Call me sensitive, but I've always found banter to be ever so slightly passive aggressive, and an insincere way of communicating. It's like putting barriers up to the true self. I like talking to people about their true selves.
Having said that, I got dramatically better at it after age 40, but sadly, only because it made communicating with people at work a little more socially oiled. I still hate it deep down. |
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By *ayjay19xMan 33 weeks ago
Bromley / Lewisham / Croydon |
Absolutely, banter is like oxygen for the soul in the modern era! Without it, we'd all be as dull as a spoon in a soup kitchen. So let the banter flow like a leaky faucet – just remember to bring your umbrella, it might get a bit wet! |
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By *eliWoman 33 weeks ago
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I don't like the term banter. I don't like banter. The absolute worst though? Flanter. It feels like a hate crime.
I do like people who can laugh at how silly life is. Enjoy it. Are aware of when they're being silly. Who can tease and be teased in the right circumstances.
Banter? No. |
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Genuine banter has always existed, it hasn't just been invented.
The good humoured exchange of friendly teasing often smooths the way to deeper exchanges or makes awkward situations more bearable. What I dislike intensely are nasty, spiteful and derogatory remarks passed off as 'bants'. Designed to make the recipient feel that they have to accept or even laugh at them |
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I much prefer to tittle-tattle or engage in some tête-à-tête. I'm not a fan of the word "banter". Banter sounds like a medieval torture instrument. I like my conversations to be engaging and not torturous. |
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By *omRPMan 33 weeks ago
North Curry |
Banter was banned at a previous workplace. HR considered it harassment and would take official action if they considered any behaviour as ‘banter’.
Hence a previous and not current workplace. |
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"Banter was banned at a previous workplace. HR considered it harassment and would take official action if they considered any behaviour as ‘banter’.
Hence a previous and not current workplace. "
How were they defining banter? Some of what gets passed off as banter is actually cruel bullying and abuse. |
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"Call me sensitive, but I've always found banter to be ever so slightly passive aggressive, and an insincere way of communicating. It's like putting barriers up to the true self. I like talking to people about their true selves.
Having said that, I got dramatically better at it after age 40, but sadly, only because it made communicating with people at work a little more socially oiled. I still hate it deep down. "
Its very male centric I find. Women don't need banter we just talk to one another. |
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By (user no longer on site) 33 weeks ago
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"Call me sensitive, but I've always found banter to be ever so slightly passive aggressive, and an insincere way of communicating. It's like putting barriers up to the true self. I like talking to people about their true selves.
Having said that, I got dramatically better at it after age 40, but sadly, only because it made communicating with people at work a little more socially oiled. I still hate it deep down. "
Totally agree. Much better to have decent conversation. |
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"I don't like the term banter. I don't like banter. The absolute worst though? Flanter. It feels like a hate crime.
I do like people who can laugh at how silly life is. Enjoy it. Are aware of when they're being silly. Who can tease and be teased in the right circumstances.
Banter? No. "
No, Meli. The league table is:
Bad: Banter
Worse: Flanter
The Worst: Cheeky Bantz |
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By *eliWoman 33 weeks ago
. |
"I don't like the term banter. I don't like banter. The absolute worst though? Flanter. It feels like a hate crime.
I do like people who can laugh at how silly life is. Enjoy it. Are aware of when they're being silly. Who can tease and be teased in the right circumstances.
Banter? No.
No, Meli. The league table is:
Bad: Banter
Worse: Flanter
The Worst: Cheeky Bantz"
I can't believe you typed the last one. Truly, truly horrific. Thanks YOLO. Almost ruined my day but luckily I'm too happy. |
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"I don't like the term banter. I don't like banter. The absolute worst though? Flanter. It feels like a hate crime.
I do like people who can laugh at how silly life is. Enjoy it. Are aware of when they're being silly. Who can tease and be teased in the right circumstances.
Banter? No.
No, Meli. The league table is:
Bad: Banter
Worse: Flanter
The Worst: Cheeky Bantz
I can't believe you typed the last one. Truly, truly horrific. Thanks YOLO. Almost ruined my day but luckily I'm too happy. "
Typed for the bantz, Mels. For the bantz.
 |
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"I don't like the term banter. I don't like banter. The absolute worst though? Flanter. It feels like a hate crime.
I do like people who can laugh at how silly life is. Enjoy it. Are aware of when they're being silly. Who can tease and be teased in the right circumstances.
Banter? No.
No, Meli. The league table is:
Bad: Banter
Worse: Flanter
The Worst: Cheeky Bantz
I can't believe you typed the last one. Truly, truly horrific. Thanks YOLO. Almost ruined my day but luckily I'm too happy.
Typed for the bantz, Mels. For the bantz.
"
I've also now vomited a little. |
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I think it's very shallow and often ill thought through. I'd rather just have a conversation.
Unless you mean something more like social skills/ charisma. Then, yeah, maybe. We're social animals. We also need to speak the same language. What of it? |
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By *eliWoman 33 weeks ago
. |
"I don't like the term banter. I don't like banter. The absolute worst though? Flanter. It feels like a hate crime.
I do like people who can laugh at how silly life is. Enjoy it. Are aware of when they're being silly. Who can tease and be teased in the right circumstances.
Banter? No.
No, Meli. The league table is:
Bad: Banter
Worse: Flanter
The Worst: Cheeky Bantz
I can't believe you typed the last one. Truly, truly horrific. Thanks YOLO. Almost ruined my day but luckily I'm too happy.
Typed for the bantz, Mels. For the bantz.
I've also now vomited a little."
Why are you doing this? All of this? If you're hangry with the world please go and get some tartiflette before posting any more. |
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"Banter was banned at a previous workplace. HR considered it harassment and would take official action if they considered any behaviour as ‘banter’.
Hence a previous and not current workplace. "
There has been some spectacular employment tribunals where so called "banter" was proven to be 'passive-aggressive' and 'micro-aggression'.
The employer had to pay up and introduce policies to manage discrimination at work. |
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It's banter when it's a mutual exchange. When it's one way it's taking the piss.
It's not that hard to understand really.
Banter can be fun, there's nothing wrong with a bit of playful teasing. I can enjoy that. Our brains are wired for playfulness, it's part of being human.
Taking the piss is obviously not the nicest thing in the world. But diffusing a situation, where boundaries are stepped on, with humour is better than escalation or violence. So it's a matter of intent.
Sure you can be direct and explain to a person why you do not appreciate their behaviour toward you. But that approach requires the other person to have the self-awareness to take responsibility, or it is likely to escalate. In the moment, with an audience that can be unnecessarily putting someone on the spot. That can be a game of oneupmanship, so that also comes down to intent.
They'll often apologise later, usually in private.
Hey sorry about before.
No worries, doesn't need saying, it's all good.
Bro-hug. Job done.
There was no harmful intention, just a simple misunderstanding that's now resolved.
I've more issue with people who make threats of violence, veiled or otherwise. Or intentionally put people down to make themselves look or feel superior. Bullies basically.
Banter has an appreciable social function if utilised appropriately. It's situational. There's a cultural element too, if you don't get it, then it can be misconstrued. |
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you so have both!!
