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Worst sexual experience...
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Keeping the topic light and Humerous, what has been your worst sexual experience?
I'll go.
A lady farting, and following through will I was munching!
GO! |
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Both very d*unk. Halfway during the fun. Both naked. She throws up on me. Yes I'm not joking either. |
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looseing my virginity .. it was rubbish |
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By *unchalMan 35 weeks ago
Dartford |
"Both very d*unk. Halfway during the fun. Both naked. She throws up on me. Yes I'm not joking either. "
I remember a narrow miss. Both d*unk and snogging. She turned her head and threw up. Her friend took her away to get cleaned up and I never saw her again. |
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Met with a couple. We get naked and enjoy the evening, she is on all fours giving me a Fab BJ, hubby enters her from behind, he goes a bit deep, she bites down..
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By *elloWoman 35 weeks ago
alpha centauri |
Been out on a pizza date, a few drinks and on way home we got a bit horny and stopped off at a public toilet in a park for some fun. Whilst I was sucking his cock I went a bit too deep, gagged and brought up a little salad on to his willy. Mortified in a hilarious way.
Therefore I never have salad on a date anymore  |
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"Been out on a pizza date, a few drinks and on way home we got a bit horny and stopped off at a public toilet in a park for some fun. Whilst I was sucking his cock I went a bit too deep, gagged and brought up a little salad on to his willy. Mortified in a hilarious way.
Therefore I never have salad on a date anymore "
Awww I was going to get you an Iceberg Lettuce for next years Valentines Day too  |
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Tried cock and the guy was quite aggressive, not in a bad way but tried to be dominating and I was uncomfortable. I told him and i left within 10 minutes... put me off for life |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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I'm here just for the comments. Don't want to miss the fun 
Mrs |
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"Met with a couple. We get naked and enjoy the evening, she is on all fours giving me a Fab BJ, hubby enters her from behind, he goes a bit deep, she bites down..
"
We have a current winner!!!! |
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By *ags73Man 35 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
"Sex without kissing "
Yeah. That is rubbish |
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By *ucka39Man 35 weeks ago
Newcastle |
Not had any yet, so I'll sit in the corner so I'm prepared for things to possibly come |
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"Sex without kissing "
Erm.... what? That's pants |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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Can I just put all the sex I've ever had? |
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Getting finger banged overly aggressively. He activated the other tube down there. I pooped. Fucking mortifying. |
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By *ags73Man 35 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
Going back a bit, she was really enthusiastic and so was I and it just didn’t work.
Anticipation , nerves and both just too up for it. |
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Giving it my all during d*unk cow girl. Fell off the bed, landed awkwardly between bed and set of drawers. Had to remain doubled over on the floor until he rearranged furniture to free me. |
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By *manooMan 35 weeks ago
Somerset |
Having sex with a lady and she had poo on her anal hole, dont think she clean herself properly and never saw her again!  |
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"Getting finger banged overly aggressively. He activated the other tube down there. I pooped. Fucking mortifying. "
My God that's some aggressive finger banging lol |
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Someone with long nails fingered me none too carefully and cut me. I bled for a day. |
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"Can I just put all the sex I've ever had?"
Ypu can say it but we won't believe it. |
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"Someone with long nails fingered me none too carefully and cut me. I bled for a day."
That's an ick, a man with long finger nails...
... totally assumed, it was a man. |
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"Been out on a pizza date, a few drinks and on way home we got a bit horny and stopped off at a public toilet in a park for some fun. Whilst I was sucking his cock I went a bit too deep, gagged and brought up a little salad on to his willy. Mortified in a hilarious way.
Same reason I don't eat salad... honest
Therefore I never have salad on a date anymore "
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By *ags73Man 35 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
"Giving it my all during d*unk cow girl. Fell off the bed, landed awkwardly between bed and set of drawers. Had to remain doubled over on the floor until he rearranged furniture to free me. "
Ouch. |
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"Someone with long nails fingered me none too carefully and cut me. I bled for a day."
This happened to me! Well it was a guy and he had a split nail. It was like a murder scene!  |
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"Giving it my all during d*unk cow girl. Fell off the bed, landed awkwardly between bed and set of drawers. Had to remain doubled over on the floor until he rearranged furniture to free me. "
Mental image is lovely lol |
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I was working away in a hotel in Brum. Pre covid.
Met someone off here, went to a pub, couple of drinks.
Head to my room, things progressing. She says she needs the bathroom.
Clear what's occuring.
She comes out, we start getting back to things.
Becomes clear that she's had a highly ineffective wiping of the freckle, with both my eyes and nose taking the brunt of it.
Suffice to say I struggled to maintain tumescence... |
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"Giving it my all during d*unk cow girl. Fell off the bed, landed awkwardly between bed and set of drawers. Had to remain doubled over on the floor until he rearranged furniture to free me. "
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Worst has to be having my shoulder dislocated whilst getting a faceful of squirt whilst in the full swing of oral |
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"Getting finger banged overly aggressively. He activated the other tube down there. I pooped. Fucking mortifying.
My God that's some aggressive finger banging lol "
It was AWFUL |
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"Worst has to be having my shoulder dislocated whilst getting a faceful of squirt whilst in the full swing of oral"
This escalated in a mad way hahaha |
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By *ags73Man 35 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
"Worst has to be having my shoulder dislocated whilst getting a faceful of squirt whilst in the full swing of oral"
Oh that sounds sore and slightly messy |
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"Getting finger banged overly aggressively. He activated the other tube down there. I pooped. Fucking mortifying.
My God that's some aggressive finger banging lol
It was AWFUL"
That sounds hideous. Was he not for taking things a bit more gently? |
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"Worst has to be having my shoulder dislocated whilst getting a faceful of squirt whilst in the full swing of oral"
I feel this was possibly worth it |
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Getting a handjob in my room and my dad walks in. We make eye contact just as I start cumming all over my torso. It had also been a few days so there was a lot to shoot. |
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Met with a couple and should have seen the red flags early as whilst she was providing a bit of oral fun he decided to pop a can of pringles and have a snack. She got upset at him but all continued then when he couldn't get it up she proceeded to slap the heck out of him. I politely got dressed, made excuses and got the hell out of dodge. |
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By *ags73Man 35 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
"Worst has to be having my shoulder dislocated whilst getting a faceful of squirt whilst in the full swing of oral
I feel this was possibly worth it"
Could say he washed his face on it. |
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"Getting finger banged overly aggressively. He activated the other tube down there. I pooped. Fucking mortifying.
My God that's some aggressive finger banging lol
It was AWFUL"
can't imagine it being fun |
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"Worst has to be having my shoulder dislocated whilst getting a faceful of squirt whilst in the full swing of oral
I feel this was possibly worth it
Could say he washed his face on it."
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"Getting a handjob in my room and my dad walks in. We make eye contact just as I start cumming all over my torso. It had also been a few days so there was a lot to shoot."
Proud moment for your dad |
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Losing my virginity,
Was ontop of her and she had her jumper and top still on.... I mentioned with all the hinting in the world "that's a nice jumper" to which she replied, yup got it on sale. |
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Reverse cowgirl squatting. gets a bit too intense and cock slips out just as she coming back down.. gets caught and almost snaps my cock in half lol
I always get flash backs when someone's on top now lol |
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By *ags73Man 35 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
"Getting a handjob in my room and my dad walks in. We make eye contact just as I start cumming all over my torso. It had also been a few days so there was a lot to shoot.
Proud moment for your dad "
Be like the big dog and little pup in Tom and Jerry.
‘That’s ma Boy!’ |
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"Getting a handjob in my room and my dad walks in. We make eye contact just as I start cumming all over my torso. It had also been a few days so there was a lot to shoot.
