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Familiarity breeds contempt
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A common enough phrase that makes absolute sense to me in the standard translation.
But why does other people you've never connected with being familiar with other people you've never connected with seem to breed such bile?
What is a clique to you?
I remember the first times I attended a particular club that I'd been informed several times from random people was very cliquey and exclusionary.
My first visit I saw people arrive and be greeted warmly with hugs and happy excitement. While I only got a polite hello. Was this supposed to be offensive? Or just people who are friendly being friendly to each other?
People were sat having conversations with their friends. I was new. I didn't have any friends there yet. Was I supposed to sit in the corner and loudly bemoan that no-one was making an effort to engage with the complete stranger not attempting to engage with them over talking to their actual friends?
Is the sensible response not to just introduce yourself and engage in the conversations that were open and of interest to you?
I always hate hearing places are cliquey.
What does it actually mean to you? |
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it can be difficult to get involved with people who are familiar with each other and from the length of time people have been on Fab for example, known each other for a long time.
persistence does pay off - but not everyone has to the confidence to continue to be persistent. Its always hard being the new person coming into something that is already established. |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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"I totally ignore it tbh. Places can be cliquey but if you don’t introduce yourself or at least try to make friends then why be there?
I also like my clique… it only has me in it  "
My kind of special exclusive clique  |
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Being friends with someone on here will be labelled as "cliquey" by those who aren't in that friend group. People see others having fun and feel like they're being excluded because they haven't penetrated (ahem) that friend group, hence to them, everyone else who knows each other is in "the clique" (which doesn't actually exist). Some people just love to play the victim, basically |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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In my experience so called cliques have been existing friendship groups that others feel excluded from... without them making attempts to properly engage and feeling others should reach out and make all the running to involve them.
I've never been to a club and felt there was a clique that was exclusionary... |
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I don't know what it really means, despite thinking about this over and over, nor do I know how it's manifested itself within the confides of Fab.
I've attended socials where I've been warmly welcomed by those who were the stalwarts of the evening, who graciously engaged with me as a relative newcomer, including me in their 'in jokes', giving me context into some of their revelry so that I didn't feel left out, whilst at the same time maintaing the carmarderie with those they already knew or were familiar with.
Conversely I've been to group socials where people have created a 'sub social' — or a ring fence — within the main social itself: they did this by festooning the 'ring fence' with balloons, birthday bunting, gifts and a birthday cake. This meant that those who weren't 'in the know' felt ostracised, bewildered and discombobulated. Those who wanted to join in were unable to penetrate that bubble and, sadly, felt left out. Would that be an example of a clique... ...?
Cliques can be misconstrued. Sometimes they are a harmless collective of forged friendships, carmarderie and familial solidarity, and nothing more. Other times they are a pig sty of familiarity, where membership is based on sycophancy, sharp tongues, aloofness and leverage. |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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noun: clique; plural noun: cliques
a small close-knit group of people who do not readily allow others to join them.
"his flat became a haven for a clique of young men of similar tastes |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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"noun: clique; plural noun: cliques
a small close-knit group of people who do not readily allow others to join them.
"his flat became a haven for a clique of young men of similar tastes"
Who is he? Is he hot? |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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I don’t know, but I know it when I see it. 
I’ve had groups of friends, but normally we are open to make new friends. But that’s not a clique.
Like you said op, people from The outside looking in can mistake a clique with their own jealousy/admiration of what they’d like to join in with.
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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I think it's understandable for people to gravitate towards their friends and people they know as they feel they can be more open and comfortable with each other which is totally fine.
I think the issue stems from what you say and actually making the effort to introduce yourself and start a conversation, only for it to happen one way or receive short answers which you can take as an indicator for you to piss off. That's what I find hurtful anyway |
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Sometimes I feel about as welcome as winning an all inclusive holiday at Chernobyl. Other times I’ve been enthusiastically adopted by a group and made to feel very much part of the dynamic. It’s often me that is terrible and maintaining connection or sending that WhatsApp. So when I see ‘cliques’ I just let them crack on.
More widely, when assimilating into a new scene, then whatever I’m annoyingly persistent and persistently annoying. But once I find my corner it’s all fine.
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By *TG3Man 35 weeks ago
Dorchester |
"A common enough phrase that makes absolute sense to me in the standard translation.
But why does other people you've never connected with being familiar with other people you've never connected with seem to breed such bile?
What is a clique to you?
I remember the first times I attended a particular club that I'd been informed several times from random people was very cliquey and exclusionary.
My first visit I saw people arrive and be greeted warmly with hugs and happy excitement. While I only got a polite hello. Was this supposed to be offensive? Or just people who are friendly being friendly to each other?
People were sat having conversations with their friends. I was new. I didn't have any friends there yet. Was I supposed to sit in the corner and loudly bemoan that no-one was making an effort to engage with the complete stranger not attempting to engage with them over talking to their actual friends?
Is the sensible response not to just introduce yourself and engage in the conversations that were open and of interest to you?
I always hate hearing places are cliquey.
What does it actually mean to you?"
exactly that and you are a woman who would be welcomed at some point imagine being a guy in that situation and say a guy who can't talk to everyone, I'm a chatty guy and your scenario has happened to me several times in clubs, just got to get over it and circulate  |
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By *ags73Man 35 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
Had a bad experience in February, club myself on a Saturday, didn’t know anyone, wasn’t drinking left at midnight.
My mindset was for chucking it, just giving up but I kept going and kept trying. A friend has really helped me too.
At time I said about it and someone said about EGoF - existing group of friends and it made a lot of sense and getting head around it and figuring how it works and what to do.
I’ve had to back off in other ways recently as had tattoos and necessary time out from things because of that.
I’ve posted more on forums and had chats and grateful for that.
I don’t know answers, I’m only a year into this sort of thing, some good experiences since start of 2024 and some things for me to learn about and learn about myself.
Not had to socialise in this way for a very long time, didn’t expect to have to, I guess, and some skills are rusty in terms of peopleing and the chat and chat up.
A way to go yet. I’d still like to think I can get somewhere messaging to have meets, but one thing at a time and can only see where it all leads. |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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"I totally ignore it tbh. Places can be cliquey but if you don’t introduce yourself or at least try to make friends then why be there?
I also like my clique… it only has me in it "
This
 |
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