FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Money, or lack thereof!
Money, or lack thereof!
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Between the weekly club visit updates, regular holidays and limitless supply of new lingerie, at a glance fabbers can seem a well off bunch to the cynical mind.
Does anyone else feel a bit embarrassed that they don't have to lots of funds to throw at swinging? - Xeno |
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By *edeWoman 39 weeks ago
the abyss |
I wouldn't say embarrassed as such because at the end of the day everyone's finances and situations are different. I do get a bit frustrated as there as so many things I'd want to go to/buy/try but I just don't have the funds.
But there are more important things in life than swinging so I put my money where it's needed first  |
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Never in a swinging sense. I've occasionally felt wary of some people because I expect to be judged for having a low income, but that's my own prejudices at play and it disappears after I've given myself a stern talking to. I'm quite scary when I'm stern. |
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By *eliWoman 39 weeks ago
. |
I really wouldn't compare. You don't know if the lingerie and holidays are going on credit cards, what's happening behind closed doors.
Are you happy and able to do what you want (within reason)? That's what really matters. New lingerie won't bring you that necessarily. |
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I'm not embarrassed by not being able to afford to go to socials/events etc.
I can't justify spending £100 + on hotels/drinks/new outfit each month. I try to do a club/social once a month and I try to drive most events |
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I'm not embarrassed by not being able to afford to go to socials/events etc.
I can't justify spending £100 + on hotels/drinks/new outfit each month. I try to do a club/social once a month and I try to drive most events |
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Thank you for all the interesting responses! This was mostly a brain fart - at the end of the day we've got a roof over our head however small, food in our bellies and loved ones around us, which makes us rich  - Xeno |
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I have wondered how some people have afforded to have such an active swinging lifestyle but then my brain has clicked in and thought it's not my business.
We got free membership to a club for a year and it ran out in September, have we rejoined? No we haven't as we weighed up how many times we would probably actually go and realised it wouldn't be worth it, if we do go to a club it is rarely and one without membership.
As for clothes etc, I'll recycle whatever I have, most of my bits are from shien or Temu and I get my monies worth.
As for meets, when I was meeting, a razor for the legs etc and a bit of slap on the face, I don't (or didn't) but anything specific for a meet. |
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By *TG3Man 39 weeks ago
Dorchester |
"Between the weekly club visit updates, regular holidays and limitless supply of new lingerie, at a glance fabbers can seem a well off bunch to the cynical mind.
Does anyone else feel a bit embarrassed that they don't have to lots of funds to throw at swinging? - Xeno"
yes omg my credit card suffers |
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I think if I had lack of funds generally money towards swinging would be my least concern.
(I've always spent money on travel. Everything else apart from basic day to day stuff was way down a priorities list) |
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By *bi HaiveMan 39 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
Some months I have more disposable income than others.
I'll plan club trips and organised socials well in advance so can pre-pay or budget. Fuel is often more of an expense than anything, plus hotels if needed, but I'm happy to slum it in a Prem Inn/Travelodge if cheaper.
Sure, it's sometimes frustrating when you want to go to an event but it's cost prohibitive. Likewise when people you know seem to be out all the time. But I'm happy for them. If they can afford it why not?
This is a fun part of my life and I'd never be embarrassed or upset to tell someone I can't make an event due to lack of funds. Bills before boning.  |
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I've only ever used fab as a hobby and it's not a lifestyle choice and as such don't spend a lot of time, energy or money on this hobby.
It's none of my business how others choose to spend their money but I have often wondered where many people appear to find the time and the finance to maintain their lifestyle.
Just looking at updates, forum comments and previously in private chat, some people seem to be able to take time off at will to attend events across the country which will obviously involve hotel bills and travel costs.
Even the time that some seem to have to spend on the forums all day every day raises questions about how productive they are away from the site.
For many there is an element of fomo but from conversations I've had over the years there are some people who genuinely feel under pressure to be seen as a swinger and see it as a competition where they have to be at certain events regardless of whether they can afford it or not.
I've spoken to people who have admitted to having huge credit card bills as a result of their swinging choices.
I couldn't live like that so I don't feel even slightly embarrassed about not spending money I don't have. |
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I think I was sucked in a bit with the new lingerie aspect of it, when I started out here. Yeah stuff from shein and similar is cheap. But their woekers have to work 75 hour weeks.
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cg67w73nxqxo
So I've decided to stop purchasing from fast fashion brands like that. Because for me personally it didn't feel ethical to take advantage of others, for things I didn't technically need. So have taken to taking pictures in my clothes, underwear I wear daily or in the nude.