Proud moment for your dad
Be like the big dog and little pup in Tom and Jerry.
‘That’s ma Boy!’"
Hahahaha |
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Pulled on a night out, clothes falling off on way to bedroom, both up for a quick bang.
She was super wet , I thought fantastic, went to slip it in ! And nearly fell in !!
First and only bill posters bucket fanny, proper wizards sleave, barely touched the sides.
Had to fake I’d came , got out of there quickly |
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Mine still makes me shudder...
I never do d*unk sex, but after a night out last year, I took a bloke back to the airbnb I was staying in. We had a pretty full-on night & had another round in the morning. He was very enthusiastically giving oral & when he was done, he took a tissue off the bedside table & blew a ton of blood out of his nose. I asked if he was ok, then realised in absolute horror, it had come from me
I'd been having some hormone issues & getting sudden irregular bleeding with no warning signs. The bed looked like someone had sacrificed a small animal...white duvet, sheet, pillowcases, mattress protector, even gone through to the mattress, which luckily I managed to scrub off. I stripped the bed & got out of there pdq. Dropped the fella back at his car (a very quiet journey), then messaged the airbnb host, offering my sincere apologies & told her to chuck all of the spoiled bedding away & charge me for the replacements. She was very kind & explained that she had 3 daughters so she wasn't at all bothered, although I suspect she hadn't seen it at that point.
Needless to say, I didn't hear from the guy again!!! |
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"Mine still makes me shudder...
I never do d*unk sex, but after a night out last year, I took a bloke back to the airbnb I was staying in. We had a pretty full-on night & had another round in the morning. He was very enthusiastically giving oral & when he was done, he took a tissue off the bedside table & blew a ton of blood out of his nose. I asked if he was ok, then realised in absolute horror, it had come from me
I'd been having some hormone issues & getting sudden irregular bleeding with no warning signs. The bed looked like someone had sacrificed a small animal...white duvet, sheet, pillowcases, mattress protector, even gone through to the mattress, which luckily I managed to scrub off. I stripped the bed & got out of there pdq. Dropped the fella back at his car (a very quiet journey), then messaged the airbnb host, offering my sincere apologies & told her to chuck all of the spoiled bedding away & charge me for the replacements. She was very kind & explained that she had 3 daughters so she wasn't at all bothered, although I suspect she hadn't seen it at that point.
Needless to say, I didn't hear from the guy again!!! "
Bloody hell |
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"Mine still makes me shudder...
I never do d*unk sex, but after a night out last year, I took a bloke back to the airbnb I was staying in. We had a pretty full-on night & had another round in the morning. He was very enthusiastically giving oral & when he was done, he took a tissue off the bedside table & blew a ton of blood out of his nose. I asked if he was ok, then realised in absolute horror, it had come from me
I'd been having some hormone issues & getting sudden irregular bleeding with no warning signs. The bed looked like someone had sacrificed a small animal...white duvet, sheet, pillowcases, mattress protector, even gone through to the mattress, which luckily I managed to scrub off. I stripped the bed & got out of there pdq. Dropped the fella back at his car (a very quiet journey), then messaged the airbnb host, offering my sincere apologies & told her to chuck all of the spoiled bedding away & charge me for the replacements. She was very kind & explained that she had 3 daughters so she wasn't at all bothered, although I suspect she hadn't seen it at that point.
Needless to say, I didn't hear from the guy again!!!
Bloody hell "
Yep!! Lol!! |
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By *sWyldWoman 35 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
It was a few years ago with someone I was seeing. He had a few hang ups at times. We were I thought having a great time. All the chemistry, foreplay, edging etc. Just as I was about to slide down on to his cock he decided he couldn't. I obviously respected his decision and stopped. Someone can say no at anytime, always. However it left me feeling absolutely awful about myself
I'm glad he stopped as I'd rather that than be a regret but it hurt me for so many reasons. Even further into our relationship it haunted me a lot and still does. |
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"Mine still makes me shudder...
I never do d*unk sex, but after a night out last year, I took a bloke back to the airbnb I was staying in. We had a pretty full-on night & had another round in the morning. He was very enthusiastically giving oral & when he was done, he took a tissue off the bedside table & blew a ton of blood out of his nose. I asked if he was ok, then realised in absolute horror, it had come from me
I'd been having some hormone issues & getting sudden irregular bleeding with no warning signs. The bed looked like someone had sacrificed a small animal...white duvet, sheet, pillowcases, mattress protector, even gone through to the mattress, which luckily I managed to scrub off. I stripped the bed & got out of there pdq. Dropped the fella back at his car (a very quiet journey), then messaged the airbnb host, offering my sincere apologies & told her to chuck all of the spoiled bedding away & charge me for the replacements. She was very kind & explained that she had 3 daughters so she wasn't at all bothered, although I suspect she hadn't seen it at that point.
Needless to say, I didn't hear from the guy again!!! "
Oh, I had a period drama with someone I'd been chatting with fir a year. The room looked like a crime scene when my period unexpectedly kicked in. I was mortified |
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"It was a few years ago with someone I was seeing. He had a few hang ups at times. We were I thought having a great time. All the chemistry, foreplay, edging etc. Just as I was about to slide down on to his cock he decided he couldn't. I obviously respected his decision and stopped. Someone can say no at anytime, always. However it left me feeling absolutely awful about myself
I'm glad he stopped as I'd rather that than be a regret but it hurt me for so many reasons. Even further into our relationship it haunted me a lot and still does. "
Not being funny, but was he married and freaked out? |
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Ok, thank fuck, so far no one has told a story about me. Emphasis on, “so far” |
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By *eren4891Woman 35 weeks ago
North east wales |
Well I met someone from here. The big I'll pleasure you etc etc. My cock ll have you weak.
Tbf it was pretty girth. Prob the biggest I've encountered. Anyway finally got read to ride him.
I sat on his cock. He came. I didnt do anything! Them he ran off for a work call ffs |
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By *eren4891Woman 35 weeks ago
North east wales |
"Haha ran off for work yano! "
I was fuming. All that build up, and I turned others down for that. |
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Being caught wanking in someone else’s room! |
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"Haha ran off for work yano!
I was fuming. All that build up, and I turned others down for that. "
All talk no action! You live and learn, his rep has gone now ??. Feel for you tho could of had a very interesting night with another |
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Was having sex...she decided to clamp down and nearly snap my dick. Then changed position and knee right in the balls. Tried to carry on and got a knee in the balls again. She tried to ride me and my dick fully bent nearly snapping and she poked me in the eye getting off me. Decided to just kiss and manage to poke me in the eye with her nose |
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By *sWyldWoman 35 weeks ago
Edinburgh |
"It was a few years ago with someone I was seeing. He had a few hang ups at times. We were I thought having a great time. All the chemistry, foreplay, edging etc. Just as I was about to slide down on to his cock he decided he couldn't. I obviously respected his decision and stopped. Someone can say no at anytime, always. However it left me feeling absolutely awful about myself
I'm glad he stopped as I'd rather that than be a regret but it hurt me for so many reasons. Even further into our relationship it haunted me a lot and still does.
Not being funny, but was he married and freaked out? "
There were many issues at play but that was certainly part of it |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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"Was having sex...she decided to clamp down and nearly snap my dick. Then changed position and knee right in the balls. Tried to carry on and got a knee in the balls again. She tried to ride me and my dick fully bent nearly snapping and she poked me in the eye getting off me. Decided to just kiss and manage to poke me in the eye with her nose "
This is actually so funny ?????? |
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By *ags73Man 35 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
"Haha ran off for work yano!
