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By (user no longer on site) OP 36 weeks ago
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This is one of those it’s not us but a friend situation but this truly is and we have given our advice to them but wondered if we were wrong… so it’s good to find out if so and why.
Basically she was single but had a regular FWB they did things together talked a lot, and shagged basically no strings that deep.
She was still trying to meet the one and eventually felt she has, met him enjoyed his company and hve taken it to the next level albeit with bumps in the road caused by her FWB situation.
Essentially she wanted to keep him around just as a friend, but that turned out to be a lot of messaging and chats that excluded her partner. He got upset and said why do you go to him etc and if he is that important as a friend why can’t I meet him if I’m going to be in your life too.
Anyway both her and her FWB said no to that as it would be weird…. We continue. So she said she would dial down the contact and understood it’s a bit much, however she has told us he caught her out making secret phone calls to him and basically staying in contact as much as before! This upset him as he feels the trust is being stretched a bit thin.
So with their potential relationship on the line she is going to cut all ties with her FWB which is what we said is probably for the best if you feel this man is worth it. Not that he should control her friends but is she going to be tempted to do something silly.
Other notable points include throughout this story include
Her going to meet him solo
Texting him pictures of her getting ready for dates with new man
Telling him about her new man and comparing them
It’s a tricky one but hopefully someone has had something similar here and can offer a different take on it all
We can answer questions if we know the answer btw but may be limited as obviously we haven’t told her we are going to a forum to discuss(she isn’t on fab) x
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Telling him about her new man and comparing them is bang out of order.
Sending him pics of her getting ready to go on dates - Sounds like she wants to make him jealous, or wants attention.
If she's not secretly hoping that fwb will offer a full relationship then she needs to just pick one fella. Or discuss having an open relationship, and being prepared for new man to either leave it, or maybe see others too. |
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As others have said, the fwb isn't really an fwb, it's a relationship. The question is who's afraid of the commitment the friend or her.
The new guy hasn't got a look in. He is definitely not the one. If he was she would have cut the ties to the old flame.
Options.
Cut ties with fwb, make relationship work with new guy.
Ditch new guy, make commitment to fwb.
Option 3 doesn't really exist. But could have if it had been laid out better at the start; poly, thrupple, open, swinging, fuck both. But that's of the table. |
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If she and the FWB didn't want 'the one' to meet FWB then he wasn't 'the one' and she's either deluded or disingenuous.
If I was 'the one' I'd be a speck on her horizon by now, she's displayed awful behaviour
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