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Couples - what's your dynamic?
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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago
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I think it's normal for things to change. It certainly has for us. Tread carefully at the beginning, that usually takes time, and it will naturally go to where its meant to be for you as a couple
Mrs |
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We take our time as we usually have to plan a few weeks in advance in order to meet somebody. We'd always do a social first but after that it's all on the table if the vibe is right.
The thing that has changed is that Hannah recently said she would be OK with me (Luke) meeting separately from her under certain circumstances and would be happy to confirm that if required. I'll wait for the offers to come flooding in. |
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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago
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We meet with couples and singles both together and separately.
When we first started out we only met together and were mostly interested meeting single men. |
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When we first started we were in our early twenties and thought with our bits not our brains.
We done straight couples and straight swaps and I didn't really feel like I was getting much out of it.If I'm honest I found it boring.
I was bi and my husband always knew I was bi so I thought for awhile maybe I just wasn't into the men (besides my husband ofc).
When my husband decided he wanted to explore his sexuality I was all for it and we definitely had alot more fun so we decided we would stick to bi couples and bi men and women.
It's definitely harder to find that 4way attraction but it's definitely worth it when we do. |
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It's changed as we have tried things and found what we enjoy and don't. Mr prefers couple meets, I prefer clubs. He prefers to chat to the couple before, I prefer anonymous/spontaneous. We have enough likes in common to have a lot of fun!
We have also changed the way we do solo meets over time, that has been more of an evolution, but it works well. |
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Used to have a couples account but deleted due to life changes.
We met here so was just natural, for us Doughnut was the "hot husband" and I was perfectly ok with this dynamic, was mostly my idea, infact it was fully my idea after I saw him hug a female friend and it gave me a girl erection. We sailed along like this for a couple of years and was perfectly fine and then I let others get in my head that he was being selfish etc.
I had an affair with my first marriage and meeting other men was always a massive thing for me as I knew I didn't know when you stop and also, it didn't really turn DN on, he had no problems with me meeting them but understood why I didn't either but of course I let those comments into my head and over time we met couples and then myself men on my own and being totally and utterly honest here, I'm now in therapy because the same thing happened again as my first marriage and now I am seeking help to find out why I can't stay faithful.
So now we are going back to square one and I'm not getting anyone try and give me advice on what we should or shouldn't be doing, as long as we are happy that's all that matters.
Not blaming those people for trying to look out for me, what happened is totally on me but it's made me realise I need to make my own choices.
And yes, DN and I are working through it, some may think he is an idiot (little more than I have put here behind it) and I am forever greatful to be given a second chance.
So sorry, didn't mean to use this as an "outing" of myself but it's a "true life account". X |
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By *SCouple81Couple 36 weeks ago
Between Edinburgh and Scottish Borders |
Our dynamic changed quite a lot since we started. It was soft swap with couples at the begining but we moved to full swap and added singles to the equation  It's a journey and people are changing. |
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We've gone through various stages of being really up for meets, then months at a time where we're not, mainly due to what's going on in life with health, work, family etc. But in terms of dynamic, I guess what we're looking for when we DO meet hasn't really changed since the start to be honest. |
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"Couples - how do you do this whole swinging thing?
Has it changed over time?
Mrs TMN x
"
We're not really sure. We went to a club or two but they were hard work access-wise. We did enjoy ourselves though. Big group socials are fun for me, but hell for him. We don't have time or space to actually meet people for sexy time together. So we've pretty much shelved that for now. We are both happy with me meeting solo but on a very selective basis and it's pretty much never (see: selective).
Some recent plans got changed, very hopeful they'll be rearranged.
I go to some group socials on my own, for the craic mainly.
We need more time, space and opportunity together. |
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"We take our time as we usually have to plan a few weeks in advance in order to meet somebody. We'd always do a social first but after that it's all on the table if the vibe is right.
The thing that has changed is that Hannah recently said she would be OK with me (Luke) meeting separately from her under certain circumstances and would be happy to confirm that if required. I'll wait for the offers to come flooding in. "
Yep, the planning can take a while trying to co-ordinate everyone's diaries. Do you find sometimes the moment has passed or does it build the anticipation? |
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"Openness about feelings and desires, mutual respect and consideration.