I was fuming. All that build up, and I turned others down for that. "
At least a few pumps would have been polite |
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A very bad anal experience, let’s say I was young inexperienced and it wasn’t on the cards so no preparation 
What made it worse was it was a guy I worked with, I had to face him the next day at work. But it never put him off and we had plenty more fun times. But I still cringe thinking about it now. |
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By *omRPMan 35 weeks ago
North Curry |
I was on my back, legs in the air, the guy was very ‘enthusiastic’ with his motions and God knows how, but dislocated both my hips at the same time. Let’s just say that was a passion killer there and then. |
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By *ripfillMan 35 weeks ago
Paris, New York, Hong Kong and Havant |
Reading this thread is a great cause for alarm. !
Blood - crime scene, dislocations, salard ( I liked that story very much ) poo and more poo
Vomit, sharp finger nails omg - this should be all entered into a fab training manual for first timers
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"I was on my back, legs in the air, the guy was very ‘enthusiastic’ with his motions and God knows how, but dislocated both my hips at the same time. Let’s just say that was a passion killer there and then. "
Oh, that's awful!
I have hypermobility and one hip often works it's way out, but to have both go at the same time |
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Oh good grief ... there was one where I told the guy no bareback and he tried to do it anyway  I clamped my legs shut so he hot the hint, there was another guy who was into watersports who kept sniffing my pussy and talking about my " peepee" ..! I could probably write a book lol |
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By *avexxMan 35 weeks ago
cheshire |
"Reading this thread is a great cause for alarm. !
Blood - crime scene, dislocations, salard ( I liked that story very much ) poo and more poo
Vomit, sharp finger nails omg - this should be all entered into a fab training manual for first timers
"
,, i was thinking the same thing,, |
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Reading those comments I actually think mine weren’t as bad as I thought they were! |
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By *omRPMan 35 weeks ago
North Curry |
"I was on my back, legs in the air, the guy was very ‘enthusiastic’ with his motions and God knows how, but dislocated both my hips at the same time. Let’s just say that was a passion killer there and then.
Oh, that's awful!
I have hypermobility and one hip often works it's way out, but to have both go at the same time "
Yeah. It was not the funnest I can assure you. I hope you don’t experience too much discomfort from your hypermobility. |
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By *rispyDuckMan 35 weeks ago
Chinese Takeaway near you |
Messaged by local couple, chat was great & invited over. Got there & the Mrs who had been chatting with Darryl said a thing spent 20mins playing candy crush on her phone & fella watching match on the day . The pussy cat kept me company though could feet the claws walking on my jeans. Just as I was making my excuse to leave she said let’s go to the bedroom, then just laid there motionless like a corpse I made a fast exit lol |
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Recieving a blow job..The woman thought it was sexy to move her mouth sideways with very sharp teeth. After three times it felt like a saw working on my dick.... Still have the fear |
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By *irthandgirthMan 35 weeks ago
Camberley occasionally doncaster |
Physically? Having sex and she got her period.. no problem, clean up. She suggested anal. Awesome. Except she hadn't prepped completely and she shat over me. I'm glad it was at hers and she had laminate flooring.
Psychologically? I was invited round by a lady friend and getting all athletically vigorous and she had a breakdown and started bawling and curled up in the foetal position. She had invited me round for sex on the anniversary of the day her ex had R**ed her. And didn't tell me. |
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By *rispyDuckMan 35 weeks ago
Chinese Takeaway near you |
"Physically? Having sex and she got her period.. no problem, clean up. She suggested anal. Awesome. Except she hadn't prepped completely and she shat over me. I'm glad it was at hers and she had laminate flooring.
Psychologically? I was invited round by a lady friend and getting all athletically vigorous and she had a breakdown and started bawling and curled up in the foetal position. She had invited me round for sex on the anniversary of the day her ex had R**ed her. And didn't tell me. "
Fucking hell mate
You’ve had some experiences! |
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I've never really had a bad bad one
I've had a few very strange ones though
The guy who had fish tanks filled with water (but no fish) lining his walls was the one that unnerved me the most
I was absolutely convinced I was going in one of them |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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I met at a hotel for a threesome , fmf all 2 of us were singles but the other 2 had met before , I went in for a taste test and before I could get close the female smelt like broccoli gone bad , I told her discreetly it wasn't the freshest to which her reply was " I baby wiped it" told her I wouldn't be playing with her and she sat under the table crying and then locked herself in toilet , I got dressed and left , no one needs that kind of crazy |
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"Physically? Having sex and she got her period.. no problem, clean up. She suggested anal. Awesome. Except she hadn't prepped completely and she shat over me. I'm glad it was at hers and she had laminate flooring.
Psychologically? I was invited round by a lady friend and getting all athletically vigorous and she had a breakdown and started bawling and curled up in the foetal position. She had invited me round for sex on the anniversary of the day her ex had R**ed her. And didn't tell me. "
I can only imagine she was trying to put a more positive memory in place for that date to try and wash away what her ex had done to her |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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"I met at a hotel for a threesome , fmf all 2 of us were singles but the other 2 had met before , I went in for a taste test and before I could get close the female smelt like broccoli gone bad , I told her discreetly it wasn't the freshest to which her reply was " I baby wiped it" told her I wouldn't be playing with her and she sat under the table crying and then locked herself in toilet , I got dressed and left , no one needs that kind of crazy"
All 3 of us were single * |
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A night of d*unken sex with an ex a long time ago whilst I was still living with my folks. Got a bit too energetic and threw up all over her, the bed and then the rest I did manage to get into the bin. Sadly it was one of those mesh ikea bins and so basically acted like a sieve!
I was too d*unk to be of any use cleaning up so she left me in the bed and slept on the floor, unfortunately a bit too close to the bin!
The following morning I eventually emerged to find her and my folks at the breakfast table all giving me the death stare. I think my mum was more annoyed than my ex.
The fam still reference ‘bin night’ to this day   |
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Mine was very horrible one a long time back I was on night out meet this guy went back to is house had amazing night and he asked if wanted to stay over so I did!!
Till I was woken up at 7:15 in morning by sounds of a women in room i quickly got dressed got out there
To which I knew what had happened so few days past I got text message from same fella saying he had great night and he sorry for what he done but he thought that be okay cause is wife on holiday wasn’t meant back till day after so didn’t see as cheating |
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Being married, to the wrong person, rates pretty highly on the "shit ideas for great sex" scale. |
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"Being married, to the wrong person, rates pretty highly on the "shit ideas for great sex" scale. "
100% and just to make sure I did it twice |
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"I met at a hotel for a threesome , fmf all 2 of us were singles but the other 2 had met before , I went in for a taste test and before I could get close the female smelt like broccoli gone bad , I told her discreetly it wasn't the freshest to which her reply was " I baby wiped it" told her I wouldn't be playing with her and she sat under the table crying and then locked herself in toilet , I got dressed and left , no one needs that kind of crazy"
Fucking hell |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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Snap!! I was 16 he was 18 and had no clue what he was doing! Over in seconds but the memory lasts forever…! |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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Christ this is putting me off sex for good |
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Quick ones. No ones asking for a marathon but all that build up for 10 mins of action leaves you wanting more. So glad Mr isn't a selfish lover  |
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I'm never shagging again after reading some of these |
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Think found the only woman in north west that didn’t know the difference
Between suck and bite |
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"Think found the only woman in north west that didn’t know the difference
Between suck and bite "
My ex |
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By *lfa RomeoMan 35 weeks ago
southeast , Herts, Beds |
Doing anal on a lady, pulled out and she began to suck my cock and realised I had her shit all over my cock. She nearly gagged |
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I had carefully curated an erotic bondage experience for my then girlfriend (or so my 25 years younger self thought) and had sensuously tied her limbs to all four corners of the bed.