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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Always live to your means and never get embarrassed... Most people have no idea what expensive lingerie looks like - so long as its clean and tantalising it'll get the job done 
For example, I'm always getting compliments on my 'expensive lace shorts' - but they are from asda, 3 for a fiver i think
Whatever you are doing, do it /wear it with confidence! |
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By *TG3Man 39 weeks ago
Dorchester |
"Always live to your means and never get embarrassed... Most people have no idea what expensive lingerie looks like - so long as its clean and tantalising it'll get the job done
For example, I'm always getting compliments on my 'expensive lace shorts' - but they are from asda, 3 for a fiver i think
Whatever you are doing, do it /wear it with confidence! "
primark cut the label out nobody knows right  |
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By (user no longer on site) 39 weeks ago
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"Always live to your means and never get embarrassed... Most people have no idea what expensive lingerie looks like - so long as its clean and tantalising it'll get the job done
For example, I'm always getting compliments on my 'expensive lace shorts' - but they are from asda, 3 for a fiver i think
Whatever you are doing, do it /wear it with confidence! "
It's the socks that are the turn on!
I now believe that you and Coyote Ugly swap clothes |
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"Between the weekly club visit updates, regular holidays and limitless supply of new lingerie, at a glance fabbers can seem a well off bunch to the cynical mind.
Does anyone else feel a bit embarrassed that they don't have to lots of funds to throw at swinging? - Xeno"
Nah, the best parts of swinging and life are free . As nice as those things can be nice addition to having a steamy night, none are needed to have great sex and swinging fun with others x |
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"I think if I had lack of funds generally money towards swinging would be my least concern.
(I've always spent money on travel. Everything else apart from basic day to day stuff was way down a priorities list) "
I sometimes see snide comments about part time swingers, or those that aren't trying to be active in the club scene etc. But then I remember it really doesn't matter that much! |
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"I've only ever used fab as a hobby and it's not a lifestyle choice and as such don't spend a lot of time, energy or money on this hobby.
It's none of my business how others choose to spend their money but I have often wondered where many people appear to find the time and the finance to maintain their lifestyle.
Just looking at updates, forum comments and previously in private chat, some people seem to be able to take time off at will to attend events across the country which will obviously involve hotel bills and travel costs.
Even the time that some seem to have to spend on the forums all day every day raises questions about how productive they are away from the site.
For many there is an element of fomo but from conversations I've had over the years there are some people who genuinely feel under pressure to be seen as a swinger and see it as a competition where they have to be at certain events regardless of whether they can afford it or not.
I've spoken to people who have admitted to having huge credit card bills as a result of their swinging choices.
I couldn't live like that so I don't feel even slightly embarrassed about not spending money I don't have."
I'm glad others sometimes wonder the same as me! Also glad that the general consensus is that it's not important! |
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"I think I was sucked in a bit with the new lingerie aspect of it, when I started out here. Yeah stuff from shein and similar is cheap. But their woekers have to work 75 hour weeks.
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cg67w73nxqxo
So I've decided to stop purchasing from fast fashion brands like that. Because for me personally it didn't feel ethical to take advantage of others, for things I didn't technically need. So have taken to taking pictures in my clothes, underwear I wear daily or in the nude.
"
Nude is underrated I think!! I've managed to get a lovely outfit from Vinted before, and the other lingerie I wear is high quality (no choice at my bra size) so it'll last a while thankfully  |
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"Always live to your means and never get embarrassed... Most people have no idea what expensive lingerie looks like - so long as its clean and tantalising it'll get the job done
For example, I'm always getting compliments on my 'expensive lace shorts' - but they are from asda, 3 for a fiver i think
Whatever you are doing, do it /wear it with confidence! "
Supermarkets do such lovely knickers I swear  |
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It can be prohibitive for sure.
I've decided not to meet people I otherwise would have met, because I knew I wouldn't be able to cover half the cost of a hotel. Similarly, I've refused coffee meets because I couldn't afford it at times when money has been really tight. I'll never give that as the reason though as it might look like I'm angling for them to pay - and that would embarrass me.
I've not bought lingerie in over a year because I can't afford to buy things I won't get good use of.
I've gone from attending social events every month to perhaps once every 3 months - I do stay over in hotels, usually sharing with friends, but I don't go "out" out otherwise so can kinda justify it |
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I am fortunate in that I have no mortgage or rent to pay. I do however run 2 cars, soon to be reduced to 1 because of ridiculous insurance demands.