I find it you get the core components right the dynamic flows quite naturally from there and is one focused on compersion."
This sounds pretty similar to my position. If I'm honest we kinda stumbled into it initially but over time have figured things out a bit more. Compersion is huge for both of us, and not a term I knew before joining fab. |
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"It's changed as we have tried things and found what we enjoy and don't. "
I think this doesn't get discussed much. How you deal with change as a couple, especially if one person likes something and the other doesn't. |
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"Used to have a couples account but deleted due to life changes.
We met here so was just natural, for us Doughnut was the "hot husband" and I was perfectly ok with this dynamic, was mostly my idea, infact it was fully my idea after I saw him hug a female friend and it gave me a girl erection. We sailed along like this for a couple of years and was perfectly fine and then I let others get in my head that he was being selfish etc.
I had an affair with my first marriage and meeting other men was always a massive thing for me as I knew I didn't know when you stop and also, it didn't really turn DN on, he had no problems with me meeting them but understood why I didn't either but of course I let those comments into my head and over time we met couples and then myself men on my own and being totally and utterly honest here, I'm now in therapy because the same thing happened again as my first marriage and now I am seeking help to find out why I can't stay faithful.
So now we are going back to square one and I'm not getting anyone try and give me advice on what we should or shouldn't be doing, as long as we are happy that's all that matters.
Not blaming those people for trying to look out for me, what happened is totally on me but it's made me realise I need to make my own choices.
And yes, DN and I are working through it, some may think he is an idiot (little more than I have put here behind it) and I am forever greatful to be given a second chance.
So sorry, didn't mean to use this as an "outing" of myself but it's a "true life account". X"
Thank you for being so open  I think you've hit the nail on the head when you say if you're happy, that's all that matters. Fuck what anyone else thinks. X |
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"Couples - how do you do this whole swinging thing?
Has it changed over time?
Mrs TMN x
We're not really sure. We went to a club or two but they were hard work access-wise. We did enjoy ourselves though. Big group socials are fun for me, but hell for him. We don't have time or space to actually meet people for sexy time together. So we've pretty much shelved that for now. We are both happy with me meeting solo but on a very selective basis and it's pretty much never (see: selective).
Some recent plans got changed, very hopeful they'll be rearranged.
I go to some group socials on my own, for the craic mainly.
We need more time, space and opportunity together. "
This sounds similar to me and Mr actually - I like the social side, he doesn't. Time and space are often a luxury with busy family life. X |
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We always prefer to find couples for regular meets. If possible we do a mixture of joint meets (the 4 of us) and solo sometimes to avoid childcare.
We have changed over time to have solo accounts as its a tiny bit easier than finding 4 people attracted to each other.
We never play together though, always prefer separate room play. |
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Typed out a big long post because I find the swinging aspect of this site so fascinating, but realised as a single (who likes to join couples), my view probably isn’t relevant for this thread.
Curious reading all the replies though
 |
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"Openness about feelings and desires, mutual respect and consideration.
I find it you get the core components right the dynamic flows quite naturally from there and is one focused on compersion.
This sounds pretty similar to my position. If I'm honest we kinda stumbled into it initially but over time have figured things out a bit more. Compersion is huge for both of us, and not a term I knew before joining fab. "
Yeah, I got introduced to the term quite recently from a partner a couple of years ago. It has it's origins in poly circles and has been around a while. My previous partner and I referred to it as Mudita, as there was seemingly no term in English for it.
It was definitely a journey for us too, one I'm deeply grateful that we made together. Then it became a kind of central focus of the relationship, enriched all aspects. It's a beautiful thing you two have there, if you don't mind me saying. |
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"Typed out a big long post because I find the swinging aspect of this site so fascinating, but realised as a single (who likes to join couples), my view probably isn’t relevant for this thread.
Curious reading all the replies though
"
Of course your opinion and view are valid. You swim in the pond and have a relationship with yourself. |
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"Typed out a big long post because I find the swinging aspect of this site so fascinating, but realised as a single (who likes to join couples), my view probably isn’t relevant for this thread.
Curious reading all the replies though
"
Go for it! It's a fascinating subject I think. |
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"Typed out a big long post because I find the swinging aspect of this site so fascinating, but realised as a single (who likes to join couples), my view probably isn’t relevant for this thread.