Feeling pleased with my handiwork, I decided to step backwards off the bed and placed my right foot into a plant pot. Cue immediate loss of balance, clattering and sprawling on the bedroom floor.
Fortunately, my girlfriend was blindfolded so my dignity remained intact  |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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I imagine this is quite a thread for those taking notes of who to avoid |
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[Removed by poster at 06/05/24 12:56:22] |
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[Removed by poster at 06/05/24 12:58:23] |
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Third time lucky - bloody keyboard!
The Missus and I arranged to meet at a guys' house for some fun - I was to watch as he had his way with her. So far, so fun. The guy had an 18" "gap" between walls in his house, and he had put a discrete spyhole in there so a voyeur could watch him perform. It was all rather snug, and I'm a little claustrophobic, but put up with it for the sake of everyone having a good time.
All was going well until I felt a twitch in my nostrils - yep, a sneeze was on the way. I tried to stop it, and thought I was successful, but it caught be unawares. The resulting sneeze was so powerful that my head shot backwards, smacked into the brick wall behind, bouncing off of it and propelling it forwards into other wall, and there was STILL enough energy to send my head back into the wall behind me again.
It was like the ball stuck between bumpers on a pinball machine. This all happened in less than a second, and the headache was just as instant. I staggered out (it had already been enough to stop them from playing) and discovered that I had put a crack in the plaster on the artex'd bedroom wall.
We didn't go back. But nor were we billed for the damage, so fair's fair. |
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Commenting so we can read through later |
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Two spring to mind.
1. Night club pick up and she took me back to hers. Only it wasn't hers, it was her parents. Downstairs on the sofa, we get acquainted and I start fingering her. She's tight, very tight. We move to the floor and I CANNOT even get my head in. Her moaning wakes parents and I high tail it out of there, with a five mile walk back to mine.
2. Ex GF lived in Coventry, me in south Wales. I'd either go there or her to me each weekend. One Friday, she was riding me and I fell asleep. She was NOT impressed. |
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"Third time lucky - bloody keyboard!
The Missus and I arranged to meet at a guys' house for some fun - I was to watch as he had his way with her. So far, so fun. The guy had an 18" "gap" between walls in his house, and he had put a discrete spyhole in there so a voyeur could watch him perform. It was all rather snug, and I'm a little claustrophobic, but put up with it for the sake of everyone having a good time.
All was going well until I felt a twitch in my nostrils - yep, a sneeze was on the way. I tried to stop it, and thought I was successful, but it caught be unawares. The resulting sneeze was so powerful that my head shot backwards, smacked into the brick wall behind, bouncing off of it and propelling it forwards into other wall, and there was STILL enough energy to send my head back into the wall behind me again.
It was like the ball stuck between bumpers on a pinball machine. This all happened in less than a second, and the headache was just as instant. I staggered out (it had already been enough to stop them from playing) and discovered that I had put a crack in the plaster on the artex'd bedroom wall.
We didn't go back. But nor were we billed for the damage, so fair's fair."
This is, (for us) hilarious |
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In my younger days, met a guy for the first time, had approx 30 mins of snogging and over-clothes groping and i was frustrated as hell that it didn't seem to be progressing, we finally got naked and he suddenly went from seeming a bit prudish to straight to the PIV... he lasted three strokes. Less than 10 seconds. That can happen to anyone BUT what was cringey about it was that he thought it was completely normal and that we had just had really excellent sex and was raving about how great it was. I didn't have the experience nor confidence at the time to say otherwise, so I just said yeah mm great and then blocked him on msn messenger after he left (that should tell you how long ago it was!) |
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By *irthandgirthMan 35 weeks ago
Camberley occasionally doncaster |
"Physically? Having sex and she got her period.. no problem, clean up. She suggested anal. Awesome. Except she hadn't prepped completely and she shat over me. I'm glad it was at hers and she had laminate flooring.
Psychologically? I was invited round by a lady friend and getting all athletically vigorous and she had a breakdown and started bawling and curled up in the foetal position. She had invited me round for sex on the anniversary of the day her ex had R**ed her. And didn't tell me.
I can only imagine she was trying to put a more positive memory in place for that date to try and wash away what her ex had done to her "
Possibly, but giving me a heads up to either say no, or prepare for an emotional response coukd have been advisable. It could have meant a different approach to the evening.. |
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During an MFM with this good looking guy we off here. We did the social which went very well. S really fancied him. So they’re kissing and all getting hot and horny. S strips off. I strip off. He gets down to boxers. All good!! He goes down on S, I’m kissing her, she’s then sucking me. S tells him it’s his turn. Pulls down his boxers,,,, nothing!! Well almost nothing. Maybe an inch but it’s wasn’t what we expected. Really disappointed and to be honest awkward. The reason we ask for pics before. |
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It was a girl who decided she was going on top. We were both quite d*unk and she vomited all over me after about 5 mins of riding. |
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"Both very d*unk. Halfway during the fun. Both naked. She throws up on me. Yes I'm not joking either. "
Ha! I didn't see this! Same thing happened to me. She was on top though. Not pleasant. |
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Had a guy over for some fun with me and Hubby. Hiya was laying on the bed and I was sucking his cock while Hubby was trying to warm me up for anal.
He pulled his finger out and a tiny bit of poop literally shot out my arse and hit the wall. Hubby discretely used his boxers and some water to wipe my hole and the wall and said nothing of it until it was over and the guy was gone.
I wasn't even aware it had happened. |
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"Physically? Having sex and she got her period.. no problem, clean up. She suggested anal. Awesome. Except she hadn't prepped completely and she shat over me. I'm glad it was at hers and she had laminate flooring.
Psychologically? I was invited round by a lady friend and getting all athletically vigorous and she had a breakdown and started bawling and curled up in the foetal position. She had invited me round for sex on the anniversary of the day her ex had R**ed her. And didn't tell me.
I can only imagine she was trying to put a more positive memory in place for that date to try and wash away what her ex had done to her
Possibly, but giving me a heads up to either say no, or prepare for an emotional response coukd have been advisable. It could have meant a different approach to the evening.."
Oh absolutely! Must have been quite shocking for you x |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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[Removed by poster at 06/05/24 14:18:36] |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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D*unken one nighter
The most boring sex I ever had
Reasonable looking didn’t want for-play which I absolutely love so no oral, I can handle not being sucked but I love eating women out,
Bends over and offers herself to be fucked doggy straight away
Very wet I will add but literally for 1/2 hour I was bored, fuck knows how I kept it up
A little moan from her and I decided to shoot my load in her
She enjoyed but I didn’t fucking boring
Mind you that one nighter has stuck in my head over many others lol
Mr |
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First flat in London. Flatsharing with a (female) uni mate. Had my FB over, she was pissed, she was giving a BJ and realised she needed to chuck.
Exorcist vommed running naked down hallway to bathroom. Solid floor, slipped on her own vomit and went crashing through the door of my uni mate.
Mate wakens to sight of vomit covered girl sprawled on her floor...
Simultaneously worst and funniest sexual incident... |
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By *irthandgirthMan 35 weeks ago
Camberley occasionally doncaster |
"Physically? Having sex and she got her period.. no problem, clean up. She suggested anal. Awesome. Except she hadn't prepped completely and she shat over me. I'm glad it was at hers and she had laminate flooring.
Psychologically? I was invited round by a lady friend and getting all athletically vigorous and she had a breakdown and started bawling and curled up in the foetal position. She had invited me round for sex on the anniversary of the day her ex had R**ed her. And didn't tell me.
