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Post dad jokes below

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By *exxyyDy11 OP Man 36 weeks ago

Darwen

I'll start

What do you call a snake that likes to bake??

A pie-thon

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By *issmorganWoman 36 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

My new neighbour gave me a roof for free, he said it was on the house.

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By *zeroMan 36 weeks ago

Glasgow

My grandad got hit with mustard gas and pepper spray in the war.

He was a seasoned veteran.

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By *ools and the brainCouple 36 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.

I was in the pub and this guy walks up and says

"You got a light mac"

I say's

"Eye a light blue one"

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By *aldGingerMan 36 weeks ago

Glasgow

Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It turned into a field

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By *ldest swinger in townMan 36 weeks ago

kirkcaldy

why do so many men have moustaches?

they want to look like their mum.

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By *ldest swinger in townMan 36 weeks ago

kirkcaldy

what do you do if you see a spaceman?

you park in it quick, man

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By *ssexBlkMaleMan 36 weeks ago

Essex

Justice is a dish best served cold.

If it were served warm, it would be just-water

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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago

What's a Scientologist's favourite piece of furniture in Rivendell?

Elrond’s cupboard!

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By *elloWoman 36 weeks ago

alpha centauri

They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles.

Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?

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By *ools and the brainCouple 36 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.

The other day I ate too many snacks made from chick peas.

I looked a bit unwell the wife says "are you ok?"

I said

" I felafel"

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By *arrus8t5Man 36 weeks ago

manchester

What is E.T. short for?

Because he's got little legs

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By *ez669Man 36 weeks ago

East Kilbride

Whats a Catholic priest and a pint of guineas got in common

Black coat, white collar and you have to watch your ass if you get a dodgy one

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By *ez669Man 36 weeks ago

East Kilbride

Girlfriend- does my bum look big in these jeans

Boyfriend- do you promise not to get upset no matter what i say

Girlfriend- yeah promise

Boyfriend - ok i fucked your sister last week

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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago

These are great!

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By *illy IdolMan 36 weeks ago

Midlands

"My grandad got hit with mustard gas and pepper spray in the war.

He was a seasoned veteran."

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By *rjay224Man 36 weeks ago

up north

Who do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool ???

BOB

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By *illy IdolMan 36 weeks ago

Midlands

What do you call a man with a two-inch penis? Justin.

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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago

"Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It turned into a field "

Don't forget the award winning farmer for being out standing in his field

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By *illy IdolMan 36 weeks ago

Midlands

When two people have sex, its a twosome. When three people have sex, its a threesome. Now I know why people call you handsome.

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By *arrus8t5Man 36 weeks ago

manchester

Bill and Ben are getting ready to sleep

Bill says: "flob a dob, flob a dob a dob"

Ben say: "ffs Bill, if you don't like it just spit it out"

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By *arrus8t5Man 36 weeks ago

manchester

You know, my penis was one in the Guinness book of world records.

The librarian was fuming and told me to leave

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan 36 weeks ago

Willenhall

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

I've never had a lentil on my face...

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By *arrus8t5Man 36 weeks ago

manchester

What's better than eating a mandarin?

Eating Amanda out

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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago

What noise does a mushroom car make?

Shroooooom!

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan 36 weeks ago

Willenhall

Carlsberg don't do Alzheimer's...

...just exceedingly good cakes.

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By *ustincider888Man 36 weeks ago

Preston Ish

"What do you call a man with a two-inch penis? Justin.

I concur

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By *exxyyDy11 OP Man 36 weeks ago

Darwen

Why do trees hate riddles?

Because it’s too easy to get stumped

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By *illan-KillashMan 36 weeks ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants

It's just cost me £1 to get some air in my tyres, last time I used the airline in a petrol station it was 20 pence.

That's inflation for you......

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan 34 weeks ago

Willenhall

Dog walkers...

Worst flavour crisp ever.

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By *ristol100Man 34 weeks ago

Bristol

What’s pink and wrinkled and hangs out your trousers?

Your mum!

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By *ristol100Man 34 weeks ago

Bristol

What’s pink and hard?

A pig with a machine gun!

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By *echnosonic_BrummieMan 34 weeks ago

Willenhall

What's long, hard, wet and full of seamen?

A submarine...

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By *ristol100Man 34 weeks ago

Bristol

What the difference between a boing 747 and a blonde haired Essex girl?

Nothing - they both have a black box!

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