Curious reading all the replies though
"
All views are valid and interesting! |
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"We always prefer to find couples for regular meets. If possible we do a mixture of joint meets (the 4 of us) and solo sometimes to avoid childcare.
We have changed over time to have solo accounts as its a tiny bit easier than finding 4 people attracted to each other.
We never play together though, always prefer separate room play. "
Childcare! The biggest cock/clunge blocker there is.
Did you ever want to play together? |
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"We are equally unequal...  
What do you mean?
We have two sides to our relationship. 1 part is equal and the other most certainly isn't.. equally unequal.
Sorry, I'm still not following you. "
We have our everyday life which is equal. We also have our Fet life which is unequal. |
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"Openness about feelings and desires, mutual respect and consideration.
I find it you get the core components right the dynamic flows quite naturally from there and is one focused on compersion.
This sounds pretty similar to my position. If I'm honest we kinda stumbled into it initially but over time have figured things out a bit more. Compersion is huge for both of us, and not a term I knew before joining fab.
Yeah, I got introduced to the term quite recently from a partner a couple of years ago. It has it's origins in poly circles and has been around a while. My previous partner and I referred to it as Mudita, as there was seemingly no term in English for it.
It was definitely a journey for us too, one I'm deeply grateful that we made together. Then it became a kind of central focus of the relationship, enriched all aspects. It's a beautiful thing you two have there, if you don't mind me saying."
Thank you. I find it's rare to find other people that get it. Even on here. I really value those friends who do. |
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"We are equally unequal...
What do you mean?
We have two sides to our relationship. 1 part is equal and the other most certainly isn't.. equally unequal.
Sorry, I'm still not following you.
We have our everyday life which is equal. We also have our Fet life which is unequal. "
Ah. Are you talking a dom/sub dynamic? Or one partner having sex with others and the other not? |
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"We are equally unequal...
What do you mean?
We have two sides to our relationship. 1 part is equal and the other most certainly isn't.. equally unequal.
Sorry, I'm still not following you.
We have our everyday life which is equal. We also have our Fet life which is unequal.
Ah. Are you talking a dom/sub dynamic? Or one partner having sex with others and the other not? "
It's a Dlg type of thing based within a Bdsm dynamic |
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"We are equally unequal...
What do you mean?
We have two sides to our relationship. 1 part is equal and the other most certainly isn't.. equally unequal.
Sorry, I'm still not following you.
We have our everyday life which is equal. We also have our Fet life which is unequal.
Ah. Are you talking a dom/sub dynamic? Or one partner having sex with others and the other not?
It's a Dlg type of thing based within a Bdsm dynamic"
OK. I assume you both enjoy the dynamic, though? So doesn't that make it equal? You're both getting something out of it? |
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It’s evolved from learning from different people we’ve met what we’ve enjoyed and progressing from there.
We are mainly more about ticking off a few fantasies and also trying to find that elusive (local) single gent, we can meet more than once.
K |
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"We meet couples and singles both together and separately. This has evolved as we only met as a couple to start with.
J
How and why did things change for you? "
I was invited to an organised social event by someone who I was keen to meet and B wasn't able to make it. We talked about things and he gave me a 'hall pass' for that event. Which I used. 
Round about the same time B was approached a single woman on here. She's straight so it made more sense for him to have a solo meet. I'll admit I struggled with it a little but I was also really pleased for him. A weird mix of fomo, compersion and a twang of insecurity.
We've not met solo much, but the option is there should we want to. It is often easier than trying to find a four way attraction and definitely more convenient from a childcare point of view.
A mini MFM made us want to include a single man so that was another change. Tentative plans are there, it's just matching diaries now.
J |
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Ok, here goes then.
I’m relativley new to it all, so very much still learning what works for me as someone joining a couple.
For me I think it’s a privilege to be invited to join 2 people in a relationship and there has to be a good level of trust and respect all round, but that’s part of it for me, its a different dynamic to playing with another single person. As well as the obvious benefits of more to play with
Learnt very quickly about the need for any boundaries to be clearly discussed up front. Had a bad experience where they hadn’t been and Mr broke the rules that I didn’t know about (I had asked and been told there were none ) It’s not how you want an evening to go.