I can only imagine she was trying to put a more positive memory in place for that date to try and wash away what her ex had done to her
Possibly, but giving me a heads up to either say no, or prepare for an emotional response coukd have been advisable. It could have meant a different approach to the evening..
Oh absolutely! Must have been quite shocking for you x"
Traumatising. It took her quite a while to be able to articulate the situation. Up until that point I thought it was a me thing! |
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2 pumps and done!!
Unfortunately that happens to me a lot!
I must get them to excited straight away |
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"Physically? Having sex and she got her period.. no problem, clean up. She suggested anal. Awesome. Except she hadn't prepped completely and she shat over me. I'm glad it was at hers and she had laminate flooring.
Psychologically? I was invited round by a lady friend and getting all athletically vigorous and she had a breakdown and started bawling and curled up in the foetal position. She had invited me round for sex on the anniversary of the day her ex had R**ed her. And didn't tell me.
I can only imagine she was trying to put a more positive memory in place for that date to try and wash away what her ex had done to her
Possibly, but giving me a heads up to either say no, or prepare for an emotional response coukd have been advisable. It could have meant a different approach to the evening..
Oh absolutely! Must have been quite shocking for you x
Traumatising. It took her quite a while to be able to articulate the situation. Up until that point I thought it was a me thing!"
I'm not surprised x |
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First blowjob I gave was awful. I jumped out of this blokes car late at night onto the beach and I was reaching. It was foul.
I had my pockets picked twice by dodgy girls in Soho, would have been the 90's.
Was giving a blowjob to an Australian bloke, we went through a little alley to behind the shops on Compton Street, in the 90's about 4:30am. No sooner than I had got down and put his cock in my mouth a copper walked through the alley. I stood up the copper said "Is that your boyfriend?" Like an idiot I said no and just shut up from there. It got to the copper just saying can you do that at home or similar.
Walking back out the street I was shaken, the Aussie bloke was laughing, he said "Is that your boyfriend? Only the British."
He offered £15 to go back to his hotel. Cheeky git.
Loads of bad ones but some I just can't.
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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Met someone of Craigslist when you could! Went to her work after everyone had gone. She took me into the toilets. Ended up with cum down the front of my suit trousers. |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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Met someone of Craigslist when you could! Went to her work after everyone had gone. She took me into the toilets. Ended up with cum down the front of my suit trousers. |
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They're coming through now, oh god this one was so embarrassing.
In a bar on Charring Cross Road this place was so cruisey, I'd be in and out of this place day and night sucking cock in the downstairs toilets, got chucked out a few times by the bouncers, I can recall talking my way back in even.
Just given some bloke a blowjob, this one in the cubicle, washed my hands and face and I even checked in the mirror, all good I thought. Went up to the bar and when he was giving me my drink I saw me in the bar mirror and the big line of cum on the top of my head. Moron.
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By *ags73Man 35 weeks ago
glasgow-ish |
Reading the ones from TV/TS’s and I’m a bit shocked as sounds quite a few scary ones |
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By *aiseiMan 35 weeks ago
Birmingham |
Many years ago I chatted to someone on ICQ (remember that?!) and we eventually met up in a hotel.
All seemed fine, although she was pretty nervous. Got to the point of getting into things and she wouldn’t let me go down on her; not a problem, I know some women don’t like or worry about other aspects.
So, went to move things further……I’m seconds away from penetration and out come the words……
“I’m a virgin”
And that’s the end of that.
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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Last minute invite to gang bang party, with very little time to prep in terms of dieting, performing an enema to ensure pristine clean arsehole with both lower and upper intestine flushed, shave smooth all over and shower.
Attended meeting having only done a quick douche, only to find after a few hrs of play I wasn't pristine clean with guy fucking my arsehole with his big dick pulling out to stick it down my throat. Yuk, was only a bit but enough to put me off and want the ground to open up and swallow me whole.
The peeps didn't care and wanted to carry on playing (crazy), I wanted to leave feeling very embarrassed, but was instructed to simply go and clean myself up and resume play. Did exactly that, flushed away any remnants as well as mouth wash and all was ok for me to then carry on for a good few hrs getting ravaged. |
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"Many years ago I chatted to someone on ICQ (remember that?!) and we eventually met up in a hotel.
All seemed fine, although she was pretty nervous. Got to the point of getting into things and she wouldn’t let me go down on her; not a problem, I know some women don’t like or worry about other aspects.
So, went to move things further……I’m seconds away from penetration and out come the words……
“I’m a virgin”
And that’s the end of that.
"
I thought that was every bloke's dream!! |
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By *luefire2Couple 35 weeks ago
just somewhere around here |
We were with a couple and I was giving a blow job to the guy who was wearing fish net stockings.....my nipple piercing got caught in the stockings, he moved, pulled my nipple bar and made my nipple bleed! Then all four of us had to try and un-tangle my sore bleeding nipple from his stockings.
We laughed about it afterwards...but my nipple was sore for a few days.
Mrs R |
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Probably when I was younger, a regular fuck buddy and I were going at it with her on the kitchen worktop. As I was younger and full of energy I was going for it (but on tip toes because of the height of the worktop) and tore my calf muscle. I fell to the floor in agony (she jumped off the worktop (thinking I had damaged Little Doctor) and she landed on me.
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"Was having sex...she decided to clamp down and nearly snap my dick. Then changed position and knee right in the balls. Tried to carry on and got a knee in the balls again. She tried to ride me and my dick fully bent nearly snapping and she poked me in the eye getting off me. Decided to just kiss and manage to poke me in the eye with her nose
This is actually so funny ??????"
In retrospect sure...but at the time...not so much ?? |
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By *oobaaMan 35 weeks ago
South Shields |
Apologies to anyone who is a bit squeamish but here goes.
Was staying in a hotel just outside of Edinburgh and started chatting to a lady online who seemed interested in meeting.
She agreed to come along for a drink and see how it went.
So she arrives and looked great. we were having a drink and the chat was good natured and she popped of to the toilet.
Upon return she suggested that it might be nice to take drinks up to my room. So in my room with a bottle of fizz and 2 glasses and we d had a kiss and cuddle and she pops of to the bathroom again...I thought she was freshening herself up for some fun...no...the noise would be what I would imagine a Bull elephant would make when its emptying his bowels. It was unbelievable. when she came out I asked her if she was alright and she said she was..so we had another kiss and then the smell hit me. I thought a near by sewer had exploded...it was horrific.
Not only had she filled the toilet but she hadnt flushed it. and she had wiped her self on a towel!!! I was sick in the bath and managed to flush the toilet just as I saw her heading for the door..i told her to stay and have a shower to freshen up but she was off.
Worse was to come when I noticed a massive shit stain on the bed.
Had to strip the bed and go to reception and explain there had been an accident.As I was on my own they assumed that I d shit the bed.
Anyway I felt really sorry for the lady and messaged her to see if she was alright but she had blocked me |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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No worse situations for me. Live and learn. Experience was worth it every step ofthe way.
A floppy cock that is d*unk cannot entertain a vagina.
Turned up food all over his mouth and shirt...
His cock was so small
A guy who cannot get an erection.
A guy who half way says home james.. Cheating
All lived and learned
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By *TG3Man 35 weeks ago
Dorchester |
I was having a wank in the woods and a grizzly came along |
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Fell asleep on top of a girl whilst fucking her in the missionary position.
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"Apologies to anyone who is a bit squeamish but here goes.
Was staying in a hotel just outside of Edinburgh and started chatting to a lady online who seemed interested in meeting.
