't work as a romantic couple and became best friends ..
Though we probably do need to stop telling people we date that we used to be a couple many years ago lol as it seems to cause issues for the new people |
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I have two that I chat to when one of us gets in touch, but otherwise no. I guess it depends on how you came to be ex’s. Amicable and mutual then it can work.
My kids Mum, we used to in the early days for the Kids sake, but now they in their late 20’s, no, can’t think of a reason I would. |
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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago
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I'm friendly with all my ex partners regardless as to why or whos fault splittingup was. It's nice when we bump into each other and chat but I
Don't whant to be friends and socialise with them on a regular basis. |
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I could never be close close friends with them and see/speak to them everyday like I do my close friends but I can still see them and I can be happy for them when things go well. Slightly smug when they don’t. I’m very open with my feelings.
I’m going for coffee with an ex in a few weeks as although our relationship was really turbulent and unhealthy, I do really respect him from a professional point of view and I have asked to pick his brains on a subject that he’s really knowledgeable in. I haven’t seen him or spoken to him in two years but when I called to ask him to meet me and I explained why, he didn’t hesitate and I am very grateful to him that he made time for me. |
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"I think it’s ok but imo needs no contact time first. To mourn the relationship loss and to process a change in relationship type. After that it can be ok. "
This is relevant.
Trying to be friends immediately after a breakup is a recipe for disaster.
Needs a decent cooling off period to reset or it never quite works. |
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By *929Man 36 weeks ago
bedlington |
For me it’s a never no matter how amicable it ended,
It has zero benefits and only downsides, just draw a line under it and move on I know it works for some people but for most it’s just an obstacle to moving on |
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I’ve been friends with a couple of my ex’s. Not immediately when things still feel quite raw but over time, we’ve got back in touch. One of my ex’s in particular, we are in touch quite regularly and give each other advice, chat about family and work stuff but there’s absolutely nothing in it at all, I would never be interested in going back there. |
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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago
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Generally I don't stay friend with ex's from proper relationships.
Do chat to one person I had a short fling with but don't class someone I shagged a few times as a proper ex.
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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"On and off for 14 years keep trying to go our own way but end up back in touch but nothing sexual happens. Things are good for while then it goes shit"
Ditto.
Uncannily accurate, even down to exactly 14 years |
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By *hoirCouple 35 weeks ago
Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds |
Depends what one constitutes as an ex, a fuck buddy that's dropped off? A divorced spouse? A long or short term relationship?
They all have different aspects to them, on the whole it would be wonderful if we could all parts ways amicably but a lot of the time it just does not work.
I am cordial with my ex husband because our breakup was very painful for him but we have kids, I do miss him as a friend though.
I have a very good friend who was also a fwb for a while, we still get along famously but his recently ex missus was not a fan so I took a step back.
Basically it's assessed on a case by case basis
P
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By *ularliWoman 35 weeks ago
Worcester |
I wouldn’t say I’m friends with my ex but he’s my daughter’s dad and I’m always there if he needs anything.
I’m the only one that’s stuck by him and helped him when he needed it.
But everyone’s situation is different. |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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"Hello all x
What are people's thoughts on staying friends with am ex ? Does it work or is it a no go zone x "
What's the point? If its over move on. Think about how that will look for your next girlfriend. Do you think she'll mind you being friends with your ex? If my new girlfriend was friends with her ex , i wouldn't date her. |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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"I’m friends with all of my exs apart from one. He’s under the patio "
Did you leave his arse sticking out, for somewhere to park your bike?
(Still my favourite Billy Connoly joke ??) |
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By *lueLotusWoman 35 weeks ago
the wilderness |
If I have any inkling, rightly or wrongly, that they want to get back with me or even just get me in the sack again then I can't be in any kind of contact it's too much drama and subtle manipulation I'd rather just not. |
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Me and my ex are on good terms, mostly for what's best for our kids really. We both have move on and she's happy in a new relationship but we still happy to take the piss out of one another. I won't say we are going to be the best of friends mind anything soon but compared to others that their exs gives them a hard time, I'm quite lucky really |
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