A couple I’ve played with are open to solo meets but somehow even with permission and talking to both parties, meeting solo just feels like cheating to me *shrug emoji* and whilst I’m very much a person who gets off on the other persons pleasure, even if I know that that gets the couple off, it’s too far removed for me to get off on it. If that makes any sort of sense
And yet if the shoe were on the other foot, could I swing with a partner? Almost certainly not. I think it would be incredibly hard to see someone I care about with someone else/know that’s what they were going off to do.
And that’s coming from someone who is generally very good at separating physical/sex from emotions (hence being able to join couples or have fwb and not have any repercussions)
And that’s what makes the world an interesting place, we’re all different. |
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"We always prefer to find couples for regular meets. If possible we do a mixture of joint meets (the 4 of us) and solo sometimes to avoid childcare.
We have changed over time to have solo accounts as its a tiny bit easier than finding 4 people attracted to each other.
We never play together though, always prefer separate room play.
Childcare! The biggest cock/clunge blocker there is.
Did you ever want to play together? "
It's definitely not something we say no to. It's more me (Jay) that currently finds it off putting seeing the wife with someone else. (Cock block)
I love hearing all about her meets, just not ready to see it right now. |
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"Ok, here goes then.
I’m relativley new to it all, so very much still learning what works for me as someone joining a couple.
For me I think it’s a privilege to be invited to join 2 people in a relationship and there has to be a good level of trust and respect all round, but that’s part of it for me, its a different dynamic to playing with another single person. As well as the obvious benefits of more to play with
Learnt very quickly about the need for any boundaries to be clearly discussed up front. Had a bad experience where they hadn’t been and Mr broke the rules that I didn’t know about (I had asked and been told there were none ) It’s not how you want an evening to go.
A couple I’ve played with are open to solo meets but somehow even with permission and talking to both parties, meeting solo just feels like cheating to me *shrug emoji* and whilst I’m very much a person who gets off on the other persons pleasure, even if I know that that gets the couple off, it’s too far removed for me to get off on it. If that makes any sort of sense
And yet if the shoe were on the other foot, could I swing with a partner? Almost certainly not. I think it would be incredibly hard to see someone I care about with someone else/know that’s what they were going off to do.
And that’s coming from someone who is generally very good at separating physical/sex from emotions (hence being able to join couples or have fwb and not have any repercussions)
And that’s what makes the world an interesting place, we’re all different."
This is a really interesting read. Thank you for explaining it from a single lady viewpoint, although of course as you say everyone is different.
We had a similar experience with another couple many moons ago as they told us that they didn't have any boundaries and then it all kicked off as one of them then broke one! We made our excuses and left!! |
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"Ok, here goes then.
I’m relativley new to it all, so very much still learning what works for me as someone joining a couple.
For me I think it’s a privilege to be invited to join 2 people in a relationship and there has to be a good level of trust and respect all round, but that’s part of it for me, its a different dynamic to playing with another single person. As well as the obvious benefits of more to play with
Learnt very quickly about the need for any boundaries to be clearly discussed up front. Had a bad experience where they hadn’t been and Mr broke the rules that I didn’t know about (I had asked and been told there were none ) It’s not how you want an evening to go.
A couple I’ve played with are open to solo meets but somehow even with permission and talking to both parties, meeting solo just feels like cheating to me *shrug emoji* and whilst I’m very much a person who gets off on the other persons pleasure, even if I know that that gets the couple off, it’s too far removed for me to get off on it. If that makes any sort of sense
And yet if the shoe were on the other foot, could I swing with a partner? Almost certainly not. I think it would be incredibly hard to see someone I care about with someone else/know that’s what they were going off to do.
And that’s coming from someone who is generally very good at separating physical/sex from emotions (hence being able to join couples or have fwb and not have any repercussions)
And that’s what makes the world an interesting place, we’re all different.
This is a really interesting read. Thank you for explaining it from a single lady viewpoint, although of course as you say everyone is different.
We had a similar experience with another couple many moons ago as they told us that they didn't have any boundaries and then it all kicked off as one of them then broke one! We made our excuses and left!!"
I think we all have this awkward situation occur at some point or another.