She agreed to come along for a drink and see how it went.
So she arrives and looked great. we were having a drink and the chat was good natured and she popped of to the toilet.
Upon return she suggested that it might be nice to take drinks up to my room. So in my room with a bottle of fizz and 2 glasses and we d had a kiss and cuddle and she pops of to the bathroom again...I thought she was freshening herself up for some fun...no...the noise would be what I would imagine a Bull elephant would make when its emptying his bowels. It was unbelievable. when she came out I asked her if she was alright and she said she was..so we had another kiss and then the smell hit me. I thought a near by sewer had exploded...it was horrific.
Not only had she filled the toilet but she hadnt flushed it. and she had wiped her self on a towel!!! I was sick in the bath and managed to flush the toilet just as I saw her heading for the door..i told her to stay and have a shower to freshen up but she was off.
Worse was to come when I noticed a massive shit stain on the bed.
Had to strip the bed and go to reception and explain there had been an accident.As I was on my own they assumed that I d shit the bed.
Anyway I felt really sorry for the lady and messaged her to see if she was alright but she had blocked me"
You win!! |
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By *ickawitchCouple 35 weeks ago
Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you) |
Not sure about worst but definitely one of our funniest. We were recently married. Wifey had her leg in plaster i when down on her . She moved as I dove in messing around and I landed face first on her knee . She gave me a black eye then in a fit of laughter fell of the bed . And I’m also laughing so hard I couldn’t pick her up . She was laughing so hard she pissed herself. Which made me laugh even harder |
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Having a spontaneous daytime shag in a usually quiet little patch of woods near where i used to live, as we were nearing the finale, we hear voices, a lot of voices, and suddenly about 20 schoolkids and their teachers appear doing a nature walk..... dont think we were spotted, but did kill the mood somewhat! Lol |
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By *TG3Man 35 weeks ago
Dorchester |
"Apologies to anyone who is a bit squeamish but here goes.
Was staying in a hotel just outside of Edinburgh and started chatting to a lady online who seemed interested in meeting.
She agreed to come along for a drink and see how it went.
So she arrives and looked great. we were having a drink and the chat was good natured and she popped of to the toilet.
Upon return she suggested that it might be nice to take drinks up to my room. So in my room with a bottle of fizz and 2 glasses and we d had a kiss and cuddle and she pops of to the bathroom again...I thought she was freshening herself up for some fun...no...the noise would be what I would imagine a Bull elephant would make when its emptying his bowels. It was unbelievable. when she came out I asked her if she was alright and she said she was..so we had another kiss and then the smell hit me. I thought a near by sewer had exploded...it was horrific.
Not only had she filled the toilet but she hadnt flushed it. and she had wiped her self on a towel!!! I was sick in the bath and managed to flush the toilet just as I saw her heading for the door..i told her to stay and have a shower to freshen up but she was off.
Worse was to come when I noticed a massive shit stain on the bed.
Had to strip the bed and go to reception and explain there had been an accident.As I was on my own they assumed that I d shit the bed.
Anyway I felt really sorry for the lady and messaged her to see if she was alright but she had blocked me
You win!! "
lol |
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Many moons ago when jools and I was still girlfriend and boyfriend I was staying in a rented room in a house it had no central heating but the owner provided me with one of those stand up gas bottle heaters ( in hindsight it was a fucking deathtrap,I digress)
Anyway anyone who knows them knows the small flap you lift up to regulate the heat on the top at the back.
Jools and I had just finished shagging and it was really warm so I decided to turn it down I lent over it and just as I did my still hard cock flopped down onto the top of the fire with a nice sizzling sound and me screaming to high heaven, following day nice big blister on my helmet. |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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"Worst has to be having my shoulder dislocated whilst getting a faceful of squirt whilst in the full swing of oral"
Shoulder dislocated and pissed on. Double whammy |
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"Worst has to be having my shoulder dislocated whilst getting a faceful of squirt whilst in the full swing of oral
Shoulder dislocated and pissed on. Double whammy "
Shh, you can't say it's piss  |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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"Apologies to anyone who is a bit squeamish but here goes.
Was staying in a hotel just outside of Edinburgh and started chatting to a lady online who seemed interested in meeting.
She agreed to come along for a drink and see how it went.
So she arrives and looked great. we were having a drink and the chat was good natured and she popped of to the toilet.
Upon return she suggested that it might be nice to take drinks up to my room. So in my room with a bottle of fizz and 2 glasses and we d had a kiss and cuddle and she pops of to the bathroom again...I thought she was freshening herself up for some fun...no...the noise would be what I would imagine a Bull elephant would make when its emptying his bowels. It was unbelievable. when she came out I asked her if she was alright and she said she was..so we had another kiss and then the smell hit me. I thought a near by sewer had exploded...it was horrific.
Not only had she filled the toilet but she hadnt flushed it. and she had wiped her self on a towel!!! I was sick in the bath and managed to flush the toilet just as I saw her heading for the door..i told her to stay and have a shower to freshen up but she was off.
Worse was to come when I noticed a massive shit stain on the bed.
Had to strip the bed and go to reception and explain there had been an accident.As I was on my own they assumed that I d shit the bed.
Anyway I felt really sorry for the lady and messaged her to see if she was alright but she had blocked me"
This made me
I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't given the severity of mishap you'd unfortunately encountered, but it's really funny.
Im still |
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"Many moons ago when jools and I was still girlfriend and boyfriend I was staying in a rented room in a house it had no central heating but the owner provided me with one of those stand up gas bottle heaters ( in hindsight it was a fucking deathtrap,I digress)
Anyway anyone who knows them knows the small flap you lift up to regulate the heat on the top at the back.
Jools and I had just finished shagging and it was really warm so I decided to turn it down I lent over it and just as I did my still hard cock flopped down onto the top of the fire with a nice sizzling sound and me screaming to high heaven, following day nice big blister on my helmet."
Fuckinhell |
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By *unchalMan 35 weeks ago
Dartford |
"Sex without kissing
Yeah. That is rubbish"
Been surprised by that on a couple of occasions. That is rubbish. |
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By *olin44Man 35 weeks ago
houghton |
Meeting a woman off this site and wen we got nude her saying my cock was very small and she then just wanking me off till I cum telling me all the time she likes bigger cock guys |
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Met a posh barrister bloke as I was leaving a nightclub in London, late 90's or early 2000's. I ended up seeing him about five or six times he was renting a flat in Dean Street I think it was. We ate at a couple of nice places, got d*unk a few times. He took me to a late night club on piss night twice. He asked me would I shit on him or shit on the side or something the morning after I think second time I met him, I said no.
He was really soft in his mannerisms totally non threatening this bloke, as soon as he pushed his cock in though he'd turn nasty but it was like faux nasty. Talking nasty, pushing with force but he was really shit and it was over so quick.
I'm in his bed this one time and he was on top of me telling I'm a slut and all this shit and he spat in my face, I said something like 'don't do that to me again' and he spat in my face again this prick. I must have pushed him off me I don't remember, he gave a pathetic apology. It was 2:30 in the morning and I lived probably fifty miles away so I slept in his bed the rest of the night he didn't touch me. |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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Not a sexual experience as such but here goes
So I agreed to meet a woman I was conversing with and obviously interested in down her neck of the woods. It was decided to meet at a well known restaurant near hers so all was good.
I drove there as did she and being sensible I didn not drink any alcohol but she downed a fair few large glasses of wine so politely I asked if she wanted a lift home rather than get on her car intoxicated to which her reply was “no thanks I don’t live far” so I didn’t force the issue any more.