I am comfortable in that I have sufficient money without having to use my credit card.
My rainy day fund was almost wiped out last year with some major house repairs so am now trying to build the fund up again.
Being an introvert I have no interest in visiting Clubs or socials so that saves me a few pounds each month.
My friends however say I am paranoid about money. |
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Yes like everything in life it can be very expensive depending how you do it and how you like it. If you want new lingerie everytime, travel, go to clubs, events it all mounts up. And we all have to ballance what we want with our finances. However the most important thing is people. Most people won't give a hoot if they've seen you in the same lingerie before. They just want to get to know you (quite possibly in the biblical sense).
Clubs can be expensive (especially with travel and hotels etc) but that is what it is. If your clubs or nothing then they may just have to be one of those occasional treats (all the more reason to pick well and go hard).
But there's other things out. Does a social have to be dinner and drinks in a nice bar/restaurant? The sun is out (sometimes). Can it not be blanket on the ground in a nice park with some drinks and nibbles? After all the aim is to touch base and if there's chemistry, not to see how much you can all spend.
Likewise (and I get this won't be for everyone) there's private parties, home meets or even going halfs on a reasonable priced hotel room. Getting an invite to a private party is a great but very reasonable way of meeting lots of new people. Especially if the host has a talent for spotting and bringing the right people together. Again it's the people that matter.
I get that sometimes it seems everyone is wealthy on the scene. I think firstly because the scene is dominated by the over 40s. Lots have accumulated some wealth and their kids may have moved out. Secondly people do understandably put their best foot forward. Which means quite often they show them self off in finer things and decadence that may not necessarily be reflective of their everyday life (just as people on vanilla social media do). So just something to bear in mind.
However times are getting harder for all as disposable income shrink in the face of inflation more and more. The scene is not all full of money bags and I believe more people on the scene will also be asking how can I enjoy the scene for less? Which also makes me wonder if we'll see a growth in the private house party scene?
Mr |
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"Yes like everything in life it can be very expensive depending how you do it and how you like it. If you want new lingerie everytime, travel, go to clubs, events it all mounts up. And we all have to ballance what we want with our finances. However the most important thing is people. Most people won't give a hoot if they've seen you in the same lingerie before. They just want to get to know you (quite possibly in the biblical sense).
Clubs can be expensive (especially with travel and hotels etc) but that is what it is. If your clubs or nothing then they may just have to be one of those occasional treats (all the more reason to pick well and go hard).
But there's other things out. Does a social have to be dinner and drinks in a nice bar/restaurant? The sun is out (sometimes). Can it not be blanket on the ground in a nice park with some drinks and nibbles? After all the aim is to touch base and if there's chemistry, not to see how much you can all spend.
Likewise (and I get this won't be for everyone) there's private parties, home meets or even going halfs on a reasonable priced hotel room. Getting an invite to a private party is a great but very reasonable way of meeting lots of new people. Especially if the host has a talent for spotting and bringing the right people together. Again it's the people that matter.
I get that sometimes it seems everyone is wealthy on the scene. I think firstly because the scene is dominated by the over 40s. Lots have accumulated some wealth and their kids may have moved out. Secondly people do understandably put their best foot forward. Which means quite often they show them self off in finer things and decadence that may not necessarily be reflective of their everyday life (just as people on vanilla social media do). So just something to bear in mind.
However times are getting harder for all as disposable income shrink in the face of inflation more and more. The scene is not all full of money bags and I believe more people on the scene will also be asking how can I enjoy the scene for less? Which also makes me wonder if we'll see a growth in the private house party scene?
Mr"
Fantastic comment, thank you!! |
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An interesting post OP and some great responses.
We simply budget swinging into our normal expenses. General expenses of testing, clubs, drinks and travel. Lingerie goes into our mutual clothing budget, Mr doesn’t get to wear it, but it feels like a shared cost
If we have to cut costs we prioritise with all other discretionary spend, holidays, days out, takeaway, etc |
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I think it's reasonable to spend what I can afford only. And I don't compare myself to others, as it's a recipe for unhealthy results. I do without and shop wisely. And never judge myself or others |
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"An interesting post OP and some great responses.
We simply budget swinging into our normal expenses. General expenses of testing, clubs, drinks and travel. Lingerie goes into our mutual clothing budget, Mr doesn’t get to wear it, but it feels like a shared cost
If we have to cut costs we prioritise with all other discretionary spend, holidays, days out, takeaway, etc "
I'm glad folks took this post as intended, it was part personal insecurity and part genuine curiosity! |
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