We met a couple who had been in lifestyle for 17 years.....no rules or boundaries. Turns out they did and sadly they couldn't discuss it or figure it out. Just never saw them again.
Communication seriously lacks with so many people in this lifestyle. |
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We've always done predominantly MMFs as they are so much easier to organise and it's his kink to watch me and join in whenever he pleases. But I'm bisexual and I like my BDSM so recently started exploring on my own which he doesn't mind within reason.It does take a bit of navigation and compromise (currently he has problems with my favourite reg dom ) but it's so much easier from a childcare point of view too. |
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"We are equally unequal...
What do you mean?
We have two sides to our relationship. 1 part is equal and the other most certainly isn't.. equally unequal.
Sorry, I'm still not following you.
We have our everyday life which is equal. We also have our Fet life which is unequal.
Ah. Are you talking a dom/sub dynamic? Or one partner having sex with others and the other not?
It's a Dlg type of thing based within a Bdsm dynamic
OK. I assume you both enjoy the dynamic, though? So doesn't that make it equal? You're both getting something out of it? "
Of course we both get something put of it and between us it's mutually beneficial but that doesn't make it equal, we'll not to the outside world. Hence why we are equally unequal. The only people who understand our relationship is us and that for no other reason than it belongs to us  |
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"
This is a really interesting read. Thank you for explaining it from a single lady viewpoint, although of course as you say everyone is different.
We had a similar experience with another couple many moons ago as they told us that they didn't have any boundaries and then it all kicked off as one of them then broke one! We made our excuses and left!!
I think we all have this awkward situation occur at some point or another.
We met a couple who had been in lifestyle for 17 years.....no rules or boundaries. Turns out they did and sadly they couldn't discuss it or figure it out. Just never saw them again.
Communication seriously lacks with so many people in this lifestyle. "
That makes me feel a lot better, thankyou!
The other thing I missed out of my mega post - it’s often, but not always, easy to pick up via message in advance of a meet, if it’s just one part of the couples idea rather than something they’re both genuinely up for it’s only fun if both people want to be there, rather than one going along with it because the other would like to do it, funnily enough that’s not much of a turn on  |
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It's constantly changing for us. The Mrs used to go on the forum's answer messages and chat on here regularly, she then took a break because of work loads and when she came back she said it wasn't the same anymore. I have taken over the running of the profile for now and hopefully she will return and start chatting again as she used to love it.
We had a few great meets over the years but the dynamics and what we want change regularly so we change the filters to suit what we are looking for time to time
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By (user no longer on site) 36 weeks ago
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We were pretty much anything goes when we first began (about 12 years ago). We also felt very young compared to most.
How things have changed
Nowadays even on the rare occasions we get to a club we pretty much never involve anyone else. |
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"We don’t.
Fucking pineapple wearing, filth spreading, pampas grass growing car key swappers 
I don't wear my pineapple. I insert the chunks into my bumhole "
If you pack some cheese, ham and dough in there I’d love a pizza you |
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"We don’t.
Fucking pineapple wearing, filth spreading, pampas grass growing car key swappers
I don't wear my pineapple. I insert the chunks into my bumhole
If you pack some cheese, ham and dough in there I’d love a pizza you "
You gonna take me away?  |
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"We don’t.
Fucking pineapple wearing, filth spreading, pampas grass growing car key swappers
I don't wear my pineapple. I insert the chunks into my bumhole
If you pack some cheese, ham and dough in there I’d love a pizza you
You gonna take me away? "
Nah, I always eat in at pizza slut  |
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"We don’t.
Fucking pineapple wearing, filth spreading, pampas grass growing car key swappers
I don't wear my pineapple. I insert the chunks into my bumhole
If you pack some cheese, ham and dough in there I’d love a pizza you
You gonna take me away?
Nah, I always eat in at pizza slut "
Fill me up, buttercup |
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By *RWoodyCouple 36 weeks ago
Lincolnshire |
As a few others have said, we also definitely wing it.
We're nowhere near the levels of others when it comes to swinging thats for sure, but it has been fun so far!
We've kind of just settled for repeated fun with the same guy at the minute so I guess our dynamic is still the same. Still get nervous as ever though
Mrs J x |
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all my emojis and also punctuation appear to have disappeared, so my apologies for the wall of text that’s hit you all in the face 