The conversation and food were pretty good but I had absolutely no intention of trying anything on because I didn’t feel it was appropriate.
Anyway the food and evening came to an end and I walked her to her car, checking for balance on the way, and gladly gave her a hug and a peck to which she asked if I would like to come back to hers. I originally said no thanks but she said “no funny business just a couple of drinks”.
I agreed and stopped at the local shop for a few beers for myself knowing I wouldn’t be driving once at her place.
Anyway I get in her flat and instantly she started screaming and shouting saying “you’re not getting in my knickers” and such like I was only half way down my beer and her neighbour came knocking
I explained the situation and the neighbour calmly explained that this isn’t the first time she’s done this and even reported someone for inappropriate behaviour in the past but the accused was not even sexually engaged with her
Safe to say I left sharpish and took my cans with me (phew)
This experience really tarnished my trust and confidence in meeting anyone for a good few years but the few along the way until now have definitely reassured me that not everyone is the same love and learn  |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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[Removed by poster at 07/05/24 06:45:53] |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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Apologies all, bit long winded but had to tell the tale |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"Apologies all, bit long winded but had to tell the tale "
Glad the beers were made safe
All beers matter |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By *oobaaMan 35 weeks ago
South Shields |
"Apologies to anyone who is a bit squeamish but here goes.
Was staying in a hotel just outside of Edinburgh and started chatting to a lady online who seemed interested in meeting.
She agreed to come along for a drink and see how it went.
So she arrives and looked great. we were having a drink and the chat was good natured and she popped of to the toilet.
Upon return she suggested that it might be nice to take drinks up to my room. So in my room with a bottle of fizz and 2 glasses and we d had a kiss and cuddle and she pops of to the bathroom again...I thought she was freshening herself up for some fun...no...the noise would be what I would imagine a Bull elephant would make when its emptying his bowels. It was unbelievable. when she came out I asked her if she was alright and she said she was..so we had another kiss and then the smell hit me. I thought a near by sewer had exploded...it was horrific.
Not only had she filled the toilet but she hadnt flushed it. and she had wiped her self on a towel!!! I was sick in the bath and managed to flush the toilet just as I saw her heading for the door..i told her to stay and have a shower to freshen up but she was off.
Worse was to come when I noticed a massive shit stain on the bed.
Had to strip the bed and go to reception and explain there had been an accident.As I was on my own they assumed that I d shit the bed.
Anyway I felt really sorry for the lady and messaged her to see if she was alright but she had blocked me
This made me
I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't given the severity of mishap you'd unfortunately encountered, but it's really funny.
Im still "
Worse was to come... when the cleaners arrived with new bedding the smell was still overpowering. I heard one of them retching in the bathroom. Tried to explain that a friend had come to my room to freshen up but had a really upset stomach and had to leave...They obviously didnt believe me.
Anyway the room was cleaned up and I headed down to the bar for a couple of drinks...word must have spread between the staff and various members were popping out to see the guy who had shit himself...horrible stay and left early next morning |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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"Apologies to anyone who is a bit squeamish but here goes.
Was staying in a hotel just outside of Edinburgh and started chatting to a lady online who seemed interested in meeting.
She agreed to come along for a drink and see how it went.
So she arrives and looked great. we were having a drink and the chat was good natured and she popped of to the toilet.
Upon return she suggested that it might be nice to take drinks up to my room. So in my room with a bottle of fizz and 2 glasses and we d had a kiss and cuddle and she pops of to the bathroom again...I thought she was freshening herself up for some fun...no...the noise would be what I would imagine a Bull elephant would make when its emptying his bowels. It was unbelievable. when she came out I asked her if she was alright and she said she was..so we had another kiss and then the smell hit me. I thought a near by sewer had exploded...it was horrific.
Not only had she filled the toilet but she hadnt flushed it. and she had wiped her self on a towel!!! I was sick in the bath and managed to flush the toilet just as I saw her heading for the door..i told her to stay and have a shower to freshen up but she was off.
Worse was to come when I noticed a massive shit stain on the bed.
Had to strip the bed and go to reception and explain there had been an accident.As I was on my own they assumed that I d shit the bed.
Anyway I felt really sorry for the lady and messaged her to see if she was alright but she had blocked me
This made me
I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't given the severity of mishap you'd unfortunately encountered, but it's really funny.
Im still
Worse was to come... when the cleaners arrived with new bedding the smell was still overpowering. I heard one of them retching in the bathroom. Tried to explain that a friend had come to my room to freshen up but had a really upset stomach and had to leave...They obviously didnt believe me.
Anyway the room was cleaned up and I headed down to the bar for a couple of drinks...word must have spread between the staff and various members were popping out to see the guy who had shit himself...horrible stay and left early next morning"
What a shit show, I'm so sorry to hear you had to endure that, horrible (yuk). Not at all nice, and the stench must have been rancid (enough to put anyone off having sex)...!
Poor woman but to leave you to suffer the embarrassment alone just doesn't seem right, whilst understandable with the panic that must have set in her to make her want to scarper.
What a shit show. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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"Apologies to anyone who is a bit squeamish but here goes.
Was staying in a hotel just outside of Edinburgh and started chatting to a lady online who seemed interested in meeting.
She agreed to come along for a drink and see how it went.
So she arrives and looked great. we were having a drink and the chat was good natured and she popped of to the toilet.
Upon return she suggested that it might be nice to take drinks up to my room. So in my room with a bottle of fizz and 2 glasses and we d had a kiss and cuddle and she pops of to the bathroom again...I thought she was freshening herself up for some fun...no...the noise would be what I would imagine a Bull elephant would make when its emptying his bowels. It was unbelievable. when she came out I asked her if she was alright and she said she was..so we had another kiss and then the smell hit me. I thought a near by sewer had exploded...it was horrific.
Not only had she filled the toilet but she hadnt flushed it. and she had wiped her self on a towel!!! I was sick in the bath and managed to flush the toilet just as I saw her heading for the door..i told her to stay and have a shower to freshen up but she was off.
Worse was to come when I noticed a massive shit stain on the bed.
Had to strip the bed and go to reception and explain there had been an accident.As I was on my own they assumed that I d shit the bed.
Anyway I felt really sorry for the lady and messaged her to see if she was alright but she had blocked me
This made me
I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't given the severity of mishap you'd unfortunately encountered, but it's really funny.
Im still
Worse was to come... when the cleaners arrived with new bedding the smell was still overpowering. I heard one of them retching in the bathroom. Tried to explain that a friend had come to my room to freshen up but had a really upset stomach and had to leave...They obviously didnt believe me.
Anyway the room was cleaned up and I headed down to the bar for a couple of drinks...word must have spread between the staff and various members were popping out to see the guy who had shit himself...horrible stay and left early next morning"
What the bloody hell was wrong with her tummy for all that to happen is she even alive
Mrs |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By *mmaleiaWoman 35 weeks ago
Trowbridge |
"
What the bloody hell was wrong with her tummy for all that to happen is she even alive
Mrs "
. I would imagine IBS mixed with nerves? |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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Believe Hoobaa definitely wins the Oscar. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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I shouted “I’m coming” so loudly into an ex partners ear, whilst in the missionary position, that it perforated her eardrum leading her to having weeks of deafness and needing to see her GP.
Oh and ‘Hello’ by the way. Newbie here. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
I had my frenulum torn while being ridden by a very tight lady. Agony |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"Apologies to anyone who is a bit squeamish but here goes.
Was staying in a hotel just outside of Edinburgh and started chatting to a lady online who seemed interested in meeting.
She agreed to come along for a drink and see how it went.
So she arrives and looked great. we were having a drink and the chat was good natured and she popped of to the toilet.
Upon return she suggested that it might be nice to take drinks up to my room. So in my room with a bottle of fizz and 2 glasses and we d had a kiss and cuddle and she pops of to the bathroom again...I thought she was freshening herself up for some fun...no...the noise would be what I would imagine a Bull elephant would make when its emptying his bowels. It was unbelievable. when she came out I asked her if she was alright and she said she was..so we had another kiss and then the smell hit me. I thought a near by sewer had exploded...it was horrific.
Not only had she filled the toilet but she hadnt flushed it. and she had wiped her self on a towel!!! I was sick in the bath and managed to flush the toilet just as I saw her heading for the door..i told her to stay and have a shower to freshen up but she was off.
Worse was to come when I noticed a massive shit stain on the bed.
Had to strip the bed and go to reception and explain there had been an accident.As I was on my own they assumed that I d shit the bed.
Anyway I felt really sorry for the lady and messaged her to see if she was alright but she had blocked me
This made me
I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't given the severity of mishap you'd unfortunately encountered, but it's really funny.
Im still
Worse was to come... when the cleaners arrived with new bedding the smell was still overpowering. I heard one of them retching in the bathroom. Tried to explain that a friend had come to my room to freshen up but had a really upset stomach and had to leave...They obviously didnt believe me.
Anyway the room was cleaned up and I headed down to the bar for a couple of drinks...word must have spread between the staff and various members were popping out to see the guy who had shit himself...horrible stay and left early next morning
What the bloody hell was wrong with her tummy for all that to happen is she even alive
Mrs "
Oh gif not good but I’m actually wetting myself |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"Been out on a pizza date, a few drinks and on way home we got a bit horny and stopped off at a public toilet in a park for some fun. Whilst I was sucking his cock I went a bit too deep, gagged and brought up a little salad on to his willy. Mortified in a hilarious way.
Therefore I never have salad on a date anymore "
But did you see him again ?  |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By *elloWoman 35 weeks ago
alpha centauri |
"Been out on a pizza date, a few drinks and on way home we got a bit horny and stopped off at a public toilet in a park for some fun. Whilst I was sucking his cock I went a bit too deep, gagged and brought up a little salad on to his willy. Mortified in a hilarious way.
Therefore I never have salad on a date anymore
But did you see him again ? "
Yes was my Fwb for many years (until recently) |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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"Apologies all, bit long winded but had to tell the tale
Glad the beers were made safe
All beers matter "
|
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
Getting tired half way through having a wank and realising Id rather be having a cup of tea and a biscuit
Haha
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Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By *eren4891Woman 35 weeks ago
North east wales |
He had the cheek to tell me he had resolved for this year to "fuck me again" reminded him its not like he did that last year! And he can resolve as much as he wants.
Might be the biggest cock I've ever experienced, but still. No. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
I think my worst experience was a girl taking me back to hers after a night out and she was taking all night and because I dont take drugs it wasn't a vibe it was just her screaming very Very loud and she just kept wanting more until finally she let me sleep but when I woke up she wasn't there and I checked the whole house and ended up leaving |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
Back to a girls house when I lived in Portugal.
Started getting down to business and could hear cockroaches everywhere … house was clean but was near a river and omg I could not have gotten out of that house any quicker |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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There was this one girl, Martha ... |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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"There was this one girl, Martha ..."
Lmfao
Mrs |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"There was this one girl, Martha ..."
Anal sex
sent from my iPhone |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
Only here for the stories, brilliant |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By *irthandgirthMan 35 weeks ago
Camberley occasionally doncaster |
This one isn't me, but a guy I used to work with.
He didn't show up to work one day, so everyone was trying to get hold of him. Not at home, not at his friend's.. (this was pre-mobile phones).
He phoned work at about 11am. We sent someone to get him. It turns out he had gone out and got shit faced and managed to pull. Went back to hers but fell asleep. Unfortunately he didn't realise the girl he pulled was a lady if negotiable affection. She ran off with everything he owned. He woke up naked in a bare room with a mattress. No clothes.. nothing. He had to make his way out and knock on doors until he found someone to let him in to use the phone.
Glad I've never been in that state. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
Without warning she bit through my neck and attempted to drink my blood |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS 35 weeks ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
"Without warning she bit through my neck and attempted to drink my blood "
Hey, it's a lifestyle choice! Your say it like it's a bad thing. |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By *avinaTVTV/TS 35 weeks ago
Transsexual Transylvania |
"Apologies to anyone who is a bit squeamish but here goes.
Was staying in a hotel just outside of Edinburgh and started chatting to a lady online who seemed interested in meeting.
She agreed to come along for a drink and see how it went.
So she arrives and looked great. we were having a drink and the chat was good natured and she popped of to the toilet.
Upon return she suggested that it might be nice to take drinks up to my room. So in my room with a bottle of fizz and 2 glasses and we d had a kiss and cuddle and she pops of to the bathroom again...I thought she was freshening herself up for some fun...no...the noise would be what I would imagine a Bull elephant would make when its emptying his bowels. It was unbelievable. when she came out I asked her if she was alright and she said she was..so we had another kiss and then the smell hit me. I thought a near by sewer had exploded...it was horrific.
Not only had she filled the toilet but she hadnt flushed it. and she had wiped her self on a towel!!! I was sick in the bath and managed to flush the toilet just as I saw her heading for the door..i told her to stay and have a shower to freshen up but she was off.
Worse was to come when I noticed a massive shit stain on the bed.
Had to strip the bed and go to reception and explain there had been an accident.As I was on my own they assumed that I d shit the bed.
Anyway I felt really sorry for the lady and messaged her to see if she was alright but she had blocked me
This made me
I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't given the severity of mishap you'd unfortunately encountered, but it's really funny.
Im still
Worse was to come... when the cleaners arrived with new bedding the smell was still overpowering. I heard one of them retching in the bathroom. Tried to explain that a friend had come to my room to freshen up but had a really upset stomach and had to leave...They obviously didnt believe me.
Anyway the room was cleaned up and I headed down to the bar for a couple of drinks...word must have spread between the staff and various members were popping out to see the guy who had shit himself...horrible stay and left early next morning
What the bloody hell was wrong with her tummy for all that to happen is she even alive
Mrs
Oh gif not good but I’m actually wetting myself "
Omg! I'm crying with laughter! ! |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
When I was a young whippersnapper, was fooling around with the daughter of a colleague I worked with who was my age. If my colleague knew she didn't let on.
Until one day, I'd had the day off, been round at hers having fun with the daughter.
Colleague came home early from work. Walked into her daughter's room without knocking, just in time to see me stood fully naked shoot a huge load over her daughter's face. Nowhere to hide and nowhere to run.
Let's just say the next few weeks in the office were awkward as. |
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By *dquestCouple 35 weeks ago
Peterborough |
Hmm... pick one: the couple who showed up stinky, the single guy that tried to take off his condom, the lady who bucked during oral sex and gave hubby a bloody nose, the guy who tried to cum in my mouth without permission... however, most playtime has been fun! |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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Sandpaper tongue lady. Had to tell her to stop and then she offered me a cup of tea which I drank so fast I burned my already well sanded mouth before getting outa there! |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"Without warning she bit through my neck and attempted to drink my blood
Hey, it's a lifestyle choice! Your say it like it's a bad thing. "
Consent is key  |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
"Sandpaper tongue lady. Had to tell her to stop and then she offered me a cup of tea which I drank so fast I burned my already well sanded mouth before getting outa there! "
I had a guy rub my clit like he was sanding a skirting board !! |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
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By (user no longer on site) 35 weeks ago
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Sex with Wonko |
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |
